{"title":"Products (All)","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-sent-anonymously","title":"Bag of Dicks - Sent Anonymously","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks (Anonymously) - The Pettiest Gift You’ll Ever Love\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLet’s be real. There’s someone in your life who absolutely, without question, deserves to eat a bag of dicks. Maybe it’s your loudmouth buddy. Maybe it’s your ex-best friend. Maybe it’s just your mom... apparently. Whoever it is, now you can \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003email a bag of dicks anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and let the candy do the talking.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis isn’t a cheap prank. This is \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003edicks by mail\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e done right - fruity, chewy, and offensive in the best way possible. You pick the victim, we ship the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of gummy dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. No names. No clues. Just a surprise that screams: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Hey you, eat a bag of dicks.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e👉 \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScroll up and smash that Add to Cart button. Do it. You know who this is for.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy Would Anyone Send a Bag of Dicks?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause flowers wilt and teddy bears are for virgins. But a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebox of dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e? That’s a legacy move.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e This is how legends prank. This is \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ehow to send a bag of dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and sleep like a baby after.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePetty revenge\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e with a sugar-coated smile\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBirthday or gag gifts\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that ruin expectations in the best way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBachelorette parties\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that need more 🍆 energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOr just because it’s a Wednesday and your group chat needs chaos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey’ll Never See It Coming (But They’ll Never Forget It)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eImagine this:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e They get a cute, innocent-looking floral gift bag. They smile. They open it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e And BAM - \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Eat A Bag Of Dicks”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring them in the face like a middle finger dipped in sugar.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThen they find 10 glorious \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003edick gummies\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e in red, green, and blue.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCherry. Green apple. Blue raspberry.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Tastes like regret.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere’s what actual customers said:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“She loved them and exclaimed, ‘They were bigger than expected,’ with a huge smile on her face.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Sent a package to a friend who took less than 10 minutes to figure out who sent it. We both had a good laugh.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “I sent this to my mom for her birthday. She absolutely loved it!!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYep. Even moms love a good \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003egummy bag of dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. What a world.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat’s in This Bag of Dicks?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis isn’t your average candy. This is elite-level, semi-phallic, prank snackery.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere’s what you get when you ship a bag of dicks:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🍒 10 premium gummy dicks - 4 red, 3 green, 3 blue\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌸 A floral gift bag that’s cute until it isn’t\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e💌 Optional Happy Birthday box or card - because you’re thoughtful like that\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🎉 Add-ons like glitter or \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003edick confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e (you're a monster)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🤫 Anonymous delivery. No paper trail. We don’t snitch.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStill Wondering If You Should Send a Dick?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLet me be clear:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWant to \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003esend someone a bag of dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and walk away like a legend? ✅\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWant to make someone laugh, scream, or side-eye their whole friend group? ✅\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWant to say “suck a bag of dicks” without opening your mouth? ✅\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWant to sprinkle in some \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003epenis confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e like it’s emotional shrapnel? ✅\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYeah, this is for you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhether you’re going subtle with a basic \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of dicks gummy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e or going full psychopath with glitter and \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003emini dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, it’s the prank that keeps on giving - in the mail, in their mouth, in their memories.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne Final Thing…\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf you’re still scrolling, you already know what to do.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Go back to the top.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHit that Add to Cart button\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e like it insulted your grandma.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Choose your options. Confetti? Card? Glitter? (Yes. Always yes.)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd then? Sit back and wait. Because nothing feels better than knowing somewhere, someone just opened a gift and whispered...\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“This… could be a bag of dicks.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-58af14fb-7fff-73e4-d981-12b02d14a458\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFinal reminder: Your target deserves it. You know they do.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart. Mail Dicks. Wreak Delicious Havoc.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\" style=\"font-size: xx-small;\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail","offers":[{"title":"---- \/ ----","offer_id":29025852365,"sku":"BOD","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Glitter - Add Glitter to their package! \/ ----","offer_id":29025823309,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":20.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-shaped confetti! \/ ----","offer_id":29025830541,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-DICK","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Double the Dicks! - Add a Bag for 1\/2 off!","offer_id":31442059405,"sku":"2XBOD","price":23.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Glitter - Add Glitter to their package! \/ Double the Dicks! - Add a Bag for 1\/2 off!","offer_id":31442064589,"sku":"2XBOD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-shaped confetti! \/ Double the Dicks! - Add a Bag for 1\/2 off!","offer_id":31442081869,"sku":"2XBOD+GLITTER-DICK","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday (Eat a Bag of Dicks) Card!","offer_id":33415993293,"sku":"BOD+BDAYBODCARD","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Glitter - Add Glitter to their package! \/ Happy Birthday (Eat a Bag of Dicks) Card!","offer_id":33416054285,"sku":"BOD+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-shaped confetti! \/ Happy Birthday (Eat a Bag of Dicks) Card!","offer_id":33416079885,"sku":"BOD+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":36537404877,"sku":"BOD+HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Glitter - Add Glitter to their package! \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":36537431821,"sku":"BOD+HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-shaped confetti! \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":36537441613,"sku":"BOD+HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":40215847245,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BIRTHYDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD","price":21.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-shaped confetti! \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":40215860109,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BIRTHDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Glitter - Add Glitter to their package! \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":27979204526164,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BIRTHDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-dicks-sent-anonymously-4684652.jpg?v=1755879326"},{"product_id":"gift-card","title":"Dicksbymail Gift Cards","description":"\u003cp\u003eShopping for someone else but not sure what to give them? Give them the gift of choice with a Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks Gift Card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGift cards are delivered by email and contain instructions to redeem them at checkout. Our gift cards have no additional processing fees.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"$10.00","offer_id":3602554817,"sku":"","price":10.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"$25.00","offer_id":3602554881,"sku":"","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"$50.00","offer_id":3602554945,"sku":"","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"$100.00","offer_id":3602555009,"sku":"","price":100.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dicksbymail-gift-card-4639849.png?v=1755878861"},{"product_id":"gummy-boobs-new-product","title":"Bag of Tits!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"122\" data-end=\"186\"\u003eBag of Tits – Because Sometimes a Card Just Won’t Cut It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"188\" data-end=\"438\"\u003eListen, life’s too short for boring gifts. You could send a boring “Happy Birthday” text, or you could send a sealed bag of \u003cstrong data-start=\"312\" data-end=\"340\"\u003esweet, chewy, gummy tits\u003c\/strong\u003e with a message like “Suck a Bag of Tits” or “Calm Your Tits.” Guess which one they’ll remember?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"440\" data-end=\"475\"\u003eSpoiler alert: It’s not the text.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"477\" data-end=\"720\"\u003eThese aren’t just any gummy candies - these are perfectly shaped, squishy, boob-shaped confections that say exactly what you’re thinking without you having to pick up the phone. Funny? Yes. Inappropriate? Absolutely. Delicious? Oh, hell yes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"722\" data-end=\"824\"\u003eSo stop playing it safe. \u003cstrong data-start=\"747\" data-end=\"822\"\u003eClick Add to Cart, send them a bag of tits, and watch the chaos unfold.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"826\" data-end=\"829\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"831\" data-end=\"871\"\u003eWhy This Works Every. Single. Time.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"873\" data-end=\"986\"\u003eWe live in a world of Amazon wish lists and “thanks for the gift card” texts. Predictable. Boring. Forgettable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"988\" data-end=\"1310\"\u003eNow picture this:\u003cbr data-start=\"1005\" data-end=\"1008\"\u003eThey open a mysterious, anonymous package. They see the words “You’re the Tits.” Inside? An entire bag of gummy boobs, bouncing around in their sweet little candy perfection. Maybe you went full savage and added the glitter option - now they’re shaking glitter out of their hair while chewing a boob.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1312\" data-end=\"1339\"\u003eThis is a gift that says:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1340\" data-end=\"1525\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1340\" data-end=\"1405\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1342\" data-end=\"1405\"\u003e“I care about you… but I’m also here to make your day weird.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1406\" data-end=\"1470\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1408\" data-end=\"1470\"\u003e“You matter to me… just not enough to send a Hallmark card.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1471\" data-end=\"1525\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1473\" data-end=\"1525\"\u003e“I’m a good friend, but also a menace to society.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1527\" data-end=\"1530\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1532\" data-end=\"1597\"\u003eThe Gift That Keeps on Giving (And Sticking to Their Carpet)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1599\" data-end=\"1656\"\u003eIt’s not just about the candy. It’s about the \u003cem data-start=\"1645\" data-end=\"1653\"\u003emoment\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1658\" data-end=\"1917\"\u003eYour buddy opens the bag during a livestream and loses it on camera.\u003cbr data-start=\"1726\" data-end=\"1729\"\u003eYour friend’s birthday party goes from PG to “what the hell is wrong with you?” in two seconds flat.\u003cbr data-start=\"1829\" data-end=\"1832\"\u003eYour glitter-add-on choice leaves their kitchen looking like a strip club exploded.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1919\" data-end=\"1970\"\u003eThese are not just gummy tits. They are memories.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1972\" data-end=\"1975\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1977\" data-end=\"2003\"\u003eReal Customer Stories\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2005\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2007\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003e“Sent it to a guy I knew would appreciate them. On a live stream, he was happier than a kid on Christmas morning.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2121\" data-end=\"2124\"\u003e“Love it - had lots of laughs. I put the glitter option on the bag of tits and it was everywhere! I’ll be ordering again soon for a friend’s b-day.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2274\" data-end=\"2277\"\u003e“Got some tits for my daughter’s birthday and they were a big hit!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2350\" data-end=\"2353\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2388\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2388\" data-end=\"2474\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2474\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2420\"\u003eA sealed bag of gummy tits\u003c\/strong\u003e – soft, fruity, and shaped for maximum awkwardness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2475\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2477\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2477\" data-end=\"2509\"\u003eStock message of your choice\u003c\/strong\u003e – “You’re the Tits,” “Suck a Bag of Tits,” “Enjoy Your Boobies,” “Calm Your Tits.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2684\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2597\" data-end=\"2684\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2597\" data-end=\"2624\"\u003eOptional glitter add-on\u003c\/strong\u003e – because why stop at awkward when you can make it messy?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2685\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2687\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2687\" data-end=\"2709\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e – they’ll never know it was you… unless you crack and tell them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2778\" data-end=\"2781\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2783\" data-end=\"2800\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2802\" data-end=\"3100\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2802\" data-end=\"2866\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2804\" data-end=\"2866\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2804\" data-end=\"2826\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e – way better than another candle set.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2867\" data-end=\"2951\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2869\" data-end=\"2951\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2869\" data-end=\"2902\"\u003eBachelor\/Bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – something to snack on between bad decisions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2952\" data-end=\"3024\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2954\" data-end=\"3024\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2954\" data-end=\"2974\"\u003eAnonymous pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e – strike and vanish like a true candy assassin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3025\" data-end=\"3100\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3027\" data-end=\"3100\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3027\" data-end=\"3043\"\u003eJust because\u003c\/strong\u003e – sometimes you just gotta send someone a bag of tits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3102\" data-end=\"3105\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3107\" data-end=\"3130\"\u003eHow to Pull It Off\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3132\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3132\" data-end=\"3155\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3135\" data-end=\"3155\"\u003ePick your message.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3156\" data-end=\"3219\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3159\" data-end=\"3219\"\u003eDecide if you want to add glitter for maximum destruction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3220\" data-end=\"3245\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3223\" data-end=\"3245\"\u003eShip it anonymously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3246\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3249\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003eWait for the text, the call, or the public Instagram meltdown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3315\" data-end=\"3318\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3320\" data-end=\"3338\"\u003eThe Aftermath\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3340\" data-end=\"3415\"\u003eThis isn’t the type of gift that gets a polite “thanks.” Nope. This gets:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3416\" data-end=\"3554\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3416\" data-end=\"3436\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3418\" data-end=\"3436\"\u003eA shocked laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3437\" data-end=\"3472\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3439\" data-end=\"3472\"\u003eA room full of confused people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3473\" data-end=\"3554\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3475\" data-end=\"3554\"\u003eA lifelong story where your name is mentioned right before “absolute legend.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3556\" data-end=\"3660\"\u003eBecause anyone can send chocolates. But only the brave (and slightly unhinged) send \u003cstrong data-start=\"3640\" data-end=\"3657\"\u003ea bag of tits\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3662\" data-end=\"3665\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3667\" data-end=\"3902\"\u003e🎁 \u003cstrong data-start=\"3670\" data-end=\"3696\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now.\u003c\/strong\u003e Send a sweet, squishy, boob-shaped gift that’s part candy, part chaos, and 100% unforgettable. They’ll eat it, they’ll laugh, and if you’re lucky, they’ll choke on a gummy nipple while cursing your name.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3667\" data-end=\"3902\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Calm your Tits! \/ ----","offer_id":17605713601,"sku":"","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Suck a Bag of Tits! \/ ----","offer_id":20804597249,"sku":"","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Enjoy Your Boobies \/ Birthday Box","offer_id":20804776833,"sku":"","price":19.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"You're the Tits \/ ----","offer_id":36595996237,"sku":"","price":14.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Calm your Tits! \/ Glitter Tits! - Add some messy Glitter to your bag of tits","offer_id":38325203981,"sku":"","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Suck a Bag of Tits! \/ Glitter Tits! - Add some messy Glitter to your bag of tits","offer_id":38325211917,"sku":"","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Enjoy Your Boobies \/ Glitter Tits! - Add some messy Glitter to your bag of tits","offer_id":38325216589,"sku":"","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"You're the Tits \/ Glitter Tits! - Add some messy Glitter to your bag of tits","offer_id":38325224077,"sku":"","price":19.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Calm your Tits! \/ Birthday Box","offer_id":21192151957588,"sku":"","price":19.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Suck a Bag of Tits! \/ Birthday Box","offer_id":21192153595988,"sku":"","price":19.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"You're the Tits \/ Birthday Box","offer_id":21192156807252,"sku":"","price":19.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-tits-3930265.jpg?v=1755879320"},{"product_id":"big-box-of-dicks","title":"BIG BOX OF DICKS!","description":"\u003cp\u003eNow, our new and improved BOX of dicks! With this delectable item you will receive an entire BOX of dicks. Included in the box will be 5 delicious bags of dicks ready to be eaten by your friends or (fr)enemies. That's over 125 individual gummy penises to get the party started. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThese will be perfect for any occasion or if you just REALLY need to get the point across. Enjoy!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Big Box of Dicks - 5 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":18805207425,"sku":"","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Giant Box of Dicks -10 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":34451931725,"sku":"","price":99.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Quarantine Box of Dicks - 36 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":32039788675156,"sku":"","price":249.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/big-box-of-dicks-4239334.jpg?v=1755879321"},{"product_id":"giant-box-of-dicks","title":"GIANT BOX OF DICKS!","description":"\u003cp\u003eWOW!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eJust when you thought it couldn't get any better. Why settle for the big box of dicks, when you can upgrade to the GIANT box of dicks? These are perfect for bachelorette parties or really any party of all shapes and sizes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe'll include 10 beautiful bags of dicks to be shared with your friends, family, mother, grandmother, bachelorettes, anything you want. It's your life. Enjoy your buffet of dicks!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUpgrade to 20, 50 or 100 bags!!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"10 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":18805344257,"sku":"","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"20 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":3423121604621,"sku":"","price":149.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":3423121670157,"sku":"","price":349.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"100 Bags of Dicks","offer_id":3423121702925,"sku":"","price":549.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/giant-box-of-dicks-4965466.jpg?v=1755879321"},{"product_id":"dick-tit-combo","title":"DICKS \u0026 TITS COMBO PACK!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"68\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDICKS \u0026amp; TITS COMBO PACK!\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Prank Gift That Hits Both Fronts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"70\" data-end=\"356\"\u003eWhy choose between \u003cstrong data-start=\"89\" data-end=\"98\"\u003edicks\u003c\/strong\u003e or \u003cstrong data-start=\"102\" data-end=\"110\"\u003etits\u003c\/strong\u003e when you can send both in one glorious, inappropriate, gut-busting package? The \u003cstrong data-start=\"191\" data-end=\"218\"\u003eDICKS \u0026amp; TITS COMBO PACK\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to double the laughs, double the awkwardness, and double the “WTF” faces. It’s the \u003cem data-start=\"310\" data-end=\"354\"\u003eprank gift for people who don’t do subtle.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"358\" data-end=\"670\"\u003eThis pack comes loaded with a bag of \u003cstrong data-start=\"395\" data-end=\"410\"\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e and a bag of \u003cstrong data-start=\"424\" data-end=\"438\"\u003egummy tits\u003c\/strong\u003e, each with its own loud, unapologetic message card: \u003cem data-start=\"491\" data-end=\"513\"\u003e“Eat a Bag of Dicks”\u003c\/em\u003e and \u003cem data-start=\"518\" data-end=\"541\"\u003e“Suck a Bag of Tits.”\u003c\/em\u003e And yes, they’re delicious. And yes, they’re delivered 100% anonymously so you can cause maximum chaos without getting caught.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"672\" data-end=\"791\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"672\" data-end=\"697\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e if you’re ready to drop the funniest, most inappropriate package someone will ever receive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"793\" data-end=\"796\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"798\" data-end=\"842\"\u003eWhy This Combo Pack is a God-Tier Prank\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"844\" data-end=\"1106\"\u003eBecause sending just dicks or just tits is fine… but sending both? That’s a power move. This isn’t just an edible gag gift, it’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"975\" data-end=\"1020\"\u003ecomplete emotional rollercoaster in a box\u003c\/strong\u003e. First, the laughter. Then, the disbelief. Then, the awkward candy tasting session.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1108\" data-end=\"1274\"\u003eAnd since it ships anonymously, they’ll never know for sure it was you. Which means you get to sit back, relax, and wait for the confused texts to start rolling in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1276\" data-end=\"1608\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1276\" data-end=\"1334\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1278\" data-end=\"1334\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1278\" data-end=\"1315\"\u003eTwo hilarious edible gifts in one\u003c\/strong\u003e - dicks AND tits\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1335\" data-end=\"1399\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1337\" data-end=\"1399\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1337\" data-end=\"1359\"\u003eBold message cards\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave no room for interpretation\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1482\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1402\" data-end=\"1482\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1402\" data-end=\"1425\"\u003eGourmet gummy candy\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s actually good (because bad candy is just cruel)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1483\" data-end=\"1546\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1485\" data-end=\"1546\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1485\" data-end=\"1522\"\u003eOptional glitter or dick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e to crank up the chaos\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1547\" data-end=\"1608\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1549\" data-end=\"1608\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1549\" data-end=\"1576\"\u003e100% anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e for ultimate prank protection\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1610\" data-end=\"1613\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1615\" data-end=\"1645\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1647\" data-end=\"1856\"\u003eImagine this: they open the package, see a bold card telling them to \u003cem data-start=\"1716\" data-end=\"1736\"\u003eeat a bag of dicks\u003c\/em\u003e and \u003cem data-start=\"1741\" data-end=\"1761\"\u003esuck a bag of tits\u003c\/em\u003e, and immediately wonder who in their life is deranged enough to send this. (Hint: it’s you.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1858\" data-end=\"2029\"\u003eThen they see the gummies. Maybe they laugh and start passing them around. Maybe they blush and stash them in the pantry for “private snacking.” Either way, \u003cstrong data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2027\"\u003eyou win.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2031\" data-end=\"2034\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2036\" data-end=\"2064\"\u003eReal Customer Reactions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2425\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2243\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2068\" data-end=\"2243\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2068\" data-end=\"2241\"\u003e“This is one of my favorite items to send. I have not even been present to see their faces but I can only imagine… How can you not want to receive a bag of dicks or tits?”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2244\" data-end=\"2304\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2246\" data-end=\"2304\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2246\" data-end=\"2302\"\u003e“I sent this to my Work Best Friend :) She loved it!!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2305\" data-end=\"2425\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2307\" data-end=\"2425\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2307\" data-end=\"2423\"\u003e“I was thrilled to send this to someone, anonymously! Just wished I could have seen the expression on their face!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2427\" data-end=\"2430\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2432\" data-end=\"2448\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2450\" data-end=\"2744\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2450\" data-end=\"2511\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2511\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2472\"\u003eAnonymous pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that will haunt them in the best way\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2512\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2514\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2514\" data-end=\"2536\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e for friends who can take a joke\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2571\" data-end=\"2615\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2615\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2590\"\u003eBreakup jokes\u003c\/strong\u003e (petty but satisfying)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2616\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2618\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2618\" data-end=\"2639\"\u003eRevenge surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that won’t get you arrested\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2670\" data-end=\"2744\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2672\" data-end=\"2744\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2672\" data-end=\"2695\"\u003eAdult novelty gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e for bachelorette parties or wild get-togethers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2746\" data-end=\"2749\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2751\" data-end=\"2769\"\u003eWhat’s Inside\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2771\" data-end=\"3008\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2771\" data-end=\"2830\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2773\" data-end=\"2830\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2773\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e1 bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e with \u003cem data-start=\"2803\" data-end=\"2823\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/em\u003e card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2833\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2833\" data-end=\"2856\"\u003e1 bag of gummy tits\u003c\/strong\u003e with \u003cem data-start=\"2862\" data-end=\"2882\"\u003eSuck a Bag of Tits\u003c\/em\u003e card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2890\" data-end=\"2953\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2953\"\u003eOptional \u003cstrong data-start=\"2901\" data-end=\"2929\"\u003eglitter or dick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e to up the mess factor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2954\" data-end=\"3008\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2956\" data-end=\"3008\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2956\" data-end=\"2978\"\u003eDiscreet packaging\u003c\/strong\u003e so it’s a complete surprise\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3010\" data-end=\"3013\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3043\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3045\" data-end=\"3323\"\u003eBecause there’s something inherently funny about edible genitals. It’s juvenile, it’s shocking, it’s oddly wholesome once they start eating the candy. The combo pack doesn’t just make them laugh - it makes them wonder what kind of delightful lunatic they have in their circle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3325\" data-end=\"3411\"\u003eAnd let’s be honest - sending this says, \u003cem data-start=\"3366\" data-end=\"3409\"\u003e“I care enough to offend you creatively.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3413\" data-end=\"3416\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3418\" data-end=\"3434\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3436\" data-end=\"3666\"\u003eIf you’re looking for the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3462\" data-end=\"3522\"\u003eperfect blend of offensive, delicious, and unforgettable\u003c\/strong\u003e, the DICKS \u0026amp; TITS COMBO PACK is your move. It’s the kind of prank gift that gets talked about for years, probably at every holiday gathering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3668\" data-end=\"3771\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3668\" data-end=\"3693\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and become the legend who sent someone both dicks AND tits in the same box.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3668\" data-end=\"3771\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":37723888717,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Add Glitter","offer_id":19770009665,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti","offer_id":37723816141,"sku":"","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dicks-tits-combo-pack-2285138.jpg?v=1755879320"},{"product_id":"eat-a-bag-of-dicks-t-shirt","title":"EAT A BAG OF DICKS T-SHIRT!","description":"\u003cp\u003eGrab the new Dicksbymail.com T-shirt and tell everyone you see to \u003cstrong\u003e\"KEEP CALM AND EAT A BAG OF DICKS\"!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe \"EAT A BAG OF DICKS\" T-Shirt is perfect for any occasion;\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e1. Family gatherings\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e2. Casual Friday's at the office\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e3. Holidays\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e4. Resignations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e5. Presidential Debates\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe list could go on, but you get the point. Enjoy!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"SMALL","offer_id":27673681281,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"MEDIUM","offer_id":27675389697,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"LARGE","offer_id":27675390081,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":27675390401,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXL","offer_id":27675390593,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXXL","offer_id":27743859713,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-t-shirt-6278782.jpg?v=1755879321"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-prank-candle-combo","title":"Bag of Dicks + Prank Candle Combo","description":"\u003cp\u003eWe'll include both a Bag of Dicks with the note \"EAT A BAG OF DICKS\", and one of our Prank Candles with the message \"SORRY ABOUT THE DICKS, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS CANDLE AS MY APOLOGY\".\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWatch them burn the prank candle and see it turn into a terrible dirty fart or dick breath scent!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":28374997441,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-dicks-prank-candle-combo-2161959.png?v=1755879322"},{"product_id":"ugly-christmas-sweater","title":"Ugly Christmas Sweat Shirt!","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe only Christmas sweater that you'll need this holiday season. Give your friends and family a subtle \"EAT A BAG OF DICKS\" message at this year's holiday party.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe have a limited supply of these Christmas sweaters, so order quick before the Holiday season is over!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote type=\"cite\"\u003e\n\u003ctable width=\"100%\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJerzees 8 oz., 50\/50 NuBlend® Fleece Crew\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"SMALL","offer_id":28973496845,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"MEDIUM","offer_id":28973528973,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"LARGE","offer_id":28973529037,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":28973529101,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XXL","offer_id":28973529165,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XXXL","offer_id":28973529229,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/ugly-christmas-sweat-shirt-3224254.jpg?v=1755879321"},{"product_id":"dick-coasters","title":"Dick Coasters!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"65\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDick Coasters!\u003c\/strong\u003e - Protect Your Table While Offending Everyone\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"67\" data-end=\"504\"\u003eFinally, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"78\" data-end=\"96\"\u003ehome accessory\u003c\/strong\u003e that says, “Yes, I’m a functioning adult, but also, I think dicks are hilarious.” Meet \u003cstrong data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"202\"\u003eDick Coasters!\u003c\/strong\u003e - handcrafted cork coasters made right here in the USA that are just as functional as they are inappropriate. Whether you’re sipping whiskey like a gentleman or pounding beers with your buddies, these \u003cstrong data-start=\"404\" data-end=\"432\"\u003efunny offensive coasters\u003c\/strong\u003e keep your surfaces safe while serving up a fresh dose of shock value.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"506\" data-end=\"787\"\u003ePerfect for \u003cstrong data-start=\"518\" data-end=\"538\"\u003ebachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"540\" data-end=\"561\"\u003ehousewarming gags\u003c\/strong\u003e, or just to mess with your uptight in-laws, Dick Coasters turn every drink into a conversation piece. You can grab them individually or in a \u003cstrong data-start=\"703\" data-end=\"730\"\u003efour-piece variety pack\u003c\/strong\u003e so every glass gets its own cheeky dick-themed design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"789\" data-end=\"861\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"789\" data-end=\"814\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving drinks with a side of WTF.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"863\" data-end=\"866\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"868\" data-end=\"910\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Need Dick Coasters\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"912\" data-end=\"1159\"\u003eBecause normal coasters are boring. You can go buy some plain wood circles at Target, but will they make your friends spit beer laughing? No. Will they make your roommate do a double take when he sets down his coffee? Nope. \u003cstrong data-start=\"1136\" data-end=\"1157\"\u003eDick Coasters do.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1161\" data-end=\"1396\"\u003eThese are the perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"1190\" data-end=\"1228\"\u003epractical and wildly inappropriate\u003c\/strong\u003e. They actually protect your table from water rings, but they also make sure anyone who comes over knows you have an A+ sense of humor (and maybe questionable taste).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1461\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1461\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1420\"\u003eHandcrafted cork\u003c\/strong\u003e - sturdy, absorbent, and built to last\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1575\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1464\" data-end=\"1575\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1464\" data-end=\"1502\"\u003eAvailable individually or as a set\u003c\/strong\u003e - because sometimes you just need one dick in the room, sometimes four\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1576\" data-end=\"1677\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1578\" data-end=\"1677\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1578\" data-end=\"1594\"\u003eNSFW designs\u003c\/strong\u003e - tasteful enough for the fun friends, offensive enough to keep grandma guessing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1766\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1680\" data-end=\"1766\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1680\" data-end=\"1699\"\u003eMade in the USA\u003c\/strong\u003e - proudly keeping your table clean and your guests uncomfortable\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1767\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1769\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1769\" data-end=\"1789\"\u003eShips discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - no one at the post office will know you just bought a set of penis coasters\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1871\" data-end=\"1874\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1876\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1908\" data-end=\"2169\"\u003ePicture this: You’re throwing a party. People are drinking, laughing, and someone finally looks down and says, \u003cem data-start=\"2019\" data-end=\"2053\"\u003e“Wait… is this coaster… a dick?”\u003c\/em\u003e Cue the roaring laughter, the phone pics, and the knowledge that your coasters just became the star of the night.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2171\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003eOr maybe it’s the morning after, and your hungover roommate puts his coffee on one and mutters, \u003cem data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2284\"\u003e“Jesus Christ…”\u003c\/em\u003e while shaking his head. Either way, \u003cstrong data-start=\"2321\" data-end=\"2346\"\u003emission accomplished.