{"title":"Valentine's Gifts","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-giant-chocolate-dick","title":"Eat a Dick - The Chocolate Dick","description":"\u003ch3 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Dick – The Chocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSolid chocolate. Solid insult. Solid gold prank.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou know what’s better than sending someone flowers? Sending them a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003egiant chocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e they have to unwrap, stare at, and decide if they’re gonna bite the tip first or go straight for the base.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat a Dick – Chocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is not subtle. It’s not romantic (unless your romance involves filthy jokes). It’s a big, solid, 4-to-5.5 inch \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003echocolate penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e made from gluten-free Peruvian cacao, and it shows up in a sleek black box like some luxury jewelry… if the “jewel” was a perfectly molded cocoa cock.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd the best part? It ships \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e100% anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. No sender info. No return address. Just pure, edible confusion delivered right to their door.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo yeah, if you’ve got a friend, ex, sibling, or Valentine who deserves a big chocolate middle finger, this is it. Smash that \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e button and let the cocoa chaos begin.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Need to Send a Chocolate Penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eChocolate Dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is the perfect edible “F you” for any occasion:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s edible art\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Made from high-quality gluten-free Peruvian cacao, it actually tastes amazing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s a visual gut punch\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – They open the box and immediately regret their life choices.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s versatile\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Works for birthdays, bachelorette parties, Valentine’s Day, revenge gifts, or “just because.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s anonymous\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – They’ll never know it was you… unless you’re giggling too hard to keep the secret.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eImagine this:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey get a package. Looks fancy. They open it expecting fine chocolates or maybe a nice watch. Nope. It’s a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003egiant chocolate cock\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring them in the face like, \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Hey there, champ. Eat me.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey laugh. They take a picture. They send it to three friends. Then they either eat it (because chocolate is chocolate) or put it on display like a weird edible trophy. Either way, you win.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Went There\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Great way to prank your best friend or not-so-best friend, anonymous and hilarious.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Bought it for a friend as a gag gift and it arrived on Valentine’s Day, she opened it in front of her 10-year-old son who won’t stop asking questions.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Sent it to my sister and she absolutely died laughing, she loved it.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Delicious Details\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSize:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 4 to 5.5 inches, 3 to 4 oz of solid chocolate goodness\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Gluten-free Peruvian cacao – because even insults should taste gourmet\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Sleek black box that screams “classy” until you open it\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eExtras:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Optional upgraded gift box for maximum surprise factor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e 100% anonymous – the mystery is half the fun\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse Cases:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Anonymous prank, birthday\/gag gift, bachelorette party, Valentine’s Day joke, breakup revenge, just because you can\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy It Works Every. Single. Time.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause even if they hate you, they can’t hate chocolate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Because nothing breaks tension like opening a box to find a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebig chocolate penis\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring back at you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Because this is a prank that’s edible, harmless, and yet deeply personal.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSeriously, your “eat a dick chocolate” moment will live rent-free in their head for years. It’s a conversation starter, a photo op, and a power move all in one shiny cocoa package.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend It. Bite It. Love It.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere’s the play:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEnter their address.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli aria-level=\"1\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\n\u003cp role=\"presentation\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSit back and wait for the confused text, the awkward photo, or the phone call that starts with “What the hell, man?”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s that simple. You can send a \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebig chocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e for less than the price of a boring bouquet, and it’ll get way more laughs.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-c363c91c-7fff-eff1-66c2-793662dace9e\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo do it. Make someone’s day. Make them eat a dick.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e A \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003echocolate dick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"The Chocolate Dick","offer_id":930360131597,"sku":"CHOCOD","price":22.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Nuts About You Box","offer_id":41567798886484,"sku":"NUTSABOUTYOUCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"There's Something Fabulous In There Pride Box","offer_id":41567798919252,"sku":"FABULOUSCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Regal - Fake Watch Gift Prank","offer_id":42636581765204,"sku":"REGALCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"New Phone Gift Prank","offer_id":42636581797972,"sku":"PHONECHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Congratulations!","offer_id":42636581666900,"sku":"CONGRATSCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"The Happy Birthday Box","offer_id":32160656261204,"sku":"HBDCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Be Mine Box","offer_id":41567798853716,"sku":"BEMINECHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Hung Christmas Box","offer_id":42636581699668,"sku":"HUNGCHRISTMASCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"The Don","offer_id":42636581732436,"sku":"THEDONCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Santa Christmas Box","offer_id":41567799017556,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCOLATEDICK","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/all-the-dicks-bundle-gummy-dicks-chocolate-dick-and-dick-glitter-bomb-6404789.jpg?v=1764100227"},{"product_id":"emojibator-go-fuck-yourself","title":"Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"152\" data-end=\"185\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEmojibator - Go Fuck Yourself\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"187\" data-end=\"282\"\u003eBecause sometimes, the only logical thing left to say is \u003cstrong data-start=\"244\" data-end=\"266\"\u003e“Go Fuck Yourself”\u003c\/strong\u003e... literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"284\" data-end=\"702\"\u003eThis is not your average gag gift. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"329\" data-end=\"384\"\u003efully functional, 10-speed eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e that manages to be both \u003cstrong data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"430\"\u003ehilariously petty\u003c\/strong\u003e and \u003cstrong data-start=\"435\" data-end=\"456\"\u003eshockingly useful\u003c\/strong\u003e at the same time. Perfect for breakups, Galentine’s Day, bachelorette parties, or as a little love letter to yourself, the Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself is the kind of gift that says \u003cem data-start=\"640\" data-end=\"649\"\u003eexactly\u003c\/em\u003e what you mean, with no room for misinterpretation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"704\" data-end=\"1030\"\u003eWhether you’re sending it to an ex as a parting shot or gifting it to your best friend with a wink and a laugh, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"821\" data-end=\"859\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch purple powerhouse\u003c\/strong\u003e gets the point across. And the best part? It ships \u003cstrong data-start=\"911\" data-end=\"938\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e, so you can drop your little vibrating truth bomb without anyone ever knowing it was you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1118\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1047\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and deliver the sassiest, most satisfying “f*** you” in history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1120\" data-end=\"1123\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1125\" data-end=\"1165\"\u003eWhy This is the Ultimate Petty Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1191\"\u003eHilariously direct\u003c\/strong\u003e - the name says it all\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1217\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1237\"\u003eActually works\u003c\/strong\u003e - 10 vibration settings for maximum “self care”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1288\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1310\"\u003eCompact and cute\u003c\/strong\u003e - travel-sized eggplant emoji that fits in your bag or nightstand\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1379\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1403\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - no receipts, no return address, no awkward explanations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1465\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1470\" data-end=\"1500\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1502\" data-end=\"1702\"\u003ePicture this. They get a small, innocent-looking package in the mail. They open it. There it is... an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1604\" data-end=\"1625\"\u003eeggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e staring them down with the smugness only a plastic vegetable can pull off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1704\" data-end=\"1836\"\u003eThey laugh. They blush. They don’t know whether to be insulted or impressed. But here’s the thing - they’re definitely keeping it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"2110\"\u003eFast forward a week... they’re still talking about it. They’ve shown their friends. They’ve told the story ten times. You’ve given them the most unforgettable gag gift of their life - and you’re somewhere else, sipping wine, giggling to yourself like the genius you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2112\" data-end=\"2115\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2117\" data-end=\"2157\"\u003eReal Reviews From People Who Get It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2330\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2264\"\u003e\"It’s the perfect size, soo cute, travel size. Only thing is batteries go fast lol. 10\/10 Love it!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"2264\" data-end=\"2267\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2328\"\u003e\"Amazing. Got this for myself and absolutely love it!!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2332\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2337\" data-end=\"2361\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2410\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003e10 vibration settings\u003c\/strong\u003e for a customizable ride\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2467\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2492\"\u003eTravel-sized design\u003c\/strong\u003e for easy storage or portability\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2527\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2562\"\u003eMade from body-safe materials\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2565\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2589\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e for zero awkwardness\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2613\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2615\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003eA perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"2632\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003ecomedy and actual functionality\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2674\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2676\" data-end=\"2704\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2706\" data-end=\"2894\"\u003eBecause it’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003eequal parts insult and indulgence\u003c\/strong\u003e. Sure, it’s funny. Sure, it’s petty. But unlike most gag gifts, this one actually \u003cem data-start=\"2839\" data-end=\"2855\"\u003edoes something\u003c\/em\u003e. And that’s what makes it legendary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2896\" data-end=\"3179\"\u003eIt’s not just a joke. It’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2949\"\u003econversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2953\" data-end=\"2973\"\u003ememorable moment\u003c\/strong\u003e, and in some cases... a gift that keeps on giving. Whether they laugh, roll their eyes, or send you a thank-you text they’ll regret later, you’ve officially cemented your place in their personal history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3181\" data-end=\"3184\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3186\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003eBe the Legend of Their Group Chat\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3226\" data-end=\"3362\"\u003eAnyone can send flowers or a card. It takes a true legend to send an \u003cstrong data-start=\"3295\" data-end=\"3326\"\u003eanonymous eggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e with a silent-but-deadly message.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3370\" data-end=\"3385\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Send it. Sit back. And know you’ve just sent the most outrageous, on-brand “Go Fuck Yourself” the world has ever seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136967181,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136999949,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":4001244610573,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":21667773251668,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/emojibator-vibrator_2048x2048_efd17bd4-5b8e-4cbe-a6ea-cbac6417911a.jpg?v=1512007686"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card","title":"Eat a Dick - Original Valentines Day Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch1 data-start=\"234\" data-end=\"287\"\u003eEat a Dick - Original Valentine’s Day Greeting Card\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"289\" data-end=\"408\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"289\" data-end=\"408\"\u003eNothing says “I love you” or “go choke on a candy cane” like a Valentine’s Day card that literally pops out a dick.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"410\" data-end=\"617\"\u003eYou’ve got two kinds of people this time of year. The ones you want to bang, and the ones you want to haunt with a permanent mental image of a cartoon cock flying out of a card. This bad boy works for both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"619\" data-end=\"790\"\u003eIt’s romantic. It’s rude. It’s the emotional equivalent of flipping someone off with a smile. Whether you're breaking hearts or breaking wind, this card gets the job done.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"792\" data-end=\"902\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"792\" data-end=\"902\"\u003eSo stop doom-scrolling and hit that add to cart button. It’s time to mail someone a throbbing paper penis.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"904\" data-end=\"907\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"909\" data-end=\"959\"\u003eWhy This Card Slaps (Literally and Emotionally)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"961\" data-end=\"1172\"\u003eValentine’s Day is a joke. Not the funny kind. The overpriced dinner, chocolate-covered capitalism kind. You know what’s actually hilarious? A 3D dick popping out of a card like it’s auditioning for Magic Mike.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1174\" data-end=\"1396\"\u003eWhether you're heartbroken, horny, or just hate love, this card is the therapy you didn't know you needed. It’s catharsis with a penis. It’s petty revenge with paper engineering. It’s everything you didn’t know you wanted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1401\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1403\" data-end=\"1440\"\u003eReal Reviews From Unhinged Legends\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1442\" data-end=\"1493\"\u003eDon't take our word for it. The people have spoken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1495\" data-end=\"1570\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1497\" data-end=\"1570\"\u003e“Definitely got the wow dickfactor. The perfect gift. The gift of dicks.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1572\" data-end=\"1582\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1574\" data-end=\"1582\"\u003e“Great!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1719\"\u003eThat’s it. That’s the review. Sometimes words fail when you’ve just been emotionally smacked in the face by a Valentine’s cock grenade.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1721\" data-end=\"1724\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1726\" data-end=\"1755\"\u003eHere’s What You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1757\" data-end=\"1836\"\u003eYou’re not just buying a card. You’re buying chaos, closure, and comedy gold.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1840\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003eA folded Valentine’s Day card that proudly says \u003cstrong data-start=\"1888\" data-end=\"1904\"\u003e“EAT A DICK”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1907\" data-end=\"1964\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1909\" data-end=\"1964\"\u003eA pop-up 3D penis that springs out like your ex’s ego\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1965\" data-end=\"2031\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1967\" data-end=\"2031\"\u003eMade from sturdy cardstock so it survives transit and tantrums\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2032\" data-end=\"2098\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2034\" data-end=\"2098\"\u003eBlank on the back so you can add whatever foul poetry you want\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2099\" data-end=\"2126\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2101\" data-end=\"2126\"\u003eWhite envelope included\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2127\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2129\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-start=\"2135\" data-end=\"2162\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e because plausible deniability is hot\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2202\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2204\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003eOptional glitter add-on for maximum emotional damage\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2260\" data-end=\"2329\"\u003eThis is not a Hallmark moment. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2301\" data-end=\"2328\"\u003eValentine’s cock cannon\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2331\" data-end=\"2334\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2336\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003eWhen to Send It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2356\" data-end=\"2381\"\u003eThis card is perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2429\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2429\"\u003eYour ex who still follows you on Instagram\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2430\" data-end=\"2485\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2432\" data-end=\"2485\"\u003eThat “just friends” person who forgot your birthday\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2486\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2488\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003eYourself, because you deserve to laugh through the pain\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2546\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2594\"\u003eYour best friend, who’s just as toxic as you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2597\" data-end=\"2657\"\u003eAnyone who could benefit from a little \u003cstrong data-start=\"2636\" data-end=\"2655\"\u003evalentines cock\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2659\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2664\" data-end=\"2679\"\u003eWhy It Works\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2681\" data-end=\"2832\"\u003eBecause it’s not trying to be sweet. It’s not trying to be cute. It’s trying to say “Happy Valentine’s Day” while aggressively flashing a paper dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2834\" data-end=\"2876\"\u003eThat’s bold. That’s art. That’s healing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2878\" data-end=\"3039\"\u003eYou're not sending a card. You’re sending a message. A throbbing, veiny, cardstock message. One that says, “I still care. But mostly I care that you eat a dick.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3041\" data-end=\"3044\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3063\"\u003eYour Next Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3065\" data-end=\"3208\"\u003eDon’t overthink it. Buy the card. Choose the glitter if you’re feeling extra spicy. We’ll ship it out, no names attached, no regrets necessary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3210\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003eClick the \u003cstrong\u003eadd to cart\u003c\/strong\u003e button. Mail the dick. Become a legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":3215728345101,"sku":"","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":3215728410637,"sku":"","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":3215728476173,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":3215728508941,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack-3003979.jpg?v=1755878740"},{"product_id":"roses-are-red-fart-card","title":"Roses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"206\" data-start=\"170\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRoses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"285\" data-start=\"208\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"283\" data-start=\"208\"\u003eRoses are red, violets are blue, open this card… and smell literal poo.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"685\" data-start=\"287\"\u003eThere are pranks… and then there’s sending a fart by mail so foul it could knock a raccoon out of a dumpster. The \u003cem data-end=\"435\" data-start=\"401\"\u003eRoses Are Red - Shitty Fart Card\u003c\/em\u003e isn’t subtle. It isn’t kind. It’s a full-on stink grenade disguised as a sweet little love poem. You’re not just sending a card, you’re sending a chemical-level relationship ender, an olfactory assault, a bouquet of hell straight to their mailbox.