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2350\" data-end=\"2353\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2396\"\u003eReal Review From Someone Who Gets It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2398\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2398\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2400\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2400\" data-end=\"2416\"\u003e“Was awesome.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2420\" data-end=\"2584\"\u003eYeah, that’s it. Because when a product is literally a coaster shaped or printed like a penis, you don’t need a novel. You just need it to be awesome - and it is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2586\" data-end=\"2589\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2609\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2609\" data-end=\"2668\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2611\" data-end=\"2668\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2611\" data-end=\"2631\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need more than just beer pong\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2669\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003eHousewarming gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that get remembered\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003eWhite elephant exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e where you want to win (because yes, winning is possible)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2806\" data-end=\"2858\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2858\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2831\"\u003eBarware collections\u003c\/strong\u003e that are way too serious\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2859\" data-end=\"2907\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2907\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2880\"\u003eRoommate pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that will keep on giving\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2908\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2910\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2910\" data-end=\"2931\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e for people who can take a joke\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2966\" data-end=\"2969\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2971\" data-end=\"2995\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3050\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3050\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3030\"\u003eHandcrafted cork coaster(s)\u003c\/strong\u003e with NSFW designs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3051\" data-end=\"3110\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3110\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3108\"\u003eChoice of single coaster or four-piece variety pack\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3111\" data-end=\"3153\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3113\" data-end=\"3153\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3113\" data-end=\"3151\"\u003eDurable, functional, and offensive\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3154\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3156\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3156\" data-end=\"3188\"\u003eCompletely discreet shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e so your mailman doesn’t judge you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3225\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3227\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3227\" data-end=\"3248\"\u003eGuaranteed laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e or at least some awkward silence followed by more laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3309\" data-end=\"3312\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3314\" data-end=\"3343\"\u003eWhy They Work Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3345\" data-end=\"3559\"\u003eBecause they’re unexpected. You don’t see a dick-shaped coaster every day - and when you do, it’s impossible not to say something about it. These aren’t just conversation starters, they’re conversation hijackers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3561\" data-end=\"3807\"\u003eThey’re also a weirdly good \u003cstrong data-start=\"3589\" data-end=\"3603\"\u003eicebreaker\u003c\/strong\u003e for parties, date nights, or any time you have guests over who don’t know each other yet. After the first laugh, everyone’s comfortable - or at least distracted enough to forget the awkward small talk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3809\" data-end=\"3812\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3814\" data-end=\"3830\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3832\" data-end=\"4023\"\u003eYou could buy boring coasters that blend into the table. Or you could buy \u003cstrong data-start=\"3906\" data-end=\"3923\"\u003eDick Coasters\u003c\/strong\u003e and make your guests laugh, blush, and remember your party for all the wrong (but right) reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4144\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4050\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving drinks with the class of a sommelier and the humor of a college frat boy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4144\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Don't be  Dick, Use a Coaster! (Penis Shape)","offer_id":32368873421,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Eat a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":32368814413,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Don't Fuck Up My Table!","offer_id":32130477325,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 Don't Be a Dick, Use a Coaster!","offer_id":32368853453,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 Variety Pack of All Coasters!","offer_id":32368977485,"sku":"","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/IMG_1845.JPG?v=1541106912"},{"product_id":"happy-birthday-card","title":"Happy Birthday Card!","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"a7d7ada7-b0c6-406f-a9b1-ecd03225de2f\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"98\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHappy Birthday Card! - The Gift That Says “I’m Thinking of You… In the Pettiest Way Possible”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"100\" data-end=\"312\"\u003eSometimes a generic “Happy Birthday” just won’t cut it. Sometimes you want a card that says, \u003cem data-start=\"193\" data-end=\"310\"\u003e“I remembered your birthday, but I also remembered that time you stole my fries in 2012 and I’m still not over it.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"314\" data-end=\"650\"\u003eEnter the \u003cstrong data-start=\"324\" data-end=\"348\"\u003eHappy Birthday Card!\u003c\/strong\u003e from DicksByMail. On the surface, it’s a normal, innocent birthday greeting. But the second they open it - whether you go with a sweet message or load it up with optional prank add-ons like \u003cstrong data-start=\"539\" data-end=\"556\"\u003edick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e or a \u003cstrong data-start=\"562\" data-end=\"578\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e - their special day just took a hard left turn into pure prank glory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"652\" data-end=\"869\"\u003eIt’s printed on \u003cstrong data-start=\"668\" data-end=\"708\"\u003epremium 14 pt double-sided cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e, folds neatly at \u003cstrong data-start=\"726\" data-end=\"747\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inches\u003c\/strong\u003e, and ships \u003cstrong data-start=\"759\" data-end=\"786\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e. Which means you get all the laughs and none of the awkward follow-up questions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"993\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"892\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e right now and give the kind of birthday greeting they’ll never forget… and probably never forgive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"995\" data-end=\"998\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1000\" data-end=\"1055\"\u003eWhy This Birthday Card Beats Any Hallmark Nonsense\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1057\" data-end=\"1203\"\u003eSure, you could send a regular card. One with a puppy on it or some sappy poem about “another trip around the sun.” But where’s the fun in that?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1205\" data-end=\"1345\"\u003eThis card is for the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1226\" data-end=\"1255\"\u003ebold, unapologetic friend\u003c\/strong\u003e who knows that humor is the best gift… especially when it’s a little bit inappropriate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1347\" data-end=\"1745\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1347\" data-end=\"1423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1349\" data-end=\"1423\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1349\" data-end=\"1370\"\u003ePremium cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e - feels classy enough to lure them into opening it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1424\" data-end=\"1515\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1426\" data-end=\"1515\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1426\" data-end=\"1451\"\u003ePerfect prank pairing\u003c\/strong\u003e - add dick confetti or a bag of gummy dicks for maximum chaos\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1516\" data-end=\"1593\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1518\" data-end=\"1593\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1518\" data-end=\"1540\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - your secret is safe until you decide to spill it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1594\" data-end=\"1669\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1596\" data-end=\"1669\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1596\" data-end=\"1618\"\u003eCompact but deadly\u003c\/strong\u003e - the perfect size to hide the big reveal inside\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1670\" data-end=\"1745\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1672\" data-end=\"1745\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1672\" data-end=\"1699\"\u003eOptional custom message\u003c\/strong\u003e - heartfelt, hilarious, or downright savage\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1747\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1752\" data-end=\"1782\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1784\" data-end=\"1933\"\u003ePicture it. Your buddy’s having a chill birthday. They open the mail, see a regular-sized birthday card, and smile - \u003cem data-start=\"1901\" data-end=\"1931\"\u003e“Aw, someone thought of me.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1935\" data-end=\"1950\"\u003eThey open it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1952\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003eIf you went with the plain version, they’re still caught off guard by the cheeky tone. But if you went all-in with the add-ons? Suddenly, their living room floor is covered in tiny paper dicks, or they’re staring at a literal \u003cstrong data-start=\"2178\" data-end=\"2194\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e wondering how they got here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2227\" data-end=\"2406\"\u003eThey laugh, they curse, they maybe even take a photo for the group chat. And you? You’re just sitting there, innocent as can be, waiting for the text: \u003cem data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2404\"\u003e“It was you, wasn’t it?”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2408\" data-end=\"2411\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2429\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2431\" data-end=\"2712\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2431\" data-end=\"2493\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2433\" data-end=\"2493\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2433\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003eBirthday pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e your friends will talk about for years\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2494\" data-end=\"2546\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2546\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2519\"\u003eAnonymous surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave them guessing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2547\" data-end=\"2601\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2549\" data-end=\"2601\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2549\" data-end=\"2566\"\u003ePetty revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e wrapped in glitter and cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2602\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2604\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2604\" data-end=\"2620\"\u003eParty laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e that set the tone for a wild night\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2658\" data-end=\"2712\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2660\" data-end=\"2712\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2660\" data-end=\"2676\"\u003eInside jokes\u003c\/strong\u003e that only the two of you will get\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2714\" data-end=\"2717\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2743\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2745\" data-end=\"3123\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2745\" data-end=\"2836\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"2836\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"2787\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inch folded birthday card\u003c\/strong\u003e made from durable 14 pt double-sided cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2837\" data-end=\"2897\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2839\" data-end=\"2897\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2839\" data-end=\"2862\"\u003eBright, bold design\u003c\/strong\u003e that grabs attention immediately\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2898\" data-end=\"2957\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2900\" data-end=\"2957\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2900\" data-end=\"2922\"\u003eAnonymous delivery\u003c\/strong\u003e - no return address, no evidence\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2958\" data-end=\"3049\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"3049\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"2980\"\u003eOptional add-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e like dick confetti or a bag of gummy dicks for next-level trolling\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3050\" data-end=\"3123\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3052\" data-end=\"3123\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3052\" data-end=\"3076\"\u003eCustomizable message\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can be as sweet or savage as you like\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3125\" data-end=\"3128\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3130\" data-end=\"3171\"\u003eReal Reviews from Real Evil Geniuses\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3173\" data-end=\"3766\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3173\" data-end=\"3700\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3175\" data-end=\"3700\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3175\" data-end=\"3698\"\u003e“I had ordered a bag of confetti dicks along with the birthday card for my buddy’s 40-something birthday as a prank and when it arrived at his home I was anticipating a phone call from him quite soon, and when I heard the message he left on my voicemail inquiring if I was one of the top 5 suspects on his list that would pull such a stunt I could not help but bust a gut laughing and called him back and confessed it was me as I didn't want him sending death threats to his ex in case she was still on his suspect list!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3701\" data-end=\"3740\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3703\" data-end=\"3740\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3703\" data-end=\"3738\"\u003e“The guy I sent it to loved it!!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3741\" data-end=\"3766\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3743\" data-end=\"3766\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3743\" data-end=\"3764\"\u003e“Great experience.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3768\" data-end=\"3771\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3773\" data-end=\"3803\"\u003eWhy This Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3805\" data-end=\"3999\"\u003eBecause it’s simple, cheap, and absolutely devastating in the right hands. You’re not just sending a card - you’re sending a story. The kind of story they’ll retell every birthday from now on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4001\" data-end=\"4096\"\u003eAnd thanks to \u003cstrong data-start=\"4015\" data-end=\"4037\"\u003eanonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e, you can keep the mystery alive for as long as you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4098\" data-end=\"4101\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4103\" data-end=\"4252\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4103\" data-end=\"4124\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and send them a birthday wish they’ll remember every time they find another stray piece of dick confetti under the couch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4103\" data-end=\"4252\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":33370745485,"sku":"BDAYBODCARD","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter","offer_id":33557809869,"sku":"BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti","offer_id":33557836045,"sku":"BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/happy-birthday-card-8550653.jpg?v=1755879323"},{"product_id":"dick-belt","title":"Dick Belt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\"Rock out with your Cock out\" with The Original Dick Belt in Black\/Brown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne Size Fits Most with Adjustable Buckle\/Bottle Opener: \u003c\/span\u003eProduct measures 60 inches long with adjustable buckle. Accommodates waist sizes 32” to 44” with at least a 12\" cock flop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAdd one to any order for just $19.99. Grab one for yourself or you can of course add it to any Anonymous order\/Bag of Dicks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHappy Dicking!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Dick Belt","offer_id":34476050573,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 Dick Belts","offer_id":28371661193300,"sku":"","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 Pack of Dick Belts","offer_id":28371661258836,"sku":"","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-belt-6787118.jpeg?v=1755879239"},{"product_id":"happy-birthday-dick-head-greeting-card","title":"Happy Birthday DICKHEAD Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"289\" data-end=\"331\"\u003eHappy Birthday DICKHEAD Greeting Card\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"333\" data-end=\"631\"\u003eLet’s be honest, some people don’t deserve a sweet card with kittens, balloons, or “best wishes.” They deserve a card that screams exactly what you’re thinking: \u003cstrong data-start=\"494\" data-end=\"524\"\u003e“Happy Birthday DICKHEAD.”\u003c\/strong\u003e This isn’t a typo, this is a statement. A savage, hilarious, unforgettable statement in 14 pt cardstock.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"633\" data-end=\"783\"\u003eSo yeah, skip the polite card aisle garbage. Send this and watch their jaw drop, followed by uncontrollable laughter (or rage, which is also funny).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"785\" data-end=\"866\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"785\" data-end=\"799\"\u003eBuy it now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give the gift of blunt honesty with a side of petty revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"868\" data-end=\"871\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"873\" data-end=\"915\"\u003eWhy You Need to Send a Dickhead Card\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"917\" data-end=\"1195\"\u003eBecause life’s too short for boring birthdays. The world doesn’t need another glittery Hallmark card about “friendship” or “getting older gracefully.” Screw that. What your buddy, sibling, roommate, or ex really needs is a brutal reminder of who they are: a complete dickhead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1197\" data-end=\"1448\"\u003eThis \u003cstrong data-start=\"1202\" data-end=\"1234\"\u003ehappy birthday dickhead card\u003c\/strong\u003e gets the job done. It’s sharp, it’s rude, and it’s funny as hell. Whether you’re pulling off a prank, settling a score, or just being the funniest friend in the group, this is the adult greeting card that kills.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1450\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1455\" data-end=\"1486\"\u003eA Story You’ll Appreciate\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1488\" data-end=\"1805\"\u003eOne customer dropped this banger: \u003cem data-start=\"1522\" data-end=\"1803\"\u003e“Thank you all for going above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that my dying brother-in-law got his birthday gift... even if it was late. After returning from the hospital today he thoroughly enjoyed being able to eat his tits and dicks at his leisure. Thank you again.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1807\" data-end=\"1916\"\u003eThat’s legendary. Dude literally came back from the hospital and his gift was a dickhead birthday surprise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1918\" data-end=\"2000\"\u003eAnother customer put it straight: \u003cem data-start=\"1952\" data-end=\"1998\"\u003e“Excellent surprise gift! Lots of laugh!!!!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2002\" data-end=\"2248\"\u003eAnd then there’s this gem: \u003cem data-start=\"2029\" data-end=\"2139\"\u003e“I am getting it for my best friend but she is a girl wondering if u have one for woman or are they unisex.”\u003c\/em\u003e Short answer: yes, calling someone a dickhead is 100% unisex. If you’ve got a head, you can be a dickhead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2250\" data-end=\"2253\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2255\" data-end=\"2280\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2282\" data-end=\"2721\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2282\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2284\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2286\" data-end=\"2326\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inch folded greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e printed with “Happy Birthday DICKHEAD”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2368\" data-end=\"2449\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2370\" data-end=\"2449\"\u003eMade of \u003cstrong data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003equality double-sided 14 pt cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e so it feels legit and sturdy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2450\" data-end=\"2547\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2547\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2468\"\u003eBlank inside\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can write something even meaner, funnier, or borderline incriminating\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2613\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2550\" data-end=\"2613\"\u003eComes with a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2563\" data-end=\"2581\"\u003ewhite envelope\u003c\/strong\u003e ready to mail or hand deliver\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2614\" data-end=\"2721\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2616\" data-end=\"2721\"\u003eShips 100 percent \u003cstrong data-start=\"2634\" data-end=\"2649\"\u003eanonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e, because you don’t always want to get caught being the savage you are\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2723\" data-end=\"2726\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2728\" data-end=\"2745\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"3140\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"2813\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2749\" data-end=\"2813\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2751\" data-end=\"2769\"\u003ebirthday prank\u003c\/strong\u003e that lands harder than a tequila hangover\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2814\" data-end=\"2872\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2816\" data-end=\"2872\"\u003eAn \u003cstrong data-start=\"2819\" data-end=\"2841\"\u003eanonymous surprise\u003c\/strong\u003e for the jerk who deserves it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2873\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2875\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2877\" data-end=\"2900\"\u003ewhite elephant gift\u003c\/strong\u003e that nobody will top\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2924\" data-end=\"2981\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2926\" data-end=\"2981\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2928\" data-end=\"2950\"\u003epetty revenge play\u003c\/strong\u003e on someone who had it coming\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2982\" data-end=\"3052\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2984\" data-end=\"3052\"\u003eAn \u003cstrong data-start=\"2987\" data-end=\"3010\"\u003eadult greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e for people who can actually take a joke\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3140\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3055\" data-end=\"3140\"\u003eOr just your way of saying \u003cstrong data-start=\"3082\" data-end=\"3109\"\u003ehappy birthday dick pic\u003c\/strong\u003e without actually sending one\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3142\" data-end=\"3145\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3147\" data-end=\"3178\"\u003eReal Reviews, Real Laughs\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3180\" data-end=\"3438\"\u003e“Thank you all for going above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that my dying brother-in-law got his birthday gift… After returning from the hospital today he thoroughly enjoyed being able to eat his tits and dicks at his leisure. Thank you again.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3440\" data-end=\"3486\"\u003e“Excellent surprise gift! Lots of laugh!!!!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3597\"\u003e“I am getting it for my best friend but she is a girl wondering if u have one for woman or are the unisex.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3599\" data-end=\"3602\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3604\" data-end=\"3639\"\u003eWhy This Card Wins Every Time\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3641\" data-end=\"3900\"\u003eLook, anyone can buy a lame “Over the Hill” card with a picture of a cake or some boring joke about age. But those get tossed in the trash. This card? This card is legendary. People take pictures of it, they show it to friends, they remember it years later.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3902\" data-end=\"4102\"\u003eIt’s the card that says exactly what you want to say but with better timing. Whether you’re roasting your best friend, your sibling, or your ex, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"4052\" data-end=\"4084\"\u003ehappy birthday dickhead card\u003c\/strong\u003e nails the vibe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4104\" data-end=\"4107\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"4109\" data-end=\"4126\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4128\" data-end=\"4346\"\u003eStop wasting money on sentimental nonsense. Birthdays are about laughs, not sap. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"4213\" data-end=\"4254\"\u003eHappy Birthday DICKHEAD Greeting Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is the best way to make someone laugh, cry, and question your friendship all in one shot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4348\" data-end=\"4452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4348\" data-end=\"4373\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and make sure the next birthday party you crash is one they’ll never forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4348\" data-end=\"4452\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":36537659085,"sku":"HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter","offer_id":36537856205,"sku":"HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD+GLITTER","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti","offer_id":36537856269,"sku":"HAPPYBDAYDICKHEADCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/happy-birthday-dickhead-greeting-card-1967812.png?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"dick-koozies","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Can Coolers","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"136\" data-end=\"218\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Coolers - Keep Your Drink Cold and Your Insults Hot\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"220\" data-end=\"448\"\u003eLet’s be real. Sometimes, “cheers” just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes you need to send a crystal-clear, ice-cold message while you’re \u003cem data-start=\"350\" data-end=\"361\"\u003eliterally\u003c\/em\u003e keeping your beer cold. That’s where the \u003cstrong data-start=\"403\" data-end=\"436\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"450\" data-end=\"739\"\u003eIt’s bold. It’s blunt. It’s the koozie equivalent of flipping someone off with both hands while chugging a frosty one. Whether you’re at a tailgate, bachelor party, BBQ, or just sitting on the porch watching the neighbor mow his lawn in jorts, this thing is guaranteed to get a reaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"741\" data-end=\"866\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"741\" data-end=\"757\"\u003eBottom line?\u003c\/strong\u003e For $4.99, you can tell the world exactly how you feel - and keep your drink at peak chill while doing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"868\" data-end=\"964\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"962\"\u003eStop scrolling, toss this bad boy in your cart, and be \u003cem data-start=\"928\" data-end=\"934\"\u003ethat\u003c\/em\u003e legend at the next party.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"966\" data-end=\"969\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"971\" data-end=\"1006\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1008\" data-end=\"1155\"\u003eBecause “polite” is overrated.\u003cbr data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1041\"\u003eBecause your friends don’t laugh enough.\u003cbr data-start=\"1081\" data-end=\"1084\"\u003eBecause your beer deserves better than some boring plain foam sleeve.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1529\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"1161\" data-end=\"1194\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e isn’t just a drink accessory - it’s a conversation starter, an icebreaker, and a middle finger all rolled into one glorious little neoprene package. It fits any standard 12 oz can, works on soda or beer (but let’s be honest, you’re using it for beer), and comes in colors that match whatever flavor of chaos you’re serving that day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1531\" data-end=\"1534\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1536\" data-end=\"1560\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1655\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1564\" data-end=\"1655\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1564\" data-end=\"1589\"\u003eOne badass can cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e printed with “Eat a Bag of Dicks” in big, unapologetic letters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1656\" data-end=\"1758\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1658\" data-end=\"1758\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1658\" data-end=\"1684\"\u003eMultiple color options\u003c\/strong\u003e - red, gray, black - so you can coordinate with your mood or your team.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1759\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1761\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1761\" data-end=\"1778\"\u003eUniversal fit\u003c\/strong\u003e for any standard 12 oz can.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1809\" data-end=\"1893\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1811\" data-end=\"1893\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1811\" data-end=\"1837\"\u003eDurable and functional\u003c\/strong\u003e - keeps drinks cold, hands warm, and attitudes spicy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1894\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1896\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1896\" data-end=\"1916\"\u003eShips discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - so the mailman doesn’t think you’ve completely lost it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1978\" data-end=\"1981\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1983\" data-end=\"2011\"\u003eWhat Real Customers Say\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2013\" data-end=\"2133\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2133\"\u003e“Thank you so much, my item got lost in shipping and you were kind enough to resend it and add a little extra gift.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2135\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2137\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003e“Well received and appreciated by all who have came in contact with your products. 😃”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2227\" data-end=\"2275\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2229\" data-end=\"2275\"\u003e“A sure 5 star rating in other colors. 😀👍”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2364\"\u003eThe people have spoken - this cooler is more than just a gag, it’s a \u003cem data-start=\"2346\" data-end=\"2361\"\u003ecrowd-pleaser\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2366\" data-end=\"2369\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2371\" data-end=\"2388\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2392\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2392\" data-end=\"2416\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e - watch grandma try not to laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2453\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2475\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e - because nothing says “last night of freedom” like a cooler full of insults.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2556\" data-end=\"2632\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2558\" data-end=\"2632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2558\" data-end=\"2575\"\u003eBirthday gags\u003c\/strong\u003e - especially for that friend who “doesn’t want gifts.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2633\" data-end=\"2706\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2706\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2648\"\u003eTailgates\u003c\/strong\u003e - keep it classy while talking trash to the other team.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2707\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2730\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e - Santa’s on the naughty list this year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2775\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003eThe Story You’ll Tell\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"3132\"\u003eImagine you’re at a party. The music’s good, drinks are flowing, and someone says, “Hey, cool koozie.” They lean in, read it, and spit beer through their nose. You’ve just made a memory, my friend. And every time that cooler comes out of the drawer, someone’s gonna laugh, roll their eyes, or take a picture for Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3134\" data-end=\"3212\"\u003eThis isn’t just foam around a can - it’s your personality in drinkware form.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3214\" data-end=\"3217\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3219\" data-end=\"3253\"\u003eHow to Get the Most Out of It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3255\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3255\" data-end=\"3316\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3258\" data-end=\"3316\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3258\" data-end=\"3283\"\u003eSlip it on your drink\u003c\/strong\u003e like a tiny, sarcastic jacket.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3317\" data-end=\"3390\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3320\" data-end=\"3390\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3320\" data-end=\"3342\"\u003eHold it up proudly\u003c\/strong\u003e - don’t hide it, the world needs to see this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3391\" data-end=\"3498\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3394\" data-end=\"3498\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3394\" data-end=\"3417\"\u003eEnjoy the reactions\u003c\/strong\u003e - laughter, groans, high-fives, or even the occasional “you’re going to hell.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3499\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3502\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3502\" data-end=\"3522\"\u003eRinse and repeat\u003c\/strong\u003e - this baby’s reusable, so keep it handy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3568\" data-end=\"3571\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3573\" data-end=\"3600\"\u003eFinal Word: Get It Now\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3602\" data-end=\"3905\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3606\" data-end=\"3639\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e is funny, functional, and stupidly affordable. You’ll use it more than you think, and you’ll laugh every single time you do. And because it’s just $4.99, you can grab extras for your friends, your enemies, or anyone who deserves a frosty, foam-wrapped “fuck you.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e🍺 \u003cstrong data-start=\"3910\" data-end=\"3929\"\u003eAdd to cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving your drinks with a side of attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":37226992077,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gray","offer_id":37226992141,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red","offer_id":37226992205,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black - Keep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks","offer_id":37226992269,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-can-coolers-3702802.png?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"prank-glitter-bomb-cards","title":"EXPLODING Glitter Bomb Cards!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"136\" data-end=\"231\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"138\" data-end=\"229\"\u003eEXPLODING Glitter Bomb Cards – The Card That Says “I Care” in the Pettiest Way Possible\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"233\" data-end=\"399\"\u003eNormal greeting cards are boring. You open them, maybe there’s some half-assed joke inside, maybe twenty bucks if you’re lucky, and then you toss them in the trash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"401\" data-end=\"420\"\u003eNot this bad boy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"422\" data-end=\"769\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"426\" data-end=\"457\"\u003eEXPLODING Glitter Bomb Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is not here to say “Happy Birthday” or “Get Well Soon.” It’s here to say, \u003cem data-start=\"532\" data-end=\"629\"\u003eI love you enough to ruin your day with microscopic shiny chaos that will haunt you for months.\u003c\/em\u003e You know what’s better than sending a boring thank-you card? Sending one that detonates into a glitter apocalypse the moment it’s opened.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"771\" data-end=\"963\"\u003eIf you’ve ever wanted to combine thoughtful with evil, this is your chance. Pick a theme, ship it anonymously, and watch your target get absolutely annihilated by a blizzard of sparkly hell.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"965\" data-end=\"998\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"965\" data-end=\"996\"\u003eSend it now. Laugh forever.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1000\" data-end=\"1003\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1005\" data-end=\"1037\"\u003eWhy You Should 100% Do This\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1039\" data-end=\"1328\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1039\" data-end=\"1130\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1041\" data-end=\"1130\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1041\" data-end=\"1070\"\u003eInstant mess, zero damage\u003c\/strong\u003e – It’s petty, not destructive. The perfect level of evil.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1131\" data-end=\"1259\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1133\" data-end=\"1259\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1133\" data-end=\"1153\"\u003eEndless reminder\u003c\/strong\u003e – Glitter sticks to everything, so they’ll be finding it in their socks, hair, and bathroom for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1260\" data-end=\"1328\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1262\" data-end=\"1328\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1262\" data-end=\"1280\"\u003eFull anonymity\u003c\/strong\u003e – No fingerprints, no trail. You are a ghost.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1330\" data-end=\"1333\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1335\" data-end=\"1367\"\u003eThe Glitter Storm in Action\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1369\" data-end=\"1559\"\u003eImagine this: your ex, your friend, your brother, whoever – they check the mail and see a cute little greeting card. Their guard is down. They’re expecting heartfelt words or maybe a joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1561\" data-end=\"1578\"\u003eThen… \u003cstrong data-start=\"1567\" data-end=\"1575\"\u003eBOOM\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1580\" data-end=\"1822\"\u003eA payload of glitter or dick confetti bursts into the air like a Vegas showgirl exploded. It’s in their car vents. It’s in their phone case. The dog’s now wearing it. Weeks later, they’re still discovering tiny reminders of the day you won.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1824\" data-end=\"1827\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1829\" data-end=\"1856\"\u003eWhat People Are Saying\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1858\" data-end=\"2156\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1860\" data-end=\"2156\"\u003e“I sent the anonymous package to my sister, she laughed so hard!!”\u003cbr data-start=\"1926\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e“I didn’t see it go down but I did see the glitter on my coworker’s boots. 10\/10. ❤”\u003cbr data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2018\"\u003e“Sent the exploding card to an ex, he opened it in his car and said he vacuumed multiple times and it was still there. Job well done.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2161\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2163\" data-end=\"2196\"\u003eWhat You’re Actually Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2198\" data-end=\"2456\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2198\" data-end=\"2271\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2200\" data-end=\"2271\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2200\" data-end=\"2224\"\u003eFolded greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e rigged with a glitter or dick confetti bomb.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2272\" data-end=\"2317\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2274\" data-end=\"2317\"\u003eMultiple hilarious themes to choose from.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2318\" data-end=\"2379\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2320\" data-end=\"2379\"\u003eShips completely anonymously – no one will know it’s you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2456\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2382\" data-end=\"2456\"\u003eA perfectly balanced prank that’s funny, infuriating, and unforgettable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2458\" data-end=\"2461\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2463\" data-end=\"2504\"\u003ePerfect Situations for Maximum Chaos\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2506\" data-end=\"2743\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2506\" data-end=\"2559\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2559\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2525\"\u003eBreakup laugh\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because closure is overrated.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2560\" data-end=\"2617\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2562\" data-end=\"2617\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2562\" data-end=\"2583\"\u003eBirthday surprise\u003c\/strong\u003e – Outshine the cake, literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2618\" data-end=\"2674\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2620\" data-end=\"2674\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2620\" data-end=\"2637\"\u003ePetty revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e – The safe, legal way to get even.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2675\" data-end=\"2743\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2677\" data-end=\"2743\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2677\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003eJust because\u003c\/strong\u003e – No reason needed for glitter-based terrorism.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2745\" data-end=\"2748\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2750\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003eHow to Pull the Trigger\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2783\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003ePick your card theme.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2807\" data-end=\"2873\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2810\" data-end=\"2873\"\u003eDecide between glitter or dick confetti (or go wild and mix).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2874\" data-end=\"2921\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2877\" data-end=\"2921\"\u003eEnter their address, keep yours out of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2922\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003eShip it. Wait. Enjoy the chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"3115\"\u003eThe fun part is they can never truly clean it up. Six months later they’ll still be muttering your name when they find glitter in their underwear drawer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3117\" data-end=\"3120\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3122\" data-end=\"3191\"\u003eDon’t Just Send a Card – Send a Story They’ll Never Stop Telling\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3193\" data-end=\"3370\"\u003eYou’re not buying a piece of cardstock. You’re buying a \u003cem data-start=\"3249\" data-end=\"3257\"\u003emoment\u003c\/em\u003e – a glitter-coated memory that will be retold at parties, group chats, and therapy sessions for years to come.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3372\" data-end=\"3519\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3378\" data-end=\"3393\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and ship an \u003cstrong data-start=\"3410\" data-end=\"3441\"\u003eEXPLODING Glitter Bomb Card\u003c\/strong\u003e. Because if you’re going to say it, say it with sparkle-fueled destruction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Have a Great Day!","offer_id":37300641869,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Sorry for the Dicks - Please Accept This Gift Card as an Apology","offer_id":37315700109,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sorry for the Dicks - Please Accept This Gift Card as an Apology (Middle Finger)","offer_id":37316087757,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sorry for the Dicks - Please Accept This Gift Card as an Apology (Middle Finger to the Face)","offer_id":37316132621,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sorry for the Dicks - Please Accept This Gift Card as an Apology (Haha Just Kidding Here's Some More Dicks) - Dick Confetti","offer_id":38625816205,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/exploding-glitter-bomb-cards-3277584.jpg?v=1755879243"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks","title":"Bag of Dicks","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks (Literally. They’re Delicious.)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003ePicture it you open your mail, open a package, and it's... a bag of dicks? There's no return address and you can't figure out who sent it, so you have to through everyone who you ever wronged.. just to have it be your friend who tells you it was them 2 year later. It's the perfect prank. And you can do it to whoever you want today.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eSend them a floral bag filled with gummy dicks and a side of “who the hell sent this?” These chewy little bastards are 2.5 inches long (yes, people comment on the size), come in three shockingly tasty flavors, and arrive anonymously—unless you want credit for the prank.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eWhether it’s a bachelor party, a coworker’s birthday, or you’re just bored and petty on a Wednesday afternoon, this is your go-to “screw you, but make it sweet.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s in the Bag?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eInside each 5 oz package, you’ll find\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e10 thick, chewy gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein three delightfully bold flavors: red cherry, green apple, and blue raspberry. Each one is about 2.5 inches long and an inch wide at the base (a.k.a. the balls), making them surprisingly satisfying to chew- and weirdly hard to forget.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe whole package comes sealed in a bold floral pouch stamped with the words\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“Eat a Bag of Dicks”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eright on the front. It's weirdly classy. Shockingly colorful. And entirely unforgettable\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eAnonymous Pranks - messing with your friends and family\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eSending a mess to your fr(enemies)... in a funny way\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eBachelorette parties (bonus points if Grandma’s in town)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eBirthday pranks that escalate just enough\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eGroup chat dares\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eSecret Santa with no rules\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe friend who’s always “soooo hard to shop for”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eWhether you send it anonymously to spark chaos or sign it with pride, the outcome’s the same: confused joy, contagious laughter, and a mental image they’ll never unsee.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003ePeople love these things. Not just because they’re hilarious, but because they’re actually good. Like, “I meant to prank my roommate and ended up snacking on one myself” good. Don’t be surprised if your recipient eats the whole bag and still wants to know where it came from.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eAnd yes, we’ve been shipping\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ebags of dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor years. Real ones know. If you’ve ever searched “send a bag of dicks,” “funny gummy candy,” or “anonymous prank gift,” this is what you were looking for... even if you didn’t know it yet.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eNo glitter. No mess. Just a mouthful of mystery and a whole lot of flavor.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSend a bag. Or two. Chaos loves company.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"---- \/ ----","offer_id":39391283533,"sku":"292372447279","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Double the Dicks! A Second Bag for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":39391296333,"sku":"","price":23.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card!","offer_id":39391303565,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-Shaped Confetti \/ Double the Dicks! A Second Bag for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":39391279373,"sku":"","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter for an extra surprise! \/ ----","offer_id":39391314701,"sku":"","price":20.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter for an extra surprise! \/ Double the Dicks! A Second Bag for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":39391319885,"sku":"","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter for an extra surprise! \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":39391360717,"sku":"","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-Shaped Confetti \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":39391367309,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-Shaped Confetti \/ ----","offer_id":39391369741,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday DickHead Card!","offer_id":39391473293,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter for an extra surprise! \/ Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card","offer_id":39391502605,"sku":"","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-Shaped Confetti \/ Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card","offer_id":39391510157,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":40215816013,"sku":"","price":21.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Penis Confetti - Add Penis-Shaped Confetti \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":40215827149,"sku":"","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter for an extra surprise! \/ Happy Birthday Box!","offer_id":40215835277,"sku":"","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/buy-two-bag-of-dicks-get-one-free-3247013.jpg?v=1755878735"},{"product_id":"the-joker-cricket","title":"The Joker Cricket","description":"\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePress Play and Cricket noise loops non-stop for 8+ hours\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCricket drop plays hours of cricket noise. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHide the cricket nearly anywhere with the very sticky adhesive on back!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePrank war? Leave a message for them on the front. So after the 5 hours of searching they know who to text. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNo off switch. They must break it to stop it. Muhahah\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1","offer_id":39108209805,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2","offer_id":39108209869,"sku":"","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4","offer_id":39108241037,"sku":"","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/the-joker-cricket-4562933.png?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-original-greeting-card","title":"Eat a Dick - Original Greeting Card","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003ciframe src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/lc1VdWKMdrg\" height=\"315\" width=\"560\"\u003e\u003c\/iframe\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"173\" data-end=\"216\"\u003eEat a Dick - Original Greeting Card\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"218\" data-end=\"415\"\u003eSome cards say “Happy Birthday.” Some say “Congratulations.” This one says \u003cstrong data-start=\"293\" data-end=\"307\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e in glorious 3D pop-up form because sometimes that’s the only sentiment that really captures how you feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"417\" data-end=\"645\"\u003eWe’re talking about a high-quality folded greeting card that opens to reveal a proud pop-up penis with the boldest message imaginable. It’s not subtle. It’s not sweet. It’s a full-on comedic middle finger wrapped in cardstock.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"647\" data-end=\"762\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"647\" data-end=\"760\"\u003eOrder now, ship it anonymously, and let someone’s day explode into laughter, shock, and possibly a spit-take.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"764\" data-end=\"767\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"769\" data-end=\"822\"\u003eWhy This Card Slaps (Literally and Figuratively)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"824\" data-end=\"960\"\u003eThink about the last time you got a greeting card. Probably had flowers, some boring cursive, and an impersonal “Best Wishes.” Snooze.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"962\" data-end=\"1278\"\u003eNow imagine handing or mailing someone a card that opens to a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1024\" data-end=\"1056\"\u003emassive unapologetic 3D dick\u003c\/strong\u003e. It’s pure chaos and it works every single time. Whether it’s revenge, a prank, or just a spontaneous “because I can,” this card is a guaranteed conversation piece. They won’t throw it away. They’ll show it to everyone.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1280\" data-end=\"1426\"\u003eThis thing is made from sturdy double-sided 14 pt cardstock so it’s got that premium feel… if premium meant high-quality insult delivery system.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1428\" data-end=\"1431\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1433\" data-end=\"1454\"\u003eHow It Plays Out\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1456\" data-end=\"1619\"\u003eYou send the card. They open it expecting something sweet. Instead, boom — there it is, the mighty pop-up meat missile with “EAT A DICK” screaming in their face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1621\" data-end=\"1804\"\u003eThey freeze for a second. Then it happens. The laugh. The “WTF?!” The immediate photo taken and texted to friends. And if you send it anonymously, the mystery adds fuel to the fire.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1806\" data-end=\"1843\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1806\" data-end=\"1841\"\u003eReal reviews from real legends:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1845\" data-end=\"2196\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1845\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1847\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003e“My husband laughed so hard, great surprise gift hahaha.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1907\" data-end=\"1997\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1909\" data-end=\"1997\"\u003e“The person I sent this to still has no idea who sent it. And I absolutely love that!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1998\" data-end=\"2196\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2000\" data-end=\"2196\"\u003e“This was payback for putting a rival team's stuff all over my truck. The recipient wasn't sure it was me but said ‘that made my day! Seriously, it made my day.’ It was fun and worth the money.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2198\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2203\" data-end=\"2219\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2221\" data-end=\"2458\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2221\" data-end=\"2269\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2223\" data-end=\"2269\"\u003eBirthday jokes that hit harder than confetti\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2270\" data-end=\"2317\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2272\" data-end=\"2317\"\u003eAnonymous revenge without the police report\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2318\" data-end=\"2375\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2320\" data-end=\"2375\"\u003eBreakup laughs that say “I’m fine, thanks for asking”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2376\" data-end=\"2423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2423\"\u003eSports rival payback after a trash talk war\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2424\" data-end=\"2458\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2426\" data-end=\"2458\"\u003eRandom Tuesday chaos injection\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2460\" data-end=\"2463\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2465\" data-end=\"2496\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"2591\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2500\" data-end=\"2591\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2502\" data-end=\"2542\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inch folded greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e made from quality 14 pt double-sided cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2592\" data-end=\"2652\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2594\" data-end=\"2652\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2596\" data-end=\"2615\"\u003e3D pop-up penis\u003c\/strong\u003e with the words “EAT A DICK” inside\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2653\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2655\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping for maximum prank potential\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003eA story they will never stop telling\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2758\" data-end=\"2761\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2763\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003eHow to Pull It Off Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"2799\" data-end=\"2979\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2799\" data-end=\"2815\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2802\" data-end=\"2815\"\u003eAdd to cart\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2816\" data-end=\"2881\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2819\" data-end=\"2881\"\u003eShip it straight to their doorstep with no trace back to you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2882\" data-end=\"2979\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2885\" data-end=\"2979\"\u003eSit back, relax, and wait for the confusion, laughter, and text messages to start rolling in\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2981\" data-end=\"2984\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2986\" data-end=\"3006\"\u003eThe Bottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3008\" data-end=\"3254\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3012\" data-end=\"3051\"\u003eEat a Dick - Original Greeting Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is not polite. It’s not safe. It’s not something you give your sweet old aunt unless she’s cool. But it is the funniest most shockingly perfect way to say “screw you” while still making someone’s day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3256\" data-end=\"3378\"\u003eStop overthinking. Skip the flowers. Skip the generic “Happy Birthday.” \u003cstrong data-start=\"3328\" data-end=\"3376\"\u003eSend them the one card they’ll never forget.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3256\" data-end=\"3378\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":39619095821,"sku":"EATADCARD","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":39655016717,"sku":"EATADCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":39688850445,"sku":"EATADCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":39688877709,"sku":"EATADCARD+BOD","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-original-greeting-card-7707185.jpg?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"spring-loaded-dick-bomb","title":"Spring Loaded Dick Bomb!","description":"\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Dick Bomb!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBecause life’s too short not to blast your friends in the face with exploding dicks.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEver wished you could perfectly capture the magic of a “WTF just happened?!” moment? Something so unexpected, so wildly inappropriate, that your target is left gasping, laughing, and sweeping up tiny penis confetti for weeks? Enter the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Dick Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, the glitter-dick-packed, prank-masterpiece disguised as a totally innocent incense tube… until \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBOOM\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIn one glorious split-second, their world goes from “Hmm, what’s this?” to \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eexploding dicks everywhere\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Not metaphorical dicks. Not a polite “eat a bag of dicks” greeting card. No, we’re talking \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ereal, tangible, shiny\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003edick confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e flying through the air like a glittery tsunami of shame.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo yeah, if you’ve ever wanted to send the ultimate “I love you but I also hate you” message, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ethis is your weapon of choice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Scroll down, smash the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e button, and get ready to become the undisputed champion of petty revenge.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Need a Dick Glitter Bomb in Your Life\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Dick Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e isn’t just a prank. It’s performance art. Here’s why it’s so damn satisfying:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s 100% unexpected\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Nobody thinks, “Oh, this innocent-looking incense tube is gonna shoot a dick explosion in my face.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s petty perfection\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Revenge without the drama. Laughter without the cops.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s customizable\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Add \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ejizz confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, more glitter, or go full chaos with both.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s not just for enemies\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Works just as well for bachelorette parties, birthdays, or the friend who “accidentally” ruined your favorite shirt.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Art of the Exploding Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePicture this:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey pick up the package. “Hmm… what’s this?”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e They open it slowly.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e You’re somewhere across town, phone in hand, waiting like a deranged Bond villain.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSprrrrrang!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e A \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003espring loaded dick bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e erupts in a blinding storm of \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003epenis confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd just like that, they’re in the middle of a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eglitter dick apocalypse\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. It’s in their hair. It’s in their shoes. It’s on their dog. Weeks later, they’ll still be finding little sparkly dicks in the couch cushions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews From People Just As Twisted As You\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“He loved the dicks, he had to dump out his shoes after it blew all over him……”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Definitely loved to prank my bestie! Let’s just say I won!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “One of my best friends and her daughter both wore glittery outfits to my Halloween party. I am still finding glitter. And after several weeks of them laughing about it, I had to seek my revenge quietly and carefully. The only obvious solution was a dick glitter bomb. I waited eagerly in anticipation for my phone to ring. And when it did the names I was called and the giggles I had made it all worth it. The follow up texts from the glitter dick finding over the next several days not only made me feel like it was revenge well served but also made me realize that therapy isn’t necessary. The only thing I need is dick glitter bombs. I’m a lot happier now. Thanks dick glitter bombs!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Specs (AKA What You’re Really Paying For)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDisguise:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Looks like a realistic incense tube\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMechanism:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Spring loaded container that fires \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003econfetti dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e with shocking force\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eExtras:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Add jizz confetti, glitter, or both for maximum chaos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 100% anonymous, no return address, no snitching\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUses:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Anonymous prank, hilarious gag gift, bachelorette party chaos, petty revenge against friends\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFrom:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e The masters of prank warfare, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDicksByMail\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy It Works Better Than Any Lame Prank You’ve Tried\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnyone can send a dumb meme or say “eat a bag of dicks” in a group chat. That’s amateur hour. But a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003espring loaded penis bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e? That’s a statement. It’s personal. It’s physical comedy. It’s something they’ll be talking about for years. Hell, you might even earn legendary status in your friend group as \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ethat\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e person, the one who pulled off the perfect \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eglitter dick bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e strike.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDo It. You Know You Want To.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour future victim is out there right now, living their life, blissfully unaware that their carpet, clothes, and cat are about to get \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ecovered in exploding dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Don’t deny yourself this joy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-397e87c3-7fff-59b1-f1f6-f6a314228e52\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHit that \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e button. Send the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Dick Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. And bask in the glow of knowing you just unleashed a wave of glittery chaos that’ll haunt them for weeks.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the dick bomb, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Just Dicks","offer_id":41525668053076,"sku":"DICKBOMB","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double The Dicks","offer_id":41525100478548,"sku":"DOUBLEDICKBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Combo Dick \u0026 Jizz Confetti","offer_id":41525100445780,"sku":"DICKANDJIZZBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mix in Regular Glitter","offer_id":41525100511316,"sku":"DICKANDGLITTERBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mix in Golden Shower Glitter","offer_id":41525100544084,"sku":"DICKANDGOLDENGLITTERBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hit 'em with the ultimate combo Dicks \u0026 Jizz \u0026 Glitter","offer_id":41525100576852,"sku":"DICKJIZZANDGLITTERBOMB","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/spring-loaded-poop-emoji-glitter-cannon-prank-3477554.png?v=1755878733"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-free-koozie","title":"Bag of Dicks + Free Can Cooler!","description":"\u003cp\u003eAdd a Free Can Cooler to your Bag of Dicks!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Bag of Dicks + Free Black Koozie","offer_id":40733525773,"sku":"","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Bag of Dicks + Free Gray Koozie","offer_id":40733525837,"sku":"","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Bag of Dicks + Free Red Koozie","offer_id":40733525901,"sku":"","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bag of Dicks + Free Keep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Koozie","offer_id":40733525965,"sku":"","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-dicks-free-can-cooler-8883041.png?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"dick-towel","title":"Dick Towel","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"197\" data-start=\"117\"\u003eThe Dick Towel – The Only Towel That’ll Make You the Center of Attention\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"487\" data-start=\"199\"\u003eLet’s be real. No one’s talking about your “nice, plain white” bath towel. That’s about as memorable as a loaf of bread. But you know what people \u003cem data-end=\"351\" data-start=\"345\"\u003ewill\u003c\/em\u003e remember? You strutting across the pool deck or walking out of the shower with a cartoon cock printed front and center on your towel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"763\" data-start=\"489\"\u003eMeet the \u003cstrong data-end=\"512\" data-start=\"498\"\u003eDick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e – straight from \u003cem data-end=\"564\" data-start=\"529\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e, soft as hell, absorbent, and unapologetically packing heat. This isn’t just a towel. This is a full-on conversation piece, an icebreaker, and a declaration that you don’t take life too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"872\" data-start=\"765\"\u003eStop drying off like a chump. \u003cstrong data-end=\"870\" data-start=\"795\"\u003eAdd to cart now and claim your spot as the legend everyone talks about.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"877\" data-start=\"874\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"914\" data-start=\"879\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1201\" data-start=\"916\"\u003eYou could buy a regular towel, but let’s be honest – boring towels die alone in the linen closet. The Dick Towel? That thing’s going places. Pool parties. Beach trips. Bachelor parties. White elephant exchanges. Anywhere people gather to laugh, drink, and question your life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1347\" data-start=\"1203\"\u003eHere’s the thing: humor \u003cem data-end=\"1235\" data-start=\"1227\"\u003esticks\u003c\/em\u003e. Nobody’s gonna remember the guy with the blue towel. But the guy with the giant penis towel? Instant legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1595\" data-start=\"1349\"\u003ePlus, it’s functional – you’ll actually dry off. It’s not like some cheap novelty towel that feels like sandpaper. This bad boy is soft, absorbent, and machine washable. You’re literally buying a useful item disguised as a hilarious prank gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1600\" data-start=\"1597\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1637\" data-start=\"1602\"\u003eThe First Time You Whip It Out\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1905\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003ePicture this. It’s a summer pool party. You “accidentally” forget your towel. Then, when everyone’s hanging out, you pull out the Dick Towel. People choke on their drinks. Someone drops their phone in the pool. That one friend who always acts classy? Cry-laughing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2089\" data-start=\"1907\"\u003eOr maybe you wrap it around yourself after a shower. Your partner walks in. They double-take. They either laugh or start questioning your sanity. Either way – mission accomplished.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2094\" data-start=\"2091\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2123\" data-start=\"2096\"\u003eStraight From the Show\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2288\" data-start=\"2125\"\u003eThis isn’t some knockoff. This is the \u003cstrong data-end=\"2186\" data-start=\"2163\"\u003eofficial Dick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e from \u003cem data-end=\"2227\" data-start=\"2192\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e. You’ve seen it. You’ve laughed at it. Now you can own it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2307\" data-start=\"2290\"\u003eChoose between:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2359\" data-start=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2359\" data-start=\"2310\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2326\" data-start=\"2310\"\u003eMale version\u003c\/strong\u003e – classic “big reveal” energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2360\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2362\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2380\" data-start=\"2362\"\u003eFemale version\u003c\/strong\u003e – because equal opportunity comedy matters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2559\" data-start=\"2428\"\u003eBoth are made from soft, high-quality fabric with a bold, cartoon penis-and-butt design. Yes, it’s ridiculous. Yes, it’s amazing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2564\" data-start=\"2561\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2595\" data-start=\"2566\"\u003eReal People, Real Laughs\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2962\" data-start=\"2597\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2962\" data-start=\"2599\"\u003e“When I finally revealed the joke, he had already passed on the prank to his boss! Laughs all around.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2704\" data-start=\"2701\"\u003e“Love this towel. Gave the set (male and female) to a couple. Good laugh as the guy is always telling me to ask her how BIG it is. This one is big… LOL.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2862\" data-start=\"2859\"\u003e“Was a hit at our Secret Santa exchange!!! Had the whole shop dying laughing for a few minutes.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2967\" data-start=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2993\" data-start=\"2969\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"2995\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3079\" data-start=\"2995\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3079\" data-start=\"2997\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3024\" data-start=\"2997\"\u003eOne official Dick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e – straight from \u003cem data-end=\"3076\" data-start=\"3041\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3150\" data-start=\"3080\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3150\" data-start=\"3082\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3118\" data-start=\"3082\"\u003eChoice of male or female version\u003c\/strong\u003e – choose your comedic weapon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3222\" data-start=\"3151\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3222\" data-start=\"3153\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3181\" data-start=\"3153\"\u003eSoft, absorbent material\u003c\/strong\u003e – because you actually want to use it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3286\" data-start=\"3223\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3286\" data-start=\"3225\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3252\" data-start=\"3225\"\u003eBold, ridiculous design\u003c\/strong\u003e – guaranteed to get a reaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"3287\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"3289\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3310\" data-start=\"3289\"\u003eDiscreet shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e – no one knows what’s in the box until you decide to ruin their day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3386\" data-start=\"3383\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3405\" data-start=\"3388\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3407\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3488\" data-start=\"3407\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3488\" data-start=\"3409\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3442\" data-start=\"3409\"\u003eWhite elephant gift exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e – win Christmas without spending a fortune.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3535\" data-start=\"3489\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3535\" data-start=\"3491\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3507\" data-start=\"3491\"\u003ePool parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – instant crowd favorite.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3629\" data-start=\"3536\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3629\" data-start=\"3538\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3571\" data-start=\"3538\"\u003eBachelor\/Bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – the gift they’ll take on the honeymoon just to laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3694\" data-start=\"3630\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3694\" data-start=\"3632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3645\" data-start=\"3632\"\u003eBirthdays\u003c\/strong\u003e – turn an ordinary party into a legendary one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3695\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3697\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3713\" data-start=\"3697\"\u003eTV show fans\u003c\/strong\u003e – especially \u003cem data-end=\"3746\" data-start=\"3727\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny\u003c\/em\u003e diehards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3763\" data-start=\"3760\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3799\" data-start=\"3765\"\u003eHow to Pull It Off Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3801\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3862\" data-start=\"3801\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3862\" data-start=\"3804\"\u003ePick your towel version (or get both, because why not?).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3921\" data-start=\"3863\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3921\" data-start=\"3866\"\u003eWrap it as a gift or “casually” bring it to the pool.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3922\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3925\"\u003eSit back and watch as it instantly becomes the main event.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3990\" data-start=\"3987\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"4046\" data-start=\"3992\"\u003eThis Isn’t Just a Towel. It’s a Personality Test.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4175\" data-start=\"4048\"\u003eAnyone who sees this and laughs? Keep them in your life.\u003cbr data-end=\"4107\" data-start=\"4104\"\u003eAnyone who gets offended? Probably not your kind of people anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4264\" data-start=\"4177\"\u003eEither way, the Dick Towel sorts the cool people from the boring ones in record time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"4269\" data-start=\"4266\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4530\" data-start=\"4271\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-end=\"4299\" data-start=\"4274\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and grab the most ridiculous, most talked-about, most functional gag gift you’ll ever own. Whether you’re buying it for yourself or to prank someone else, the Dick Towel is about to become your new favorite conversation starter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ White Male","offer_id":43139645901,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ White Male","offer_id":44775438605,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ White Female","offer_id":46096020877,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ White Female","offer_id":46096073549,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ Black Male","offer_id":46096099469,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ Black Male","offer_id":46096121997,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-towel-7544671.jpg?v=1755879237"},{"product_id":"christmas-greeting-card-eat-a-bag-of-dicks","title":"Christmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks","description":"\u003ch1 data-start=\"271\" data-end=\"319\"\u003eChristmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"321\" data-end=\"516\"\u003eHallmark can suck it. If you’re tired of “Peace on Earth” and “Season’s Greetings” bullshit, here’s the card that finally speaks the truth: the \u003cstrong data-start=\"465\" data-end=\"513\"\u003eChristmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"518\" data-end=\"732\"\u003eImagine their face when they tear open what looks like a wholesome holiday card, only to be greeted with the festive reminder to \u003cstrong data-start=\"647\" data-end=\"669\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e. That’s not just a card, that’s a goddamn Christmas miracle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"734\" data-end=\"981\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"734\" data-end=\"979\"\u003eSkip the boring snowflakes and baby Jesus vibes. Send a dirty holiday card with attitude and give someone the kind of laugh that lasts longer than their eggnog hangover. Click Add to Cart right now and make someone’s Christmas unforgettable.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"983\" data-end=\"986\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"988\" data-end=\"1012\"\u003eWhy Send This Card?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1014\" data-end=\"1345\"\u003eBecause nothing says “Merry Christmas” like telling your buddy, your ex, or that one relative who always drinks too much mulled wine to straight up \u003cstrong data-start=\"1162\" data-end=\"1184\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e. This isn’t your grandma’s holiday cheer. This is an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1238\" data-end=\"1262\"\u003eadult Christmas card\u003c\/strong\u003e for people who know that sarcasm and profanity are the real gifts of the season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1347\" data-end=\"1636\"\u003eThink about it: everyone else is sending cute snowmen and “warm wishes.” Snooze. You send this \u003cstrong data-start=\"1442\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003enaughty Christmas card\u003c\/strong\u003e and suddenly you’re the one with the best sense of humor at the party. People remember the rebel who didn’t just send a card, but a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1633\"\u003eChristmas card with attitude\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1638\" data-end=\"1641\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1643\" data-end=\"1680\"\u003eA Story You’ll Actually Laugh At\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1682\" data-end=\"1913\"\u003eLast year, a customer sent this card to her best friend. She wasn’t there to see the reaction, but she could imagine it. “I was not able to see her face when she opened the card but could envision! The tracking feature is great!