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"981\" data-start=\"687\"\u003eWhether it’s for an ex, a sibling, a frenemy, or that one person who still owes you $20 from 2018, this card will get your point across without you ever having to say a word. You just sit back and wait for the angry text that says, “WTF is wrong with you?” and know in your heart… you’ve won.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1088\" data-start=\"983\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1086\" data-start=\"983\"\u003eSend this today. Let your victim gag, curse your name, and then admit it was actually pretty funny.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1093\" data-start=\"1090\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1129\" data-start=\"1095\"\u003eWhy This Is The Perfect Prank\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1131\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1200\" data-start=\"1131\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1200\" data-start=\"1133\"\u003eIt’s \u003cstrong data-end=\"1151\" data-start=\"1138\"\u003eanonymous\u003c\/strong\u003e so you can remain the mysterious stink dealer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1259\" data-start=\"1201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1259\" data-start=\"1203\"\u003eThe smell? Horrifying. Like gym socks left in a swamp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1340\" data-start=\"1260\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1340\" data-start=\"1262\"\u003eWorks for birthdays, breakups, revenge, or just to ruin someone’s afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1341\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1374\" data-start=\"1343\"\u003eThey can’t un-smell it. Ever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1376\"\u003eThis isn’t some weak “haha” greeting card. This is a fart spray card that releases a cloud of weaponized nastiness the second it’s opened. They’ll think it’s a joke… until the smell hits. Then they’ll realize it’s not a joke. It’s war.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1618\" data-start=\"1615\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1637\" data-start=\"1620\"\u003eHow It Works\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1654\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1654\" data-start=\"1642\"\u003eYou order.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1733\" data-start=\"1655\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1733\" data-start=\"1658\"\u003eWe stuff the card with potent fart spray that smells like Satan’s armpit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1783\" data-start=\"1734\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1783\" data-start=\"1737\"\u003eWe mail it anonymously to your lucky target.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1784\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1845\" data-start=\"1787\"\u003eThey open it, the stink bomb goes off, and chaos ensues.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1944\" data-start=\"1847\"\u003eNo return address. No way to trace it. Just you, sitting on your couch, laughing like a maniac.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1949\" data-start=\"1946\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1977\" data-start=\"1951\"\u003eReal Customer Carnage\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2035\" data-start=\"1979\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2033\" data-start=\"1979\"\u003e\"Sent anonymously and everything I expected. Thank.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2150\" data-start=\"2037\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2148\" data-start=\"2037\"\u003e\"I mailed this wonderful card to my ex boyfriend and he has finally left me alone. It was worth every penny.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2284\" data-start=\"2152\"\u003e\u003cem data-end=\"2282\" data-start=\"2152\"\u003e\"My sister never saw it coming, I practically shit in her face and now she tells everyone that she has the best brother ever ;)\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2289\" data-start=\"2286\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2311\" data-start=\"2291\"\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2313\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2355\" data-start=\"2313\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2355\" data-start=\"2315\"\u003e4.25 x 5.5 inch double-sided cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2413\" data-start=\"2356\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2413\" data-start=\"2358\"\u003eRigged with potent fart spray for maximum stink power\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2440\" data-start=\"2414\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2440\" data-start=\"2416\"\u003eShips 100% anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2441\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2514\" data-start=\"2443\"\u003ePerfect for breakups, sibling wars, petty revenge, or birthday laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2519\" data-start=\"2516\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2535\" data-start=\"2521\"\u003eYour Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2655\" data-start=\"2537\"\u003eYou could send a boring “Thinking of You” card… or you could send a fart card that smells like the end of the world.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2681\" data-start=\"2657\"\u003eThe choice is obvious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2749\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2747\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and drop the stink bomb of the year.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2749\" data-start=\"2683\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":8435057426487,"sku":"","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/roses-are-red-shitty-fart-card-9465938.png?v=1755879234"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-the-valentines-day-dick","title":"Eat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"197\" data-end=\"250\"\u003eEat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"252\" data-end=\"540\"\u003eValentine’s Day is full of roses, teddy bears, and “I love you” cards. Boring. Predictable. Lame. If you want to truly surprise someone, skip the clichés and give them the one gift they’ll never forget - a solid chocolate penis tucked inside a Valentine’s Day “Nuts About You” gift box.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"542\" data-end=\"885\"\u003eYep. You read that right. A premium gluten free Peruvian cacao cock, lovingly molded for maximum comedic effect, sitting pretty in a pink pixel-heart-themed box. Whether it’s for your partner, your gal pal, your ex, or just someone who deserves a mouthful of rich chocolate justice, this is the ultimate gag gift with actual gourmet quality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"1044\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"1042\"\u003eOrder now, ship it 100 percent anonymously, and watch the confusion turn into laughter (and possibly a suspiciously long pause before that first bite).\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1046\" data-end=\"1049\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1051\" data-end=\"1086\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1088\" data-end=\"1369\"\u003eMost Valentine’s gifts are instantly forgettable. This? Not a chance. No one is tossing this in a drawer. No one is leaving it on the table without a double take. This is the kind of present that sparks stories - the “remember when” tales that live on in friend groups for years.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1371\" data-end=\"1623\"\u003eIt’s not just a joke. This chocolate dick is made from legit, gluten free Peruvian cacao, so even if they’re shocked, they’re also getting a seriously good piece of candy. You’re not just sending laughs. You’re sending laughs that melt in your mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1628\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1630\" data-end=\"1672\"\u003eHow It Goes Down (Pun Fully Intended)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1674\" data-end=\"1858\"\u003ePicture this: they see the Valentine’s Day box. They think, “Aww, how sweet.” They open it. Boom. There it is. A proud, 4 to 5.5 inch, 3 to 4 ounce chocolate penis staring them down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1860\" data-end=\"2104\"\u003eThe reaction is always the same - stunned silence, immediate laughter, and then a wave of naughty jokes that last the whole night. Some people eat it right away. Some keep it as a trophy. Some post it online and let the internet do its thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2106\" data-end=\"2109\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2111\" data-end=\"2154\"\u003eStraight From the Legends Who Sent It\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e“I never buy a Valentine’s present for my lover but when I scrolled past this on IG, it was a MUST BUY. He came home grumpy so I gave it to him early. He was embarrassed, wouldn’t let me take photos, but I didn’t stop making every naughty joke possible and still do!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2428\" data-end=\"2569\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2430\" data-end=\"2569\"\u003e“This was the perfect Valentine gift for my friend!! She laughed so much when she opened it. Best part - the chocolate is really good!!!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2570\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2572\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003e“Arrived SO quickly and looked exactly like the photos. My best friend still talks about it.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2669\" data-end=\"2672\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2674\" data-end=\"2690\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2692\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2692\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2694\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003eValentine’s Day gifts that actually get remembered\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2747\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2749\" data-end=\"2785\"\u003eGalentine’s pranks between besties\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2786\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2788\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eBreakup revenge with a sweet aftertaste\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2830\" data-end=\"2857\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2832\" data-end=\"2857\"\u003eAnonymous edible pranks\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2858\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2860\" data-end=\"2923\"\u003eAdult novelty gifts that don’t suck (but might get sucked on)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2928\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2930\" data-end=\"2961\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2963\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2963\" data-end=\"3017\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2965\" data-end=\"3017\"\u003eA Valentine’s Day pixel-heart-themed pink gift box\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3018\" data-end=\"3077\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3020\" data-end=\"3077\"\u003eA solid chocolate penis, 4 to 5.5 inches, 3 to 4 ounces\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3078\" data-end=\"3142\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3080\" data-end=\"3142\"\u003eMade from gluten free Peruvian cacao for rich, smooth flavor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3143\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3145\" data-end=\"3196\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously for maximum mystery\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3198\" data-end=\"3201\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3203\" data-end=\"3233\"\u003eHow to Send It Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3238\" data-end=\"3259\"\u003eAdd it to your cart\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3260\" data-end=\"3333\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3263\" data-end=\"3333\"\u003eChoose where it’s going (direct to them or to you for hand delivery)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3334\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3337\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003eSit back and prepare yourself for the texts, calls, or Instagram stories that follow\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3428\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3430\" data-end=\"3446\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3448\" data-end=\"3734\"\u003eThe Eat a Dick - Chocolate Dick in Nuts About You gift is more than just candy. It’s comedy, shock value, and a gourmet treat all rolled into one box. It’s the Valentine’s Day present for people who hate boring presents. It’s the ultimate edible “gotcha” for friends, lovers, or exes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3736\" data-end=\"3863\"\u003eForget the flowers. Forget the jewelry. If you want something unforgettable, sweet, and just a little scandalous, this is it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3917\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3915\"\u003eSend the dick. Make the memory. Laugh forever.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3972\" data-start=\"3920\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21425264001108,"sku":"NUTSCHOCODICK","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-dark-chocolate-cock-eat-a-dick-1390259.jpg?v=1772056670"},{"product_id":"valentines-day-pack","title":"Valentine’s Day Pack: Gummy Bag of Dicks, Pop-Up Dick Card, and Optional Dick Confetti","description":"\u003ch3\u003eValentine’s Day Pack: Gummy Bag of Dicks, Pop-Up Dick Card, and Optional Glitter or Confetti 🍬💌✨\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis Valentine’s Day, ditch the boring gifts and send something unforgettable (and slightly inappropriate). The \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e has everything you need to bring laughter, sass, and maybe just a little chaos to someone’s day. It’s packed with \u003cstrong\u003edelicious gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong\u003epop-up dick card\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the option to sprinkle in \u003cstrong\u003eglitter or dick confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e for good measure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Inside:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🍬 \u003cstrong\u003e\"I Thought You Could Use Some Dick\" Gummy Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e – Sweet, fruity, and ridiculously hilarious, these \u003cstrong\u003edelicious gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are guaranteed to make anyone laugh (and snack happily).\u003cbr\u003e💌 \u003cstrong\u003eValentine's Day Pop-Up Dick Card\u003c\/strong\u003e – A bold, cheeky card that literally pops up to tell them to eat a dick, but in the cutest way possible.\u003cbr\u003e✨ \u003cstrong\u003eOptional Glitter or Dick Confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because nothing says “I care” like glitter in places they’ll be finding for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy It’s the Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGive Your Galentine Some Dick (You Knew They Were Missing)\u003c\/strong\u003e – Show your bestie you’re looking out for them. After all, every Galentine deserves a little extra love… in gummy form.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTell Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend There’s More Dick Coming\u003c\/strong\u003e – The pop-up card and \u003cstrong\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are just the start. Consider it a teaser for what’s to come later.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eConfuse the Shit Out of Someone Anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e – Send this to a friend, crush, or coworker, and let them wonder if “eat a dick” is a compliment or an insult. (It’s both.)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTell Your Asshole Ex to Eat a Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because closure tastes sweeter when it’s shaped like a gummy penis.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy They’ll Love It (Even If They Hate It):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e are \u003cstrong\u003edeliciously fruity\u003c\/strong\u003e, making them the perfect snack (and subtle roast).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe pop-up card is bold enough to say what you’re thinking but cute enough to soften the blow.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOptional glitter or \u003cstrong\u003edick-shaped confetti\u003c\/strong\u003e ensures they’ll be talking about this gift long after Valentine’s Day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis \u003cstrong\u003eheart gift box for her, him, or anyone\u003c\/strong\u003e is your one-stop shop for laughter, awkwardness, and unforgettable memories. Whether it’s for your \u003cstrong\u003egirlfriend\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong\u003eboyfriend\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong\u003eGalentine\u003c\/strong\u003e, or that \u003cstrong\u003eex who really deserves it\u003c\/strong\u003e, the \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to bring the fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo, go ahead—spread some joy, send some sass, and give someone the sweetest sack of dicks they’ll ever receive. 💌✨🍬\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ -----","offer_id":21425316134996,"sku":"","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ -----","offer_id":21425316167764,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ -----","offer_id":21425316200532,"sku":"","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316233300,"sku":"","price":36.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316266068,"sku":"","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ Add a Second Bag of Dicks for 1\/2 Off!","offer_id":21425316298836,"sku":"","price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack-2999489.jpg?v=1755878740"},{"product_id":"valentines-day-card-love-of-my-life","title":"Love of My Life Pop Up Card","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"24bd1e38-4c66-4660-874c-ac49bf7f1f5f\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003eThe Valentine’s Day Card That Says “I Love You”… and Then Tells Them to Eat a Dick\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"327\" data-end=\"731\"\u003eForget flowers, chocolates, and all that mushy Hallmark garbage. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"396\" data-end=\"427\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is the most brutally honest, laugh-out-loud, slightly offensive way to say “I care” without actually being romantic. On the outside, it looks like a sweet Valentine’s Day greeting card. On the inside? Boom, a glorious 3D pop-up penis springs to life along with the heartfelt message: \u003cstrong data-start=\"712\" data-end=\"729\"\u003e“EAT A DICK.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"733\" data-end=\"966\"\u003eThis isn’t just a card. This is a statement. A bold, ballsy, unforgettable way to make your partner, ex, or even your best friend howl with laughter. And because it ships 100 percent anonymously, you can keep them guessing forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"968\" data-end=\"1071\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"968\" data-end=\"993\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give someone the most memorable Valentine’s Day surprise of their life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1073\" data-end=\"1076\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1078\" data-end=\"1126\"\u003eWhy This Card Is the Only One Worth Buying\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1127\" data-end=\"1308\"\u003eEvery other Valentine’s card is just boring. You buy it, they open it, they smile politely, and it ends up in the trash two days later. But this card? This card is \u003cstrong data-start=\"1291\" data-end=\"1305\"\u003ethe moment\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1310\" data-end=\"1613\"\u003eWhether you’re pulling off the ultimate romantic prank or delivering a breakup burn they will never forget, the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e nails the balance between sweet and savage. Pair it with optional add-ons like a bag of dicks, dick confetti, or glitter for an even more explosive surprise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1615\" data-end=\"1618\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1620\" data-end=\"1654\"\u003eA True Story of Pop-Up Glory\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1655\" data-end=\"1980\"\u003ePicture this. It’s Valentine’s morning. Your partner opens the envelope, expecting some mushy love poem. The card unfolds, and there it is, a full-on, unapologetic pop-up penis in all its 3D glory. They laugh so hard they can’t breathe. You just secured your spot in the Hall of Fame for funniest Valentine’s Day gift ever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1982\" data-end=\"2010\"\u003eDon’t take my word for it:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2011\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2011\" data-end=\"2056\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2013\" data-end=\"2056\"\u003e“This really brought out a great laugh!!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2057\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2059\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e“My favorite gift lol”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2131\"\u003e“This was a shocking hit... They loved it.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2133\" data-end=\"2136\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2138\" data-end=\"2160\"\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2163\" data-end=\"2201\"\u003eFolded Valentine’s Day greeting card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2202\" data-end=\"2261\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2204\" data-end=\"2261\"\u003e3D pop-up penis with bold \u003cstrong data-start=\"2230\" data-end=\"2244\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e message inside\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2262\" data-end=\"2295\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2264\" data-end=\"2295\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2298\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003eOptional add-ons: bag of dicks, dick confetti, glitter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2357\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003ePerfect for Valentine’s Day prank, romantic gag gift, Galentine’s joke, breakup revenge, cheeky celebration\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2468\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2473\" data-end=\"2511\"\u003eHow to Use It for Maximum Laughs\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2512\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2512\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2514\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003eSlip it into a pile of serious gifts so it is the last thing they expect\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2662\"\u003eHand-deliver it with a straight face and act confused when they react\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2663\" data-end=\"2718\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2665\" data-end=\"2718\"\u003eSend it anonymously to keep them guessing for years\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2721\" data-end=\"2797\"\u003ePair it with chocolate or flowers for the perfect “sweet but savage” combo\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2799\" data-end=\"2802\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2804\" data-end=\"2826\"\u003eThe Secret Sauce\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2827\" data-end=\"3112\"\u003eThe genius of this card is in the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2880\"\u003esurprise factor\u003c\/strong\u003e. The outside says “romance.” The inside says “eat a dick.” And the pop-up makes sure they cannot miss the point. It is a physical joke they will remember forever, which is more than you can say about a teddy bear holding a heart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3114\" data-end=\"3117\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3119\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3137\" data-end=\"3409\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3172\"\u003eLove of My Life Pop Up Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is for the bold, the mischievous, and the people who think romance and laughter should come in equal doses. Whether you are celebrating love, mocking it, or just trying to make your friends cry-laugh, this card is the ultimate weapon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3411\" data-end=\"3525\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3411\" data-end=\"3436\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and send the funniest, most inappropriate Valentine’s Day card they will ever receive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3395\" data-end=\"3507\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":21488978002004,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":21488978067540,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":21488978133076,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":21488978165844,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/love-of-my-life-pop-up-card-6888878.png?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"the-chocolate-dick-bag-of-dicks-combo","title":"The Chocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo!","description":"\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Chocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDouble the dicks. Double the laughs. Double the deliciously inappropriate chaos.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"662\" data-start=\"379\"\u003eIf you’ve ever wanted to send the perfect “I adore you but also go eat a dick” gift, you’ve just found it. \u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(255, 42, 0);\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-end=\"529\" data-start=\"490\"\u003eChocolate Dick + Bag of Dicks Combo\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e is the ultimate edible prank package – a classy-meets-crass masterpiece that delivers both shock value and snack value in one box.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"935\" data-start=\"664\"\u003eInside, you’ll find a hefty 5 inch, 4 ounce \u003cstrong data-end=\"733\" data-start=\"708\"\u003esolid chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e made from gluten free Peruvian cacao, paired with a bag of fruity, chewy gummy dicks. It’s basically the fine wine and cheese board of inappropriate gifts… only much funnier and way less pretentious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1176\" data-start=\"937\"\u003eIt ships 100 percent anonymously in a plain, discreet box, so you can unleash your edible chaos without ever getting caught. Perfect for birthdays, white elephant exchanges, breakups, office parties, or the sweet, sweet taste of revenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1258\" data-start=\"1178\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-end=\"1199\" data-start=\"1184\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e right now. Send the combo. Sit back. Wait for the chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1263\" data-start=\"1260\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1309\" data-start=\"1265\"\u003eWhy This Combo is the King of Gag Gifts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1311\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1395\" data-start=\"1311\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1395\" data-start=\"1313\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1335\" data-start=\"1313\"\u003eDouble the trouble\u003c\/strong\u003e – One big chocolate cock plus a whole bag of gummy dicks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1522\" data-start=\"1396\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1522\" data-start=\"1398\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1416\" data-start=\"1398\"\u003eActually tasty\u003c\/strong\u003e – Gourmet chocolate that melts in your mouth and fruity gummies that don’t taste like cheap joke candy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1523\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1613\" data-start=\"1525\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1549\" data-start=\"1525\"\u003eCompletely anonymous\u003c\/strong\u003e – No sender info, no receipt, no way to trace it back to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1614\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1705\" data-start=\"1616\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1658\" data-start=\"1616\"\u003ePerfect for any inappropriate occasion\u003c\/strong\u003e – From birthday gag gifts to revenge pranks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1710\" data-start=\"1707\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1742\" data-start=\"1712\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1932\" data-start=\"1744\"\u003ePicture this. They open the box, expecting socks or maybe a boring gift card. Instead – boom – a \u003cstrong data-end=\"1879\" data-start=\"1841\"\u003eperfectly sculpted chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e staring them down like it knows all their secrets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2157\" data-start=\"1934\"\u003eThen, just when they think they’ve seen it all, they find the bag of gummy dicks. Bright, colorful, and unapologetically phallic. Now it’s laughter, blushing, maybe a few phone pics that hit the group chat within seconds.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2337\" data-start=\"2159\"\u003eThey either eat it right away or display it on the counter like a weird edible trophy. Either way, they’ll never forget the moment they got your chocolate and candy dick combo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2342\" data-start=\"2339\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2385\" data-start=\"2344\"\u003eReal Reviews from Real Prank Legends\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2721\" data-start=\"2387\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2721\" data-start=\"2389\"\u003e“I ordered this for Father’s Day as a joke to my ex. He thought it was absolutely hilarious and said the candy was great quality. Lol. He said to rate this 5 stars.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2557\" data-start=\"2554\"\u003e“It’s was delicious and solid… The chocolate was so rich I couldn’t stop eating it.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2646\" data-start=\"2643\"\u003e“Perfect for white elephant holiday gift. Gummies were actually tasty!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2726\" data-start=\"2723\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2752\" data-start=\"2728\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"2754\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2840\" data-start=\"2754\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2840\" data-start=\"2756\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2801\" data-start=\"2756\"\u003eOne 5 inch, 4 ounce solid chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e made from gluten free Peruvian cacao\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2898\" data-start=\"2841\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2898\" data-start=\"2843\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2869\" data-start=\"2843\"\u003eOne bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e in multiple fruity flavors\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2956\" data-start=\"2899\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2956\" data-start=\"2901\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2913\" data-start=\"2901\"\u003eFlavors:\u003c\/strong\u003e Rich chocolate, plus sweet chewy gummies\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3022\" data-start=\"2957\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3022\" data-start=\"2959\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2973\" data-start=\"2959\"\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/strong\u003e Discreet plain box with no branding or receipt\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3070\" data-start=\"3023\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3070\" data-start=\"3025\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3038\" data-start=\"3025\"\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ships 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"3071\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3205\" data-start=\"3073\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3089\" data-start=\"3073\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e Birthday gag gift, anonymous prank, white elephant gift, breakup joke, office party surprise, edible revenge gift\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3210\" data-start=\"3207\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3247\" data-start=\"3212\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3506\" data-start=\"3249\"\u003eBecause it’s not just one joke gift – it’s two. They get the big chocolate shock factor, and then the gummy follow-up that keeps the laughter going. Even people who act fake-offended will sneak a taste, because good chocolate and gummies are irresistible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3719\" data-start=\"3508\"\u003ePlus, it’s the kind of gift that gets talked about for weeks. It pops up in group chats. It gets a mention in awkward family conversations. It might even make someone think twice before messing with you again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3724\" data-start=\"3721\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3763\" data-start=\"3726\"\u003eSend the Combo. Make the Memory.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3936\" data-start=\"3765\"\u003eThis isn’t the time for half measures. Don’t just send a bag of dicks. Don’t just send a chocolate penis. Send both in one glorious, edible, unforgettable prank package.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4042\" data-start=\"3938\"\u003eHit \u003cstrong data-end=\"3957\" data-start=\"3942\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now. Be the reason someone says, “You won’t believe what I got in the mail today.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21880891670612,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-chocolate-dick-bag-of-dicks-combo-3219535.jpg?v=1755879211"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-valentines-day","title":"Be Mine - Eat a Chocolate Dick","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"100\" data-end=\"185\"\u003eBe Mine - Eat a Chocolate Dick: The Valentine’s Day Gift They’ll Never Forget\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"187\" data-end=\"268\"\u003eRoses are red, violets are blue, here’s a chocolate dick… now choke on it, boo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"270\" data-end=\"595\"\u003eIf you’re tired of boring Valentine’s Day gifts, it’s time to level up from heart-shaped boxes and cheap teddy bears. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"392\" data-end=\"426\"\u003eBe Mine - Eat a Chocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e box is the ultimate blend of romance, roast, and ridiculousness. It’s sweet. It’s offensive. And it’s guaranteed to get a bigger reaction than any bouquet ever could.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"597\" data-end=\"789\"\u003eWhether you’re playing the flirty lover, the sarcastic friend, or the petty ex with a wicked sense of humor, this solid chocolate penis is your ticket to an unforgettable Valentine’s moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"791\" data-end=\"849\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"791\" data-end=\"847\"\u003eOrder now. Ship anonymously. Watch the chaos unfold.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"851\" data-end=\"854\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"856\" data-end=\"906\"\u003eWhy This Chocolate Dick Beats Flowers Any Day\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"908\" data-end=\"1034\"\u003eThink about it, flowers die in a week. This chocolate dick? It gets devoured in minutes… and lives forever in their memory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1036\" data-end=\"1091\"\u003eIt’s more than just candy. It’s a statement. It says:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1092\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1092\" data-end=\"1143\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1094\" data-end=\"1143\"\u003e“I like you… but I also like messing with you.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1144\" data-end=\"1195\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1146\" data-end=\"1195\"\u003e“I’m not afraid to make Valentine’s Day weird.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1196\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1198\" data-end=\"1233\"\u003e“Here’s a penis. You’re welcome.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1235\" data-end=\"1486\"\u003eMade from organic ingredients, this 4 to 5.5 inch, 3 to 4 ounce solid chocolate masterpiece is handcrafted to perfection. It’s delicious, inappropriate, and wrapped in a cute pink pixel-heart Valentine’s box, the perfect disguise for what’s inside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1488\" data-end=\"1491\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1493\" data-end=\"1542\"\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Have No Regrets\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"1544\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1546\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e“My friend was shocked and pleased. Her mother, who was there when she opened it, is forever disappointed in my choices! Worth every penny.”\u003cbr data-start=\"1686\" data-end=\"1689\"\u003e“Excellent gift.”\u003cbr data-start=\"1708\" data-end=\"1711\"\u003e“Little did I know my friend would find this a choking hazard while he gobbled on it!!!! LOL”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1810\" data-end=\"1813\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1815\" data-end=\"1832\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1834\" data-end=\"2156\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1834\" data-end=\"1903\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1836\" data-end=\"1903\"\u003eValentine’s Day pranks that walk the line between love and chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1904\" data-end=\"1974\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1906\" data-end=\"1974\"\u003eRomantic gag gifts for partners who don’t take life too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1975\" data-end=\"2060\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1977\" data-end=\"2060\"\u003eGalentine’s Day surprises for the girlfriends who deserve both candy and a laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2061\" data-end=\"2118\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2063\" data-end=\"2118\"\u003eBreakup revenge, sweet, petty, and oh-so satisfying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2119\" data-end=\"2156\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2121\" data-end=\"2156\"\u003eAnyone you love enough to offend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2161\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2163\" data-end=\"2199\"\u003eHow It Goes Down (Pun Intended)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2201\" data-end=\"2499\"\u003ePicture this: your Valentine gets a delivery. The packaging is cute, sweet, and oh-so Valentine’s. They’re expecting chocolates, maybe a cute card. They open the box… and boom. Solid chocolate penis. The room goes silent for a second, then there’s laughter, disbelief, and probably a few blushes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2501\" data-end=\"2635\"\u003eThey either eat it immediately or take a photo and post it online for the world to see. Either way, you’ve just won Valentine’s Day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2637\" data-end=\"2640\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2642\" data-end=\"2659\"\u003eWhat You Get\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2661\" data-end=\"2972\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2661\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2663\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2663\" data-end=\"2692\"\u003eOne solid chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e - 4 to 5.5 inches of sweet, edible art.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2735\" data-end=\"2800\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2737\" data-end=\"2800\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2737\" data-end=\"2760\"\u003eOrganic ingredients\u003c\/strong\u003e - because even jokes deserve quality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2801\" data-end=\"2888\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2803\" data-end=\"2888\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2803\" data-end=\"2833\"\u003eCute Valentine’s packaging\u003c\/strong\u003e - a pink pixel-heart box hiding the surprise inside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2889\" data-end=\"2972\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2891\" data-end=\"2972\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2891\" data-end=\"2912\"\u003eDiscreet shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - they’ll never know it was you… unless you want them to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2974\" data-end=\"2977\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2979\" data-end=\"2997\"\u003eThe Game Plan\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3235\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3042\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3002\" data-end=\"3042\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3002\" data-end=\"3017\"\u003eAdd to cart\u003c\/strong\u003e - commit to the chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3043\" data-end=\"3101\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3101\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3066\"\u003eShip anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - plausible deniability is sexy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3102\" data-end=\"3163\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3105\" data-end=\"3163\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3105\" data-end=\"3130\"\u003eWait for the reaction\u003c\/strong\u003e - you’ll know when it happens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3164\" data-end=\"3235\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3167\" data-end=\"3235\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3167\" data-end=\"3190\"\u003eBask in your genius\u003c\/strong\u003e - because you just nailed Valentine’s Day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3237\" data-end=\"3240\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3242\" data-end=\"3303\"\u003eFinal Word: This is How You Make February 14th Legendary\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3305\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3309\" data-end=\"3343\"\u003eBe Mine - Eat a Chocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e is not your average Valentine’s gift. It’s a mix of sugar, sass, and pure comedic gold. Whether you’re looking to make your partner laugh, your friends scream, or your ex question all their life choices, this is the one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3568\" data-end=\"3679\"\u003eSo forget the predictable flowers and candy hearts. This year, send them something they’ll actually remember.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3681\" data-end=\"3772\"\u003e💘 \u003cstrong data-start=\"3684\" data-end=\"3770\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and make Valentine’s Day awkward in the best way possible.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":31781682184276,"sku":"BEMINECHOCODICK","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/eat-a-d-the-chocolate-d-6572732.jpg?v=1772056670"},{"product_id":"insulation-pack","title":"Ice and Insulation Pack","description":"\u003cp\u003eIt's hot out. We don't want your dicks to melt. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eShip them with an ice pack in an insulated mailer to keep them from turning into piles of vaguely dick shaped goo (unless you're into that kind of thing).\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOrder over $40 worth of chocolate and gummies and the ice pack and insulated mailer is free!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32484839227476,"sku":"ICEPACK","price":7.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/ice-and-insulation-pack-9874138.webp?v=1755879082"},{"product_id":"eat-my-ass-chocolate-buttholes-a-valentines-treat","title":"Eat Ass Chocolate Buttholes - A Sweet Treat","description":"\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat Ass Chocolate Buttholes – A Sweet Treat\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBecause sometimes the best way to say “I love you” is with a box of edible asses.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMove over heart-shaped chocolates, there’s a new Valentine’s Day MVP in town – \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat Ass Chocolate Buttholes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. These handcrafted milk chocolate masterpieces are molded into the most realistic little starfish you’ve ever seen. They’re sweet, cheeky, and guaranteed to get the kind of reaction no boring candy box could ever pull off.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou don’t just give these as a gift. You make a statement. That statement? “Here’s some sweet ass, literally.” And the best part – it ships in a discreet box, 100 percent anonymous, so your friend, lover, or mortal enemy won’t know whether to laugh, blush, or eat them immediately.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo quit being predictable. Forget roses, forget cards. Click \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and send someone the gift of chocolate buttholes today.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy You Absolutely Need to Gift Chocolate Assholes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s the funniest edible gift ever\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – The shock factor alone is worth the price.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s actually delicious\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Rich, creamy milk chocolate that melts in your mouth like… well, you get the idea.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s perfect for every dirty-minded occasion\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – Valentine’s Day, birthdays, bachelorette parties, or “just because.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt ships anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e – You can send a box of sweet assholes and take the secret to your grave.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePicture it: Valentine’s Day morning. They open a discreet little box. Inside? Not truffles. Not caramel clusters. Nope – a dozen perfect little \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003echocolate buttholes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e staring up at them like a naughty surprise from Cupid himself.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey laugh. They gasp. They grab their phone to send a pic to their friends. And then, after the laughter dies down, they take a bite… and realize these are actually \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eamazing\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Rich, velvety chocolate that melts over their tongue in the most sinful way possible.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd just like that, you’ve taken gift-giving from “meh” to “memorable” in 0.5 seconds.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Aren’t Afraid to Eat Ass\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“Absolute Valentines Day hit! Boyfriend got a good laugh and ate some good chocolate starfish 🤣”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “These were great! It was a gift to a friend of mine – who has received some of your other items as well! – and she loved it. Also said the chocolate was excellent. Thanks for being awesome!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e “Eat my ass chocolate buttholes, where do I even start? Is a sweet treat indeed. These decadent chocolate buttholes effortlessly melt all over your mouth and tongue in the creamiest of ways as you devour them. Very little in life will satisfy you as much as these butt holes can. Do yourself a favor and gift that special man in your life some of these!”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandcrafted milk chocolate buttholes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e made with creamy, high-quality ingredients\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRealistic detail\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e that makes them hilariously lifelike\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFlavor:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Sweet, rich, melt-in-your-mouth goodness\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Discreet box with no branding or receipts\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDelivery:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Ships 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli dir=\"ltr\" aria-level=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\" role=\"presentation\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Valentine’s Day gift, birthday gag, anonymous prank, bachelor or bachelorette party, edible joke, funny surprise for friends or partners\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy This Works Every Time\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause nobody forgets the moment they’re handed a box of edible assholes. It’s the perfect mix of dirty humor and actual gourmet candy. It’s a conversation starter, a photo-worthy moment, and a delicious snack all rolled into one.