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1915\" data-end=\"2192\"\u003eAnother customer summed it up perfectly: “These are some great cards for those special idiots in yo life.” That’s it. That’s the whole point. Whether you’re pulling off a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2117\"\u003efunny Secret Santa exchange\u003c\/strong\u003e or slipping it into someone’s stocking, this card lands every damn time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2194\" data-end=\"2197\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2199\" data-end=\"2223\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2225\" data-end=\"2321\"\u003eHere’s why the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2240\" data-end=\"2277\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is better than 99% of cards on the shelf:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2414\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2325\" data-end=\"2414\"\u003eA folded Christmas card printed with “Eat a Bag of Dicks” in festive, holly-jolly glory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003eHigh-quality cardstock so it feels legit, not flimsy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2472\" data-end=\"2549\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2474\" data-end=\"2549\"\u003eA matching envelope so you can keep it classy right up until they open it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2550\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2552\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping so nobody can snitch on you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2613\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2615\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003eThe ultimate \u003cstrong data-start=\"2628\" data-end=\"2653\"\u003exmas card for friends\u003c\/strong\u003e who deserve a laugh (or some payback)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2695\" data-end=\"2698\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2700\" data-end=\"2717\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2872\"\u003eThis card isn’t for everyone. It’s not for carol-singing church groups or your mom’s Bible study. But for the rest of us degenerates, it’s perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2874\" data-end=\"3355\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2874\" data-end=\"2942\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2876\" data-end=\"2942\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2878\" data-end=\"2900\"\u003eChristmas gag gift\u003c\/strong\u003e that beats socks and candles every time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2943\" data-end=\"3007\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2945\" data-end=\"3007\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2947\" data-end=\"2967\"\u003estocking stuffer\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s equal parts rude and hilarious\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3008\" data-end=\"3094\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3010\" data-end=\"3094\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"3012\" data-end=\"3043\"\u003efunny Secret Santa exchange\u003c\/strong\u003e that’ll blow the lid off your boring office swap\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3095\" data-end=\"3164\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3097\" data-end=\"3164\"\u003eAn \u003cstrong data-start=\"3100\" data-end=\"3124\"\u003eadult Christmas card\u003c\/strong\u003e for your friends who love dirty humor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3165\" data-end=\"3267\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3167\" data-end=\"3267\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"3169\" data-end=\"3191\"\u003edirty holiday card\u003c\/strong\u003e for the cousin who thinks they’re funnier than you (spoiler: they’re not)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3268\" data-end=\"3355\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3270\" data-end=\"3355\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"3272\" data-end=\"3302\"\u003eholiday card with attitude\u003c\/strong\u003e that proves you’re not afraid to keep things spicy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3357\" data-end=\"3360\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3362\" data-end=\"3385\"\u003eWhy People Love It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3387\" data-end=\"3639\"\u003eReal talk: people go nuts for this card. It’s short, sweet, and offensive in the best way possible. One reviewer wrote, “We got a ton of laughs from this Christmas card!” Another said, “These are some great cards for those special idiots in yo life.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3641\" data-end=\"3859\"\u003eNobody remembers the generic “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” crap. But they’ll remember the time they opened a card that told them to \u003cstrong data-start=\"3780\" data-end=\"3802\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e. That’s the kind of holiday memory that lives forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3861\" data-end=\"3864\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3866\" data-end=\"3882\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3884\" data-end=\"4221\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3888\" data-end=\"3936\"\u003eChristmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e is the ultimate way to flip holiday tradition on its head. It’s not polite. It’s not wholesome. It’s not safe for work. But it’s damn funny, brutally honest, and the perfect \u003cstrong data-start=\"4111\" data-end=\"4138\"\u003eedgy Christmas greeting\u003c\/strong\u003e for the people in your life who deserve a little more than tinsel and mistletoe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4223\" data-end=\"4300\"\u003eSo go ahead. Be the legend that gave the most memorable card of the season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4302\" data-end=\"4416\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4302\" data-end=\"4414\"\u003eOrder your Eat a Bag of Dicks Christmas Card today and make this year’s holidays actually worth remembering.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4302\" data-end=\"4416\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47947105101,"sku":"","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/christmas-greeting-card-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-7319235.png?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"dick-in-a-box-christmas-card","title":"Dick in a Box Christmas Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"263\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDick in a Box Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because Regular Cards Are for Boring People\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"265\" data-end=\"512\"\u003eChristmas is about giving. And nothing says “holiday spirit” like gifting someone a dick. Not just any dick - a \u003cstrong data-start=\"377\" data-end=\"409\"\u003eDick in a Box Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e that turns the wholesome joy of the season into a moment of complete, awkward, belly-laughing chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"514\" data-end=\"771\"\u003eThis is not a card that gets politely set on the mantle next to the ones from Aunt Carol. This is the card that gets hidden from the kids, whispered about at the dinner table, and texted to friends with the caption, “You will not believe what I just got.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"773\" data-end=\"914\"\u003eWant to make someone’s Christmas unforgettable? Click Add to Cart and make this the year they laugh so hard they spill their spiked eggnog.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"916\" data-end=\"919\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"921\" data-end=\"957\"\u003eWhy You Need to Send This Card\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"958\" data-end=\"1336\"\u003eBecause Christmas cards have gotten lazy. Snowmen. Reindeer. Stock photos of a fireplace. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"1052\" data-end=\"1084\"\u003eDick in a Box Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is your ticket to sending a holiday greeting that people will actually remember. It’s for the friend who appreciates a well-timed inappropriate joke, the family member who can’t resist a laugh, or that person who really needs to be taken down a peg.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1338\" data-end=\"1441\"\u003eThis is a prank gift and a greeting card rolled into one awkward, hilarious, perfectly-sized package.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1443\" data-end=\"1446\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1448\" data-end=\"1466\"\u003ePicture This\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1467\" data-end=\"1795\"\u003eIt’s Christmas morning. Your target sits by the tree, coffee in hand, surrounded by gifts. They spot your envelope, smiling because you “remembered” them. They open it, reading “MERRY CHRISTMAS… I GOT YOU A PRESENT” in big, festive letters. They flip it open. Boom. There it is. A dick in a box staring them right in the face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1797\" data-end=\"1963\"\u003eNow the whole room is either laughing, groaning, or both. It’s the kind of moment that becomes an instant holiday legend - and you’re the genius who made it happen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1965\" data-end=\"1968\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1970\" data-end=\"2004\"\u003eWhat Makes This Card Special\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2005\" data-end=\"2402\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2005\" data-end=\"2088\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2007\" data-end=\"2088\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2007\" data-end=\"2034\"\u003ePremium heavy cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e that feels like quality, even if the joke is trashy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2089\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2091\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2091\" data-end=\"2115\"\u003eFolded greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e measuring 4.25 x 5.5 inches\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2146\" data-end=\"2226\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2148\" data-end=\"2226\"\u003eComes with a matching A2 envelope \u003cstrong data-start=\"2182\" data-end=\"2190\"\u003eplus\u003c\/strong\u003e a larger 5x7 envelope for mailing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2227\" data-end=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2229\" data-end=\"2308\"\u003eWrapped in protective cellophane so it stays pristine until it shocks someone\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2309\" data-end=\"2402\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2311\" data-end=\"2402\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously - no one will know you’re the twisted holiday elf behind it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2404\" data-end=\"2407\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2409\" data-end=\"2426\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2427\" data-end=\"2698\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2427\" data-end=\"2479\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2429\" data-end=\"2479\"\u003eChristmas pranks that get talked about for years\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2480\" data-end=\"2533\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2482\" data-end=\"2533\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts that destroy the competition\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2534\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2536\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003eStocking stuffers for friends with dirty senses of humor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2597\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003eRevenge that’s wrapped up in holiday cheer\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2642\" data-end=\"2698\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2644\" data-end=\"2698\"\u003eOffice holiday parties where HR has left for the day\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2700\" data-end=\"2703\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2705\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003eReal Customer Reactions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2735\" data-end=\"2917\"\u003e“Funniest card I’ve ever received. 10\/10 would open again.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2794\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e“My friend nearly spit his drink out when he saw it.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2850\" data-end=\"2853\"\u003e“This is the only Christmas card that actually made me laugh.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2919\" data-end=\"2922\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2924\" data-end=\"2950\"\u003eWhy It Works So Well\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2951\" data-end=\"3164\"\u003eThe magic of the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2968\" data-end=\"3000\"\u003eDick in a Box Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is in its contrast. On the outside, it looks like a normal card. Inside? It’s a sucker punch of adult humor. That surprise factor is what makes it so damn funny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3166\" data-end=\"3305\"\u003eAdd-ons like glitter or dick confetti can take this prank from “Ha, that’s funny” to “Oh god, I’m going to be vacuuming this for months.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3307\" data-end=\"3310\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3312\" data-end=\"3329\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3330\" data-end=\"3556\"\u003eThis Christmas, skip the boring Hallmark crap. Send a card that gets an actual reaction. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"3423\" data-end=\"3455\"\u003eDick in a Box Christmas Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is cheap, quick to send, and guaranteed to make someone laugh, blush, or question your friendship.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3558\" data-end=\"3649\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong\u003eAdd to Cart \u003c\/strong\u003enow and give the gift of awkward holiday memories they’ll never forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3558\" data-end=\"3649\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":485911855117,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bag of Dicks","offer_id":31269565530196,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-in-a-box-christmas-card-8764400.jpg?v=1755879235"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-giant-chocolate-dick","title":"Eat a Dick - The Chocolate Dick","description":"\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Dick – The Chocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSolid chocolate. Solid insult. Solid gold prank.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know what’s better than sending someone flowers? Sending them a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003egiant chocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e they have to unwrap, stare at, and decide if they’re gonna bite the tip first or go straight for the base.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Dick – Chocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is not subtle. It’s not romantic (unless your romance involves filthy jokes). It’s a big, solid, 4-to-5.5 inch \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003echocolate penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e made from gluten-free Peruvian cacao, and it shows up in a sleek black box like some luxury jewelry… if the “jewel” was a perfectly molded cocoa cock.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd the best part? It ships \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e100% anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. No sender info. No return address. Just pure, edible confusion delivered right to their door.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo yeah, if you’ve got a friend, ex, sibling, or Valentine who deserves a big chocolate middle finger, this is it. Smash that \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e button and let the cocoa chaos begin.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Need to Send a Chocolate Penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eChocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is the perfect edible “F you” for any occasion:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s edible art\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Made from high-quality gluten-free Peruvian cacao, it actually tastes amazing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s a visual gut punch\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – They open the box and immediately regret their life choices.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s versatile\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Works for birthdays, bachelorette parties, Valentine’s Day, revenge gifts, or “just because.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s anonymous\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – They’ll never know it was you… unless you’re giggling too hard to keep the secret.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eImagine this:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey get a package. Looks fancy. They open it expecting fine chocolates or maybe a nice watch. Nope. It’s a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003egiant chocolate cock\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring them in the face like, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Hey there, champ. Eat me.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey laugh. They take a picture. They send it to three friends. Then they either eat it (because chocolate is chocolate) or put it on display like a weird edible trophy. Either way, you win.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Went There\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Great way to prank your best friend or not-so-best friend, anonymous and hilarious.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Bought it for a friend as a gag gift and it arrived on Valentine’s Day, she opened it in front of her 10-year-old son who won’t stop asking questions.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Sent it to my sister and she absolutely died laughing, she loved it.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Delicious Details\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSize:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 4 to 5.5 inches, 3 to 4 oz of solid chocolate goodness\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Gluten-free Peruvian cacao – because even insults should taste gourmet\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Sleek black box that screams “classy” until you open it\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eExtras:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Optional upgraded gift box for maximum surprise factor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 100% anonymous – the mystery is half the fun\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse Cases:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Anonymous prank, birthday\/gag gift, bachelorette party, Valentine’s Day joke, breakup revenge, just because you can\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy It Works Every. Single. Time.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause even if they hate you, they can’t hate chocolate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Because nothing breaks tension like opening a box to find a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebig chocolate penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring back at you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Because this is a prank that’s edible, harmless, and yet deeply personal.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSeriously, your “eat a dick chocolate” moment will live rent-free in their head for years. It’s a conversation starter, a photo op, and a power move all in one shiny cocoa package.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend It. Bite It. Love It.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere’s the play:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEnter their address.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSit back and wait for the confused text, the awkward photo, or the phone call that starts with “What the hell, man?”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s that simple. You can send a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebig chocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e for less than the price of a boring bouquet, and it’ll get way more laughs.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-c363c91c-7fff-eff1-66c2-793662dace9e\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo do it. Make someone’s day. Make them eat a dick.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e A \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003echocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"The Chocolate Dick","offer_id":930360131597,"sku":"CHOCOD","price":22.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Nuts About You Box","offer_id":41567798886484,"sku":"NUTSABOUTYOUCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"There's Something Fabulous In There Pride Box","offer_id":41567798919252,"sku":"FABULOUSCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Regal - Fake Watch Gift Prank","offer_id":42636581765204,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"New Phone Gift Prank","offer_id":42636581797972,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Congratulations!","offer_id":42636581666900,"sku":"CONGRATSCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"The Happy Birthday Box","offer_id":32160656261204,"sku":"HBDCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Be Mine Box","offer_id":41567798853716,"sku":"BEMINECHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Christmas Box","offer_id":42636581699668,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"The Don","offer_id":42636581732436,"sku":"THEDONCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Santa Christmas Box","offer_id":41567799017556,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/all-the-dicks-bundle-gummy-dicks-chocolate-dick-and-dick-glitter-bomb-6404789.jpg?v=1764100227"},{"product_id":"secret-santa-bag-of-dicks-package","title":"Secret Santa Bag of D's Package","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"62\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecret Santa Bag of D'sPackage \u003c\/strong\u003e- The Gift That Sleighs\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"64\" data-end=\"387\"\u003eNothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like a \u003cstrong data-start=\"108\" data-end=\"130\"\u003ebag of gummy D's\u003c\/strong\u003e wrapped in festive cheer and sprinkled with enough glitter to haunt their home until next December. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"235\" data-end=\"272\"\u003eSecret Santa Bag of D's Package\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to turn your wholesome holiday exchange into an unforgettable mix of laughter, shock, and messy revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"389\" data-end=\"630\"\u003eImagine their face when they open a cheery Christmas box… only to find a note that says \u003cstrong data-start=\"477\" data-end=\"501\"\u003e“Eat a Bag of D's”\u003c\/strong\u003e, a big ol’ bag of candy peckers, and a snowstorm of red and green glitter. That’s not just a gift - that’s a holiday \u003cem data-start=\"619\" data-end=\"627\"\u003emoment\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"632\" data-end=\"718\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"632\" data-end=\"657\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and become the most talked-about Secret Santa of all time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"720\" data-end=\"723\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"725\" data-end=\"768\"\u003eWhy This Is the Ultimate Holiday Prank\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"770\" data-end=\"1104\"\u003eBecause everyone else is going to bring gift cards and scented candles - you’re bringing chaos wrapped in Christmas spirit. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"898\" data-end=\"935\"\u003eSecret Santa Bag of D's Package\u003c\/strong\u003e is a perfect mix of naughty and nice. It’s just harmless enough to pass off as a joke, but just savage enough to make them remember it long after the tree comes down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1106\" data-end=\"1348\"\u003eWith anonymous shipping, you can drop this festive bomb without a trace. You’ll be sipping cocoa at home while they’re vacuuming glitter out of the carpet and trying to decide if they should eat the gummy d's (spoiler: they totally will).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1350\" data-end=\"1353\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1355\" data-end=\"1381\"\u003eWhat’s Inside the Box\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1383\" data-end=\"1794\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1383\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1385\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1385\" data-end=\"1426\"\u003eFestive Secret Santa-themed packaging\u003c\/strong\u003e that looks sweet and innocent… at first\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1469\" data-end=\"1538\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1471\" data-end=\"1538\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1471\" data-end=\"1500\"\u003eA full bag of gummy D's \u003c\/strong\u003e for their holiday snacking pleasure\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1539\" data-end=\"1620\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1541\" data-end=\"1620\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1541\" data-end=\"1578\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1711\"\u003eMerry Christmas\u003c\/strong\u003e “Eat a Bag of D's” \u003cstrong data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1711\"\u003egreeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e to make your intentions perfectly clear\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1621\" data-end=\"1675\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1623\" data-end=\"1675\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1623\" data-end=\"1648\"\u003eRed and green glitter\u003c\/strong\u003e for maximum holiday mess\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1731\" data-end=\"1794\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1794\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1766\"\u003eCompletely anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can keep your halo\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1796\" data-end=\"1799\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1801\" data-end=\"1818\"\u003ePicture This\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1820\" data-end=\"2190\"\u003eIt’s the annual Secret Santa exchange. Everyone’s going around, unwrapping boring mugs and novelty socks. Then it’s your recipient’s turn. They open your gift, expecting the same safe nonsense. Instead, their hands come out sparkling like they just fought an elf in a glitter factory, and the room erupts in laughter as they realize they’re holding a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2171\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003ebag of D's\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2192\" data-end=\"2297\"\u003eSomeone asks who sent it. You sit there, sipping your drink, smiling like an angel. They’ll never know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2299\" data-end=\"2302\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2304\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2322\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2322\" data-end=\"2368\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2324\" data-end=\"2368\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2324\" data-end=\"2347\"\u003eSecret Santa pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that win the party\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2369\" data-end=\"2428\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2371\" data-end=\"2428\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2371\" data-end=\"2394\"\u003eChristmas gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e for friends who can take a joke\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2429\" data-end=\"2470\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2431\" data-end=\"2470\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2431\" data-end=\"2448\"\u003eRevenge gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e disguised in tinsel\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2471\" data-end=\"2521\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2473\" data-end=\"2521\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2473\" data-end=\"2494\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e for the twisted at heart\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2522\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2524\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2524\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003eAnonymous holiday surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that make December a little more interesting\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2604\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2609\" data-end=\"2630\"\u003eCustomer Reviews\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2632\" data-end=\"2853\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2632\" data-end=\"2851\"\u003e\"Christmas tradition! I send the Christmas box every year to my friend. He loves them! Maybe not the glitter but his wife thinks it's hilarious because he has to clean it up. Love it! Definitely a worthy tradition.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2981\" data-end=\"3113\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2981\" data-end=\"3111\"\u003e\"This was a great gift!! Packaging was so festive and glitter didn’t go everywhere but definitely made a statement. Love DBM.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3115\" data-end=\"3118\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3120\" data-end=\"3140\"\u003eThe Bottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3142\" data-end=\"3458\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3146\" data-end=\"3183\"\u003eSecret Santa Bag of D's Package\u003c\/strong\u003e is more than a gift - it’s a holiday highlight. It’s the perfect balance of festive fun and petty mischief. Whether you’re keeping a long-running prank tradition alive or just want to shock the hell out of someone in the most Christmas-y way possible, this is your ticket.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3460\" data-end=\"3520\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3460\" data-end=\"3485\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and let the holiday havoc begin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3460\" data-end=\"3520\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of D's, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":1156855005197,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double the Dicks!","offer_id":1156871028749,"sku":"","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/secret-santa-bag-of-dicks-package-2939876.png?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"emojibator-go-fuck-yourself","title":"Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"152\" data-end=\"185\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEmojibator - Go Fuck Yourself\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"187\" data-end=\"282\"\u003eBecause sometimes, the only logical thing left to say is \u003cstrong data-start=\"244\" data-end=\"266\"\u003e“Go Fuck Yourself”\u003c\/strong\u003e... literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"284\" data-end=\"702\"\u003eThis is not your average gag gift. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"329\" data-end=\"384\"\u003efully functional, 10-speed eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e that manages to be both \u003cstrong data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"430\"\u003ehilariously petty\u003c\/strong\u003e and \u003cstrong data-start=\"435\" data-end=\"456\"\u003eshockingly useful\u003c\/strong\u003e at the same time. Perfect for breakups, Galentine’s Day, bachelorette parties, or as a little love letter to yourself, the Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself is the kind of gift that says \u003cem data-start=\"640\" data-end=\"649\"\u003eexactly\u003c\/em\u003e what you mean, with no room for misinterpretation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"704\" data-end=\"1030\"\u003eWhether you’re sending it to an ex as a parting shot or gifting it to your best friend with a wink and a laugh, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"821\" data-end=\"859\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch purple powerhouse\u003c\/strong\u003e gets the point across. And the best part? It ships \u003cstrong data-start=\"911\" data-end=\"938\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e, so you can drop your little vibrating truth bomb without anyone ever knowing it was you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1118\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1047\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and deliver the sassiest, most satisfying “f*** you” in history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1120\" data-end=\"1123\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1125\" data-end=\"1165\"\u003eWhy This is the Ultimate Petty Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1191\"\u003eHilariously direct\u003c\/strong\u003e - the name says it all\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1217\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1237\"\u003eActually works\u003c\/strong\u003e - 10 vibration settings for maximum “self care”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1288\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1310\"\u003eCompact and cute\u003c\/strong\u003e - travel-sized eggplant emoji that fits in your bag or nightstand\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1379\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1403\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - no receipts, no return address, no awkward explanations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1465\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1470\" data-end=\"1500\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1502\" data-end=\"1702\"\u003ePicture this. They get a small, innocent-looking package in the mail. They open it. There it is... an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1604\" data-end=\"1625\"\u003eeggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e staring them down with the smugness only a plastic vegetable can pull off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1704\" data-end=\"1836\"\u003eThey laugh. They blush. They don’t know whether to be insulted or impressed. But here’s the thing - they’re definitely keeping it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"2110\"\u003eFast forward a week... they’re still talking about it. They’ve shown their friends. They’ve told the story ten times. You’ve given them the most unforgettable gag gift of their life - and you’re somewhere else, sipping wine, giggling to yourself like the genius you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2112\" data-end=\"2115\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2117\" data-end=\"2157\"\u003eReal Reviews From People Who Get It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2330\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2264\"\u003e\"It’s the perfect size, soo cute, travel size. Only thing is batteries go fast lol. 10\/10 Love it!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"2264\" data-end=\"2267\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2328\"\u003e\"Amazing. Got this for myself and absolutely love it!!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2332\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2337\" data-end=\"2361\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2410\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003e10 vibration settings\u003c\/strong\u003e for a customizable ride\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2467\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2492\"\u003eTravel-sized design\u003c\/strong\u003e for easy storage or portability\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2527\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2562\"\u003eMade from body-safe materials\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2565\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2589\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e for zero awkwardness\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2613\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2615\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003eA perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"2632\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003ecomedy and actual functionality\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2674\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2676\" data-end=\"2704\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2706\" data-end=\"2894\"\u003eBecause it’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003eequal parts insult and indulgence\u003c\/strong\u003e. Sure, it’s funny. Sure, it’s petty. But unlike most gag gifts, this one actually \u003cem data-start=\"2839\" data-end=\"2855\"\u003edoes something\u003c\/em\u003e. And that’s what makes it legendary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2896\" data-end=\"3179\"\u003eIt’s not just a joke. It’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2949\"\u003econversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2953\" data-end=\"2973\"\u003ememorable moment\u003c\/strong\u003e, and in some cases... a gift that keeps on giving. Whether they laugh, roll their eyes, or send you a thank-you text they’ll regret later, you’ve officially cemented your place in their personal history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3181\" data-end=\"3184\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3186\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003eBe the Legend of Their Group Chat\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3226\" data-end=\"3362\"\u003eAnyone can send flowers or a card. It takes a true legend to send an \u003cstrong data-start=\"3295\" data-end=\"3326\"\u003eanonymous eggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e with a silent-but-deadly message.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3370\" data-end=\"3385\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Send it. Sit back. And know you’ve just sent the most outrageous, on-brand “Go Fuck Yourself” the world has ever seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136967181,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136999949,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":4001244610573,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":21667773251668,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/emojibator-vibrator_2048x2048_efd17bd4-5b8e-4cbe-a6ea-cbac6417911a.jpg?v=1512007686"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-the-christmas-dick","title":"The Chocolate Christmas Dick","description":"\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Chocolate Christmas Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem\u003eBecause nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a mouth full of solid chocolate dick.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTired of giving boring gifts like socks, candles, or that dumb bath set nobody uses? Time to level up your holiday game with something they’ll actually remember – \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Chocolate Christmas Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis is not some flimsy little novelty candy. We’re talking about a hefty, 5 to 5.5 inch, 4 to 6 oz \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003esolid chocolate penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, made with organic ingredients and delivered in a discreet box. Oh, and it has a holiday tagline that reads “Hoe hoe hoe, for the hoe in your life.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYes, it’s ridiculous. Yes, it’s edible. And yes, it will be the star of your Christmas morning, your white elephant exchange, or that family gift swap you always dread.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo if you want to be the MVP of gift giving this year, scroll down and hit \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Your friends, your enemies, and maybe even grandma will thank you… eventually.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Need a Christmas Dick in Your Life\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s the funniest stocking stuffer ever\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – No one forgets opening a box to find a giant chocolate cock staring back at them.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s actually tasty\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Made with organic ingredients, so your prank can also be delicious.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s a conversation starter\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – And by conversation, we mean uncontrollable laughter followed by inappropriate photos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt ships anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – They’ll have no clue who sent it unless you want to own your masterpiece.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re About to Create\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s Christmas morning. The room smells like cinnamon and coffee. Someone picks up a small box from their stocking, opens it, and freezes. The entire room goes silent before erupting in pure chaos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause inside that box is not a watch. Not a gift card. Not a heartfelt token of love. Nope. It’s a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebig Christmas dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e made entirely of chocolate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere’s blushing. There’s laughter. Someone shouts “What the hell is wrong with you?” and you just smile because you know exactly what’s wrong, and it’s perfect.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews from People Who’ve Gone Full Naughty List\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Used this for a white elephant gift exchange and it by far got the best reaction! Everyone died laughing! It was perfect!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “I sent a Christmas dick to my ex!! He loves chocolate and it just tickles me to think of him eat a chocolate dick. He messaged me and said he wasn’t eating it. I told him to just hold it in his mouth… it would melt 🤣🤣🤣 I love it!!!! I love his reaction!!!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “When I told her I sent it she told me it was the greatest thing she’s ever received.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Delicious Details\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSize:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 5 to 5.5 inches tall, 4 to 6 oz of solid chocolate\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFlavor:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Rich, organic chocolate goodness\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Discreet box with holiday “Hoe hoe hoe” theme\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 100% anonymous shipping\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOrder Options:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e One dick, two dicks, three dicks, four dicks, six dicks for the family, ten dicks for when you’re pranking everyone\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Christmas gag gift, anonymous prank, stocking stuffer, revenge gift, holiday party joke, white elephant surprise\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy This Gift Works Every Time\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause everyone loves chocolate, but no one expects it to be shaped like a penis. It’s edible, it’s hilarious, and it’s the one thing they’ll be talking about long after the tree comes down.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEven if they pretend to be offended, they’ll probably still take a bite. And when they do, they’ll realize it’s actually good chocolate, which makes your prank even sweeter.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBe the Legend of This Year’s Christmas\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRight now, you have the chance to turn a boring holiday gathering into an unforgettable moment of shock, laughter, and maybe a little drooling.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Chocolate Christmas Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMake this Christmas one for the naughty list.