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEven the people who act fake-offended will try one. And when they do, they’ll find out these aren’t just a gag – they’re seriously good chocolate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch2 dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSend Sweet Ass Today\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRight now, there’s someone in your life who could use a laugh, a shock, and maybe a mouthful of milk chocolate butthole. You know exactly who they are.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e. Send \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEat Ass Chocolate Buttholes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Make them smile, make them blush, and give them the sweetest ass they’ve ever had.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DicksByMail","offers":[{"title":"One Box \/ Standard","offer_id":41815492427860,"sku":"EMA","price":17.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One Box \/ Live Fast Box Sleeve","offer_id":41815492460628,"sku":"EMA,LIVEFASTSLEEVE","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double (10% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Standard","offer_id":46879846793300,"sku":"EMA-2","price":31.48,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double (10% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast Box Sleeve","offer_id":46879846826068,"sku":"EMA-2,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-2","price":32.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Triple (20% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Standard","offer_id":46879846858836,"sku":"EMA-3","price":41.8,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Triple (20% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast Box Sleeve","offer_id":46879846891604,"sku":"EMA-3,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-3","price":43.18,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Five (25% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Standard","offer_id":46879846924372,"sku":"EMA-5","price":65.59,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Five (25% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast Box Sleeve","offer_id":46879846957140,"sku":"EMA-5,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-5","price":67.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten (30% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Standard","offer_id":46879846989908,"sku":"EMA-10","price":122.43,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten (30% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast Box Sleeve","offer_id":46879847022676,"sku":"EMA-10,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-10","price":125.93,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/eat-ass-chocolate-i-thought-you-could-use-some-dick-gummies-6008730.jpg?v=1755878736"},{"product_id":"same-dick-forever-valentines-day-greeting-card","title":"Same Dick Forever Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"75\" data-end=\"127\"\u003eTrue Love Means Settling - And Laughing About It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"129\" data-end=\"558\"\u003eThere comes a day in every relationship when you stop chasing butterflies and start chasing your partner’s farts out of the sheets. And that, my friend, is when you know you’ve found \u003cem data-start=\"312\" data-end=\"321\"\u003ethe one\u003c\/em\u003e. The one dick. The same dick. \u003cstrong data-start=\"352\" data-end=\"364\"\u003eForever.\u003c\/strong\u003e So celebrate that oddly comforting, mildly frustrating, and occasionally disappointing reality with the \u003cstrong data-start=\"469\" data-end=\"495\"\u003eSame Dick Forever Card\u003c\/strong\u003e - a brutally honest love letter to your eternal penis partner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003eBuy now if you're brave enough to admit monogamy is just loving the same genitals on loop.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"656\" data-end=\"659\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"661\" data-end=\"713\"\u003eBecause Flowers Die, But Dick Jokes Live Forever\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"715\" data-end=\"1032\"\u003eLet’s skip the sappy cards that pretend you still text each other “good morning” unironically. You’ve been through it. The fights, the makeup sex, the awkward family holidays, and that one time you both got food poisoning and still high-fived through it. You’re locked in. And not just emotionally - but anatomically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1034\" data-end=\"1354\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1080\"\u003eSame Dick Forever Valentine’s Day Card\u003c\/strong\u003e says what Hallmark never will. It’s the only Valentine’s Day card that dares to honor the penis that’s been disappointing you since the first drunken hookup. And honestly? That kind of consistency deserves a standing ovation. Or at least a sarcastic applause and this card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1356\" data-end=\"1359\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1361\" data-end=\"1411\"\u003eA Love Story Told in One Blunt, Hilarious Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1413\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eFlashback: You met. You flirted. You banged. You texted. You banged again. Eventually, you started leaving toothbrushes at each other’s place. Then came the “What are we?” talk, the “Let’s move in” moment, and the eventual horror realization that you’ve been staring at the same damn peen since Obama was in office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1730\" data-end=\"1865\"\u003eBut here you are. Still together. Still tolerating each other. Still making dick jokes to hide how deeply you actually love each other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1867\" data-end=\"1885\"\u003eThis card gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1887\" data-end=\"1890\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1892\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003eHere’s What You’re Getting, You Brave Romantic, You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"1982\"\u003eFolded Valentine’s Day card\u003c\/strong\u003e featuring the glorious phrase “Same Dick Forever” - just in case they forgot what they signed up for\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2106\"\u003eOptional add-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e like a bag of dicks, because why stop at a card when you can double down on dick\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2188\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2224\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - so if you're secretly roasting a situationship, your secret’s safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2294\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003ePrinted on thick, quality cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e - unlike that limp noodle you’re roasting\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2398\"\u003eBlank interior\u003c\/strong\u003e - for your own crude message, heartfelt apology, or explicit drawing of what “forever dick” looks like\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2503\" data-end=\"2506\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2576\"\u003ePerfect For These Deliciously Petty, Painfully Relatable Moments\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003eValentine’s Day sarcasm\u003c\/strong\u003e - Let Cupid choke on this card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2639\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2661\"\u003eAnniversary gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - Celebrate another 365 days of that familiar shaft\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2714\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2742\"\u003eFunny gift for couples\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because therapy’s expensive and laughter’s free\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2793\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2821\"\u003eRelationship milestone\u003c\/strong\u003e - Make your 5-year mark with a card that screams “you’re stuck now”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2890\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2914\"\u003ePetty revenge gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - For the one you love and lowkey hate at the same time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2972\" data-end=\"2975\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2977\" data-end=\"3023\"\u003eMake ‘Em Laugh, Cringe, and Probably Blush\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3025\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003eThis isn’t just a card. It’s a commitment wrapped in sarcasm, dipped in honesty, and served with a side of “Yep... this is our life now.” Whether you’re the kind of couple that has matching socks or the kind that argues over whose turn it is to buy toilet paper, this card is your anthem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3315\" data-end=\"3492\"\u003eSo if your idea of romance involves brutally honest jokes, relentless sarcasm, and a complete lack of emotional boundaries - \u003cstrong data-start=\"3440\" data-end=\"3459\"\u003econgratulations\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’ve found your perfect card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3494\" data-end=\"3497\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3499\" data-end=\"3577\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” Before Your Partner Realizes They Could’ve Done Better\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003eWhy wait? Show them you care \u003cem data-start=\"3608\" data-end=\"3616\"\u003eenough\u003c\/em\u003e to get them a card. But not so much that it doesn’t come with a solid dick roast. \u003cstrong data-start=\"3699\" data-end=\"3720\"\u003eSame Dick Forever\u003c\/strong\u003e - because at this point, what choice do you really have?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----","offer_id":33029492015188,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Glitter!","offer_id":33029492080724,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add Dick Confetti!","offer_id":33029492146260,"sku":"","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Add a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":33029492179028,"sku":"","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/same-dick-forever-card-2088547.jpg?v=1755878873"},{"product_id":"i-love-your-big-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card","title":"I Love You....And Your Dick - Valentine's Day Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"318\" data-end=\"365\"\u003eSay \"I Love You\" - But Also, I Love Your Dick\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"367\" data-end=\"434\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"367\" data-end=\"434\"\u003eBecause let’s be honest - you’re not just here for the cuddles.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"436\" data-end=\"670\"\u003eValentine’s Day is all hearts, flowers, and sappy cards that say things like “forever yours” or “you complete me.” That’s sweet and all, but what about the real MVP in the relationship? The one that \u003cem data-start=\"635\" data-end=\"645\"\u003eactually\u003c\/em\u003e shows up when it counts?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"672\" data-end=\"705\"\u003eWe’re talkin’ about his \u003cstrong data-start=\"696\" data-end=\"704\"\u003edick\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"707\" data-end=\"1051\"\u003eIf you’re the kind of person who loves to laugh, doesn’t do boring romance, and wants to say “I love you” with a side of “I want your penis in and around me,” this is your card. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"889\" data-end=\"951\"\u003e\"I Love You...And Your Dick\" Valentine's Day Greeting Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is the brutally honest, hilarious, and slightly disturbing way to say exactly what you're thinking.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1053\" data-end=\"1125\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1053\" data-end=\"1125\"\u003eGrab one now and ruin Hallmark’s day with one glorious pop-up penis.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1127\" data-end=\"1130\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1132\" data-end=\"1165\"\u003eA Card That’s Hard - Literally\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1331\"\u003eThis ain’t your average grocery store greeting. It’s a full-blown \u003cstrong data-start=\"1233\" data-end=\"1261\"\u003eValentine’s Day gag gift\u003c\/strong\u003e with a surprise that pops harder than a teenager home alone with HBO.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1333\" data-end=\"1444\"\u003eHere’s the setup: Outside, it’s classy-ish. Simple. “I Love You...And Your Dick.” Kinda sweet. Almost innocent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1446\" data-end=\"1643\"\u003eThen - BAM - you open it, and out comes a glorious 3D penis with “EAT A DICK” printed inside. Because nothing says \u003cem data-start=\"1561\" data-end=\"1596\"\u003eI care deeply about your genitals\u003c\/em\u003e like sending a paper schlong through the mail.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1645\" data-end=\"1648\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1650\" data-end=\"1672\"\u003eThis Card Is For...\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1674\" data-end=\"1915\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1674\" data-end=\"1722\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1676\" data-end=\"1722\"\u003eCouples who love to laugh and hate being basic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1723\" data-end=\"1776\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1725\" data-end=\"1776\"\u003eBold-as-hell girlfriends and wives with zero filter\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1777\" data-end=\"1837\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1779\" data-end=\"1837\"\u003eHusbands and boyfriends who actually have a sense of humor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"1883\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1840\" data-end=\"1883\"\u003eHorny, sarcastic weirdos who can’t be tamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1884\" data-end=\"1915\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1886\" data-end=\"1915\"\u003eYou. You filthy romantic, you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1917\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003eThis isn’t just a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1935\" data-end=\"1962\"\u003efunny romantic surprise\u003c\/strong\u003e, it’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1971\" data-end=\"2000\"\u003enovelty relationship card\u003c\/strong\u003e that says what every hot-blooded adult is \u003cem data-start=\"2043\" data-end=\"2051\"\u003ereally\u003c\/em\u003e thinking on Valentine’s Day. Love? Sure. Loyalty? Absolutely. But also... \u003cstrong data-start=\"2126\" data-end=\"2144\"\u003egive me that D\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2147\" data-end=\"2150\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2152\" data-end=\"2174\"\u003eInside the Package:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2176\" data-end=\"2509\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2176\" data-end=\"2255\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2178\" data-end=\"2255\"\u003eOne folded \u003cstrong data-start=\"2189\" data-end=\"2213\"\u003eValentine’s Day card\u003c\/strong\u003e printed with “I Love You...And Your Dick”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2256\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2258\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003eInside: a fully erect 3D pop-up penis and “EAT A DICK” message\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2321\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003ePremium cardstock, because your penis deserves quality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2433\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2433\"\u003eWhite envelope included for discreet mailing (or not)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2434\" data-end=\"2509\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2436\" data-end=\"2509\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously, so feel free to be as reckless as you want\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2511\" data-end=\"2578\"\u003eWant to leave them shocked, laughing, and a little turned on? Done.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2583\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2585\" data-end=\"2616\"\u003eWhat Real Freaks Are Saying:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2618\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2620\" data-end=\"2734\"\u003e“Cute card for my husband.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2647\" data-end=\"2650\"\u003e“I bought this for my boyfriend for his birthday. Look on his face was priceless!”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2736\" data-end=\"2783\"\u003eTranslation: it worked. And so will it for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2785\" data-end=\"2788\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2790\" data-end=\"2817\"\u003eWhy You Should Send This\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2819\" data-end=\"2962\"\u003eBecause you’re not basic. You’re not boring. And you’re not writing “Roses are red, violets are blue” unless it ends with something truly foul.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2964\" data-end=\"3092\"\u003eYou’re bold. You’re funny. You’re the kind of person who buys a card that features a penis that literally springs out to say hi.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3094\" data-end=\"3392\"\u003eThis isn’t just a \u003cstrong data-start=\"3112\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003echeeky couple’s joke\u003c\/strong\u003e - it’s a f***ing experience. The kind of card that gets shown to friends, kept in drawers, and laughed about for years. It’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"3264\" data-end=\"3293\"\u003efunny adult birthday card\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"3297\" data-end=\"3322\"\u003esexy Valentine’s card\u003c\/strong\u003e, a flirty nuke of love and horniness dropped right on their doorstep.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3394\" data-end=\"3397\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3399\" data-end=\"3433\"\u003eLet’s Get Balls Deep in Romance\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3435\" data-end=\"3646\"\u003eOrder the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3445\" data-end=\"3491\"\u003e\"I Love You...And Your Dick\" greeting card\u003c\/strong\u003e now and become the romantic hero no one saw coming. We’ll ship it anonymously so you can stay mysterious, but your message? Loud, proud, and full of dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3648\" data-end=\"3769\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3648\" data-end=\"3769\"\u003eClick add to cart. Show them you care - about their dick, their soul, and their ability to laugh with their pants on.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3648\" data-end=\"3769\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Eat a Dick Greeting Card \/ ----","offer_id":33032373502036,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/i-love-youand-your-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card-3682429.jpg?v=1755878873"},{"product_id":"happy-valentines-day-big-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card","title":"Happy Valentine's Day Big Dick - Valentine's Day Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch3 data-start=\"57\" data-end=\"132\"\u003eRoses are red, violets are fine - here’s a big pop-up dick, now be mine\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"134\" data-end=\"480\"\u003eTired of giving the same weak-ass Valentine’s Day card that looks like it was farted out by a Hallmark factory worker on their lunch break? Good. We’ve got something better. Way better. Introducing the \u003cstrong data-start=\"336\" data-end=\"375\"\u003eHappy Valentine's Day Big Dick Card\u003c\/strong\u003e - the only card that says “I love you” by smacking your partner in the face with a literal pop-up penis.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"482\" data-end=\"722\"\u003eThat’s right. You open the card and - \u003cem data-start=\"520\" data-end=\"526\"\u003eBOOM\u003c\/em\u003e - there it is. A 3D dick. Unapologetic. Proud. Pointing directly at whoever dared to open it. It’s bold, it’s brilliant, and it’s basically Cupid if he ditched the arrows and just whipped it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"724\" data-end=\"727\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"729\" data-end=\"807\"\u003eWhy Just Say “I Love You” When You Can \u003cem data-start=\"772\" data-end=\"778\"\u003eShow\u003c\/em\u003e It With a Card Full of Dick?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"809\" data-end=\"1114\"\u003eListen, Valentine’s Day is already one of those holidays you either love, hate, or fake your way through. Whether you’re madly in love, chronically single, or just vibing through situationships - \u003cstrong data-start=\"1005\" data-end=\"1024\"\u003ethis card fits.\u003c\/strong\u003e It’s the universal language of chaos and affection all rolled into one perfect penis pop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1116\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eAnd let’s be real - your partner doesn’t want another teddy bear or coupon for \"one free back rub.\" They want a card that screams, \u003cem data-start=\"1247\" data-end=\"1314\"\u003e\"I care about you enough to prank you with a cardboard erection.\"\u003c\/em\u003e That’s love. That’s romance. That’s the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1355\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eHappy Valentine's Day Big Dick Card.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1397\" data-end=\"1400\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1402\" data-end=\"1419\"\u003ePicture This…\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1421\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003eYou hand them the envelope. They look at you all gooey-eyed. They’re expecting something heartfelt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1522\" data-end=\"1616\"\u003eThen they open it. And the dick pops up like it’s been waiting all year for this exact moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1618\" data-end=\"1715\"\u003eThey gasp. They laugh. Maybe they snort wine out of their nose. You win Valentine’s Day. Forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1717\" data-end=\"1720\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1722\" data-end=\"1768\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting (Besides Eternal Love)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1770\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1770\" data-end=\"1841\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1772\" data-end=\"1841\"\u003eA folded Valentine’s Day card that \u003cstrong data-start=\"1807\" data-end=\"1839\"\u003eexplodes with 3D dick energy\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1842\" data-end=\"1934\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1844\" data-end=\"1934\"\u003ePrinted on \u003cstrong data-start=\"1855\" data-end=\"1881\"\u003ehigh-quality cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e that screams “this isn’t your grandma’s love note”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1935\" data-end=\"2011\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1937\" data-end=\"2011\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1937\" data-end=\"1965\"\u003eFully anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e, because some things are better untraceable\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2081\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2081\"\u003eComes in a classic envelope, just innocent enough to lure them in\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2082\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003eShips fast, hits harder\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2109\" data-end=\"2112\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2114\" data-end=\"2130\"\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2132\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2132\" data-end=\"2186\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2134\" data-end=\"2186\"\u003eYour partner with a dirty mind and zero boundaries\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2187\" data-end=\"2242\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2189\" data-end=\"2242\"\u003eYour ex (if you're still close and weird like that)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2243\" data-end=\"2313\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2245\" data-end=\"2313\"\u003eAnyone whose idea of romance involves laughter and genital origami\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2314\" data-end=\"2369\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2316\" data-end=\"2369\"\u003eThat friend who treats Valentine’s Day like a sport\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2370\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2372\" data-end=\"2427\"\u003eYourself, because self-love is real and dicks are funny\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2429\" data-end=\"2432\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2434\" data-end=\"2473\"\u003eA Card That’s Got Balls (Literally)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2475\" data-end=\"2661\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"2479\" data-end=\"2518\"\u003eHappy Valentine's Day Big Dick Card\u003c\/strong\u003e is not for the weak. This thing is for people who want to make a \u003cem data-start=\"2584\" data-end=\"2595\"\u003estatement\u003c\/em\u003e. Who aren’t afraid to show their love with a towering paper peen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2663\" data-end=\"2762\"\u003eAnd best of all? It’s totally safe for work - \u003cem data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2762\"\u003eif your workplace is a strip club or a pirate ship.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2764\" data-end=\"2993\"\u003eThere’s a reason “valentines day dick” is one of the most searched terms on our site. People are out here looking for cards with a sense of humor and a healthy dose of shock value. And this one delivers - in every throbbing inch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2995\" data-end=\"2998\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3000\" data-end=\"3051\"\u003eSo... Wanna Make Someone’s Valentine’s Day Pop?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3153\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3059\" data-end=\"3074\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e and send a dick that truly comes from the heart. Or from your loins. Whatever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3155\" data-end=\"3219\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3155\" data-end=\"3170\"\u003eGet it now.\u003c\/strong\u003e Before the mail carrier starts asking questions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Eat a Dick Greeting Card \/ ----","offer_id":33032374190164,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/happy-valentines-day-big-dick-valentines-day-greeting-card-8002311.jpg?v=1755878873"},{"product_id":"dick-sucking-champion-2022-womens-racerback-tank","title":"Dick Sucking Champion 2022 - Women's Racerback Tank","description":"This racerback tank is soft, lightweight, and form-fitting with a flattering cut and raw edge seams for an edgy touch.\u003cbr\u003e\r\n\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• 50% polyester, 25% combed ring-spun cotton, 25% rayon\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• 32 singles\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• Fabric is laundered to reduce shrinkage\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• Raw edge seams\u003cbr\u003e\r\n• Blank product sourced from Haiti or Nicaragua\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e15\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e19 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Vintage Black \/ XS","offer_id":39543378247764,"sku":"7087718_6651","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ S","offer_id":39543378280532,"sku":"7087718_6652","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ M","offer_id":39543378313300,"sku":"7087718_6653","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ L","offer_id":39543378346068,"sku":"7087718_6654","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ XL","offer_id":39543378378836,"sku":"7087718_6655","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Indigo \/ XS","offer_id":39543378411604,"sku":"7087718_6626","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Indigo \/ S","offer_id":39543378444372,"sku":"7087718_6627","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Indigo \/ M","offer_id":39543378477140,"sku":"7087718_6628","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Indigo \/ L","offer_id":39543378509908,"sku":"7087718_6629","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Indigo \/ XL","offer_id":39543378542676,"sku":"7087718_6630","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Vintage Shocking Pink \/ XS","offer_id":39543378575444,"sku":"7087718_6676","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Vintage Shocking Pink \/ S","offer_id":39543378608212,"sku":"7087718_6677","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Vintage Shocking Pink \/ M","offer_id":39543378640980,"sku":"7087718_6678","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Vintage Shocking Pink \/ L","offer_id":39543378673748,"sku":"7087718_6679","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Vintage Shocking Pink \/ XL","offer_id":39543378706516,"sku":"7087718_6680","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-sucking-champion-2022-womens-racerback-tank-4791651.jpg?v=1755878871"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-embroidered-beanie","title":"EAT A DICK - Embroidered Beanie","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"221\" data-end=\"257\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e - Embroidered Beanie\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"259\" data-end=\"534\"\u003eCold outside? Good. Now you’ve got the perfect excuse to tell the world to \u003cstrong data-start=\"334\" data-end=\"348\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e without ever opening your mouth. This embroidered dick beanie isn’t just about keeping your head warm, it’s about keeping your personality even warmer - loud, proud, and rude as hell.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"536\" data-end=\"720\"\u003eWhy wear some boring-ass knit hat when you could rock a snug-fit, cotton-acrylic beanie that screams what you’re already thinking? Exactly. Life’s too short to wear generic headgear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"722\" data-end=\"818\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"722\" data-end=\"741\"\u003eAdd to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and crown your head with the most offensive winter accessory ever created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"820\" data-end=\"823\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"825\" data-end=\"855\"\u003eWhy You Need This Beanie\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"856\" data-end=\"1142\"\u003eLet’s be honest: winter sucks. You’re freezing your ass off, your car won’t start, and Karen keeps reminding you that “it’s sweater weather.” Screw that. What you need is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1029\" data-end=\"1044\"\u003edick beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e that does two jobs at once - keeps your skull toasty AND tells everyone around you to shove it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1144\" data-end=\"1377\"\u003eThis isn’t just a hat. It’s a statement piece. A middle finger in fabric form. And because it ships discreetly, you can drop one on a friend as a prank or keep it for yourself and laugh every time you catch a glimpse in the mirror.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1379\" data-end=\"1382\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1384\" data-end=\"1402\"\u003eImagine This\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1403\" data-end=\"1614\"\u003eYou walk into a Christmas party. Everyone’s got their dumb ugly sweaters on, sipping eggnog, looking basic. You stroll in wearing a crisp embroidered black beanie with \u003cstrong data-start=\"1571\" data-end=\"1585\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e stitched across the front.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1616\" data-end=\"1789\"\u003eSuddenly, you’re not just another guest - you’re the conversation starter. People are laughing, your friend nearly spits out his drink, and you’ve basically won Christmas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1791\" data-end=\"2003\"\u003eOr maybe you’re just running errands. You hit the grocery store, grab some frozen pizza, and notice a couple double-taking at your hat. They can’t decide if they’re offended or impressed. That’s the sweet spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2005\" data-end=\"2008\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2010\" data-end=\"2028\"\u003eWhat You Get\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2029\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2029\" data-end=\"2108\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2031\" data-end=\"2108\"\u003eA snug-fit embroidered beanie with \u003cstrong data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2080\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e stitched across the front\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2109\" data-end=\"2170\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2111\" data-end=\"2170\"\u003eMade with a breathable \u003cstrong data-start=\"2134\" data-end=\"2168\"\u003e60% cotton \/ 40% acrylic blend\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2171\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2173\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003eStretchy, \u003cstrong data-start=\"2183\" data-end=\"2205\"\u003eone-size-fits-most\u003c\/strong\u003e design so you don’t need to measure your damn head\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2259\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2261\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003eMultiple colors to choose from so you can offend in style\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2321\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003eShips discreetly so your mailman doesn’t know you’re a savage\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2388\" data-end=\"2391\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2393\" data-end=\"2410\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2437\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that people actually fight over\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2472\" data-end=\"2517\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2474\" data-end=\"2517\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2476\" data-end=\"2496\"\u003estocking stuffer\u003c\/strong\u003e with a little bite\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2518\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2520\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2520\" data-end=\"2538\"\u003eOffice parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where HR has already given up\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2571\" data-end=\"2634\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2634\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2596\"\u003eCold weather pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that keep you warm and others salty\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2637\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2639\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003enovelty winter accessory\u003c\/strong\u003e that screams personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2696\" data-end=\"2699\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2701\" data-end=\"2723\"\u003eCustomer Reviews\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2724\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003e“Best beanie I’ve ever owned. Warm and offensive - perfect combo.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2790\" data-end=\"2793\"\u003e“Bought it for my buddy and he wore it all winter. People either laughed or looked pissed, which was the point.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2905\" data-end=\"2908\"\u003e“10\/10 would tell everyone to eat a dick again.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"2963\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2965\" data-end=\"2983\"\u003eWhy It Works\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2984\" data-end=\"3328\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"2988\" data-end=\"3009\"\u003eEAT A DICK beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e is the kind of product that does all the heavy lifting for you. It’s comfortable, looks great, and manages to offend and entertain without you saying a word. Whether you’re gifting it or keeping it, it’s guaranteed to get reactions - which is more than you can say for the boring crap most people give for Christmas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3330\" data-end=\"3407\"\u003eIt’s functional. It’s funny. And it’s a dick beanie. What else do you need?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3409\" data-end=\"3412\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3414\" data-end=\"3431\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3432\" data-end=\"3625\"\u003eYou could buy another boring winter hat. Or you could buy the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3494\" data-end=\"3527\"\u003eEAT A DICK embroidered beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e and turn your forehead into a billboard for bad manners and good laughs. The choice is obvious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3730\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3652\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and put a little warmth - and a lot of attitude - on your head this winter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17 ⅜-17 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pf-customisable-product\" style=\"display: none;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":39572685553748,"sku":"5073580_4522","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":39572685586516,"sku":"5073580_4521","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy","offer_id":39572685619284,"sku":"5073580_4523","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark green","offer_id":39572685652052,"sku":"5073580_4526","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gray","offer_id":39572685684820,"sku":"5073580_4524","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White","offer_id":39572685717588,"sku":"5073580_4525","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-embroidered-beanie-4438641.jpg?v=1755878873"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-t-shirt-1","title":"Eat a Dick T-Shirt","description":"The 100% cotton men's classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! \u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n • 100% cotton\u003cbr\u003e\n • Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n • Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n • Heather colors are 50% cotton, 50% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n • Fabric weight: 5.0–5.3 oz\/yd² (170-180 g\/m²) \u003cbr\u003e\n • Open-end yarn\u003cbr\u003e\n • Tubular fabric\u003cbr\u003e\n • Taped neck and shoulders\u003cbr\u003e\n • Double seam at sleeves and bottom hem\u003cbr\u003e\n • Blank product sourced from Honduras, Nicaragua, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Bangladesh, Mexico\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Maroon \/ S","offer_id":39957262008404,"sku":"7633537_12634","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ M","offer_id":39957262041172,"sku":"7633537_12635","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ L","offer_id":39957262073940,"sku":"7633537_12636","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ XL","offer_id":39957262106708,"sku":"7633537_12637","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 2XL","offer_id":39957262139476,"sku":"7633537_12638","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 3XL","offer_id":39957262172244,"sku":"7633537_16247","price":22.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 4XL","offer_id":39957262205012,"sku":"7633537_16248","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 5XL","offer_id":39957262237780,"sku":"7633537_16249","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":39957262270548,"sku":"7633537_11546","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":39957262303316,"sku":"7633537_11547","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":39957262336084,"sku":"7633537_11548","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":39957262368852,"sku":"7633537_11549","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":39957262401620,"sku":"7633537_11550","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":39957262434388,"sku":"7633537_12644","price":22.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":39957262467156,"sku":"7633537_12645","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":39957262499924,"sku":"7633537_12646","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ S","offer_id":39957262532692,"sku":"7633537_15819","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ M","offer_id":39957262565460,"sku":"7633537_15820","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ L","offer_id":39957262598228,"sku":"7633537_15821","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ XL","offer_id":39957262630996,"sku":"7633537_15822","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ 2XL","offer_id":39957262663764,"sku":"7633537_15823","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cardinal \/ 3XL","offer_id":39957262696532,"sku":"7633537_15824","price":22.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ S","offer_id":39957262729300,"sku":"7633537_15843","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ M","offer_id":39957262762068,"sku":"7633537_15844","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ L","offer_id":39957262794836,"sku":"7633537_15845","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ XL","offer_id":39957262827604,"sku":"7633537_15846","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":39957262860372,"sku":"7633537_15847","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":39957262893140,"sku":"7633537_15848","price":22.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ S","offer_id":39957262925908,"sku":"7633537_15867","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ M","offer_id":39957262958676,"sku":"7633537_15868","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ L","offer_id":39957262991444,"sku":"7633537_15869","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ XL","offer_id":39957263024212,"sku":"7633537_15870","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":39957263056980,"sku":"7633537_15871","price":21.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":39957263089748,"sku":"7633537_15872","price":22.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 4XL","offer_id":39957263122516,"sku":"7633537_16253","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Military Green \/ 5XL","offer_id":39957263155284,"sku":"7633537_16254","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-t-shirt-6886097.jpg?v=1755878866"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-embroidered-patch","title":"Eat a Dick Embroidered Patch","description":"\u003carticle class=\"text-token-text-primary w-full focus:outline-none scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]\" dir=\"auto\" data-turn-id=\"8bf6888e-3e50-4e1b-a1b9-def6160ebd15\" data-testid=\"conversation-turn-252\" data-scroll-anchor=\"true\" data-turn=\"assistant\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"8bf6888e-3e50-4e1b-a1b9-def6160ebd15\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-4o\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"79\" data-end=\"152\"\u003eStitch Your Sass Right on Your Sleeve (Or Your Backpack, Or Your Ass)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"154\" data-end=\"295\"\u003eYou ever see someone walking around like they’ve never been told off in their life? Like they just radiate “I cut lines at Starbucks” energy?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"297\" data-end=\"327\"\u003eFix that. One patch at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"329\" data-end=\"678\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"333\" data-end=\"365\"\u003eEat a Dick Embroidered Patch\u003c\/strong\u003e is a beautifully vulgar, no-holds-barred way to slap some personality onto your gear. Whether you’re tired of holding in your inner rage or you’re just feeling spicy today, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"544\" data-end=\"558\"\u003edick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e is your new favorite accessory. It’s bold. It’s petty. And it’s just the kind of energy you need in this dumbass world.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"803\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"724\"\u003eStick it. Stitch it. Rock it with pride.\u003c\/strong\u003e And let everyone know exactly where they can shove their unsolicited opinions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"805\" data-end=\"808\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"810\" data-end=\"849\"\u003eNot Just a Patch - It's a Statement\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"851\" data-end=\"954\"\u003eWhy the hell would you want a patch that says “Eat a Dick”? Great question, and here’s a better answer:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"956\" data-end=\"1162\"\u003eBecause you’re done playing nice. Because sarcasm is your love language. Because you’re tired of people thinking you won’t say what’s on your mind. Or maybe because your jacket just needed a little \u003cem data-start=\"1154\" data-end=\"1161\"\u003eoomph\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1164\" data-end=\"1364\"\u003eWhatever your reason - whether it’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"1200\" data-end=\"1218\"\u003egag gift glory\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1222\" data-end=\"1238\"\u003erevenge flex\u003c\/strong\u003e, or a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1245\" data-end=\"1273\"\u003efashion-forward f*ck you\u003c\/strong\u003e - this embroidered masterpiece gets the job done. Subtle? Hell no. Satisfying? Absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1366\" data-end=\"1369\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1371\" data-end=\"1428\"\u003eThat One Time You Needed the Patch and Didn’t Have It\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1430\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eLet me paint a picture.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1455\" data-end=\"1645\"\u003eYou're at your high school reunion. Karen - the girl who once told you graphic tees were \"immature\" - shows up in a Patagonia vest and starts bragging about her essential oil pyramid scheme.