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DicksByMail","offers":[{"title":"Santa Box \/ One Dick!","offer_id":41726325129300,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK-1","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Santa Box \/ Two Dicks (10% Off)!","offer_id":41726325162068,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK-2","price":42.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Santa Box \/ Three Dicks (15% Off)!","offer_id":41726325194836,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK-3","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Santa Box \/ Five Dicks (20% Off)!","offer_id":42612887519316,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK-5","price":95.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Santa Box \/ Ten Dicks (25% Off)!","offer_id":41726325293140,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK-10","price":179.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Stocking Box \/ One Dick!","offer_id":42636622430292,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD-1","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Stocking Box \/ Two Dicks (10% Off)!","offer_id":42636622463060,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD-2","price":42.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Stocking Box \/ Three Dicks (15% Off)!","offer_id":42636622495828,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD-3","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Stocking Box \/ Five Dicks (20% Off)!","offer_id":42636622528596,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD-5","price":95.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Stocking Box \/ Ten Dicks (25% Off)!","offer_id":42636622561364,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD-10","price":179.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Watch Present Prank \/ One Dick!","offer_id":42636633210964,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD-1","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Watch Present Prank \/ Two Dicks (10% Off)!","offer_id":42636633243732,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD-2","price":42.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Watch Present Prank \/ Three Dicks (15% Off)!","offer_id":42636633276500,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD-3","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Watch Present Prank \/ Five Dicks (20% Off)!","offer_id":42636633309268,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD-5","price":95.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Watch Present Prank \/ Ten Dicks (25% Off)!","offer_id":42636633342036,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD-10","price":179.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Phone Present Prank \/ One Dick!","offer_id":42636633374804,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD-1","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Phone Present Prank \/ Two Dicks (10% Off)!","offer_id":42636633407572,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD-2","price":42.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Phone Present Prank \/ Three Dicks (15% Off)!","offer_id":42636633440340,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD-3","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Phone Present Prank \/ Five Dicks (20% Off)!","offer_id":42636633473108,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD-5","price":95.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fake Phone Present Prank \/ Ten Dicks (25% Off)!","offer_id":42636633505876,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD-10","price":179.92,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-chocolate-christmas-dick-9162712.jpg?v=1763155224"},{"product_id":"let-it-snow-glitter-bomb-card","title":"Let it Snow - Glitter Bomb Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"143\" data-end=\"178\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLet It Snow - Glitter Bomb Card\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"180\" data-end=\"320\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"180\" data-end=\"318\"\u003eBecause nothing says “Merry Christmas” like blasting your friend’s living room with enough glitter to make Santa choke on his cookies.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"322\" data-end=\"754\"\u003ePicture this: they’re sitting by the fire, sipping cocoa, feeling all warm and fuzzy about the holiday season. They see your festive Christmas card and think, “Aw, how sweet!” Then they open it… BOOM. Glitter apocalypse. It’s on their clothes, in their hair, probably in the cat’s litter box for the next six months. And the best part? It’s from you, sent anonymously, so they’ll never know when the next glitter attack is coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"756\" data-end=\"976\"\u003eIf you’ve ever wanted to ruin someone’s vacuum cleaner while making them laugh and swear in the same breath, the Let It Snow Glitter Bomb Card is your new favorite weapon. It’s festive chaos disguised as holiday cheer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"978\" data-end=\"1078\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"978\" data-end=\"1076\"\u003eOrder now, send it to your “special” someone, and let their holiday spirit sparkle… literally.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1080\" data-end=\"1083\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1085\" data-end=\"1120\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1122\" data-end=\"1324\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1122\" data-end=\"1181\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1124\" data-end=\"1181\"\u003eYou hate boring holiday cards that end up in the trash.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1182\" data-end=\"1257\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1184\" data-end=\"1257\"\u003eYou believe Christmas is the perfect time for revenge wrapped in a bow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1258\" data-end=\"1324\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1260\" data-end=\"1324\"\u003eYou want to create a memory they’ll never forget (or forgive).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1326\" data-end=\"1700\"\u003eThis isn’t just a funny Christmas card. It’s a tactical glitter strike. It comes loaded with chunky glitter that pours out when opened, spreading yuletide destruction across every square inch of their home. And because we’re professionals at ruining days, we ship it 100% anonymously. They’ll have no idea it was you grinning like the Grinch from behind your phone screen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1702\" data-end=\"1705\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1707\" data-end=\"1731\"\u003eThe Setup Is Simple\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1840\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1755\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1736\" data-end=\"1755\"\u003ePick your target.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1756\" data-end=\"1792\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1759\" data-end=\"1792\"\u003eSend the card directly to them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1793\" data-end=\"1840\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1796\" data-end=\"1840\"\u003eSit back and wait for the chaos to unfold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1842\" data-end=\"2101\"\u003eYou can even choose to have the card arrive \u003cstrong data-start=\"1886\" data-end=\"1899\"\u003eactivated\u003c\/strong\u003e (ready to explode on opening) or \u003cstrong data-start=\"1933\" data-end=\"1950\"\u003enon-activated\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can write your own sappy message before sealing it up for destruction. Either way, you’re giving them a holiday they’ll talk about for years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2103\" data-end=\"2246\"\u003eAnd if you’re wondering just how bad this thing gets… \u003cstrong data-start=\"2157\" data-end=\"2185\"\u003ewatch it in action here:\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003ca data-start=\"2186\" data-end=\"2244\" class=\"\" rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/vimeo.com\/242452012\"\u003ehttps:\/\/vimeo.com\/242452012\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2248\" data-end=\"2251\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2253\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003eReal Customer Reactions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2283\" data-end=\"2406\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2283\" data-end=\"2404\"\u003e\"I sent this to my brother last Christmas. His wife is still finding glitter in the couch cushions. Worth every penny.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2408\" data-end=\"2563\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2408\" data-end=\"2561\"\u003e\"Perfect mix of festive and evil. My best friend laughed so hard she almost spilled her eggnog… until she realized how much glitter was in her carpet.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2565\" data-end=\"2660\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2565\" data-end=\"2658\"\u003e\"This card made me the unofficial MVP of our Secret Santa exchange. 10\/10 will send again.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2662\" data-end=\"2665\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2667\" data-end=\"2687\"\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2689\" data-end=\"2936\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2689\" data-end=\"2767\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2691\" data-end=\"2767\"\u003eFolded Christmas card with “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” design\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2768\" data-end=\"2815\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2770\" data-end=\"2815\"\u003ePacked with chunky glitter for maximum mess\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2816\" data-end=\"2893\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2818\" data-end=\"2893\"\u003eOption to send activated or non-activated so you can add your own message\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2894\" data-end=\"2936\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2896\" data-end=\"2936\"\u003eShips anonymously for ultimate mystery\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2938\" data-end=\"2941\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2943\" data-end=\"2957\"\u003eYour Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2959\" data-end=\"3121\"\u003eYou could send a boring, store-bought Christmas card… or you could send a Let It Snow Glitter Bomb Card and go down in prank history. Which one sounds more fun?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3123\" data-end=\"3208\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3123\" data-end=\"3206\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and give the gift of a glitter-filled holiday meltdown.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3123\" data-end=\"3208\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":2317550583821,"sku":null,"price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/let-it-snow-glitter-bomb-card-1803027.jpg?v=1755879233"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card","title":"Eat a Dick - Original Valentines Day Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch1 data-start=\"234\" data-end=\"287\"\u003eEat a Dick - Original Valentine’s Day Greeting Card\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"289\" data-end=\"408\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"289\" data-end=\"408\"\u003eNothing says “I love you” or “go choke on a candy cane” like a Valentine’s Day card that literally pops out a dick.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"410\" data-end=\"617\"\u003eYou’ve got two kinds of people this time of year. The ones you want to bang, and the ones you want to haunt with a permanent mental image of a cartoon cock flying out of a card. This bad boy works for both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"619\" data-end=\"790\"\u003eIt’s romantic. It’s rude. It’s the emotional equivalent of flipping someone off with a smile. Whether you're breaking hearts or breaking wind, this card gets the job done.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"792\" data-end=\"902\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"792\" data-end=\"902\"\u003eSo stop doom-scrolling and hit that add to cart button. It’s time to mail someone a throbbing paper penis.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"904\" data-end=\"907\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"909\" data-end=\"959\"\u003eWhy This Card Slaps (Literally and Emotionally)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"961\" data-end=\"1172\"\u003eValentine’s Day is a joke. Not the funny kind. The overpriced dinner, chocolate-covered capitalism kind. You know what’s actually hilarious? A 3D dick popping out of a card like it’s auditioning for Magic Mike.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1174\" data-end=\"1396\"\u003eWhether you're heartbroken, horny, or just hate love, this card is the therapy you didn't know you needed. It’s catharsis with a penis. It’s petty revenge with paper engineering. It’s everything you didn’t know you wanted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1401\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1403\" data-end=\"1440\"\u003eReal Reviews From Unhinged Legends\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1442\" data-end=\"1493\"\u003eDon't take our word for it. The people have spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1495\" data-end=\"1570\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1497\" data-end=\"1570\"\u003e“Definitely got the wow dickfactor. The perfect gift. The gift of dicks.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1572\" data-end=\"1582\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1574\" data-end=\"1582\"\u003e“Great!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1719\"\u003eThat’s it. That’s the review. Sometimes words fail when you’ve just been emotionally smacked in the face by a Valentine’s cock grenade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1721\" data-end=\"1724\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1726\" data-end=\"1755\"\u003eHere’s What You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1757\" data-end=\"1836\"\u003eYou’re not just buying a card. You’re buying chaos, closure, and comedy gold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1840\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003eA folded Valentine’s Day card that proudly says \u003cstrong data-start=\"1888\" data-end=\"1904\"\u003e“EAT A DICK”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1907\" data-end=\"1964\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1909\" data-end=\"1964\"\u003eA pop-up 3D penis that springs out like your ex’s ego\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1965\" data-end=\"2031\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1967\" data-end=\"2031\"\u003eMade from sturdy cardstock so it survives transit and tantrums\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2032\" data-end=\"2098\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2034\" data-end=\"2098\"\u003eBlank on the back so you can add whatever foul poetry you want\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2099\" data-end=\"2126\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2101\" data-end=\"2126\"\u003eWhite envelope included\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2127\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2129\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-start=\"2135\" data-end=\"2162\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e because plausible deniability is hot\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2202\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2204\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003eOptional glitter add-on for maximum emotional damage\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2260\" data-end=\"2329\"\u003eThis is not a Hallmark moment. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2301\" data-end=\"2328\"\u003eValentine’s cock cannon\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2331\" data-end=\"2334\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2336\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003eWhen to Send It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2356\" data-end=\"2381\"\u003eThis card is perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2429\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2429\"\u003eYour ex who still follows you on Instagram\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2430\" data-end=\"2485\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2432\" data-end=\"2485\"\u003eThat “just friends” person who forgot your birthday\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2486\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2488\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003eYourself, because you deserve to laugh through the pain\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2546\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003eYour best friend, who’s just as toxic as you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2597\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003eAnyone who could benefit from a little \u003cstrong data-start=\"2636\" data-end=\"2655\"\u003evalentines cock\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2659\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2664\" data-end=\"2679\"\u003eWhy It Works\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2681\" data-end=\"2832\"\u003eBecause it’s not trying to be sweet. It’s not trying to be cute. It’s trying to say “Happy Valentine’s Day” while aggressively flashing a paper dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2834\" data-end=\"2876\"\u003eThat’s bold. That’s art. That’s healing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2878\" data-end=\"3039\"\u003eYou're not sending a card. You’re sending a message. A throbbing, veiny, cardstock message. One that says, “I still care. But mostly I care that you eat a dick.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3041\" data-end=\"3044\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3063\"\u003eYour Next Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3065\" data-end=\"3208\"\u003eDon’t overthink it. Buy the card. Choose the glitter if you’re feeling extra spicy. We’ll ship it out, no names attached, no regrets necessary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3210\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003eClick the \u003cstrong\u003eadd to cart\u003c\/strong\u003e button. Mail the dick. Become a legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":3215728345101,"sku":"","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":3215728410637,"sku":"","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":3215728476173,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":3215728508941,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack-3003979.jpg?v=1755878740"},{"product_id":"david-penis-shorts","title":"David Penis Shorts","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"78a5415a-9674-4742-849c-79752cafe10d\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"286\" data-start=\"230\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDavid Penis Shorts - Wearable Art With Zero Subtlety\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"424\" data-start=\"288\"\u003eBecause nothing says “I’m here to make people uncomfortable” quite like \u003cstrong data-end=\"421\" data-start=\"360\"\u003ewearing Michelangelo’s David’s marble junk on your thighs\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"659\" data-start=\"426\"\u003eForget boring swim trunks. Forget bland gym shorts. These \u003cstrong data-end=\"506\" data-start=\"484\"\u003eDavid Penis Shorts\u003c\/strong\u003e are a masterpiece of bad taste and bold confidence, guaranteed to turn heads, drop jaws, and make your mom reconsider inviting you to family cookouts.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1027\" data-start=\"661\"\u003eWhether it’s a bachelor party, poolside chaos, or just a Tuesday at the gym, these shorts deliver laughs, gasps, and “what the hell is wrong with you?” looks in equal measure. Available in styles like Italian flag, classic beige, and the oversized “Goliath” edition, they ship discreetly so no one will know you’re about to become the walking highlight of the day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1102\" data-start=\"1029\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1044\" data-start=\"1029\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and let the legend of your lower half live forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1107\" data-start=\"1104\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1150\" data-start=\"1109\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Need These Shorts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1152\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1217\" data-start=\"1152\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1217\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1186\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003eInstant conversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e - people can’t \u003cem data-end=\"1207\" data-start=\"1202\"\u003enot\u003c\/em\u003e comment\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1287\" data-start=\"1218\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1287\" data-start=\"1220\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1256\" data-start=\"1220\"\u003eOne-size-fits-most unisex design\u003c\/strong\u003e - maximum chaos for everyone\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1357\" data-start=\"1288\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1357\" data-start=\"1290\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1321\" data-start=\"1290\"\u003eRidiculously detailed print\u003c\/strong\u003e - every vein of Renaissance glory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1432\" data-start=\"1358\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1432\" data-start=\"1360\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1379\" data-start=\"1360\"\u003eMultiple styles\u003c\/strong\u003e - from classy marble to unapologetic Italian pride\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1433\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1435\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1457\" data-start=\"1435\"\u003eShipped discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - because surprise is half the fun\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1499\" data-start=\"1496\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1531\" data-start=\"1501\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1754\" data-start=\"1533\"\u003ePicture this. You stroll into the pool party. Someone says “nice shorts” before realizing they’re staring directly at a historically accurate marble penis. Drinks are spit out. Phones come out. Someone’s grandma faints.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1948\" data-start=\"1756\"\u003eYou’re not just wearing shorts. You’re making art interactive. You’re bringing \u003cstrong data-end=\"1868\" data-start=\"1835\"\u003ethe statue of David’s package\u003c\/strong\u003e out of the museum and into public spaces where it absolutely does not belong.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2189\" data-start=\"1950\"\u003eAt the bachelor party, you’re the guy everyone remembers. At the gym, you’re the legend who benched 200 pounds with a Renaissance masterpiece between his legs. At the beach, you’re the reason parents suddenly gather their kids and leave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2194\" data-start=\"2191\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2220\" data-start=\"2196\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2222\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2263\" data-start=\"2222\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2263\" data-start=\"2224\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2261\" data-start=\"2224\"\u003eUnisex, one-size-fits-most shorts\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2329\" data-start=\"2264\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2329\" data-start=\"2266\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2327\" data-start=\"2266\"\u003eHyper-detailed print of Michelangelo’s David’s lower half\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2397\" data-start=\"2330\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2397\" data-start=\"2332\"\u003eStyles including \u003cstrong data-end=\"2395\" data-start=\"2349\"\u003eItalian flag, beige, and oversized Goliath\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2469\" data-start=\"2398\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2469\" data-start=\"2400\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2423\" data-start=\"2400\"\u003eHigh-quality fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e designed for comfort and maximum visibility\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2470\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2472\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-end=\"2504\" data-start=\"2478\"\u003e100 percent discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - your mailman won’t judge you… probably\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2552\" data-start=\"2549\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2589\" data-start=\"2554\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2830\" data-start=\"2591\"\u003eBecause no one is ready for this level of visual assault. They’re expecting Nike. Maybe Adidas. Instead, they get \u003cstrong data-end=\"2736\" data-start=\"2705\"\u003efull frontal marble anatomy\u003c\/strong\u003e in 4K resolution. It’s the perfect blend of humor, shock, and questionable decision-making.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3107\" data-start=\"2832\"\u003eThese shorts don’t just make people laugh. They create \u003cem data-end=\"2896\" data-start=\"2887\"\u003estories\u003c\/em\u003e. That time you wore them to the Fourth of July BBQ? Legendary. That art class where you modeled in them? Unforgettable. That random Tuesday grocery run where you got stopped three times for photos? Priceless.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3112\" data-start=\"3109\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3130\" data-start=\"3114\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3132\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3182\" data-start=\"3132\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3182\" data-start=\"3134\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3154\" data-start=\"3134\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where shame isn’t invited\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3223\" data-start=\"3183\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3223\" data-start=\"3185\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3201\" data-start=\"3185\"\u003ePool parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need a scandal\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3278\" data-start=\"3224\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3278\" data-start=\"3226\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3250\" data-start=\"3226\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that will never be topped\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3338\" data-start=\"3279\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3338\" data-start=\"3281\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3293\" data-start=\"3281\"\u003eGym days\u003c\/strong\u003e when you want to clear the squat rack fast\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3391\" data-start=\"3339\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3391\" data-start=\"3341\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3360\" data-start=\"3341\"\u003eRoommate pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that will haunt them forever\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3392\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3394\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3408\" data-start=\"3394\"\u003eArt lovers\u003c\/strong\u003e who like their history served with side-eye\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3459\" data-start=\"3456\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3510\" data-start=\"3461\"\u003eBe the Walking Disaster They’ll Never Forget\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3661\" data-start=\"3512\"\u003eThere are plenty of ways to get attention. Most are boring. Few involve \u003cstrong data-end=\"3658\" data-start=\"3584\"\u003ea historically significant marble dong printed directly on your crotch\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3788\" data-start=\"3663\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-end=\"3684\" data-start=\"3669\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Put them on. And enjoy being the most unforgettable, inappropriate work of art anyone’s ever seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3788\" data-start=\"3663\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Italian Shorts","offer_id":3881894346765,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Beige David Shorts","offer_id":3885993590797,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Goliath Italian Shorts","offer_id":3885993623565,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Goliath David Shorts","offer_id":3885993656333,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/david-penis-shorts-8799902.jpg?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"david-penis-aprons","title":"David Penis Aprons","description":"\u003ch3 data-start=\"83\" data-end=\"144\"\u003eWanna Ruin Dinner and Make Everyone at the BBQ Cry-Laugh?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"146\" data-end=\"430\"\u003eGood. That’s exactly what the \u003cstrong data-start=\"176\" data-end=\"197\"\u003eDavid Penis Apron\u003c\/strong\u003e is for. It’s the perfect blend of highbrow art and lowbrow balls-out comedy - literally. We took the world-famous statue of David, added a majestic Michelangelo-style penis, slapped it on a flimsy apron, and called it a masterpiece.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"432\" data-end=\"641\"\u003eSo yeah, it’s the \u003cem data-start=\"450\" data-end=\"469\"\u003eapron with a dick\u003c\/em\u003e. It’s not for baking cookies with grandma - it’s for blowing up bachelor parties, traumatizing Father’s Day, and making your friends wheeze like they just inhaled propane.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"643\" data-end=\"646\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"648\" data-end=\"718\"\u003eWhy Would You Buy a Dick Apron? Because You’re a Hero, That’s Why.\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"720\" data-end=\"979\"\u003eLet’s say you’re standing in front of a grill, apron on, tongs in hand, flipping burgers like a suburban god. Everyone’s watching. Then someone looks down and sees a beautifully detailed Renaissance \u003cstrong data-start=\"919\" data-end=\"943\"\u003edick and balls apron\u003c\/strong\u003e staring back at them in full glory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"981\" data-end=\"1200\"\u003eSilence. Then chaos. People drop their drinks. Someone’s kid starts crying. Your mom gasps. The groom-to-be at your buddy’s bachelor party falls to his knees in laughter. You win. Everyone else is just background noise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1202\" data-end=\"1341\"\u003eThis isn’t just an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1221\" data-end=\"1250\"\u003eapron with a hidden penis\u003c\/strong\u003e. It’s a statement. It’s art. It’s comedy. It’s the worst decision you’ll ever be proud of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1343\" data-end=\"1346\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1348\" data-end=\"1418\"\u003eYour New Favorite Penis Apron - Features You Never Knew You Needed\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1420\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1420\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eCultural Accuracy (Sort Of)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1453\" data-end=\"1456\"\u003eInspired by the \u003cem data-start=\"1474\" data-end=\"1491\"\u003estatue of David\u003c\/em\u003e. And by inspired, we mean we zoomed in on his crotch and made it bigger. You’re welcome.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1710\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1710\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1606\"\u003eNot Just for David\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1606\" data-end=\"1609\"\u003eComes in both \u003cstrong data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1640\"\u003eDavid apron\u003c\/strong\u003e and \u003cstrong data-start=\"1645\" data-end=\"1654\"\u003eVenus\u003c\/strong\u003e styles, so everyone can get in on the nudity and shame.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1712\" data-end=\"1849\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1849\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1734\"\u003eFits Most Idiots\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1734\" data-end=\"1737\"\u003eOne-size-fits-most. Unless you’re built like The Rock or a toddler, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1827\"\u003epenis apron\u003c\/strong\u003e will hang just right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1851\" data-end=\"1988\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"1988\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"1898\"\u003eLightweight Fabric, Heavyweight Reactions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1898\" data-end=\"1901\"\u003eDesigned for maximum laughs, not kitchen safety. If you catch on fire, that’s on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1990\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1992\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1992\" data-end=\"2014\"\u003eAnonymous Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2017\"\u003eShips discreetly, so your mailman won’t judge you. He probably would’ve loved it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2109\" data-end=\"2112\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2114\" data-end=\"2181\"\u003eReal-World Use Case: The BBQ That Became a Bachelor Party Roast\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2183\" data-end=\"2543\"\u003eYou ever show up to a cookout expecting beer and brats, and end up with tears of laughter because your buddy’s dad turns around with a full \u003cstrong data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003eapron statue of David\u003c\/strong\u003e flapping in the wind? That’s what happened to a guy named Mitch. Mitch wore the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2429\" data-end=\"2447\"\u003ebig dick apron\u003c\/strong\u003e to a Fourth of July party. The burgers were undercooked. The jokes were not. He’s now a legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2545\" data-end=\"2702\"\u003eNo one remembers what they ate. But they \u003cem data-start=\"2586\" data-end=\"2590\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e remember the sight of ancient art-level shaft printed across Mitch’s torso. That’s the kind of legacy you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2704\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2754\"\u003eYou Know You Want It - Buy the Dick Apron\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2756\" data-end=\"3038\"\u003eYou don’t need this apron. But you \u003cem data-start=\"2791\" data-end=\"2795\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to destroy someone’s expectations. You \u003cem data-start=\"2840\" data-end=\"2844\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to turn a boring backyard gathering into a historic moment. You \u003cem data-start=\"2914\" data-end=\"2918\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to be the person who gave a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2952\" data-end=\"2966\"\u003edick apron\u003c\/strong\u003e to their dad for Father’s Day and still hasn’t been invited back since.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3040\" data-end=\"3185\"\u003eSo here’s the move:\u003cbr data-start=\"3059\" data-end=\"3062\"\u003eClick the button.\u003cbr data-start=\"3079\" data-end=\"3082\"\u003eBuy the apron.\u003cbr data-start=\"3096\" data-end=\"3099\"\u003eWrap it up.\u003cbr data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3113\"\u003eWatch someone’s jaw hit the floor.\u003cbr data-start=\"3147\" data-end=\"3150\"\u003eBecome the Picasso of penis pranks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3187\" data-end=\"3309\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eBecause when it comes to ridiculous gifts, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3264\"\u003eapron with dick and balls\u003c\/strong\u003e hangs harder than anything else on the rack.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3187\" data-end=\"3309\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Venus Apron","offer_id":3881894936589,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"David Apron","offer_id":3881894903821,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/david-penis-aprons-7542033.jpg?v=1755879235"},{"product_id":"bag-of-glitter-dicks","title":"Bag of Glitter Dicks!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"60\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBag of Glitter Dicks - Sweet, Sticky, and Petty as Hell\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"62\" data-end=\"344\"\u003eSometimes a simple “screw you” just doesn’t cut it. You need something louder, messier, and stickier. Something that doesn’t just send a message - it explodes all over their life in the most hilarious, inconvenient way possible. That’s where the \u003cstrong data-start=\"308\" data-end=\"332\"\u003eBag of Glitter Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"346\" data-end=\"771\"\u003eIt’s not just a gag gift. It’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"379\" data-end=\"422\"\u003esugar-coated glitter bomb of pure chaos\u003c\/strong\u003e. Inside is a bag of fruity, chewy gummy dicks, an “Eat a Bag of Dicks” notecard for that extra insult, and an entire envelope of glitter waiting to scatter across every inch of their floor, couch, or unsuspecting lap. And yes - it ships \u003cstrong data-start=\"660\" data-end=\"687\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e, so you can sit back and enjoy the fallout without anyone tracing it back to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"773\" data-end=\"962\"\u003eSo, if you’ve got a birthday coming up, a prank war to win, or just an urge to send someone a sticky little “fuck you” in the mail, \u003cstrong data-start=\"905\" data-end=\"926\"\u003eclick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e and prepare for absolute carnage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"964\" data-end=\"967\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"969\" data-end=\"1005\"\u003eWhy This Prank Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1007\" data-end=\"1178\"\u003eMost pranks are over in seconds. Someone jumps, they laugh, everyone moves on. But \u003cstrong data-start=\"1090\" data-end=\"1146\"\u003ethe Bag of Glitter Dicks is built for lasting damage\u003c\/strong\u003e - emotionally and physically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1180\" data-end=\"1363\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1180\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1182\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003eThe glitter? It’ll be in their carpet for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1234\" data-end=\"1302\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1236\" data-end=\"1302\"\u003eThe candy dicks? Delicious enough that they can’t even stay mad.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1303\" data-end=\"1363\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1305\" data-end=\"1363\"\u003eThe notecard? A keepsake they’ll never admit to keeping.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1365\" data-end=\"1542\"\u003eIt’s the perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"1389\" data-end=\"1429\"\u003epetty revenge and sweet satisfaction\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’re not just sending them candy. You’re sending them a mess, a laugh, and a memory they won’t ever forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1544\" data-end=\"1547\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1549\" data-end=\"1579\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1581\" data-end=\"1596\"\u003ePicture this:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1598\" data-end=\"1780\"\u003eThey open their mailbox and pull out a totally normal-looking package. Harmless. Innocent. They open it at their kitchen counter, maybe at a party, maybe even in their living room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1782\" data-end=\"1943\"\u003eFirst, they see the notecard: \u003cstrong data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1834\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e. Confusion sets in. Then they see the colorful, squishy gummy dicks. Shock. Then they notice… the glitter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1945\" data-end=\"2128\"\u003eIt’s already too late. The glitter has exploded across their hands, their floor, their clothes. It’s in their hair. Their pet has glitter now. The room looks like a unicorn sneezed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2130\" data-end=\"2283\"\u003eThey’re laughing. They’re swearing. They’re trying to figure out who sent it. But you? You’re somewhere else, sipping coffee and feeling like a genius.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2285\" data-end=\"2288\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2290\" data-end=\"2333\"\u003eReal Reviews from Real Mischief-Makers\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2335\" data-end=\"2771\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2335\" data-end=\"2769\"\u003e\"I had this sent to my hubby’s job. It came packaged inconspicuously. Apparently when he opened it he ripped the box and glitter went everywhere! I followed it up about a week later with a spring loaded dick-fetti bomb. He’s scarred for life and worried because I told him I signed him up for the dick of the month club 😂 Fortunately everyone was laughing and shared the gummy dicks around the shop. I hear they were very tasty.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2773\" data-end=\"2939\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2773\" data-end=\"2937\"\u003e\"I laughed so hard at the text I received from the prankee that I nearly peed myself. He thought it was great; his wife, not as much as glitter was EVERYWHERE!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2941\" data-end=\"3041\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2941\" data-end=\"3039\"\u003e\"Every year for my friend’s birthday, I buy him this and it makes me laugh every single time.