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1647\" data-end=\"1810\"\u003eInstead of screaming into the hors d'oeuvres, you slowly unzip your hoodie to reveal one, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1737\" data-end=\"1772\"\u003eglorious embroidered dick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e, proudly telling her to Eat. A. Dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1888\"\u003eYou don’t even have to say a word. The patch handles the dirty work for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1890\" data-end=\"1935\"\u003eMoments like these are why this thing exists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1937\" data-end=\"1940\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1942\" data-end=\"2010\"\u003eWhat's Included - AKA Why This Is the Best Patch You’ll Ever Buy\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2097\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2097\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2022\"\u003eSize\u003c\/strong\u003e: A big bold 3-inch circle - not too subtle, not too obnoxious. Just right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2098\" data-end=\"2200\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2100\" data-end=\"2200\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2100\" data-end=\"2110\"\u003eFabric\u003c\/strong\u003e: Made of 74% polyester and 26% cotton twill - because even your sarcasm deserves to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2201\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2203\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2203\" data-end=\"2214\"\u003eOptions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Iron-on. Sew-on. Safety pin. Choose your own level of commitment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2282\" data-end=\"2382\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2284\" data-end=\"2382\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2284\" data-end=\"2294\"\u003eDesign\u003c\/strong\u003e: Bold black and white text that reads “EAT A DICK” - no hearts, no flowers, just vibes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2397\"\u003eShipping\u003c\/strong\u003e: 100% anonymous. You send it. They wonder. You cackle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2454\" data-end=\"2457\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2459\" data-end=\"2494\"\u003eThis Dick Patch Is Perfect For:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2540\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"2540\"\u003eJackets that need some goddamn personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2541\" data-end=\"2586\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2543\" data-end=\"2586\"\u003eBackpacks that scream “I’ve seen some sh*t”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2587\" data-end=\"2645\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2645\"\u003eStockings that need one more passive-aggressive surprise\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2648\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003eBachelorette parties where “subtle” isn’t in the vocabulary\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2708\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2710\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003eThat one friend who’s always one inconvenience away from a breakdown\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2783\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2785\" data-end=\"2853\"\u003eReal Talk - This Patch Slaps Harder Than Your Therapist’s Advice\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2855\" data-end=\"3087\"\u003eIf you’re gonna spend money on fashion, make it count. This isn’t some mass-produced garbage from a gas station gift rack. This is a high-quality \u003cstrong data-start=\"3001\" data-end=\"3033\"\u003eEat a Dick embroidered patch\u003c\/strong\u003e that lets you express yourself without saying a word.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3089\" data-end=\"3170\"\u003eWear it loud. Wear it proud. Make someone uncomfortable in the best way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3172\" data-end=\"3175\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3177\" data-end=\"3217\"\u003eClick That Button and Stick the Dick\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3219\" data-end=\"3406\"\u003eListen - you could buy a boring patch that says “Be Kind” or “Live Laugh Love”... or you could send a bold, beautiful \u003cstrong data-start=\"3337\" data-end=\"3352\"\u003epenis patch\u003c\/strong\u003e message straight from your soul (or your sewing kit).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3408\" data-end=\"3499\"\u003eSo go ahead - grab the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3431\" data-end=\"3451\"\u003eEat a Dick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e, slap it on your sh*t, and start turning heads.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3501\" data-end=\"3601\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3501\" data-end=\"3601\" data-is-last-node=\"\"\u003eBecause if your clothes aren’t telling people to f*ck off... are you even dressing with purpose?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex min-h-[46px] justify-start\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex min-h-[46px] justify-start\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/article\u003e\n\u003cdiv aria-hidden=\"true\" data-edge=\"true\" class=\"pointer-events-none h-px w-px\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":39957353529428,"sku":"4765412_12981","price":15.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-embroidered-patch-9968744.jpg?v=1755878863"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-glass-jar-soy-candle","title":"Eat a Dick Glass Jar Soy Candle","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"147\" data-end=\"182\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEat a Dick Glass Jar Soy Candle\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"252\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"250\"\u003eFinally, a candle that says exactly what you’ve been thinking.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"254\" data-end=\"553\"\u003eYou could send flowers. You could send chocolates. You could send some boring vanilla candle that smells like “Ocean Breeze” and broken dreams. Or… you could send the \u003cem data-start=\"421\" data-end=\"454\"\u003eEat a Dick Glass Jar Soy Candle\u003c\/em\u003e - a beautiful little glass jar of soy wax that’s basically flipping someone off, but with class.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"555\" data-end=\"686\"\u003eIt’s not just a candle. It’s a vibe. It’s a message. It’s the perfect mix of “F you” and “I still have good taste in home décor.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"688\" data-end=\"836\"\u003eSo if you’ve been dying to tell someone off, make them laugh, or just confuse the hell out of them when they open their gift, this is your moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"838\" data-end=\"943\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"838\" data-end=\"941\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now. Give someone the warm glow of a candle… and the cold sting of a savage burn.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"945\" data-end=\"948\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"950\" data-end=\"985\"\u003eWhy This Candle is Pure Genius\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"987\" data-end=\"1303\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"987\" data-end=\"1067\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"989\" data-end=\"1067\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"989\" data-end=\"1020\"\u003eIt’s both classy and trashy\u003c\/strong\u003e - like drinking champagne out of a Solo cup.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1068\" data-end=\"1154\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1070\" data-end=\"1154\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1070\" data-end=\"1092\"\u003eIt lasts for hours\u003c\/strong\u003e so your insult keeps glowing long after you’ve walked away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1155\" data-end=\"1243\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1243\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1187\"\u003eIt’s actually good quality\u003c\/strong\u003e - soy wax, cotton wick, and a pleasant natural aroma.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1303\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1246\" data-end=\"1303\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1246\" data-end=\"1269\"\u003eIt ships discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e so they’ll never see it coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1305\" data-end=\"1465\"\u003eThis isn’t just some cheap novelty candle. It’s a legit nice jar candle that just happens to say “Eat a Dick” right on the label. And that, my friend, is art.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1467\" data-end=\"1470\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1472\" data-end=\"1490\"\u003ePicture This…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1492\" data-end=\"1732\"\u003eIt’s your buddy’s housewarming. They’re opening gifts - maybe a cheese board, maybe some wine glasses. Then they get to your present. They pull out a sleek, minimalist candle jar. They think, “Wow, this is nice.” Then they read the label.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1734\" data-end=\"1942\"\u003eBoom. The room erupts in laughter. Your friend is laughing. Their mom is laughing. Even the dog looks amused. And every time they light it, they’ll think of you… the sick genius who made this moment happen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1944\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"1969\"\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1971\" data-end=\"2242\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1971\" data-end=\"2008\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1973\" data-end=\"2008\"\u003e3.76 x 3.13 inch glass jar candle\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2009\" data-end=\"2039\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2011\" data-end=\"2039\"\u003eSoy wax with a cotton wick\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2040\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2042\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003eUnscented with a pleasant natural aroma\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2140\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2140\"\u003eLabel reads “Eat a Dick” in bold, unapologetic glory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2141\" data-end=\"2189\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2143\" data-end=\"2189\"\u003eShips 100% anonymously in discreet packaging\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2242\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2192\" data-end=\"2242\"\u003eWorks as both home décor and a top-tier gag gift\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2244\" data-end=\"2247\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2249\" data-end=\"2269\"\u003eWhen to Send It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2271\" data-end=\"2642\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2271\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2273\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2273\" data-end=\"2295\"\u003eHousewarming prank\u003c\/strong\u003e - Give them something to proudly display… or hide from their grandma.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2368\" data-end=\"2414\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2370\" data-end=\"2414\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2370\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003eBreakup gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - Send them off in style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2505\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2505\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003eBachelor party joke\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because nothing says “congrats” like lighting a dick candle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2506\" data-end=\"2585\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2585\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2530\"\u003eRevenge with class\u003c\/strong\u003e - It’s petty, but in an interior design kind of way.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2586\" data-end=\"2642\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2588\" data-end=\"2642\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2588\" data-end=\"2604\"\u003eJust because\u003c\/strong\u003e - Some people just need a reminder.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2644\" data-end=\"2647\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2649\" data-end=\"2663\"\u003eYour Move\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2665\" data-end=\"2873\"\u003eLife’s too short for boring candles and safe gifts. If you’re gonna send something, make it unforgettable. The \u003cem data-start=\"2776\" data-end=\"2809\"\u003eEat a Dick Glass Jar Soy Candle\u003c\/em\u003e looks good, burns bright, and delivers one hell of a message.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2875\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2875\" data-end=\"2968\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now and light up someone’s life… while also telling them to eat a dick.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":39957355069524,"sku":"9292918_16270","price":6.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-glass-jar-soy-candle-6912473.jpg?v=1755878863"},{"product_id":"heartfelt-love-bag-of-dicks","title":"Bag of Dicks - I Thought You Could Use Some Dick Edition - A Heartfelt Gift","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"280\" data-end=\"363\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"282\" data-end=\"361\"\u003eBag of Dicks – I Thought You Could Use Some Dick Edition – A Heartfelt Gift\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"453\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"451\"\u003eBecause sometimes the sweetest way to say “I care” is with a mouthful of gummy dicks.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"455\" data-end=\"726\"\u003eTired of boring gifts? Flowers wilt. Cards get tossed. Chocolates? Predictable. You know what’s unforgettable? Sending someone a \u003cstrong data-start=\"584\" data-end=\"610\"\u003eheart-covered gift bag\u003c\/strong\u003e filled with \u003cstrong data-start=\"623\" data-end=\"648\"\u003e10 fruity gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e and a bold, loving message that says \u003cem data-start=\"686\" data-end=\"724\"\u003e“I thought you could use some dick.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"728\" data-end=\"884\"\u003eIt’s romantic. It’s inappropriate. It’s delicious. And it ships 100 percent anonymously so you can drop this edible love bomb without ever getting caught.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"886\" data-end=\"1102\"\u003eWhether it’s for Valentine’s Day, a birthday gag, a playful romantic gesture, or a “just because I love you and think you need more dick in your life” moment, this is the gift that says exactly what’s on your mind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1104\" data-end=\"1211\"\u003eSo stop pretending you’re sentimental. Click \u003cstrong data-start=\"1149\" data-end=\"1164\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e and send them the bag of dicks they deserve.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1213\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1218\" data-end=\"1268\"\u003eWhy This Bag of Dicks is Pure Heartfelt Chaos\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1270\" data-end=\"1627\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1270\" data-end=\"1322\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1272\" data-end=\"1322\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1272\" data-end=\"1296\"\u003eFunny and thoughtful\u003c\/strong\u003e – Yes, you can be both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1323\" data-end=\"1435\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1325\" data-end=\"1435\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1325\" data-end=\"1343\"\u003eActually tasty\u003c\/strong\u003e – Cherry, green apple, and blue raspberry gummy penis candy that’s dangerously snackable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1436\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1438\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1438\" data-end=\"1460\"\u003eAnonymous delivery\u003c\/strong\u003e – They’ll never know it was you… unless you want them to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1521\" data-end=\"1627\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1627\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1561\"\u003ePerfect for dirty-minded romantics\u003c\/strong\u003e – Friends, lovers, or that single friend who could use a laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1629\" data-end=\"1632\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1634\" data-end=\"1664\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1666\" data-end=\"1857\"\u003ePicture it. They open a cute, heart-covered bag. They expect chocolates. Maybe a scented candle. Instead, they’re greeted by 10 glorious, fruity, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1835\"\u003edick-shaped gummies\u003c\/strong\u003e smiling up at them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1859\" data-end=\"2064\"\u003eThey laugh. They blush. They immediately take a photo and send it to their group chat. Someone says “Wait… who sent you that?” and they’ll have no idea. Unless, of course, you can’t keep your mouth shut.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2321\"\u003eThen they take a bite. And now you’ve gone from hilarious prank to delivering one of the best candy surprises they’ve had all year. Because yes, these \u003cstrong data-start=\"2217\" data-end=\"2245\"\u003egummy penis candy pieces\u003c\/strong\u003e are made for comedy but taste like the real deal when it comes to flavor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2326\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2328\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003eReal Reviews from People Who Shared the Love\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2379\" data-end=\"2560\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2381\" data-end=\"2560\"\u003e“Sent it to a friend for Valentine’s Day, she loved it!”\u003cbr data-start=\"2437\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003e“Hilarious, reliable, awesome service.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2481\" data-end=\"2484\"\u003e“Perfect mix of funny and thoughtful, recipient couldn’t stop laughing.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2562\" data-end=\"2565\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2591\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2593\" data-end=\"3189\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2593\" data-end=\"2665\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2665\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2595\" data-end=\"2625\"\u003eOne heart-covered gift bag\u003c\/strong\u003e filled with 10 fruity \u003cstrong data-start=\"2648\" data-end=\"2663\"\u003egummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2666\" data-end=\"2745\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2668\" data-end=\"2745\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2668\" data-end=\"2680\"\u003eFlavors:\u003c\/strong\u003e A mouthwatering mix of cherry, green apple, and blue raspberry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2746\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2748\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2748\" data-end=\"2767\"\u003eMessage on bag:\u003c\/strong\u003e “I thought you could use some dick”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2806\" data-end=\"2966\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2966\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2828\"\u003eQuantity:\u003c\/strong\u003e Single, Double em!, Three – Do you really love me?, Four – Yes Please, I’d like more, Six – send more dicks!, Ten – A whole lot of love\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2967\" data-end=\"3043\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"3043\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"2983\"\u003ePackaging:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ships 100 percent anonymously with no branding or receipt\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3044\" data-end=\"3189\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3189\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3062\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/strong\u003e Valentine’s Day surprise, birthday gag gift, anonymous prank, gift for single friends, edible joke, playful romantic gesture\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3191\" data-end=\"3194\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3196\" data-end=\"3231\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3233\" data-end=\"3506\"\u003eBecause it’s the perfect mix of dirty humor and actual quality candy. People expect a naughty laugh, but they don’t expect the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3360\" data-end=\"3380\"\u003egummy dick candy\u003c\/strong\u003e to be genuinely delicious. That’s what makes this gift legendary – it’s not just a joke, it’s a snack they’ll actually eat.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3508\" data-end=\"3784\"\u003eIt works for couples with a twisted sense of humor, friends who appreciate adult candy, or that ex you’re still on “playfully inappropriate” terms with. And unlike a lame card or flowers, this gift will be remembered, photographed, and probably posted online for all to see.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3786\" data-end=\"3789\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3791\" data-end=\"3826\"\u003eSend the Dick. Spread the Joy.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3828\" data-end=\"4020\"\u003eRight now, someone you know could use a smile, a laugh, and maybe a mouthful of \u003cstrong data-start=\"3908\" data-end=\"3932\"\u003epenis-shaped gummies\u003c\/strong\u003e. You could send them something boring… or you could send them exactly what they need.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4022\" data-end=\"4176\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"4028\" data-end=\"4043\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Send the \u003cstrong data-start=\"4054\" data-end=\"4114\"\u003eBag of Dicks – I Thought You Could Use Some Dick Edition\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003cbr data-start=\"4115\" data-end=\"4118\"\u003eMake their day just a little sweeter, and a lot dirtier.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4022\" data-end=\"4176\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e If you are sending to someone else make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail","offers":[{"title":"Single","offer_id":41791317868628,"sku":"LOVEBOD-1","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double em!","offer_id":41791317901396,"sku":"LOVEBOD-2","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Three - Do you really love me?","offer_id":41791317934164,"sku":"LOVEBOD-3","price":41.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Four - Yes please, I'd like more","offer_id":41791317966932,"sku":"LOVEBOD-4","price":52.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Six - send more dicks!","offer_id":41791317999700,"sku":"LOVEBOD-6","price":69.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten - A whole lot of love","offer_id":41791318032468,"sku":"LOVEBOD-10","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/bag-of-dicks-i-thought-you-could-use-some-dick-edition-a-heartfelt-gift-2691147.jpg?v=1755878736"},{"product_id":"go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack","title":"Go F* Yourself\" Valentine's Day Pack","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGo F* Yourself\" Valentine's Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhy settle for a basic Valentine’s Day gift when you can send the sassiest, most unforgettable bundle that says \u003cem\u003eexactly\u003c\/em\u003e what’s on your mind? The \u003cstrong\u003e\"Go F\u003c\/strong\u003e* Yourself\" Valentine's Day Pack** combines playful humor, cheeky vibes, and just the right amount of chaos for a gift that will make them laugh, blush, and maybe even question their life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Inside This Perfectly Inappropriate Duo:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e💋 \u003cstrong\u003eEmojibator – Go F\u003c\/strong\u003e* Yourself Edition**: A hilariously bold self-love reminder. Whether it’s a gift to spice up someone’s private life or a gag that’s equal parts funny and empowering, this little gem is the ultimate way to say, “Love yourself—literally.”\u003cbr\u003e🍬 \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Pack\u003c\/strong\u003e: Complete with a Gummy Bag of Dicks, a cheeky pop-up dick card, and the option to add glitter or dick confetti, this pack delivers sweet, sassy vibes with a fruity punch. It’s perfect for sending love, sass, or pure mischief to friends, partners, exes, or anyone else in your life.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy This Bundle Is Everything:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Bestie\u003c\/strong\u003e: Empower your favorite Galentine with a bundle that says, “You’re amazing—now go have some fun!”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Ex\u003c\/strong\u003e: Because telling someone to “Go F*** Yourself” has never been sweeter or funnier.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Partner\u003c\/strong\u003e: A perfect mix of naughty and nice to set the mood for Valentine’s Day.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFor Anyone Who Deserves a Laugh\u003c\/strong\u003e: The ultimate combination of laughter, empowerment, and a touch of chaos wrapped up in one memorable gift.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Reaction You’ll Get:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e😂 \u003cem\u003e“Wait…what is this?!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr\u003e❤️ \u003cem\u003e“OMG, this is hilarious—I love it!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🔥 \u003cem\u003e“Best Valentine’s gift ever.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMake this Valentine’s Day one to remember with the \u003cstrong\u003e\"Go F\u003c\/strong\u003e* Yourself\" Valentine's Day Pack**—a bundle that’s as bold, cheeky, and sweet as you are. Whether you’re spreading laughter or sending a not-so-subtle message, this duo delivers the goods (and the giggles).\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"bundle variant #1","offer_id":41798305120340,"sku":null,"price":51.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #2","offer_id":41798305153108,"sku":null,"price":55.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #3","offer_id":41798305185876,"sku":null,"price":56.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #4","offer_id":41798305218644,"sku":null,"price":57.58,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #5","offer_id":41798305251412,"sku":null,"price":59.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #6","offer_id":41798305284180,"sku":null,"price":60.78,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #7","offer_id":41798305316948,"sku":null,"price":61.58,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #8","offer_id":41798305349716,"sku":null,"price":62.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #9","offer_id":41798305382484,"sku":null,"price":65.58,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #10","offer_id":41798305415252,"sku":null,"price":66.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/go-f-yourself-valentines-day-pack-4087795.png?v=1755878740"},{"product_id":"valentines-be-mine-and-nuts-about-you-chocolate-dick-bundle","title":"Valentine's Be Mine and Nuts About You Chocolate Dick Bundle","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Description:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhy settle for boring chocolates when you can make a bold statement this Valentine’s Day? Our \u003cstrong\u003eValentine’s Day Chocolate Dick Bundle\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to deliver laughter, love, and a whole lot of sass. Perfect for your partner, your best friend, or that special someone who can take a joke, this bundle combines the \u003cem\u003eBe Mine Valentine’s Chocolate Dick\u003c\/em\u003e and the \u003cem\u003eValentine’s Day Chocolate Dick\u003c\/em\u003e for twice the fun and flavor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Included:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🍫 \u003cstrong\u003eBe Mine Valentine’s Chocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e: Smooth, creamy milk chocolate shaped into an eye-catching (and jaw-dropping) masterpiece. The perfect way to say, “Be mine—and laugh while you’re at it.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍫 \u003cstrong\u003eNuts About You Valentine’s Day Chocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e: A sweet and hilarious gift designed to keep the fun going. Perfectly molded for maximum shock value and deliciousness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy You’ll Love This Bundle:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e✔ \u003cstrong\u003eTwice the Laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e: Double the chocolate dicks, double the fun.\u003cbr\u003e✔ \u003cstrong\u003eA Gift to Remember\u003c\/strong\u003e: Perfect for anyone who appreciates humor (and great chocolate).\u003cbr\u003e✔ \u003cstrong\u003eSweet and Sassy\u003c\/strong\u003e: A bold twist on the traditional Valentine’s Day chocolate box.\u003cbr\u003e✔ \u003cstrong\u003ePerfect for All Relationships\u003c\/strong\u003e: Whether romantic or platonic, this gift guarantees laughs and a good time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eForget the flowers and heart-shaped boxes—this Valentine’s Day, say it with \u003cstrong\u003echocolate dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e. Sweet, delicious, and hilariously unexpected, this bundle is guaranteed to make their day unforgettable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOrder now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give the gift that’s as bold and unique as your sense of humor. 💕🍫🍆\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41800976040020,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-naughty-valentines-edible-arrangement-chocolate-dicks-gummy-dicks-chocolate-buttholes-4273004.jpg?v=1755878736"},{"product_id":"valentines-day-bundle-i-heard-you-needed-some-dick","title":"Valentine’s Day Bundle: The Dick Gift Set","description":"\u003cp\u003ehis Valentine’s Day, say goodbye to boring gifts and embrace the laughter with the ultimate \u003cstrong\u003echocolate cock\u003c\/strong\u003e and candy combo. The \u003cstrong\u003e\"I Heard You Needed Some Dick\" Bundle\u003c\/strong\u003e is here to deliver humor, sweetness, and a playful dose of sass to anyone who could use a good laugh (and maybe a little “dick”) this holiday. Whether it’s for your partner, bestie, or that one friend who’s always joking about needing a chocolate penis, this bundle is the perfect mix of sweet and cheeky fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Included in This Hilarious Valentine’s Day Bundle:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍫 \u003cstrong\u003eChocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e: A rich, indulgent chocolate penis made with premium Peruvian cacao that’s as delicious as it is daring. Perfect for anyone who loves a good laugh with their dessert.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍬 \u003cstrong\u003eHeartfelt Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e: Sweet, fruity gummy dicks that are the ultimate Valentine’s candy for someone who needs to “eat a bag of dicks” in the most delicious way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍫 \u003cstrong\u003eChocolate Cock – Valentine’s Edition\u003c\/strong\u003e: A second chocolate masterpiece because one \u003cstrong\u003echocolate cock\u003c\/strong\u003e just isn’t enough! This bold treat is perfect for snacking and sharing (or keeping all to yourself).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍆 \u003cstrong\u003eA Dash of Self-Love\u003c\/strong\u003e: The bundle also features a cheeky self-care surprise because Valentine’s Day is all about loving yourself—literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy It’s the Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e❤️ \u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Partner\u003c\/strong\u003e: Remind them how sweet (and funny) love can be with a delicious \u003cstrong\u003echocolate dick\u003c\/strong\u003e and some Valentine’s candy they’ll never forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e😂 \u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Single Friends\u003c\/strong\u003e: Joking about needing dick on Valentine’s Day? Problem solved—this bundle’s got chocolate, candy, and laughs to spare.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e💔 \u003cstrong\u003eFor Your Ex\u003c\/strong\u003e: Because nothing says “closure” like sending them a bag of dicks or a \u003cstrong\u003echocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e with a side of sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🎁 \u003cstrong\u003eFor Anyone Who Needs a Laugh\u003c\/strong\u003e: The perfect mix of humor, sweetness, and inappropriate fun for friends, coworkers, or Galentines.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy Everyone Loves It:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDelicious Treats\u003c\/strong\u003e: From fruity gummy dicks to rich, velvety \u003cstrong\u003echocolate cock\u003c\/strong\u003e, there’s something for every sweet tooth.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eUnforgettable Humor\u003c\/strong\u003e: The ultimate gag gift that’s bold, funny, and absolutely unforgettable.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfectly Themed for Valentine’s Day\u003c\/strong\u003e: Whether it’s love, laughter, or sweet revenge, this bundle covers it all.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"bundle variant #1","offer_id":41800976498772,"sku":null,"price":80.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #2","offer_id":41800976531540,"sku":null,"price":84.17,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #3","offer_id":41800976564308,"sku":null,"price":90.24,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #4","offer_id":41800976597076,"sku":null,"price":94.04,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #5","offer_id":41800976629844,"sku":null,"price":99.73,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #6","offer_id":41800976662612,"sku":null,"price":103.52,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #7","offer_id":41800976695380,"sku":null,"price":108.45,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #8","offer_id":41800976728148,"sku":null,"price":112.24,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #9","offer_id":41800976760916,"sku":null,"price":120.59,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #10","offer_id":41800976793684,"sku":null,"price":124.39,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #11","offer_id":41800976826452,"sku":null,"price":144.1,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"bundle variant #12","offer_id":41800976859220,"sku":null,"price":147.9,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/valentines-day-bundle-the-dick-gift-set-5545704.png?v=1755878734"},{"product_id":"bag-of-ds-i-thought-you-could-use-some-d-a-heartfelt-gift","title":"Bag of Gummy D's - I Thought You Could Use Some D","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"168\" data-end=\"225\"\u003eBag of Gummy D’s - I Thought You Could Use Some D\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"227\" data-end=\"582\"\u003eSometimes words just aren’t enough. Sometimes you need to send a message that’s sweet, juicy, and shaped like… well, you know. Enter the \u003cstrong data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"417\"\u003eBag of Gummy D’s - I Thought You Could Use Some D\u003c\/strong\u003e. Ten fruity, brightly colored, delicious little gummy penises in a heart-covered bag that says exactly what you’re thinking without you having to say it out loud.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"584\" data-end=\"906\"\u003eIf flowers are for romance, these are for chaos. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, or just those random Tuesday afternoons when your buddy looks like they could use a good laugh (and a mouthful of candy D). Ships 100 percent anonymously, so you can watch the mystery and confusion unfold without ever being caught.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"908\" data-end=\"973\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"908\" data-end=\"971\"\u003eOrder now and send them the D they didn’t know they needed.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"975\" data-end=\"978\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"980\" data-end=\"1026\"\u003eWhy This is the Gift They’ll Never Forget\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1028\" data-end=\"1286\"\u003eMost candy gifts? Forgettable. They unwrap it, eat it, and move on with their life. Not these bad boys. These gummy penises are more than candy - they’re a statement. They say, “I’m thinking about you, but in the most uncomfortably hilarious way possible.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1288\" data-end=\"1553\"\u003eIt’s the perfect edible gag gift. Sweet enough to actually enjoy, but funny enough to leave a lasting impression. And because they ship in a discreet, anonymous package, the recipient will spend way too much time wondering who sent them a bag full of candy cocks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1555\" data-end=\"1558\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1560\" data-end=\"1590\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1592\" data-end=\"1918\"\u003ePicture this. Your friend gets a small, heart-covered bag in the mail. They open it. Their brain says “candy,” but their eyes say “are those… tiny penises?” They laugh, they take a photo, they send it to the group chat. Suddenly, you’ve started a chain reaction of laughter, inappropriate jokes, and maybe even a taste test.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1920\" data-end=\"2044\"\u003eIf you’re lucky, they’ll post it online. If you’re \u003cem data-start=\"1971\" data-end=\"1979\"\u003ereally\u003c\/em\u003e lucky, they’ll keep one as a trophy in a candy jar for months.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2046\" data-end=\"2049\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2051\" data-end=\"2097\"\u003ePerfect for When Someone Could Use Some D\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2099\" data-end=\"2203\"\u003eWhether you’re looking to get a laugh or make a subtle (or not-so-subtle) statement, this is the move.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2205\" data-end=\"2486\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2205\" data-end=\"2262\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2207\" data-end=\"2262\"\u003eValentine’s Day surprise that’s more funny than sappy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2263\" data-end=\"2321\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2265\" data-end=\"2321\"\u003eBirthday gag gift for that friend who “has everything”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2322\" data-end=\"2368\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2324\" data-end=\"2368\"\u003eA sweet pick-me-up for your single friends\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2369\" data-end=\"2430\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2371\" data-end=\"2430\"\u003eJust because you felt like mailing someone candy genitals\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2431\" data-end=\"2486\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2433\" data-end=\"2486\"\u003eA playful edible joke for someone who loves a laugh\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2488\" data-end=\"2491\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2493\" data-end=\"2519\"\u003eWhat’s Inside the Bag\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2521\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2521\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2523\" data-end=\"2588\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2523\" data-end=\"2548\"\u003e10 fruity gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e - soft, chewy, and packed with flavor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2680\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2680\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003eHeart-covered bag\u003c\/strong\u003e - because nothing says romance like candy cocks in cute packaging\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2681\" data-end=\"2751\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2683\" data-end=\"2751\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2683\" data-end=\"2717\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - they’ll never know it was you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2752\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2754\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eA perfect balance of humor and sugar, making it the ultimate edible prank\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2834\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2836\" data-end=\"2872\"\u003eHow to Pull This Off Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"2874\" data-end=\"3084\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2874\" data-end=\"2918\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2877\" data-end=\"2918\"\u003eAdd this bag of gummy D’s to your cart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2919\" data-end=\"2996\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2922\" data-end=\"2996\"\u003eEnter their address, not yours. (Unless you want to hand-deliver the D.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3084\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3000\" data-end=\"3084\"\u003eSit back and wait for the texts, calls, or social media posts to start rolling in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3269\" data-end=\"3272\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3274\" data-end=\"3290\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3292\" data-end=\"3618\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3296\" data-end=\"3349\"\u003eBag of Gummy D’s - I Thought You Could Use Some D\u003c\/strong\u003e is not just candy. It’s comedy. It’s chaos. It’s a sugar-packed punchline in a bag. It’s for the friend who can take a joke, the ex who needs a laugh, or anyone who could use a sweet, fruity reminder that you’re thinking of them… in the most ridiculous way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3620\" data-end=\"3703\"\u003eStop overthinking your gift. Skip the boring, predictable stuff. Send them the D.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3705\" data-end=\"3824\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3705\" data-end=\"3822\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” now and give someone the most unforgettable, inappropriate, and tasty surprise of their life.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3705\" data-end=\"3824\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail","offers":[{"title":"Single","offer_id":41832675770452,"sku":"LOVEBOD-1","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double em!","offer_id":41832675803220,"sku":"LOVEBOD-2","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Three - Do you really love me?","offer_id":41832675835988,"sku":"LOVEBOD-3","price":41.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Four - Yes please, I'd like more","offer_id":41832675868756,"sku":"LOVEBOD-4","price":52.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Six - send more dicks!","offer_id":41832675901524,"sku":"LOVEBOD-6","price":69.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten - A whole lot of love","offer_id":41832675934292,"sku":"LOVEBOD-10","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/bag-of-gummy-ds-i-thought-you-could-use-some-d-7773576.jpg?v=1770741836"},{"product_id":"the-dark-chocolate-cock-eat-a-dick","title":"The Dark Chocolate Cock - Eat A Dick","description":"\u003chr data-end=\"141\" data-start=\"138\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"223\" data-start=\"143\"\u003eThe Dark Chocolate Cock – The Sweetest Way to Tell Someone to Eat a Dick\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"303\" data-start=\"225\"\u003eSome gifts say “I care.”\u003cbr data-end=\"252\" data-start=\"249\"\u003eThis one says \u003cstrong data-end=\"301\" data-start=\"266\"\u003e“I care… but also, eat a dick.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"564\" data-start=\"305\"\u003eMeet the \u003cstrong data-end=\"337\" data-start=\"314\"\u003eDark Chocolate Cock\u003c\/strong\u003e – a solid, 4 to 5.5-inch slab of gluten-free Peruvian cacao shaped exactly like a penis. Yes, it’s edible. Yes, it’s delicious. And yes, it’s going to make whoever gets it laugh, blush, and maybe question their life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"811\" data-start=\"566\"\u003eYou can send flowers, sure. Or… you can send a big, beautiful, edible dick in a discreet box. \u003cstrong data-end=\"718\" data-start=\"660\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now and make their day unforgettable\u003c\/strong\u003e – whether it’s out of love, revenge, or just because you’re a chaotic good kind of person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"816\" data-start=\"813\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"851\" data-start=\"818\"\u003eWhy This is the Perfect Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1027\" data-start=\"853\"\u003eLife’s too short for boring presents. You’ve got two choices: buy them another scented candle they’ll never use, or send them a dark chocolate penis they’ll \u003cem data-end=\"1024\" data-start=\"1010\"\u003enever forget\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1285\" data-start=\"1029\"\u003eThis isn’t some cheap gag candy that tastes like wax. This is rich, smooth, premium Peruvian dark chocolate – but molded into the shape of a cock. It’s the perfect mix of classy and trashy. They’ll get the joke… but they’ll also actually enjoy eating it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1473\" data-start=\"1287\"\u003eWhether you’re saying “Happy Birthday,” “Congrats on the divorce,” or “Thanks for being a dick – here’s one for you,” this chocolate masterpiece gets the message across loud and clear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1478\" data-start=\"1475\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1526\" data-start=\"1480\"\u003eA Story You’ll Want to Tell Over and Over\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1741\" data-start=\"1528\"\u003ePicture this: your friend opens the discreet little box, expecting… who knows what. Jewelry? A heartfelt note? Then they pull back the wrapping and \u003cem data-end=\"1682\" data-start=\"1676\"\u003eboom\u003c\/em\u003e – staring them in the face is a solid chocolate schlong.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1771\" data-start=\"1743\"\u003eOne customer said it best:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"1773\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"1775\"\u003e“Imagine your billion dollar company cans you two months before your five-year anniversary with zero notice. A few months later, you think… wait, I can send the president of the company a chocolate surprise. Made me laugh and feel better. And yes, I hope he sees this too – ahahahahahhaahahah!!!!! It worked.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2111\" data-start=\"2088\"\u003eAnother fan favorite:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2272\" data-start=\"2113\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2272\" data-start=\"2115\"\u003e“Even with a Google Pay glitch, customer service made sure it got to the right destination. I’ve used this company twice and I’ve never been disappointed.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2301\" data-start=\"2274\"\u003eAnd my personal favorite:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2405\" data-start=\"2303\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2405\" data-start=\"2305\"\u003e“Great experience. Easy purchase. Delivered as promised.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2365\" data-start=\"2362\"\u003eTranslation: Yes, they got their dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2410\" data-start=\"2407\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2445\" data-start=\"2412\"\u003eWhat You’re Actually Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2743\" data-start=\"2447\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2500\" data-start=\"2447\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2500\" data-start=\"2449\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2498\" data-start=\"2449\"\u003e4 to 5.5 inches of solid dark chocolate penis\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2614\" data-start=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2614\" data-start=\"2503\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2546\" data-start=\"2503\"\u003e3 to 4 ounces of premium Peruvian cacao\u003c\/strong\u003e – gluten-free, so even the health nuts can suck on it guilt-free.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2695\" data-start=\"2615\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2695\" data-start=\"2617\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2639\" data-start=\"2617\"\u003eDiscreet packaging\u003c\/strong\u003e – no one will know what’s inside until it’s too late.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2743\" data-start=\"2696\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2743\" data-start=\"2698\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2722\" data-start=\"2698\"\u003eHilarious and edible\u003c\/strong\u003e – a perfect combo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2748\" data-start=\"2745\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2767\" data-start=\"2750\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2935\" data-start=\"2769\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2791\" data-start=\"2769\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2791\" data-start=\"2771\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2812\" data-start=\"2792\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2812\" data-start=\"2794\"\u003eAnonymous pranks\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2832\" data-start=\"2813\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2832\" data-start=\"2815\"\u003eBreakup revenge\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2857\" data-start=\"2833\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2857\" data-start=\"2835\"\u003eBachelorette parties\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2886\" data-start=\"2858\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2886\" data-start=\"2860\"\u003e“Just because” surprises\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2935\" data-start=\"2887\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2935\" data-start=\"2889\"\u003eThat friend who says they’ve seen everything\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2940\" data-start=\"2937\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2974\" data-start=\"2942\"\u003ePro Tips for Maximum Impact\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"3158\" data-start=\"2976\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3017\" data-start=\"2976\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3017\" data-start=\"2979\"\u003eOrder it anonymously for peak chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3083\" data-start=\"3018\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3083\" data-start=\"3021\"\u003eAdd your own note – sweet, sarcastic, or straight-up savage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3158\" data-start=\"3084\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3158\" data-start=\"3087\"\u003eSit back and wait for the text that says, “WTF did you just send me?