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3043\" data-end=\"3046\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3048\" data-end=\"3072\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3074\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3074\" data-end=\"3146\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3076\" data-end=\"3146\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3076\" data-end=\"3107\"\u003eA bag of fruity gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e - soft, chewy, and dangerously tasty\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3147\" data-end=\"3219\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3149\" data-end=\"3219\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3149\" data-end=\"3185\"\u003eAn “Eat a Bag of Dicks” notecard\u003c\/strong\u003e - subtle as a brick to the face\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3220\" data-end=\"3286\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3222\" data-end=\"3286\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3222\" data-end=\"3252\"\u003eA full envelope of glitter\u003c\/strong\u003e - the mess that keeps on giving\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3287\" data-end=\"3382\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3289\" data-end=\"3382\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3289\" data-end=\"3311\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - because you’re smart enough to keep your name off this masterpiece\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3383\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3385\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003eOptional prank add-ons for when you really want to escalate\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3448\" data-end=\"3451\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3453\" data-end=\"3470\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3472\" data-end=\"3740\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3472\" data-end=\"3523\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3474\" data-end=\"3523\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3474\" data-end=\"3494\"\u003eAnonymous pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave a glittery mark\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3524\" data-end=\"3582\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3526\" data-end=\"3582\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3526\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that will be remembered forever\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3583\" data-end=\"3623\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3585\" data-end=\"3623\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3585\" data-end=\"3602\"\u003ePetty revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e with a sweet twist\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3624\" data-end=\"3685\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3626\" data-end=\"3685\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3626\" data-end=\"3662\"\u003eBachelor or bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need more chaos\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3686\" data-end=\"3740\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3688\" data-end=\"3740\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3688\" data-end=\"3738\"\u003eThat one friend who swears they’re unprankable\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3742\" data-end=\"3745\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3747\" data-end=\"3783\"\u003eWhy You Should Pull the Trigger\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3785\" data-end=\"4026\"\u003eBecause the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3797\" data-end=\"3821\"\u003eBag of Glitter Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e is more than a prank - it’s a chain reaction of laughter, swearing, and regret that keeps going long after the glitter has settled. And the best part? You don’t even have to be there to watch it happen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4028\" data-end=\"4097\"\u003eIf you’re going to send a message, send one that sticks. Literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4099\" data-end=\"4102\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4104\" data-end=\"4340\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4104\" data-end=\"4125\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e right now and give someone the most ridiculous, sticky, inappropriate, and flat-out unforgettable surprise of their life. Then sit back, relax, and wait for the angry-yet-hilarious text that says, “Was this you?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4104\" data-end=\"4340\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"---- \/ -----","offer_id":3906312798221,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday DickHead Card! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3906312830989,"sku":"","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3906312962061,"sku":"","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday Box! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3906313093133,"sku":"","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3906316828685,"sku":"","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday DickHead Card! \/ -----","offer_id":3906340749325,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card! \/ -----","offer_id":3906341568525,"sku":"","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday Box! \/ -----","offer_id":3906341601293,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/bag-of-dicks-dick-confetti-4336620.jpg?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-pillow","title":"Eat a Dick Pillow","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"248\" data-start=\"205\"\u003eCuddle Up and Go F**k Yourself (Politely)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"360\" data-start=\"250\"\u003eYou know what your couch is missing? A \u003cstrong data-end=\"360\" data-start=\"289\"\u003eglittery, passive-aggressive middle finger disguised as home decor.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"672\" data-start=\"362\"\u003eMeet the \u003cstrong data-end=\"392\" data-start=\"371\"\u003eEat a Dick Pillow\u003c\/strong\u003e - a gold sequin throw pillow that tells it like it is. Stroke it one way, and you’ve got a classy, shiny accent piece. Brush it the other way, and BAM - it screams \u003cstrong data-end=\"571\" data-start=\"557\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e right in the face of your roommate, ex, or that one relative who just won’t shut up at Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"781\" data-start=\"674\"\u003eThis isn’t a pillow. This is a weaponized snuggle bomb of petty revenge and adult humor wrapped in sequins.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"862\" data-start=\"783\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"804\" data-start=\"783\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and give your home the unapologetic edge it deserves.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"867\" data-start=\"864\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"907\" data-start=\"869\"\u003eThe Pettiest Pillow on the Internet\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1152\" data-start=\"909\"\u003eThere are regular throw pillows, and then there’s \u003cem data-end=\"965\" data-start=\"959\"\u003ethis\u003c\/em\u003e majestic slab of vengeance. You don’t buy the Eat a Dick Pillow for comfort. You buy it because you're tired of subtlety. This is not Restoration Hardware - this is \u003cstrong data-end=\"1152\" data-start=\"1131\"\u003eRevenge Hardware.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1328\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1204\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1204\" data-start=\"1156\"\u003eRoommate keeps “forgetting” to pay rent? Pillow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1265\" data-start=\"1205\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1265\" data-start=\"1207\"\u003eJust broke up with someone who sucks in every way? Pillow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1328\" data-start=\"1266\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1328\" data-start=\"1268\"\u003eNeed a white elephant gift that wins the damn party? Pillow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1379\" data-start=\"1330\"\u003eThis thing doesn’t whisper. It yells. In sequins.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1384\" data-start=\"1381\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1417\" data-start=\"1386\"\u003eA Real-Life Story (Probably)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1550\" data-start=\"1419\"\u003eLet’s say your ex still swings by “to get the last of their stuff” which has now turned into three months of “accidental drop-ins.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1627\" data-start=\"1552\"\u003eYou don’t yell. You don’t block their number. You don’t even key their car.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1773\" data-start=\"1629\"\u003eYou place this glittery bad boy right on your sofa. They walk in, see it, go silent, and you smile. It’s not petty. It’s therapy - with sequins.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1778\" data-start=\"1775\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1837\" data-start=\"1780\"\u003eWhy the \u003cstrong data-end=\"1812\" data-start=\"1791\"\u003eEat a Dick Pillow\u003c\/strong\u003e Is a F**king Masterpiece\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2225\" data-start=\"1839\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1930\" data-start=\"1839\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1930\" data-start=\"1841\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1868\" data-start=\"1841\"\u003eGold reversible sequins\u003c\/strong\u003e - classy AF until you stroke it the wrong (or very right) way\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2003\" data-start=\"1931\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2003\" data-start=\"1933\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1951\" data-start=\"1933\"\u003eHidden message\u003c\/strong\u003e - reveals “EAT A DICK” like a glittery secret agent\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2074\" data-start=\"2004\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2074\" data-start=\"2006\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2036\" data-start=\"2006\"\u003eTotally anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - your grandma won’t know you’re evil\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2151\" data-start=\"2075\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2151\" data-start=\"2077\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2101\" data-start=\"2077\"\u003eConversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e - or conversation ender, depending on who sees it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2225\" data-start=\"2152\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2225\" data-start=\"2154\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2177\" data-start=\"2154\"\u003eVibe check approved\u003c\/strong\u003e - one glance and your guests \u003cem data-end=\"2213\" data-start=\"2207\"\u003eknow\u003c\/em\u003e not to mess\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2230\" data-start=\"2227\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2278\" data-start=\"2232\"\u003eUse Cases for Your Dick-tastic Throw Pillow\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2655\" data-start=\"2280\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2342\" data-start=\"2280\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2342\" data-start=\"2282\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2309\" data-start=\"2282\"\u003eBreakup Statement Piece\u003c\/strong\u003e - Why cry when you can decorate?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2416\" data-start=\"2343\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2416\" data-start=\"2345\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2367\" data-start=\"2345\"\u003ePetty Revenge Gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - For the friend who got ghosted and needs a win\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2494\" data-start=\"2417\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2494\" data-start=\"2419\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2456\" data-start=\"2419\"\u003ePassive-Aggressive Roommate Decor\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because talking it out is overrated\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2575\" data-start=\"2495\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2575\" data-start=\"2497\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2528\" data-start=\"2497\"\u003eWhite Elephant Party Banger\u003c\/strong\u003e - Watch HR try to pretend they’re not laughing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2655\" data-start=\"2576\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2655\" data-start=\"2578\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2602\" data-start=\"2578\"\u003eFunny Bedroom Pillow\u003c\/strong\u003e - Nothing says “romance” like adult humor in glitter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2660\" data-start=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2700\" data-start=\"2662\"\u003eMake Your Couch F**king Interesting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2876\" data-start=\"2702\"\u003eLet’s be real. Most home decor is boring. Beige pillows. Neutral tones. Blah blah Pottery Barn. No one walks into your apartment and remembers your sage green lumbar cushion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3032\" data-start=\"2878\"\u003eBut a sequin pillow that tells people to eat a dick? Oh, they’ll remember. They’ll talk about it. They might even take a picture and tag you on Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3195\" data-start=\"3034\"\u003eThis isn’t just a \u003cstrong data-end=\"3074\" data-start=\"3052\"\u003efunny throw pillow\u003c\/strong\u003e. It’s a lifestyle choice. A bold, sparkly statement that says, \u003cem data-end=\"3195\" data-start=\"3138\"\u003e“I’m fabulous, unbothered, and full of righteous rage.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3200\" data-start=\"3197\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3240\" data-start=\"3202\"\u003eLast Chance to Be a Glittery Menace\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3270\" data-start=\"3242\"\u003eStill debating? Let me help.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3409\" data-start=\"3272\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3289\" data-start=\"3272\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3289\" data-start=\"3274\"\u003eIt’s hilarious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3303\" data-start=\"3290\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3303\" data-start=\"3292\"\u003eIt’s petty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3330\" data-start=\"3304\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3330\" data-start=\"3306\"\u003eIt’s reversible revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3409\" data-start=\"3331\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3409\" data-start=\"3333\"\u003eAnd it looks \u003cem data-end=\"3353\" data-start=\"3346\"\u003egreat\u003c\/em\u003e next to your passive-aggressive “Live Laugh Love” sign.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3504\" data-start=\"3411\"\u003eSo yeah, \u003cstrong data-end=\"3449\" data-start=\"3420\"\u003ebuy the Eat a Dick Pillow\u003c\/strong\u003e and let your home say what your mouth sometimes can’t.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3659\" data-start=\"3506\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3527\" data-start=\"3506\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e and start throwing shade from the comfort of your couch. No long talks. No confrontation. Just sequins and sweet, silent vengeance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3659\" data-start=\"3506\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":3947434606605,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-pillow-8367556.png?v=1755879234"},{"product_id":"calm-your-tits","title":"Calm Your Tits","description":"This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e • Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e Model is wearing a size M. He's 6.2 feet (190 cm) tall, chest circumference 37.7\" (96 cm), waist circumference 33.4\" (85 cm).\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":3954508922893,"sku":"2440424","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":3954508955661,"sku":"3870483","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":3954508988429,"sku":"8463728","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":3954509021197,"sku":"4890081","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":3954509053965,"sku":"8164339","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":3954509086733,"sku":"6728114","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":3954509119501,"sku":"1122814","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ S","offer_id":3954509152269,"sku":"2125385","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ M","offer_id":3954509185037,"sku":"7267692","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ L","offer_id":3954509217805,"sku":"2645844","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":3954509250573,"sku":"1045444","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":3954509283341,"sku":"2254836","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":3954509316109,"sku":"2952990","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":3954509348877,"sku":"9962591","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/calm-your-tits-5972690.jpg?v=1755879234"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-dick-confetti","title":"Bag of Dicks + Dick Confetti!","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"209\" data-start=\"138\"\u003eBag of Dicks + Dick Confetti – Because Just Candy Wasn’t Enough\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"336\" data-start=\"211\"\u003eYou could send a sweet card. You could send flowers. Hell, you could even Venmo them 20 bucks. But where’s the fun in that?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"587\" data-start=\"338\"\u003eInstead, imagine this: They tear open a mystery package, out spills a colorful avalanche of \u003cstrong data-end=\"454\" data-start=\"430\"\u003edick-shaped confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e, and right there in the middle is a big ol’ bag of fruity gummy dicks with a note that proudly declares, \u003cstrong data-end=\"585\" data-start=\"560\"\u003e“Eat a Bag of Dicks.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"706\" data-start=\"589\"\u003eIt’s edible, it’s messy, it’s wildly inappropriate, and it’s the exact kind of prank gift that will live in infamy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"858\" data-start=\"708\"\u003eIf you want to send something that’ll have them laughing, swearing, and still finding penis-shaped glitter in their carpet weeks later - this is it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"932\" data-start=\"860\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"930\" data-start=\"860\"\u003eStop overthinking. Send them a Bag of Dicks + Dick Confetti today.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"937\" data-start=\"934\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"969\" data-start=\"939\"\u003eWhy This Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1137\" data-start=\"971\"\u003eRegular gummy dicks? Hilarious.\u003cbr data-end=\"1005\" data-start=\"1002\"\u003eA bag of gummy dicks \u003cstrong data-end=\"1034\" data-start=\"1026\"\u003eplus\u003c\/strong\u003e hundreds of tiny penis confetti pieces that scatter everywhere like the glitter of shame? Legendary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1175\" data-start=\"1139\"\u003eIt’s the ultimate two-punch combo:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"1344\" data-start=\"1176\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1225\" data-start=\"1176\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1225\" data-start=\"1179\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1198\" data-start=\"1179\"\u003eImmediate laugh\u003c\/strong\u003e when they see the candy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1344\" data-start=\"1226\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1344\" data-start=\"1229\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1248\" data-start=\"1229\"\u003eLingering chaos\u003c\/strong\u003e when they realize they’ll be finding confetti penises in their car, purse, or hair for weeks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1401\" data-start=\"1346\"\u003eThis isn’t just a gag gift - it’s a whole experience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1406\" data-start=\"1403\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1477\" data-start=\"1408\"\u003eA Birthday, Breakup, or “Just Because” Gift They’ll Never Forget\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1513\" data-start=\"1479\"\u003eHere’s how it usually goes down:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1842\" data-start=\"1515\"\u003eThey open the bag. Confetti explodes everywhere. They laugh, choke on their coffee, maybe call you names.\u003cbr data-end=\"1623\" data-start=\"1620\"\u003eThen they actually eat the gummies… and realize they’re not just funny, they’re delicious.\u003cbr data-end=\"1716\" data-start=\"1713\"\u003eFinally, they’re vacuuming their couch a week later and still finding little pink and gold dicks stuck between the cushions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1944\" data-start=\"1844\"\u003eCongratulations - you just gave them a gift and a long-term reminder that you’re a lovable menace.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1949\" data-start=\"1946\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2001\" data-start=\"1951\"\u003eReal Reviews From People Who’ve Pulled It Off\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2357\" data-start=\"2003\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2357\" data-start=\"2005\"\u003e“Made my boss turn 7 shades of red. Perfect!”\u003cbr data-end=\"2053\" data-start=\"2050\"\u003e“I sent them to my brother-in-law and his wife… they ate all of them in 5 minutes. Said they tasted amazing. Great gag gift!”\u003cbr data-end=\"2183\" data-start=\"2180\"\u003e“I love this company and every product! The bag of dicks makes for a great gift and laugh! All my friends have loved their delicious gummies and the surprise every time.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2362\" data-start=\"2359\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2405\" data-start=\"2364\"\u003eWhat’s in the Bag (and on the Floor)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2803\" data-start=\"2407\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2494\" data-start=\"2407\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2494\" data-start=\"2409\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2440\" data-start=\"2409\"\u003eA bag of fruity gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e – sweet, chewy, and shaped for maximum awkwardness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2584\" data-start=\"2495\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2584\" data-start=\"2497\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2534\" data-start=\"2497\"\u003eAn “Eat a Bag of Dicks” note card\u003c\/strong\u003e – direct, tasteful, classy. (Okay, not classy.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2662\" data-start=\"2585\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2662\" data-start=\"2587\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2630\" data-start=\"2587\"\u003eA full envelope of dick-shaped confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e – the real MVP of this prank.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2724\" data-start=\"2663\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2724\" data-start=\"2665\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2685\" data-start=\"2665\"\u003eOptional add-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e for birthdays or extra prank damage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2803\" data-start=\"2725\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2803\" data-start=\"2727\"\u003e100% anonymous shipping so you can sit back and enjoy the chaos from afar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2808\" data-start=\"2805\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2827\" data-start=\"2810\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3053\" data-start=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2876\" data-start=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2876\" data-start=\"2831\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2844\" data-start=\"2831\"\u003eBirthdays\u003c\/strong\u003e – skip the boring candle set.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2926\" data-start=\"2877\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2926\" data-start=\"2879\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2896\" data-start=\"2879\"\u003eRevenge gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e – sweet justice, literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3013\" data-start=\"2927\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3013\" data-start=\"2929\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2962\" data-start=\"2929\"\u003eBachelor\/Bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – give the bride or groom something to snack on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3053\" data-start=\"3014\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3053\" data-start=\"3016\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3032\" data-start=\"3016\"\u003ePetty pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e – because you can.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3058\" data-start=\"3055\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3107\" data-start=\"3060\"\u003eHow to Send a Bag of Dicks + Dick Confetti\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"3292\" data-start=\"3109\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3134\" data-start=\"3109\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3134\" data-start=\"3112\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3191\" data-start=\"3135\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3191\" data-start=\"3138\"\u003eType in your victim’s… I mean, recipient’s address.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3241\" data-start=\"3192\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3241\" data-start=\"3195\"\u003eDecide if you want to add extra prank flair.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3292\" data-start=\"3242\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3292\" data-start=\"3245\"\u003eShip it anonymously and wait for the fallout.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3297\" data-start=\"3294\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3317\" data-start=\"3299\"\u003eThe Aftermath\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3407\" data-start=\"3319\"\u003eThis isn’t the type of gift they throw away and forget about. Nope. You’ve given them:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3511\" data-start=\"3408\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3441\" data-start=\"3408\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3441\" data-start=\"3410\"\u003eA snack they’ll actually eat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3475\" data-start=\"3442\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3475\" data-start=\"3444\"\u003eA mess they’ll curse you for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3511\" data-start=\"3476\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3511\" data-start=\"3478\"\u003eA story they’ll tell for years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3665\" data-start=\"3513\"\u003eBecause honestly, anybody can send a box of chocolates. But only a true friend, sibling, or chaotic genius sends \u003cstrong data-end=\"3662\" data-start=\"3626\"\u003ea bag of dicks AND dick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3670\" data-start=\"3667\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3870\" data-start=\"3672\"\u003e🎁 \u003cstrong data-end=\"3799\" data-start=\"3675\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and send them a gift that’s part delicious treat, part nuclear glitter bomb of penis-shaped joy. \u003c\/strong\u003eThey’ll never see it coming… but they’ll sure as hell remember it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3870\" data-start=\"3672\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"---- \/ -----","offer_id":3969903001613,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-DICK","price":20.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday DickHead Card! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903034381,"sku":"BOD-2+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYDICKHEADCARD","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903067149,"sku":"BOD-2+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYBODCARD","price":27.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday Box! \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903099917,"sku":"BOD-2+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYBUNDLEBOX","price":29.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"---- \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903132685,"sku":"BOD-2+GLITTER-DICK","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday DickHead Card! \/ -----","offer_id":3969903165453,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYDICKHEADCARD","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday (EAT A BAG OF DICKS) Card! \/ -----","offer_id":3969903198221,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYBODCARD","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Happy Birthday Box! \/ -----","offer_id":3969903230989,"sku":"BOD+GLITTER-DICK+BDAYBUNDLEBOX","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/bag-of-dicks-dick-confetti-4336620.jpg?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"happy-birthday-pack","title":"Happy Birthday Pack","description":"\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappy Birthday Pack – The Gift They’ll Never Forget (or Forgive)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBecause nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a mouthful of gummy dicks.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBalloons? Overdone. Cake? Basic. Singing “Happy Birthday” off-key? Awkward. If you really want to make someone’s birthday memorable, you send them the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappy Birthday Pack\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – a birthday-themed box stuffed with a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of gummy dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, an “Eat a Bag of Dicks” notecard, and a greeting card that’s guaranteed to make them laugh, blush, or both.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s a gift that walks the fine line between hilarious and offensive. It’s equal parts sweet and savage. And it ships 100 percent anonymously, so you can watch the chaos unfold without anyone pointing the finger at you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e now. Make this the birthday they talk about for years – and possibly hold against you forever.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy The Happy Birthday Pack Is The Ultimate Birthday Dicks Move\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eInstant laughter\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – No one expects to open a birthday gift and find a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring back at them.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s actually tasty\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Chewy, fruity gummies that deliver both the joke and the sugar rush.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFully anonymous\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – You get the glory, not the blame.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCustomizable mischief\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Add glitter, dick confetti, or a second bag of dicks for half off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eImagine it’s their birthday. The party’s in full swing. Someone hands them a brightly colored box. They tear it open… and freeze. Inside:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of gummy dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA bold “Eat a Bag of Dicks” notecard.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA cheeky birthday greeting card.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd, if you’re feeling extra spicy, a bit of extra glitter or dick confetti in the box makes a hilarious, festive dick sparkle go with their birthday present\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLaughter erupts. Someone pulls out their phone. Instagram stories are uploaded. And just like that, you’ve stolen the show without even being there.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews From Savage Gift-Givers\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“I sent this to my sister for her birthday. She loved it!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “I sent this as a joke to my brother-in-law for his birthday. He laughed so hard.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Everyone got a laugh. We will be finding dick confetti for months.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBirthday-themed gift box\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that looks innocent… until it’s not\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e in fruity flavors\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks notecard\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e for maximum comedic impact\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBirthday greeting card\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e with your personal touch\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOptional extras:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Glitter, dick confetti, or a second bag of dicks for half price\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e so you can stay a mystery\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Birthday gag gift, anonymous surprise, petty revenge, office party prank, funny edible gift, white elephant birthday exchange\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy It Works Every Time\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause birthdays are supposed to be fun – and nothing’s more fun than catching someone completely off guard. The \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappy Birthday Pack\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is the perfect mix of edible prank, inside joke, and social media gold.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEven the people who pretend to be offended will secretly eat the gummy dicks, because they’re actually delicious. And unlike boring presents, this one lives rent-free in their head (and maybe in their carpet if you go for the glitter option).\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend It. Laugh About It. Pretend It Wasn’t You.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRight now, there’s a birthday coming up that’s begging for a little chaos. You could send something boring… or you could send a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHappy Birthday Pack\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and instantly become the most memorable part of their day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHit  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e Ship a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebag of birthday dicks\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e straight to their doorstep.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Make their wish come true – even if it’s the wish they didn’t know they had.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ -----","offer_id":3969903263757,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BIRTHDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ -----","offer_id":3969903296525,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BIRTHDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ -----","offer_id":3969903329293,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BDAYBOD-1+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903362061,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BDAYBOD-2+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-BLUE","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903394829,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BDAYBOD-2+BDAYBODCARD+GLITTER-DICK","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":3969903525901,"sku":"BDAYBUNDLEBOX+BDAYBOD-2+BDAYBODCARD","price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/happy-birthday-pack-5784445.jpg?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"eat-shit-chocolate-shit-in-a-box","title":"Eat Shit - Chocolate Shit in a Box","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"263\" data-end=\"305\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"265\" data-end=\"303\"\u003eEat Shit – Chocolate Shit in a Box\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"306\" data-end=\"368\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"306\" data-end=\"366\"\u003eFinally, a sweet way to tell someone exactly how you feel.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"370\" data-end=\"437\"\u003eSome gifts say “I love you.” This one says “Eat shit.” Literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"439\" data-end=\"701\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"439\" data-end=\"477\"\u003eEat Shit – Chocolate Shit in a Box\u003c\/strong\u003e is a realistic poop-shaped piece of premium milk chocolate, delivered straight to their door in a discreet box. It’s rich. It’s creamy. It’s hilarious. And it’s the perfect edible insult for when words just aren’t enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"703\" data-end=\"900\"\u003eNo boring gift cards. No predictable candy boxes. Just one beautifully molded chocolate turd that makes your point loud and clear… before they bite into it and realize it actually tastes amazing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"902\" data-end=\"1053\"\u003eSo quit sending flowers to people who deserve better (or worse). Click \u003cstrong data-start=\"973\" data-end=\"988\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e and make their day memorable, awkward, and surprisingly sweet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1055\" data-end=\"1058\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1060\" data-end=\"1102\"\u003eWhy You Need to Send a Chocolate Turd\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1104\" data-end=\"1511\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1104\" data-end=\"1203\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1106\" data-end=\"1203\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1106\" data-end=\"1141\"\u003eIt’s the ultimate edible insult\u003c\/strong\u003e – Way funnier than a text and way tastier than actual shit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1204\" data-end=\"1299\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1206\" data-end=\"1299\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1206\" data-end=\"1236\"\u003eIt’s 100 percent anonymous\u003c\/strong\u003e – No return address, no receipt, no way to prove it was you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1300\" data-end=\"1399\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1302\" data-end=\"1399\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1302\" data-end=\"1320\"\u003eIt’s delicious\u003c\/strong\u003e – Premium milk chocolate that’s so good, they’ll hate how much they love it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1511\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1402\" data-end=\"1511\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1402\" data-end=\"1437\"\u003eIt works for any petty occasion\u003c\/strong\u003e – Birthdays, breakups, revenge gifts, coworker roasts, or just because.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1513\" data-end=\"1516\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1518\" data-end=\"1548\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1550\" data-end=\"1735\"\u003ePicture this: They get a package. No idea what it is. They open the box slowly. Inside, sitting in the middle like the crown jewel of comedy, is a perfectly molded \u003cstrong data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1732\"\u003echocolate shit\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1737\" data-end=\"1955\"\u003eAt first, confusion. Then laughter. Then the moment where they debate whether they should actually eat it. Spoiler – they will. Because it smells like chocolate. It looks like a prank, but tastes like a luxury treat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1957\" data-end=\"2088\"\u003eAnd you? You’re somewhere else, living your best life, knowing you just dropped the funniest, pettiest gift they’ll ever receive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2090\" data-end=\"2093\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2095\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Went Full Savage\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2147\" data-end=\"2343\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2149\" data-end=\"2343\"\u003e“Excellent service and timing. Always love ordering from Dicks by Mail! Thank you!”\u003cbr data-start=\"2232\" data-end=\"2235\"\u003e“It was best surprise gift yet!!”\u003cbr data-start=\"2270\" data-end=\"2273\"\u003e“Recipient had tears from laughter and had to show everyone else!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2345\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2350\" data-end=\"2374\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2376\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2376\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2417\"\u003eOne realistic poop-shaped chocolate\u003c\/strong\u003e made with premium milk chocolate\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2453\" data-end=\"2533\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2533\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003eFlavor:\u003c\/strong\u003e Rich, creamy, and completely safe to eat (unlike the real thing)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2534\" data-end=\"2600\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2536\" data-end=\"2600\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2536\" data-end=\"2550\"\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/strong\u003e Discreet plain box with no branding or receipts\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2601\" data-end=\"2672\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2603\" data-end=\"2672\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2603\" data-end=\"2616\"\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ships completely anonymously for maximum prank impact\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2673\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2675\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2675\" data-end=\"2691\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e Anonymous prank, revenge gift, breakup joke, birthday gag, coworker roast, adult humor gift\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2787\" data-end=\"2790\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2792\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eWhy This Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"3036\"\u003eBecause “Eat Shit” is one of the most universally understood insults on Earth. It works in every language, every situation, and now – thanks to this chocolate masterpiece – in every gift-giving scenario.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3038\" data-end=\"3304\"\u003eYou can send a chocolate turd to someone you love as a joke, or to someone you “love less” as a little payback. Either way, they’ll remember it. They’ll laugh. They might even post it online, giving you the satisfaction of knowing your gift is now internet famous.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3306\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003eAnd the kicker? Even if they think you’re the world’s biggest jerk, they’ll probably still eat it. Because good chocolate wins every time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3448\" data-end=\"3451\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3453\" data-end=\"3490\"\u003eSend It. Own It. Laugh About It.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3492\" data-end=\"3714\"\u003eRight now, someone in your life deserves to hear the words “Eat Shit.” But instead of saying it, you could mail it – wrapped in delicious milk chocolate, sitting in a box, ready to be the funniest gift they get all year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3716\" data-end=\"3811\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3722\" data-end=\"3737\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Send \u003cstrong data-start=\"3744\" data-end=\"3782\"\u003eEat Shit – Chocolate Shit in a Box\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003cbr data-start=\"3783\" data-end=\"3786\"\u003eWatch the chaos unfold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3716\" data-end=\"3811\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"Eat Shit","offer_id":4087999627277,"sku":"ES","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double Shits (Save 10%)","offer_id":42649698631764,"sku":"ES2","price":28.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Triple Shits (Save 20%)","offer_id":42649698664532,"sku":"ES3","price":38.37,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/the-poop-prank-bundle-6034126.jpg?v=1762196781"},{"product_id":"spring-loaded-jizz-bomb","title":"Spring Loaded Jizz Bomb!","description":"\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Jizz Bomb! – Because Subtlety is Overrated\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere are pranks… and then there’s launching a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Jizz Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e into someone’s life. This bad boy explodes in a shower of tiny white jizz-shaped confetti that gets \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eeverywhere\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Floors. Counters. Hair. Clothes. Maybe even in their drink if the timing’s right. It’s messy, it’s obnoxious, and it’s so wildly inappropriate that it crosses the line, flips it off, and keeps running.