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3163\" data-start=\"3160\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3207\" data-start=\"3165\"\u003eThe Sweet Taste of Petty Satisfaction\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3365\" data-start=\"3209\"\u003eSure, you could send an edible arrangement. But will they tell \u003cem data-end=\"3278\" data-start=\"3272\"\u003ethat\u003c\/em\u003e story at every party for the next year? Nope. This, though… this is legend material.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3525\" data-start=\"3367\"\u003eThe Dark Chocolate Cock isn’t just a treat – it’s a statement. It’s the edible equivalent of a mic drop. A sweet, cocoa-rich middle finger wrapped in humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3530\" data-start=\"3527\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3757\" data-start=\"3532\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-end=\"3560\" data-start=\"3535\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and send someone the most delicious, most inappropriate gift they’ll ever unwrap. Whether they laugh, blush, or choke on it (hey, it’s possible), one thing’s for sure – they’ll never forget you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3757\" data-start=\"3532\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DickAtYourDoor","offers":[{"title":"The Chocolate Dick","offer_id":41835942903892,"sku":"DARKCHOCODICK","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Bach Shit Crazy","offer_id":41835955650644,"sku":"DARKCHOCODICKBACH","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Nuts About You Box","offer_id":41835943002196,"sku":"NUTSABOUTYOUDARKCHOCOD","price":24.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Santa Christmas Box","offer_id":41835942936660,"sku":"CHRISTMASCHOCODICKDARK","price":21.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"There's Something Fabulous In There Pride Box","offer_id":41835943034964,"sku":"FABULOUSDARKCHOCO","price":21.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-dark-chocolate-cock-eat-a-dick-1763557.jpg?v=1755878737"},{"product_id":"valentines-dick-edible-arrangement","title":"The Naughty Valentine’s Edible Arrangement: Chocolate Dicks, Gummy Dicks \u0026 Chocolate Buttholes","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Naughty Valentine’s Edible Arrangement: Chocolate Dicks, Gummy Dicks \u0026amp; Chocolate Buttholes\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLooking for a \u003cstrong\u003ehilarious, slightly scandalous Valentine’s gift\u003c\/strong\u003e? Skip the cliché heart-shaped box and go straight for an \u003cstrong\u003eNSFW edible arrangement\u003c\/strong\u003e packed with \u003cstrong\u003emilk chocolate dicks, chewy gummy dicks, and rich dark chocolate buttholes.\u003c\/strong\u003e This bundle is \u003cstrong\u003ethe ultimate mix of sweet, sassy, and a little sinful.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e💖 \u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Inside?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e🍆 \u003cstrong\u003e\"Be Mine\" Solid Milk Chocolate Dick\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because nothing says \"love\" like a thick, handcrafted chocolate surprise.\u003cbr\u003e🍫 \u003cstrong\u003e\"Nuts About You\" Dark Chocolate Dick with Crunchy Nuts\u003c\/strong\u003e – Tell them how crazy you are about them with SECOND chocolate dick\u003cbr\u003e🍑 \u003cstrong\u003e\"Eat Ass\" Dark Chocolate Buttholes\u003c\/strong\u003e – Because sometimes, dessert is all about the backside.\u003cbr\u003e🍬 \u003cstrong\u003e\"I Thought You Could Use Some Dick\" Fruity Gummy Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e – A chewy, flavorful way to say \"You're on my mind.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong\u003eWho’s This For?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e✔️ \u003cstrong\u003eThe Valentine with a wild sense of humor\u003c\/strong\u003e (\u003cem\u003ebecause regular chocolate is just too basic\u003c\/em\u003e)\u003cbr\u003e✔️ \u003cstrong\u003eThat single friend who keeps saying they “need some dick”\u003c\/strong\u003e (\u003cem\u003ewe’re just here to help\u003c\/em\u003e)\u003cbr\u003e✔️ \u003cstrong\u003eA bachelorette, bachelor, or Galentine’s party\u003c\/strong\u003e (\u003cem\u003ethis candy gets people talking\u003c\/em\u003e)\u003cbr\u003e✔️ \u003cstrong\u003eAnyone who appreciates top-tier chocolate with a side of laughter\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e💝 \u003cstrong\u003eSweet, spicy, and guaranteed to get a reaction.\u003c\/strong\u003e This isn’t just a gift—it’s a conversation starter, a memory-maker, and the best way to send a message they won’t forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e👉 \u003cem\u003eStock is limited—grab yours before they’re gone!\u003c\/em\u003e Because nothing lasts forever… except our dedication to shipping dicks across the country.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Regular","offer_id":41859034939476,"sku":null,"price":69.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-naughty-valentines-edible-arrangement-chocolate-dicks-gummy-dicks-chocolate-buttholes-3757470.png?v=1755878738"},{"product_id":"the-take-the-hint-valentine-s-bundle","title":"The \"Take the Hint\" Valentine’s Bundle - Vibrator and Gummy Dicks ❤️🍆😏","description":"\u003cp\u003eRoses are red, violets are blue, this bag's full of dicks… and so are my thoughts about you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e💘 \u003cstrong\u003eWhat’s Inside?\u003c\/strong\u003e 💘\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe “Go F\u003c\/strong\u003e* Yourself” Emojibator** – A cheeky little tool for \u003cem\u003epersonal\u003c\/em\u003e satisfaction… but let’s be real, I’d rather be handling that for you.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eA Heartfelt Bag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e – Sweet, chewy, and slightly suggestive—kind of like me when I think about you.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not \u003cem\u003ejust\u003c\/em\u003e a gag gift—it’s an \u003cstrong\u003einvitation\u003c\/strong\u003e. A \u003cem\u003ewink-wink, nudge-nudge\u003c\/em\u003e, let’s-cut-the-tension-and-do-something-about-it kind of situation. So, what do you say? Keep the toys, or come unwrap the real thing? 😏\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHappy Valentine’s—hope you take the hint.\u003c\/strong\u003e 💋🔥\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"bundle variant #1","offer_id":41861372117076,"sku":null,"price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/the-take-the-hint-valentines-bundle-vibrator-and-gummy-dicks-4691674.png?v=1755878733"},{"product_id":"eat-my-a-chocolate-treats","title":"Eat My --- Chocolate Treats","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"209\" data-end=\"293\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEat My --- Chocolate Treats\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Sweetest Kick in the Pants You’ll Ever Give\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"295\" data-end=\"428\"\u003eIf you’ve ever wanted to say “kiss my ass” but in a way that’s edible, delicious, and absolutely unforgettable, here’s your moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"430\" data-end=\"650\"\u003eMeet \u003cstrong data-start=\"435\" data-end=\"469\"\u003eEat My --- Chocolate Treats\u003c\/strong\u003e - handcrafted milk chocolate molded into realistic buttholes, packaged in a cheeky gift box, and ready to be the most scandalous snack your recipient has ever put in their mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"652\" data-end=\"772\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"652\" data-end=\"677\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and send a gift that’s equal parts sweet and “oh my god, did they really just send me this?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"774\" data-end=\"777\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"779\" data-end=\"825\"\u003eWhy This Naughty Chocolate is Pure Genius\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"827\" data-end=\"1014\"\u003eMost chocolates are boring. Heart-shaped, wrapped in gold foil, and forgotten by Tuesday. But these? These are chocolates that people remember. These are chocolates people \u003cem data-start=\"999\" data-end=\"1011\"\u003etalk about\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1016\" data-end=\"1168\"\u003eThey’re the perfect blend of quality and comedy - rich, creamy milk chocolate crafted by people who clearly have no shame and a wicked sense of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1170\" data-end=\"1336\"\u003eWhen you send these, you’re not just gifting candy. You’re gifting an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1240\" data-end=\"1254\"\u003eexperience\u003c\/strong\u003e. An awkward, hilarious, melt-in-your-mouth moment that no one will ever forget.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1338\" data-end=\"1341\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1343\" data-end=\"1365\"\u003eWhat’s in the Box\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1367\" data-end=\"1446\"\u003eThe name says it all, but here’s the breakdown of your \u003cstrong data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1443\"\u003echocolates\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1448\" data-end=\"1793\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1448\" data-end=\"1527\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1450\" data-end=\"1527\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1450\" data-end=\"1479\"\u003eRealistic wrinkly shapes\u003c\/strong\u003e (yes, really) molded in smooth milk chocolate\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1528\" data-end=\"1583\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1530\" data-end=\"1583\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1530\" data-end=\"1549\"\u003eCheeky gift box\u003c\/strong\u003e for maximum presentation impact\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1652\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1586\" data-end=\"1652\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1586\" data-end=\"1609\"\u003eHandcrafted quality\u003c\/strong\u003e so they’re as tasty as they are shocking\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1653\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1655\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1655\" data-end=\"1677\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e for that “oh god, who sent this?” mystery factor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1729\" data-end=\"1793\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1731\" data-end=\"1793\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1731\" data-end=\"1747\"\u003ePerfect size\u003c\/strong\u003e for pranks, parties, or pranks \u003cem data-start=\"1779\" data-end=\"1783\"\u003eat\u003c\/em\u003e parties\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1795\" data-end=\"1798\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1800\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003eThe Scene\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1816\" data-end=\"2029\"\u003ePicture this: it’s Valentine’s Day. Your partner is expecting flowers, maybe some boring store-bought chocolates. Instead, they open the box and are greeted by a lineup of perfectly detailed chocolate holes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2031\" data-end=\"2092\"\u003eThey laugh. They blush. They take a bite. They laugh again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2094\" data-end=\"2280\"\u003eOr maybe you’re sending them to a friend for their birthday. They rip into the package expecting a generic sweet. What they get is a lesson in why you’re the funniest person they know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2282\" data-end=\"2331\"\u003eThis is the chocolate equivalent of a mic drop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2333\" data-end=\"2336\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2338\" data-end=\"2354\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2356\" data-end=\"2725\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2356\" data-end=\"2424\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2358\" data-end=\"2424\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2358\" data-end=\"2384\"\u003eValentine’s Day pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that keep the romance but add a twist\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2425\" data-end=\"2492\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2427\" data-end=\"2492\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2427\" data-end=\"2449\"\u003eRomantic gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e for couples who laugh at the weird stuff\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2493\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2495\" data-end=\"2545\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2495\" data-end=\"2518\"\u003eAnonymous surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave them guessing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2546\" data-end=\"2599\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2599\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2548\" data-end=\"2566\"\u003eBirthday jokes\u003c\/strong\u003e that beat any boring gift card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2600\" data-end=\"2664\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2602\" data-end=\"2664\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2602\" data-end=\"2631\"\u003eBachelorette party favors\u003c\/strong\u003e that actually make people howl\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2665\" data-end=\"2725\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2667\" data-end=\"2725\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2667\" data-end=\"2691\"\u003eEdible novelty gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that taste as good as they look\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2727\" data-end=\"2730\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2732\" data-end=\"2753\"\u003eHow People React\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2755\" data-end=\"2949\"\u003eWhile no one’s left a review yet for these exact treats, we know the vibe. It’s a mix of shock, laughter, and that little smirk people get when they know they’re about to do something naughty.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2951\" data-end=\"3102\"\u003eThey’ll tell their friends. They’ll post it on Instagram. And you’ll sit back knowing you’ve pulled off a prank that’s both ridiculous and delicious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3786\" data-end=\"3850\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3786\" data-end=\"3811\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and put a little cheek in their day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"DicksByMail","offers":[{"title":"One \/ No Sleeve","offer_id":42731833032788,"sku":"EMA","price":17.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One \/ Live Fast","offer_id":43763551010900,"sku":"EMA,LIVEFASTSLEEVE","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double (10% Off Single Price per Box) \/ No Sleeve","offer_id":42731833065556,"sku":"EMA-2","price":31.48,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Double (10% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast","offer_id":43763551043668,"sku":"EMA-2,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-2","price":32.38,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Triple (20% Off Single Price per Box) \/ No Sleeve","offer_id":42731833098324,"sku":"EMA-3","price":41.98,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Triple (20% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast","offer_id":43763551076436,"sku":"EMA-3,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-3","price":43.18,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Five (25% Off Single Price per Box) \/ No Sleeve","offer_id":43763551109204,"sku":"EMA-5","price":65.59,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Five (25% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast","offer_id":43763551141972,"sku":"EMA-5,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-5","price":67.46,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten (30% Off Single Price per Box) \/ No Sleeve","offer_id":43764194312276,"sku":"EMA-10","price":122.43,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ten (30% Off Single Price per Box) \/ Live Fast","offer_id":43764194345044,"sku":"EMA-10,LIVEFASTSLEEVE-10","price":125.93,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/eat-my-cheeky-chocolate-treats-3104685.jpg?v=1773200470"},{"product_id":"you-might-be-a-dick-but-youre-my-dick-pop-up-dick-card","title":"You Might Be A Dick, But You're My Dick Pop-Up Dick Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"75\" data-end=\"127\"\u003eTrue Love Means Settling - And Laughing About It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"129\" data-end=\"558\"\u003eThere comes a day in every relationship when you stop chasing butterflies and start chasing your partner’s farts out of the sheets. And that, my friend, is when you know you’ve found \u003cem data-start=\"312\" data-end=\"321\"\u003ethe one\u003c\/em\u003e. The one dick. The same dick. \u003cstrong data-start=\"352\" data-end=\"364\"\u003eForever.\u003c\/strong\u003e So celebrate that oddly comforting, mildly frustrating, and occasionally disappointing reality with the \u003cstrong\u003eYou're MY Dick \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"469\" data-end=\"495\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e - a brutally honest love letter to your eternal penis partner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003eBuy now if you're brave enough to admit monogamy is just loving the same genitals on loop.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"656\" data-end=\"659\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"661\" data-end=\"713\"\u003eBecause Flowers Die, But Dick Jokes Live Forever\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"715\" data-end=\"1032\"\u003eLet’s skip the sappy cards that pretend you still text each other “good morning” unironically. You’ve been through it. The fights, the makeup sex, the awkward family holidays, and that one time you both got food poisoning and still high-fived through it. You’re locked in. And not just emotionally - but anatomically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1034\" data-end=\"1354\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003eYou're MY Dick \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1080\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e says what Hallmark never will. It’s the only Valentine’s Day card that dares to honor the penis that’s been disappointing you since the first drunken hookup. And honestly? That kind of consistency deserves a standing ovation. Or at least a sarcastic applause and this card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1356\" data-end=\"1359\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1361\" data-end=\"1411\"\u003eA Love Story Told in One Blunt, Hilarious Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1413\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eFlashback: You met. You flirted. You banged. You texted. You banged again. Eventually, you started leaving toothbrushes at each other’s place. Then came the “What are we?” talk, the “Let’s move in” moment, and the eventual horror realization that you’ve been staring at the same damn peen since Obama was in office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1730\" data-end=\"1865\"\u003eBut here you are. Still together. Still tolerating each other. Still making dick jokes to hide how deeply you actually love each other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1867\" data-end=\"1885\"\u003eThis card gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1887\" data-end=\"1890\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1892\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003eHere’s What You’re Getting, You Brave Romantic, You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"1982\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e featuring the glorious phrase “ You're MY Dick” - just in case they forgot what they signed up for\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2106\"\u003eOptional add-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e like a bag of dicks, because why stop at a card when you can double down on dick\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2188\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2224\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - so if you're secretly roasting a situationship, your secret’s safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2294\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003ePrinted on thick, quality cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e - unlike that limp noodle you’re roasting\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2398\"\u003eBlank interior\u003c\/strong\u003e - for your own crude message, heartfelt apology, or explicit drawing of what “forever dick” looks like\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2503\" data-end=\"2506\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2576\"\u003ePerfect For These Deliciously Petty, Painfully Relatable Moments\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003eValentine’s Day sarcasm\u003c\/strong\u003e - Let Cupid choke on this card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2639\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2661\"\u003eAnniversary gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - Celebrate another 365 days of that familiar shaft\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2714\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2742\"\u003eFunny gift for couples\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because therapy’s expensive and laughter’s free\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2793\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2821\"\u003eRelationship milestone\u003c\/strong\u003e - Make your 5-year mark with a card that screams “you’re stuck now”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2890\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2914\"\u003ePetty revenge gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - For the one you love and lowkey hate at the same time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2972\" data-end=\"2975\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2977\" data-end=\"3023\"\u003eMake ‘Em Laugh, Cringe, and Probably Blush\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3025\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003eThis isn’t just a card. It’s a commitment wrapped in sarcasm, dipped in honesty, and served with a side of “Yep... this is our life now.” Whether you’re the kind of couple that has matching socks or the kind that argues over whose turn it is to buy toilet paper, this card is your anthem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3315\" data-end=\"3492\"\u003eSo if your idea of romance involves brutally honest jokes, relentless sarcasm, and a complete lack of emotional boundaries - \u003cstrong data-start=\"3440\" data-end=\"3459\"\u003econgratulations\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’ve found your perfect card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3494\" data-end=\"3497\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3499\" data-end=\"3577\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” Before Your Partner Realizes They Could’ve Done Better\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003eWhy wait? Show them you care \u003cem data-start=\"3608\" data-end=\"3616\"\u003eenough\u003c\/em\u003e to get them a card. But not so much that it doesn’t come with a solid dick roast.  You're MY Dick - because at this point, what choice do you really have?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46864775413844,"sku":"YOUREMYDICKCARD","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/you-might-be-a-dick-but-youre-my-dick-pop-up-dick-card-9709888.webp?v=1778917993"}],"url":"https:\/\/dicksbymail.com\/collections\/valentines-day-dicks\/glitter-bombs.oembed","provider":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","version":"1.0","type":"link"}