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf you want a prank that people will still be finding evidence of \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eweeks later\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, this is it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGrab one, pick your glitter weapon of choice, and make some poor soul’s day… unforgettable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Need to Send a Jizz Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLasting Impact\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – The prank doesn’t stop when the tube pops. It lingers. It follows them to the store. It ends up on their couch two months later.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMaximum Embarrassment\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – These aren’t random sparkles. They’re \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eshapes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. And everyone will know exactly what they look like.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTotally Anonymous\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Ships with zero branding, so you can watch the chaos from a safe, smug distance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eImagine this: Your target opens what they think is a boring incense tube. They pop the cap… \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePOW!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e A spring launches hundreds of little white “baby batter” cutouts into the air. Some stick to their shirt. A few land in their hair. The rest scatter across their floor like a glittery crime scene.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNow picture them at the grocery store hours later, still rocking a stray jizz piece in their bangs. A stranger notices, plucks it out, and hands it to them. “You dropped this.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThat’s the Spring Loaded Jizz Bomb experience. And yes – it’s glorious.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Customer Reactions\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“What can I say… got him real good! Jizz went all over his kitchen counters, floors etc… I wish I could share more photos! Great gag!!!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “It shot all over my face and went in my mouth… poor bastard still has no idea who sent it to him.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “My best friend had these little sly devils in her hair at the grocery store after the messy office fiasco. A stranger pulled one out and handed it to her 😂😂😂 This one was by far the BEST one!!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat’s Inside the Tube\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFake incense tube disguise\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Looks innocent, until it isn’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring-loaded chaos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Packed to the brim with hundreds of jizz-shaped confetti pieces.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour choice of ammo:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eJust Jizz\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDouble the Jizz\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCombo Dick \u0026amp; Jizz\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMix in Regular Glitter w\/Jizz\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMix in Golden Shower Glitter w\/Jizz\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"2\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHit 'em with the ultimate combo – Dicks \u0026amp; Jizz \u0026amp; Glitter\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShips 100% anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – No receipts, no clues, no regrets.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy It’s Better Than Any Other Glitter Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGlitter bombs are fun. But let’s be honest – plain glitter is for kids’ crafts. This is the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eadult upgrade\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. The \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSpring Loaded Jizz Bomb\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is the prank equivalent of swapping a handshake for a full-on face slap.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere’s why it wins:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s not just messy, it’s \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eawkwardly specific\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe shapes make the story way funnier when they have to explain it to people.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt travels. You’ll find these little guys everywhere for weeks.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBirthday gags that will be talked about for years\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBreakup revenge that says “I’m fine” while clearly not being fine\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBachelor party chaos before the tequila hits\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Just because” moments when your friend is getting too comfortable\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHow to Pull It Off\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStep 1 – Pick your flavor of confetti filth.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Step 2 – Add to cart and ship anonymously.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Step 3 – Wait for the glorious meltdown when they open it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThen just sit back, sip your drink, and know you’ve left a little piece of yourself (figuratively) in their home forever.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend It. Watch the World Burn.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLife’s too short for polite pranks. If you’re going to interrupt someone’s day, you might as well \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eblast them with a load of spring-propelled jizz confetti\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that’ll haunt them for weeks.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eClick\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-b3dc32f0-7fff-2804-93b2-f1f354f7f45f\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e now and send the prank that’s part glitter bomb, part awkward conversation starter, and 100 percent unforgettable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the dick bomb, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Just Jizz","offer_id":41525677850708,"sku":"JIZZBOMB","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double The Jizz","offer_id":41525106245716,"sku":"DOUBLEJIZZBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Combo Dick \u0026 Jizz","offer_id":41525106212948,"sku":"DICKANDJIZZBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mix in Regular Glitter w\/ Jizz","offer_id":41525106278484,"sku":"JIZZANDGLITTERBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mix in Golden Shower Glitter w\/ Jizz","offer_id":41525106311252,"sku":"JIZZANDGOLDENGLITTERBOMB","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hit 'em with the ultimate combo Dicks \u0026 Jizz \u0026 Glitter","offer_id":41525106344020,"sku":"DICKJIZZANDGLITTERBOMB","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/Spring_Loaded_Jizz_Bomb_post_nut.heic?v=1723498553"},{"product_id":"roses-are-red-fart-card","title":"Roses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"206\" data-start=\"170\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRoses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"285\" data-start=\"208\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"283\" data-start=\"208\"\u003eRoses are red, violets are blue, open this card… and smell literal poo.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"685\" data-start=\"287\"\u003eThere are pranks… and then there’s sending a fart by mail so foul it could knock a raccoon out of a dumpster. The \u003cem data-end=\"435\" data-start=\"401\"\u003eRoses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card\u003c\/em\u003e isn’t subtle. It isn’t kind. It’s a full-on stink grenade disguised as a sweet little love poem. You’re not just sending a card, you’re sending a chemical-level relationship ender, an olfactory assault, a bouquet of hell straight to their mailbox.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"981\" data-start=\"687\"\u003eWhether it’s for an ex, a sibling, a frenemy, or that one person who still owes you $20 from 2018, this card will get your point across without you ever having to say a word. You just sit back and wait for the angry text that says, “WTF is wrong with you?” and know in your heart… you’ve won.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1088\" data-start=\"983\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1086\" data-start=\"983\"\u003eSend this today. Let your victim gag, curse your name, and then admit it was actually pretty funny.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1093\" data-start=\"1090\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1129\" data-start=\"1095\"\u003eWhy This Is The Perfect Prank\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1131\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1200\" data-start=\"1131\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1200\" data-start=\"1133\"\u003eIt’s \u003cstrong data-end=\"1151\" data-start=\"1138\"\u003eanonymous\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can remain the mysterious stink dealer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1259\" data-start=\"1201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1259\" data-start=\"1203\"\u003eThe smell? Horrifying. Like gym socks left in a swamp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1340\" data-start=\"1260\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1340\" data-start=\"1262\"\u003eWorks for birthdays, breakups, revenge, or just to ruin someone’s afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1341\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1343\"\u003eThey can’t un-smell it. Ever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1376\"\u003eThis isn’t some weak “haha” greeting card. This is a fart spray card that releases a cloud of weaponized nastiness the second it’s opened. They’ll think it’s a joke… until the smell hits. Then they’ll realize it’s not a joke. It’s war.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1618\" data-start=\"1615\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1637\" data-start=\"1620\"\u003eHow It Works\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1654\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1654\" data-start=\"1642\"\u003eYou order.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1733\" data-start=\"1655\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1733\" data-start=\"1658\"\u003eWe stuff the card with potent fart spray that smells like Satan’s armpit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1783\" data-start=\"1734\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1783\" data-start=\"1737\"\u003eWe mail it anonymously to your lucky target.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1784\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1787\"\u003eThey open it, the stink bomb goes off, and chaos ensues.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1944\" data-start=\"1847\"\u003eNo return address. No way to trace it. Just you, sitting on your couch, laughing like a maniac.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1949\" data-start=\"1946\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1977\" data-start=\"1951\"\u003eReal Customer Carnage\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2035\" data-start=\"1979\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2033\" data-start=\"1979\"\u003e\"Sent anonymously and everything I expected. Thank.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2150\" data-start=\"2037\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2148\" data-start=\"2037\"\u003e\"I mailed this wonderful card to my ex boyfriend and he has finally left me alone. It was worth every penny.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2284\" data-start=\"2152\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2282\" data-start=\"2152\"\u003e\"My sister never saw it coming, I practically shit in her face and now she tells everyone that she has the best brother ever ;)\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2289\" data-start=\"2286\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2311\" data-start=\"2291\"\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2313\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2355\" data-start=\"2313\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2355\" data-start=\"2315\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inch double-sided cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2413\" data-start=\"2356\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2413\" data-start=\"2358\"\u003eRigged with potent fart spray for maximum stink power\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2440\" data-start=\"2414\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2440\" data-start=\"2416\"\u003eShips 100% anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2441\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2443\"\u003ePerfect for breakups, sibling wars, petty revenge, or birthday laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2519\" data-start=\"2516\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2535\" data-start=\"2521\"\u003eYour Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2655\" data-start=\"2537\"\u003eYou could send a boring “Thinking of You” card… or you could send a fart card that smells like the end of the world.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2681\" data-start=\"2657\"\u003eThe choice is obvious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2749\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2747\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and drop the stink bomb of the year.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2749\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":8435057426487,"sku":"","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/roses-are-red-shitty-fart-card-9465938.png?v=1755879234"},{"product_id":"eat-a-bag-of-dicks-coloring-book","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"ee80aedc-1f78-45b4-a294-e9864bd716a6\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"90\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Most Offensive Stress Relief You’ll Ever Love\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"92\" data-end=\"455\"\u003eLook, adult coloring books are supposed to be relaxing. Zen. Meditative. But what if your “mindful art time” involved 75 pages of ridiculous, unapologetic cartoon dicks? Welcome to the \u003cstrong data-start=\"277\" data-end=\"314\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!\u003c\/strong\u003e - the only coffee table coloring book that’s equal parts stress relief, laughter therapy, and “holy crap, did they really just draw that?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"457\" data-end=\"883\"\u003eIf you’re looking for a \u003cstrong data-start=\"481\" data-end=\"502\"\u003ebirthday gag gift\u003c\/strong\u003e, a petty breakup present, or just something to make your adult “me time” a lot more inappropriate, this is it. It’s printed on \u003cstrong data-start=\"630\" data-end=\"661\"\u003ethick, artist-quality paper\u003c\/strong\u003e so your markers, crayons, or colored pencils glide like a dream. And the best part? Every order comes with a \u003cstrong data-start=\"771\" data-end=\"798\"\u003efree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e because you deserve to snack while you color your way through a parade of penises.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"885\" data-end=\"998\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"885\" data-end=\"910\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and make your next coloring session unforgettable, crude, and borderline therapeutic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1000\" data-end=\"1003\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1005\" data-end=\"1040\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1042\" data-end=\"1386\"\u003eBecause regular coloring books are boring. This isn’t flowers and mandalas - this is page after page of \u003cstrong data-start=\"1146\" data-end=\"1174\"\u003ehand-drawn cartoon dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e doing everything from riding skateboards to wearing tiny hats. It’s the kind of book you bring out at parties, bachelorette weekends, or when you’ve had a crap day and just need to laugh until your sides hurt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1388\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1388\" data-end=\"1459\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1390\" data-end=\"1459\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1390\" data-end=\"1424\"\u003e75 original dick illustrations\u003c\/strong\u003e - no repeats, no lazy copy-paste\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1460\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1491\"\u003eFull-size 8.5 x 11 inches\u003c\/strong\u003e - big pages for big laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1521\" data-end=\"1600\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1600\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1546\"\u003ePremium thick paper\u003c\/strong\u003e - won’t bleed through when you go wild with markers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1656\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1603\" data-end=\"1656\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1603\" data-end=\"1630\"\u003eFree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e - snack while you color\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1657\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1659\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1659\" data-end=\"1692\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - because some people just won’t understand your genius\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1751\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1753\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1753\" data-end=\"1812\"\u003ePerfect for birthdays, revenge, or “just because” gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1816\" data-end=\"1819\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1821\" data-end=\"1851\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"2159\"\u003ePicture this: You’re hanging out with friends, someone sees this coloring book on your coffee table, and suddenly a chill night turns into an hours-long inappropriate art session. Or maybe you send it anonymously to your ex with a note that says “Thought you could use something to keep your hands busy.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2450\"\u003eOr maybe, like one of our reviewers, you send it to a friend recovering in the hospital, and the thing gets lost in the chaos. Instead of just shrugging, we send them \u003cstrong data-start=\"2328\" data-end=\"2378\"\u003ea new coloring book, crayons, and dick candies\u003c\/strong\u003e straight to their home. Because customer service, but make it filthy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2455\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2457\" data-end=\"2496\"\u003eReal Reviews from Repeat Offenders\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"3012\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2500\" data-end=\"3012\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2500\" data-end=\"3010\"\u003e“I got this fantastic coloring book for a friend who needed some cheering up. Most definitely did do that! But the best thing that ever happened was that I had originally sent this to the hospital. But it got lost somewhere at the hospital. Your awesome company sent my friend a new coloring book and crayons, along with some dick candies to her house once she was home. That is beyond the best customer service I could ever ask for. Thank you for cheering up my friend. I will definitely be ordering again.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3013\" data-end=\"3138\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3138\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003e“Omg this is seriously the best coloring book ever!!!! I love every single page!!! I highly recommend it to everyone!!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3139\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3242\"\u003e“Absolutely love this coloring book!! It's so funny and makes my adult away time so much more fun.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3246\" data-end=\"3249\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3251\" data-end=\"3267\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3269\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3269\" data-end=\"3320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3271\" data-end=\"3320\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3271\" data-end=\"3293\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that people actually use\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3321\" data-end=\"3372\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3323\" data-end=\"3372\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3323\" data-end=\"3342\"\u003eBreakup revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s more funny than mean\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3373\" data-end=\"3433\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3375\" data-end=\"3433\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3375\" data-end=\"3392\"\u003eStress relief\u003c\/strong\u003e for people with a dirty sense of humor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3434\" data-end=\"3485\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3436\" data-end=\"3485\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3436\" data-end=\"3459\"\u003eAnonymous surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that get people talking\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3486\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3512\"\u003eBachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need an activity and a laugh\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3550\" data-end=\"3553\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3555\" data-end=\"3579\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3581\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3581\" data-end=\"3626\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3583\" data-end=\"3626\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3583\" data-end=\"3624\"\u003eFull-size 8.5 x 11 inch coloring book\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3701\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3629\" data-end=\"3701\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3629\" data-end=\"3658\"\u003e75 original illustrations\u003c\/strong\u003e of cartoon dicks in hilarious situations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3702\" data-end=\"3776\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3704\" data-end=\"3776\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3704\" data-end=\"3735\"\u003eThick, artist-quality paper\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s perfect for any coloring medium\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3777\" data-end=\"3825\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3779\" data-end=\"3825\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3779\" data-end=\"3806\"\u003eFree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e with every order\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3826\" data-end=\"3862\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3828\" data-end=\"3862\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3828\" data-end=\"3860\"\u003eShips completely anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3863\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3886\"\u003eGuaranteed laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e or at least some very weird looks from anyone who sees it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3948\" data-end=\"3951\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3953\" data-end=\"3988\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3990\" data-end=\"4272\"\u003eBecause it’s unexpected, it’s outrageous, and it turns something as wholesome as coloring into a filthy, laugh-until-you-snort experience. This isn’t a gift they’ll shove in a drawer - it’s a gift they’ll whip out whenever they want to feel better, kill time, or shock new guests.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4274\" data-end=\"4374\"\u003eSo don’t just color inside the lines - color a page full of cartoon dicks while eating candy ones.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4376\" data-end=\"4497\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4376\" data-end=\"4401\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give yourself (or someone else) the kind of creative therapy you can’t find at Michael’s.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 + Free Bag of Dicks Promo! \/ Standard","offer_id":8470736633911,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794653751,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794686519,"sku":"","price":16.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794719287,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 + Free Bag of Dicks Promo! \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802690220087,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692153399,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692218935,"sku":"","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692382775,"sku":"","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-coloring-book-3469638.jpg?v=1755879241"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-white-chocolate-dick","title":"Eat a Dick - Valentine's White Chocolate Dick","description":"\u003cp\u003eRoses are so 2000. Chocolate is in......even better, a gross flesh colored chocolate dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis \u003cstrong\u003eWhite Chocolate Flesh Colored Dick in a box is perfect\u003c\/strong\u003e for a special occasion or just a friendly reminder to eat a dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMade with white chocolate and orange coloring to create a flesh colored dong.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cspan face=\"arial, helvetica, sans-serif\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cspan face=\"arial, helvetica, sans-serif\"\u003eGluten Free, nut free (no pun intended), and made from Peruvian cacao beans, these four ounce chocolates are perfect for your next practical joke, gag gift, or adult party. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cspan face=\"arial, helvetica, sans-serif\"\u003eThese delicious chocolate dicks run between 4-5 inches and 3-4 ounces of wonderful chocolate penis in your mouth. . Hmmm\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":12598433579063,"sku":"BW","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-valentines-white-chocolate-dick-9272695.jpg?v=1755879235"},{"product_id":"the-classic-glitter-bomb-1","title":"The Classic Envolpe Glitter Bomb!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"110\" data-end=\"191\"\u003eThe Classic Envelope Glitter Bomb - The Pettiest Revenge You’ll Ever Love\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"193\" data-end=\"439\"\u003eYou know that person who just \u003cem data-start=\"223\" data-end=\"230\"\u003eneeds\u003c\/em\u003e a little chaos in their life? The one who’s overdue for a “surprise” that will stick with them for weeks? Well, congratulations, you’ve just found the perfect weapon - \u003cstrong data-start=\"399\" data-end=\"437\"\u003eThe Classic Envelope Glitter Bomb.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"441\" data-end=\"766\"\u003eIt’s simple. It’s petty. It’s \u003cem data-start=\"471\" data-end=\"479\"\u003ebrutal\u003c\/em\u003e. One second, your target is happily opening their mail. The next, they’re knee-deep in sparkling regret, cursing your name (but never actually knowing it was you). And the best part? You get to enjoy the fallout from a safe distance with zero cleanup and a big ol’ smile on your face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"768\" data-end=\"857\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-start=\"771\" data-end=\"855\"\u003eOrder now and become the legend who glitter-bombed their way into prank history.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"859\" data-end=\"862\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"864\" data-end=\"909\"\u003eWhy This is the King of All Petty Pranks\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"911\" data-end=\"1036\"\u003eLook, anyone can send a mean text or unfollow someone. But that’s boring. Weak. Forgettable. A \u003cstrong data-start=\"1006\" data-end=\"1022\"\u003eglitter bomb\u003c\/strong\u003e is forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1284\"\u003eWhen they open that innocent-looking envelope, a glorious explosion of fine, clingy glitter rains down on their clothes, their carpet, their pets, maybe even their coffee. It sticks to everything. It’s basically herpes, but for arts and crafts.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1286\" data-end=\"1441\"\u003eAnd because this ships 100% anonymously, you can just sit back and imagine the mess - knowing they’ll still be finding tiny sparkles six months from now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1443\" data-end=\"1446\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1448\" data-end=\"1472\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1474\" data-end=\"1888\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1474\" data-end=\"1559\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1476\" data-end=\"1559\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1476\" data-end=\"1499\"\u003eA standard envelope\u003c\/strong\u003e - harmless-looking, like it could be a card from Grandma.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1560\" data-end=\"1660\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1660\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1589\"\u003eA metric ton of glitter\u003c\/strong\u003e - okay, not \u003cem data-start=\"1602\" data-end=\"1613\"\u003eliterally\u003c\/em\u003e a ton, but enough to coat their living room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1661\" data-end=\"1730\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1663\" data-end=\"1730\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1663\" data-end=\"1681\"\u003eA printed note\u003c\/strong\u003e letting them know they’ve been glitter bombed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1731\" data-end=\"1830\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1830\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1733\" data-end=\"1754\"\u003eOptional upgrades\u003c\/strong\u003e like dick confetti or even a bag of dicks for the overachievers among us.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1831\" data-end=\"1888\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1833\" data-end=\"1888\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1833\" data-end=\"1855\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - so you can deny, deny, deny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1890\" data-end=\"1893\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1895\" data-end=\"1924\"\u003eReal Stories, Real Chaos\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1926\" data-end=\"1984\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1928\" data-end=\"1984\"\u003e“Absolutely the best prank! Great BANG for your buck!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1986\" data-end=\"2175\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1988\" data-end=\"2175\"\u003e“I sent this to a friend a couple days before his wedding. The day it got delivered he texted me a photo of the mess asking if this was me. It was hard not to take credit for the mess.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2177\" data-end=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2179\" data-end=\"2308\"\u003e“These are always hilarious, just wish HR would learn it's rude to open other people's mail so it reaches its intended target.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2310\" data-end=\"2379\"\u003ePeople don’t just \u003cem data-start=\"2328\" data-end=\"2337\"\u003ereceive\u003c\/em\u003e glitter bombs - they \u003cem data-start=\"2359\" data-end=\"2371\"\u003eexperience\u003c\/em\u003e them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2381\" data-end=\"2384\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2386\" data-end=\"2403\"\u003ePerfect for…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2405\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2405\" data-end=\"2461\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2407\" data-end=\"2461\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2407\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003eAnonymous pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e - keep ‘em guessing for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2462\" data-end=\"2547\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2464\" data-end=\"2547\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2464\" data-end=\"2481\"\u003ePetty revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e - because blocking them on Instagram just doesn’t hit the same.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2605\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2550\" data-end=\"2605\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2550\" data-end=\"2568\"\u003eBirthday jokes\u003c\/strong\u003e - the gift that keeps on shedding.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2606\" data-end=\"2696\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2608\" data-end=\"2696\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2608\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003eBachelor\/Bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e - nothing says “Congrats” like glitter in your beer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2697\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2699\" data-end=\"2776\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2699\" data-end=\"2727\"\u003eWhite elephant exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e - watch your coworkers live in sparkly regret.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2778\" data-end=\"2781\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2783\" data-end=\"2831\"\u003eHow to Pull Off the Ultimate Glitter Ambush\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"2833\" data-end=\"3133\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2833\" data-end=\"2914\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2836\" data-end=\"2914\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2836\" data-end=\"2856\"\u003ePick your victim\u003c\/strong\u003e - friend, ex, sibling, that guy who still owes you $20.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2915\" data-end=\"3000\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2918\" data-end=\"3000\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2918\" data-end=\"2942\"\u003eChoose your upgrades\u003c\/strong\u003e - go classic glitter or crank it up with dick confetti.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3001\" data-end=\"3057\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3004\" data-end=\"3057\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3004\" data-end=\"3024\"\u003ePlace your order\u003c\/strong\u003e - takes less than two minutes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3058\" data-end=\"3133\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3061\" data-end=\"3133\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3061\" data-end=\"3082\"\u003eSit back and wait\u003c\/strong\u003e - your masterpiece of mischief is now in motion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3135\" data-end=\"3138\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3140\" data-end=\"3177\"\u003eWhy This Beats Every Other Prank\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3179\" data-end=\"3382\"\u003eUnlike a pie to the face or a prank call, the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3225\" data-end=\"3258\"\u003eClassic Envelope Glitter Bomb\u003c\/strong\u003e is sneaky. It’s patient. It lulls your target into a false sense of security and then delivers an \u003cem data-start=\"3357\" data-end=\"3372\"\u003eunforgettable\u003c\/em\u003e payoff.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3384\" data-end=\"3639\"\u003ePlus, glitter has this supernatural ability to stick to everything. They’ll find it on their shoes at work, in their laundry weeks later, and somehow inside their phone case. You’re not just pulling a prank - you’re creating a long-term sparkle problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3641\" data-end=\"3644\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3646\" data-end=\"3670\"\u003eFinal Word: Send It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3672\" data-end=\"3951\"\u003eHere’s the deal - petty is an art, and the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3715\" data-end=\"3748\"\u003eClassic Envelope Glitter Bomb\u003c\/strong\u003e is the Mona Lisa of mail-based mayhem. It’s affordable, fast, and ridiculously effective. And with completely anonymous shipping, you can prank without a single shred of evidence pointing back to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3953\" data-end=\"4074\"\u003e✨ \u003cstrong data-start=\"3955\" data-end=\"3988\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” right now\u003c\/strong\u003e and deliver the kind of glittery chaos your friends (or enemies) will never forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Standard Glitter Bomb \/ ----","offer_id":12633786941495,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double The Glitter \/ ----","offer_id":12633786974263,"sku":"DOUBLEGB","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard Glitter Bomb \/ Bag of Dicks","offer_id":29346429468756,"sku":"GBBOD","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double The Glitter \/ Bag of Dicks","offer_id":29346440806484,"sku":"DOUBLEGBBOD","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard Glitter Bomb \/ Dick Confetti","offer_id":29346467643476,"sku":"GBDICKS","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double The Glitter \/ Dick Confetti","offer_id":29346471379028,"sku":"DOUBLEGBDICKS","price":1499.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/the-classic-envolpe-glitter-bomb-5132237.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Punch Today In The Dick T-Shirt","description":"This makes for a great staple t-shirt. It's made of a thicker, heavier cotton, but it's still soft. And the double stitching on the neckline and sleeves add more durability to what is sure to be a favorite! \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • 4.5 oz (153 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e • Pre-shrunk\u003cbr\u003e • Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e • Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e Model is wearing a size M. He's 6.2 feet (190 cm) tall, chest circumference 37.7\" (96 cm), waist circumference 33.4\" (85 cm).\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":12724299923511,"sku":"6664940","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":12724299956279,"sku":"9212829","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":12724299989047,"sku":"5834517","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":12724300021815,"sku":"1948700","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":12724300054583,"sku":"6787372","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":12724300087351,"sku":"7977965","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/punch-today-in-the-dick-t-shirt-8085072.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"keep-calm-and-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-magnet","title":"Keep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"162\" data-end=\"240\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Rude Gift That Sticks Around\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"242\" data-end=\"506\"\u003eLet’s be real, sometimes a text or meme just isn’t enough. You need something \u003cstrong data-start=\"320\" data-end=\"332\"\u003ephysical\u003c\/strong\u003e. Something that stays. Something that smacks them in the face with your love… and by love, I mean an obnoxious, passive-aggressive middle finger disguised as “home décor.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"508\" data-end=\"580\"\u003eThat’s where the \u003cstrong data-start=\"525\" data-end=\"568\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"582\" data-end=\"887\"\u003eThis little rectangle of joy isn’t just a magnet. It’s a permanent reminder that you’re both funny and a little bit evil. Every time they grab a beer, get the milk, or reach for their leftover pizza, they’ll be greeted with your not-so-subtle message. It’s petty. It’s perfect. And it sticks. Literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"889\" data-end=\"990\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"889\" data-end=\"914\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and cement your status as the funniest, most savage gift-giver they know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"992\" data-end=\"995\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"997\" data-end=\"1030\"\u003eWhy This Is the Perfect Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1194\"\u003eBecause flowers die. Chocolates get eaten. A magnet stays put until the end of time. It’s the gift that keeps on trolling, from fridges to lockers to toolboxes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1196\" data-end=\"1484\"\u003eIt works for \u003cstrong data-start=\"1209\" data-end=\"1230\"\u003estocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1232\" data-end=\"1260\"\u003ewhite elephant exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1262\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003ebachelor party favors\u003c\/strong\u003e, or just because you woke up today and decided to stir the pot. Best part? It ships discreetly so no one will know it’s coming until they rip open the package and see your sarcastic masterpiece.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1486\" data-end=\"1489\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1491\" data-end=\"1522\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1524\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003eYou’re not just mailing them a magnet. You’re sending:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1632\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1605\"\u003eA statement piece\u003c\/strong\u003e that screams personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1633\" data-end=\"1693\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1635\" data-end=\"1693\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1635\" data-end=\"1660\"\u003eHigh-quality printing\u003c\/strong\u003e so the message pops every time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1694\" data-end=\"1790\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1696\" data-end=\"1790\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1696\" data-end=\"1726\"\u003eStick-anywhere versatility\u003c\/strong\u003e for fridges, lockers, toolboxes, metal doors, filing cabinets\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1791\" data-end=\"1844\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1793\" data-end=\"1844\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1793\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003eStealthy shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e so they never see it coming\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1845\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1847\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1847\" data-end=\"1882\"\u003eA built-in conversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e or argument starter depending on your target\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1931\" data-end=\"1934\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1936\" data-end=\"1953\"\u003eThe Scenario\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1955\" data-end=\"2082\"\u003ePicture this.\u003cbr data-start=\"1968\" data-end=\"1971\"\u003eYou order the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1985\" data-end=\"2028\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e. It ships quietly, like a little assassin of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2206\"\u003eThey open it. Confusion. Then realization. Then either uncontrollable laughter or complete outrage. Either way, you win.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2208\" data-end=\"2392\"\u003eThe magnet goes on the fridge. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. By the time they finally take it down, that phrase is burned into their memory. You’ll still be laughing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2394\" data-end=\"2397\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2399\" data-end=\"2415\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2484\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2419\" data-end=\"2484\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2419\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave a bigger impression than candy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2485\" data-end=\"2578\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2487\" data-end=\"2578\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2487\" data-end=\"2514\"\u003eFridge or locker pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e for friends, family, or that one buddy who still owes you $50\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2579\" data-end=\"2643\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2581\" data-end=\"2643\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2581\" data-end=\"2617\"\u003eBachelor or bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where nothing is sacred\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2644\" data-end=\"2716\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2716\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2670\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e when you want to dominate the gift exchange\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2717\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2730\"\u003eAdd-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e for bigger prank packages like a bag of gummy dicks or dick confetti\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2803\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eCustomer Reviews\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2879\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2877\"\u003e\"Those magnets are all over this city. 😀\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2881\" data-end=\"3013\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2881\" data-end=\"3011\"\u003e\"Sent this to my friend and his brother as a joke, we always love to mess with each other and this was the best way to do it.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3291\"\u003e\"I am convinced though that this silly package helped them more than anyone could have imagined. I plan on sending multiple dicks in the future! I would suggest that you buy the dicks and a fridge magnet, this way you can commemorate the occasion and remember it forever!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3295\" data-end=\"3298\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3300\" data-end=\"3325\"\u003eWhy It Works So Well\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3327\" data-end=\"3572\"\u003eThis magnet is \u003cstrong data-start=\"3342\" data-end=\"3369\"\u003elow effort, high impact\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’re not spending a fortune, you’re not overthinking it, and you’re still making a huge impression. It’s cheap, small, easy to mail, and yet it packs a punch every single time they open the fridge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3574\" data-end=\"3640\"\u003eIt’s not just a gag gift. It’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"3605\" data-end=\"3637\"\u003elong-term comedy real estate\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3642\" data-end=\"3645\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3647\" data-end=\"3662\"\u003eFinal Call\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3664\" data-end=\"3869\"\u003eYou could send another boring card or gift card. Or you could send this. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"3741\" data-end=\"3784\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e is the small gift they’ll never forget or forgive. And isn’t that the whole point?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3947\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3896\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and put your message where they can’t ignore it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3947\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Magnet","offer_id":12753677910071,"sku":"","price":1.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5 pack","offer_id":21506735407188,"sku":"","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"10 pack","offer_id":21506735439956,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"20 pack","offer_id":21506735472724,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50 pack","offer_id":21506735505492,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/keep-calm-and-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-magnet-3409984.png?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-the-valentines-day-dick","title":"Eat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"197\" data-end=\"250\"\u003eEat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"252\" data-end=\"540\"\u003eValentine’s Day is full of roses, teddy bears, and “I love you” cards. Boring. Predictable. Lame. If you want to truly surprise someone, skip the clichés and give them the one gift they’ll never forget - a solid chocolate penis tucked inside a Valentine’s Day “Nuts About You” gift box.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"542\" data-end=\"885\"\u003eYep. You read that right. A premium gluten free Peruvian cacao cock, lovingly molded for maximum comedic effect, sitting pretty in a pink pixel-heart-themed box. Whether it’s for your partner, your gal pal, your ex, or just someone who deserves a mouthful of rich chocolate justice, this is the ultimate gag gift with actual gourmet quality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"1044\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"1042\"\u003eOrder now, ship it 100 percent anonymously, and watch the confusion turn into laughter (and possibly a suspiciously long pause before that first bite).\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1046\" data-end=\"1049\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1051\" data-end=\"1086\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1088\" data-end=\"1369\"\u003eMost Valentine’s gifts are instantly forgettable. This? Not a chance. No one is tossing this in a drawer. No one is leaving it on the table without a double take. This is the kind of present that sparks stories - the “remember when” tales that live on in friend groups for years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1371\" data-end=\"1623\"\u003eIt’s not just a joke. This chocolate dick is made from legit, gluten free Peruvian cacao, so even if they’re shocked, they’re also getting a seriously good piece of candy. You’re not just sending laughs. You’re sending laughs that melt in your mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1628\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1630\" data-end=\"1672\"\u003eHow It Goes Down (Pun Fully Intended)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1674\" data-end=\"1858\"\u003ePicture this: they see the Valentine’s Day box. They think, “Aww, how sweet.” They open it. Boom. There it is. A proud, 4 to 5.5 inch, 3 to 4 ounce chocolate penis staring them down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1860\" data-end=\"2104\"\u003eThe reaction is always the same - stunned silence, immediate laughter, and then a wave of naughty jokes that last the whole night. Some people eat it right away. Some keep it as a trophy. Some post it online and let the internet do its thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2106\" data-end=\"2109\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2111\" data-end=\"2154\"\u003eStraight From the Legends Who Sent It\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e“I never buy a Valentine’s present for my lover but when I scrolled past this on IG, it was a MUST BUY. He came home grumpy so I gave it to him early. He was embarrassed, wouldn’t let me take photos, but I didn’t stop making every naughty joke possible and still do!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2428\" data-end=\"2569\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2430\" data-end=\"2569\"\u003e“This was the perfect Valentine gift for my friend!! She laughed so much when she opened it. Best part - the chocolate is really good!!!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2570\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2572\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e“Arrived SO quickly and looked exactly like the photos. My best friend still talks about it.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2669\" data-end=\"2672\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2674\" data-end=\"2690\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2692\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2692\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2694\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003eValentine’s Day gifts that actually get remembered\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2749\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003eGalentine’s pranks between besties\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2786\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2788\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eBreakup revenge with a sweet aftertaste\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2830\" data-end=\"2857\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2832\" data-end=\"2857\"\u003eAnonymous edible pranks\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2858\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2860\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003eAdult novelty gifts that don’t suck (but might get sucked on)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2928\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2930\" data-end=\"2961\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2963\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2963\" data-end=\"3017\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2965\" data-end=\"3017\"\u003eA Valentine’s Day pixel-heart-themed pink gift box\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3018\" data-end=\"3077\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3020\" data-end=\"3077\"\u003eA solid chocolate penis, 4 to 5.5 inches, 3 to 4 ounces\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3078\" data-end=\"3142\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3080\" data-end=\"3142\"\u003eMade from gluten free Peruvian cacao for rich, smooth flavor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3143\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3145\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously for maximum mystery\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3198\" data-end=\"3201\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3203\" data-end=\"3233\"\u003eHow to Send It Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3238\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003eAdd it to your cart\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3260\" data-end=\"3333\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3263\" data-end=\"3333\"\u003eChoose where it’s going (direct to them or to you for hand delivery)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3334\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3337\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003eSit back and prepare yourself for the texts, calls, or Instagram stories that follow\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3428\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3430\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3448\" data-end=\"3734\"\u003eThe Eat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You gift is more than just candy. It’s comedy, shock value, and a gourmet treat all rolled into one box. It’s the Valentine’s Day present for people who hate boring presents. It’s the ultimate edible “gotcha” for friends, lovers, or exes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3736\" data-end=\"3863\"\u003eForget the flowers. Forget the jewelry. If you want something unforgettable, sweet, and just a little scandalous, this is it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3917\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3915\"\u003eSend the dick. Make the memory. Laugh forever.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3972\" data-start=\"3920\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21425264001108,"sku":"NUTSCHOCODICK","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-dark-chocolate-cock-eat-a-dick-1390259.jpg?v=1772056670"},{"product_id":"valentines-day-pack","title":"Valentine’s Day Pack: Gummy Bag of Dicks, Pop-Up Dick Card, and Optional Dick Confetti","description":"\u003ch3\u003eValentine’s Day Pack: Gummy Bag of Dicks, Pop-Up Dick Card, and Optional Glitter or Confetti 🍬💌✨\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis Valentine’s Day, ditch the boring gifts and send something unforgettable (and slightly inappropriate). The \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e has everything you need to bring laughter, sass, and maybe just a little chaos to someone’s day. It’s packed with \u003cstrong\u003edelicious gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong\u003epop-up dick card\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the option to sprinkle in \u003cstrong\u003eglitter or dick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e for good measure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Inside:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🍬 \u003cstrong\u003e\"I Thought You Could Use Some Dick\" Gummy Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e – Sweet, fruity, and ridiculously hilarious, these \u003cstrong\u003edelicious gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are guaranteed to make anyone laugh (and snack happily).\u003cbr\u003e💌 \u003cstrong\u003eValentine's Day Pop-Up Dick Card\u003c\/strong\u003e – A bold, cheeky card that literally pops up to tell them to eat a dick, but in the cutest way possible.\u003cbr\u003e✨ \u003cstrong\u003eOptional Glitter or Dick Confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because nothing says “I care” like glitter in places they’ll be finding for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy It’s the Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGive Your Galentine Some Dick (You Knew They Were Missing)\u003c\/strong\u003e – Show your bestie you’re looking out for them. After all, every Galentine deserves a little extra love… in gummy form.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTell Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend There’s More Dick Coming\u003c\/strong\u003e – The pop-up card and \u003cstrong\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are just the start. Consider it a teaser for what’s to come later.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eConfuse the Shit Out of Someone Anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e – Send this to a friend, crush, or coworker, and let them wonder if “eat a dick” is a compliment or an insult. (It’s both.)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTell Your Asshole Ex to Eat a Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because closure tastes sweeter when it’s shaped like a gummy penis.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy They’ll Love It (Even If They Hate It):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are \u003cstrong\u003edeliciously fruity\u003c\/strong\u003e, making them the perfect snack (and subtle roast).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe pop-up card is bold enough to say what you’re thinking but cute enough to soften the blow.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOptional glitter or \u003cstrong\u003edick-shaped confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e ensures they’ll be talking about this gift long after Valentine’s Day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis \u003cstrong\u003eheart gift box for her, him, or anyone\u003c\/strong\u003e is your one-stop shop for laughter, awkwardness, and unforgettable memories. Whether it’s for your \u003cstrong\u003egirlfriend\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong\u003eboyfriend\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong\u003eGalentine\u003c\/strong\u003e, or that \u003cstrong\u003eex who really deserves it\u003c\/strong\u003e, the \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to bring the fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo, go ahead—spread some joy, send some sass, and give someone the sweetest sack of dicks they’ll ever receive. 💌✨🍬\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ -----","offer_id":21425316134996,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ -----","offer_id":21425316167764,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ -----","offer_id":21425316200532,"sku":"","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316233300,"sku":"","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316266068,"sku":"","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316298836,"sku":"","price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack-2999489.jpg?v=1755878740"},{"product_id":"flat-bill-cap","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Hat","description":"The Eat A Bag of Dicks hat is a high-profile fit and a green undervisor make this cap a classic with an added pop of color.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% cotton twill\u003cbr\u003e • Structured \u003cbr\u003e • Five panel \u003cbr\u003e • High profile\u003cbr\u003e • Green undervisor\u003cbr\u003e • Sewn eyelets\u003cbr\u003e • Snapback closure","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black\/ Red","offer_id":21443750101076,"sku":"9084553","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":21443750133844,"sku":"3776834","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-hat-8385447.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"valentines-day-card-love-of-my-life","title":"Love of My Life Pop Up Card","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"24bd1e38-4c66-4660-874c-ac49bf7f1f5f\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003eThe Valentine’s Day Card That Says “I Love You”… and Then Tells Them to Eat a Dick\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"327\" data-end=\"731\"\u003eForget flowers, chocolates, and all that mushy Hallmark garbage. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"396\" data-end=\"427\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is the most brutally honest, laugh-out-loud, slightly offensive way to say “I care” without actually being romantic. On the outside, it looks like a sweet Valentine’s Day greeting card. On the inside? Boom, a glorious 3D pop-up penis springs to life along with the heartfelt message: \u003cstrong data-start=\"712\" data-end=\"729\"\u003e“EAT A DICK.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"733\" data-end=\"966\"\u003eThis isn’t just a card. This is a statement. A bold, ballsy, unforgettable way to make your partner, ex, or even your best friend howl with laughter. And because it ships 100 percent anonymously, you can keep them guessing forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"968\" data-end=\"1071\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"968\" data-end=\"993\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give someone the most memorable Valentine’s Day surprise of their life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1073\" data-end=\"1076\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1078\" data-end=\"1126\"\u003eWhy This Card Is the Only One Worth Buying\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1127\" data-end=\"1308\"\u003eEvery other Valentine’s card is just boring. You buy it, they open it, they smile politely, and it ends up in the trash two days later. But this card? This card is \u003cstrong data-start=\"1291\" data-end=\"1305\"\u003ethe moment\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1310\" data-end=\"1613\"\u003eWhether you’re pulling off the ultimate romantic prank or delivering a breakup burn they will never forget, the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e nails the balance between sweet and savage. Pair it with optional add-ons like a bag of dicks, dick confetti, or glitter for an even more explosive surprise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1615\" data-end=\"1618\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1620\" data-end=\"1654\"\u003eA True Story of Pop-Up Glory\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1655\" data-end=\"1980\"\u003ePicture this. It’s Valentine’s morning. Your partner opens the envelope, expecting some mushy love poem. The card unfolds, and there it is, a full-on, unapologetic pop-up penis in all its 3D glory. They laugh so hard they can’t breathe. You just secured your spot in the Hall of Fame for funniest Valentine’s Day gift ever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1982\" data-end=\"2010\"\u003eDon’t take my word for it:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2011\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2011\" data-end=\"2056\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2013\" data-end=\"2056\"\u003e“This really brought out a great laugh!!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2057\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2059\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e“My favorite gift lol”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e“This was a shocking hit... They loved it.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2133\" data-end=\"2136\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2138\" data-end=\"2160\"\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2163\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003eFolded Valentine’s Day greeting card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2202\" data-end=\"2261\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2204\" data-end=\"2261\"\u003e3D pop-up penis with bold \u003cstrong data-start=\"2230\" data-end=\"2244\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e message inside\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2262\" data-end=\"2295\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2264\" data-end=\"2295\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2298\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003eOptional add-ons: bag of dicks, dick confetti, glitter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2357\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003ePerfect for Valentine’s Day prank, romantic gag gift, Galentine’s joke, breakup revenge, cheeky celebration\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2468\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2473\" data-end=\"2511\"\u003eHow to Use It for Maximum Laughs\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2512\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2512\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2514\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003eSlip it into a pile of serious gifts so it is the last thing they expect\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003eHand-deliver it with a straight face and act confused when they react\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2663\" data-end=\"2718\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2665\" data-end=\"2718\"\u003eSend it anonymously to keep them guessing for years\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2721\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003ePair it with chocolate or flowers for the perfect “sweet but savage” combo\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2799\" data-end=\"2802\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2804\" data-end=\"2826\"\u003eThe Secret Sauce\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2827\" data-end=\"3112\"\u003eThe genius of this card is in the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2880\"\u003esurprise factor\u003c\/strong\u003e. The outside says “romance.” The inside says “eat a dick.” And the pop-up makes sure they cannot miss the point. It is a physical joke they will remember forever, which is more than you can say about a teddy bear holding a heart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3114\" data-end=\"3117\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3119\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3137\" data-end=\"3409\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3172\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is for the bold, the mischievous, and the people who think romance and laughter should come in equal doses. Whether you are celebrating love, mocking it, or just trying to make your friends cry-laugh, this card is the ultimate weapon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3411\" data-end=\"3525\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3411\" data-end=\"3436\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and send the funniest, most inappropriate Valentine’s Day card they will ever receive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3395\" data-end=\"3507\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":21488978002004,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":21488978067540,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":21488978133076,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":21488978165844,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/love-of-my-life-pop-up-card-6888878.png?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-tote","title":"Bag of DIcks Tote","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"241\" data-end=\"294\"\u003eYou Could Be Carrying Groceries - Or a \u003cstrong\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"296\" data-end=\"407\"\u003eWhy settle for a boring tote when you can strut through life with a \u003cem data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"378\"\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/em\u003e dangling from your shoulder?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"755\"\u003eThis isn’t your average reusable shopping bag. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"466\" data-end=\"564\"\u003ebold, unapologetic, 15-inch middle finger to basic bitches and beige personalities everywhere.\u003c\/strong\u003e Whether you’re stuffing it with wine bottles, thongs, or gummy dick gifts, this beast says what everyone’s thinking but too afraid to shout in public: \u003cem data-start=\"716\" data-end=\"755\"\u003eSuck it, Karen - I brought the dicks.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"757\" data-end=\"865\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"757\" data-end=\"865\"\u003eSo go ahead. Click “Add to Cart” and give the world the bag it never asked for but desperately deserves.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"867\" data-end=\"870\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"872\" data-end=\"944\"\u003eBecause a Dicks Beach Bag Is Way More Fun Than a Tote With Pineapples\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"946\" data-end=\"1013\"\u003eThe \u003cem data-start=\"950\" data-end=\"969\"\u003eBag of Dicks Tote\u003c\/em\u003e isn’t just funny. It’s f**king functional.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1015\" data-end=\"1338\"\u003eWe’re talking \u003cstrong data-start=\"1029\" data-end=\"1052\"\u003e100% spun polyester\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1054\" data-end=\"1088\"\u003edual bull denim cotton handles\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the strength to hold \u003cstrong data-start=\"1115\" data-end=\"1172\"\u003e44 pounds of snacks, secrets, or unsolicited opinions\u003c\/strong\u003e from your drunk aunt. You could carry a small goat in this thing (don’t do that), and it still wouldn’t flinch. Rain? Bring it. Glitter? Already inside, spiritually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1340\" data-end=\"1526\"\u003eThis thing is \u003cstrong data-start=\"1354\" data-end=\"1375\"\u003eweather-resistant\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1377\" data-end=\"1393\"\u003eloud as hell\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the best possible gift for that friend who laughs too loud and probably has a vibrating toothbrush not used for brushing teeth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1528\" data-end=\"1531\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1533\" data-end=\"1612\"\u003e“SUCH A GREAT BAG TO HAVE \u0026amp; WALK AROUND WITH \u0026amp; FREE ADVERTISING!! ❤ DICKS!!”\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1614\" data-end=\"1689\"\u003eWe didn’t write that. Some unhinged, happy customer did. And they’re right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1691\" data-end=\"1897\"\u003eYou don’t just carry a \u003cem data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/em\u003e. You advertise your personality for free. You walk into Target, CVS, or your therapy session, and this tote does all the heavy lifting (both literally and emotionally).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1899\" data-end=\"2013\"\u003eIt’s not just a gag gift - it’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1933\" data-end=\"1946\"\u003estatement\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1950\" data-end=\"1958\"\u003emood\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1962\" data-end=\"1995\"\u003eportable billboard for zero f\u003c\/strong\u003eks left to give**.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2018\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2020\" data-end=\"2079\"\u003eThings You Can Shamelessly Stuff Inside This Dicks Tote:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2081\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2081\" data-end=\"2155\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2083\" data-end=\"2155\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2083\" data-end=\"2096\"\u003eGroceries\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because carrying cucumbers in a \u003cem data-start=\"2131\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/em\u003e is poetic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2216\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2216\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2185\"\u003eBachelorette party gear\u003c\/strong\u003e - Cock straws, glitter, regret\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2217\" data-end=\"2274\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2219\" data-end=\"2274\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2219\" data-end=\"2245\"\u003eYour emotional baggage\u003c\/strong\u003e - It holds 44 lbs, remember?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2275\" data-end=\"2350\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2350\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2305\"\u003eGifts for your therapist\u003c\/strong\u003e - Or maybe a glitter bomb card. Same energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2351\" data-end=\"2408\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2353\" data-end=\"2408\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2353\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003eBeach crap\u003c\/strong\u003e - Towels, SPF, and dicks. Classic combo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2409\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2431\"\u003eYour ex’s hoodie\u003c\/strong\u003e - Drop it off anonymously. Toss in some gummy dicks while you're at it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2505\" data-end=\"2508\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2510\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003eActual Bag Specs (In Case You Give a Damn)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2557\" data-end=\"2902\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2557\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2559\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e15 x 15 inch tote bag - obnoxiously perfect\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2603\" data-end=\"2671\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2605\" data-end=\"2671\"\u003eMade from 100% spun polyester - rain-resistant, judgment-resistant\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2672\" data-end=\"2747\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2674\" data-end=\"2747\"\u003eDual cotton bull denim handles - strong enough to hold your self-loathing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2748\" data-end=\"2811\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2750\" data-end=\"2811\"\u003eHolds up to 44 lbs and 2.6 gallons of “sh*t I need right now”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2812\" data-end=\"2899\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2814\" data-end=\"2899\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-start=\"2820\" data-end=\"2840\"\u003e100% anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - your mailman won’t judge your lifestyle (but he’ll know)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2903\" data-end=\"2906\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2908\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003eWhy You Need This In Your Life (Like Yesterday)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"3312\"\u003eLook, this is \u003cstrong data-start=\"2974\" data-end=\"2981\"\u003enot\u003c\/strong\u003e for your grandma’s knitting club (unless your grandma is an absolute savage, in which case - hell yes, get her one too). This is for the friend who’d bring penis pasta to a potluck just to see who flinches. It’s for you, the bold, the unbothered, the “yes I \u003cem data-start=\"3240\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003eam\u003c\/em\u003e walking through Whole Foods with a literal \u003cem data-start=\"3288\" data-end=\"3302\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/em\u003e, Brenda.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3314\" data-end=\"3331\"\u003eIt’s perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3333\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3333\" data-end=\"3363\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3335\" data-end=\"3363\"\u003eThat savage birthday present\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3424\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3366\" data-end=\"3424\"\u003eA reusable shopping bag with serious main character energy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3467\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3427\" data-end=\"3467\"\u003eYour new favorite bachelorette accessory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3468\" data-end=\"3508\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3470\" data-end=\"3508\"\u003eThe boldest tote bag on the damn beach\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3509\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3511\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003eOr just your everyday “I give zero shits” carry-all\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3564\" data-end=\"3567\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3569\" data-end=\"3614\"\u003eFinal Warning: This Bag Will Get Attention\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3616\" data-end=\"3845\"\u003eIf you don’t like being stared at, complimented, or offered tequila shots by strangers at Trader Joe’s, this may not be for you. But if you thrive in chaos, love laughter, and want a \u003cem data-start=\"3799\" data-end=\"3818\"\u003ebag of dicks mail\u003c\/em\u003e moment to call your own...\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3847\" data-end=\"3914\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3847\" data-end=\"3914\"\u003eBuy the damn thing. Carry it everywhere. Watch the world react.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3916\" data-end=\"3919\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3921\" data-end=\"4064\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3921\" data-end=\"4005\"\u003eClick that beautiful button and start making errands the highlight of your week.\u003c\/strong\u003e You’ve carried worse. Now carry dicks - and do it proudly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21499415429204,"sku":"2383169","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-dicks-tote-8648222.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"the-chocolate-dick-bag-of-dicks-combo","title":"The Chocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo!","description":"\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Chocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDouble the dicks. Double the laughs. Double the deliciously inappropriate chaos.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"662\" data-start=\"379\"\u003eIf you’ve ever wanted to send the perfect “I adore you but also go eat a dick” gift, you’ve just found it. \u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(255, 42, 0);\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-end=\"529\" data-start=\"490\"\u003eChocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e is the ultimate edible prank package – a classy-meets-crass masterpiece that delivers both shock value and snack value in one box.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"935\" data-start=\"664\"\u003eInside, you’ll find a hefty 5 inch, 4 ounce \u003cstrong data-end=\"733\" data-start=\"708\"\u003esolid chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e made from gluten free Peruvian cacao, paired with a bag of fruity, chewy gummy dicks. It’s basically the fine wine and cheese board of inappropriate gifts… only much funnier and way less pretentious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1176\" data-start=\"937\"\u003eIt ships 100 percent anonymously in a plain, discreet box, so you can unleash your edible chaos without ever getting caught. Perfect for birthdays, white elephant exchanges, breakups, office parties, or the sweet, sweet taste of revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1258\" data-start=\"1178\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-end=\"1199\" data-start=\"1184\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e right now. Send the combo. Sit back. Wait for the chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1263\" data-start=\"1260\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1309\" data-start=\"1265\"\u003eWhy This Combo is the King of Gag Gifts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1311\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1395\" data-start=\"1311\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1395\" data-start=\"1313\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1335\" data-start=\"1313\"\u003eDouble the trouble\u003c\/strong\u003e – One big chocolate cock plus a whole bag of gummy dicks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1522\" data-start=\"1396\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1522\" data-start=\"1398\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1416\" data-start=\"1398\"\u003eActually tasty\u003c\/strong\u003e – Gourmet chocolate that melts in your mouth and fruity gummies that don’t taste like cheap joke candy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1523\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1525\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1549\" data-start=\"1525\"\u003eCompletely anonymous\u003c\/strong\u003e – No sender info, no receipt, no way to trace it back to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1614\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1616\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1658\" data-start=\"1616\"\u003ePerfect for any inappropriate occasion\u003c\/strong\u003e – From birthday gag gifts to revenge pranks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1710\" data-start=\"1707\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1742\" data-start=\"1712\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1932\" data-start=\"1744\"\u003ePicture this. They open the box, expecting socks or maybe a boring gift card. Instead – boom – a \u003cstrong data-end=\"1879\" data-start=\"1841\"\u003eperfectly sculpted chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e staring them down like it knows all their secrets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2157\" data-start=\"1934\"\u003eThen, just when they think they’ve seen it all, they find the bag of gummy dicks. Bright, colorful, and unapologetically phallic. Now it’s laughter, blushing, maybe a few phone pics that hit the group chat within seconds.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2337\" data-start=\"2159\"\u003eThey either eat it right away or display it on the counter like a weird edible trophy. Either way, they’ll never forget the moment they got your chocolate and candy dick combo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2342\" data-start=\"2339\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2385\" data-start=\"2344\"\u003eReal Reviews from Real Prank Legends\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2721\" data-start=\"2387\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2721\" data-start=\"2389\"\u003e“I ordered this for Father’s Day as a joke to my ex. He thought it was absolutely hilarious and said the candy was great quality. Lol. He said to rate this 5 stars.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2557\" data-start=\"2554\"\u003e“It’s was delicious and solid… The chocolate was so rich I couldn’t stop eating it.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2646\" data-start=\"2643\"\u003e“Perfect for white elephant holiday gift. Gummies were actually tasty!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2726\" data-start=\"2723\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2752\" data-start=\"2728\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"2754\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2840\" data-start=\"2754\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2840\" data-start=\"2756\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2801\" data-start=\"2756\"\u003eOne 5 inch, 4 ounce solid chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e made from gluten free Peruvian cacao\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2898\" data-start=\"2841\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2898\" data-start=\"2843\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2869\" data-start=\"2843\"\u003eOne bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e in multiple fruity flavors\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2956\" data-start=\"2899\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2956\" data-start=\"2901\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2913\" data-start=\"2901\"\u003eFlavors:\u003c\/strong\u003e Rich chocolate, plus sweet chewy gummies\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3022\" data-start=\"2957\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3022\" data-start=\"2959\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2973\" data-start=\"2959\"\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/strong\u003e Discreet plain box with no branding or receipt\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3070\" data-start=\"3023\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3070\" data-start=\"3025\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3038\" data-start=\"3025\"\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ships 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"3071\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"3073\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3089\" data-start=\"3073\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e Birthday gag gift, anonymous prank, white elephant gift, breakup joke, office party surprise, edible revenge gift\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3210\" data-start=\"3207\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3247\" data-start=\"3212\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3506\" data-start=\"3249\"\u003eBecause it’s not just one joke gift – it’s two. They get the big chocolate shock factor, and then the gummy follow-up that keeps the laughter going. Even people who act fake-offended will sneak a taste, because good chocolate and gummies are irresistible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3719\" data-start=\"3508\"\u003ePlus, it’s the kind of gift that gets talked about for weeks. It pops up in group chats. It gets a mention in awkward family conversations. It might even make someone think twice before messing with you again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3724\" data-start=\"3721\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3763\" data-start=\"3726\"\u003eSend the Combo. Make the Memory.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3936\" data-start=\"3765\"\u003eThis isn’t the time for half measures. Don’t just send a bag of dicks. Don’t just send a chocolate penis. Send both in one glorious, edible, unforgettable prank package.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4042\" data-start=\"3938\"\u003eHit \u003cstrong data-end=\"3957\" data-start=\"3942\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now. Be the reason someone says, “You won’t believe what I got in the mail today.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21880891670612,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-chocolate-dick-bag-of-dicks-combo-3219535.jpg?v=1755879211"}],"url":"https:\/\/dicksbymail.com\/collections\/all\/send-poop.oembed","provider":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","version":"1.0","type":"link"}