{"title":"Hilarious Gifts","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"eat-a-bag-of-dicks-t-shirt","title":"EAT A BAG OF DICKS T-SHIRT!","description":"\u003cp\u003eGrab the new Dicksbymail.com T-shirt and tell everyone you see to \u003cstrong\u003e\"KEEP CALM AND EAT A BAG OF DICKS\"!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe \"EAT A BAG OF DICKS\" T-Shirt is perfect for any occasion;\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e1. Family gatherings\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e2. Casual Friday's at the office\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e3. Holidays\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e4. Resignations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e5. Presidential Debates\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe list could go on, but you get the point. Enjoy!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"SMALL","offer_id":27673681281,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"MEDIUM","offer_id":27675389697,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"LARGE","offer_id":27675390081,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":27675390401,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXL","offer_id":27675390593,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XXXL","offer_id":27743859713,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-t-shirt-6278782.jpg?v=1755879321"},{"product_id":"dick-coasters","title":"Dick Coasters!","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"65\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDick Coasters!\u003c\/strong\u003e - Protect Your Table While Offending Everyone\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"67\" data-end=\"504\"\u003eFinally, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"78\" data-end=\"96\"\u003ehome accessory\u003c\/strong\u003e that says, “Yes, I’m a functioning adult, but also, I think dicks are hilarious.” Meet \u003cstrong data-start=\"184\" data-end=\"202\"\u003eDick Coasters!\u003c\/strong\u003e - handcrafted cork coasters made right here in the USA that are just as functional as they are inappropriate. Whether you’re sipping whiskey like a gentleman or pounding beers with your buddies, these \u003cstrong data-start=\"404\" data-end=\"432\"\u003efunny offensive coasters\u003c\/strong\u003e keep your surfaces safe while serving up a fresh dose of shock value.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"506\" data-end=\"787\"\u003ePerfect for \u003cstrong data-start=\"518\" data-end=\"538\"\u003ebachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"540\" data-end=\"561\"\u003ehousewarming gags\u003c\/strong\u003e, or just to mess with your uptight in-laws, Dick Coasters turn every drink into a conversation piece. You can grab them individually or in a \u003cstrong data-start=\"703\" data-end=\"730\"\u003efour-piece variety pack\u003c\/strong\u003e so every glass gets its own cheeky dick-themed design.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"789\" data-end=\"861\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"789\" data-end=\"814\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving drinks with a side of WTF.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"863\" data-end=\"866\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"868\" data-end=\"910\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Need Dick Coasters\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"912\" data-end=\"1159\"\u003eBecause normal coasters are boring. You can go buy some plain wood circles at Target, but will they make your friends spit beer laughing? No. Will they make your roommate do a double take when he sets down his coffee? Nope. \u003cstrong data-start=\"1136\" data-end=\"1157\"\u003eDick Coasters do.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1161\" data-end=\"1396\"\u003eThese are the perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"1190\" data-end=\"1228\"\u003epractical and wildly inappropriate\u003c\/strong\u003e. They actually protect your table from water rings, but they also make sure anyone who comes over knows you have an A+ sense of humor (and maybe questionable taste).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1398\" data-end=\"1461\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1461\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1400\" data-end=\"1420\"\u003eHandcrafted cork\u003c\/strong\u003e - sturdy, absorbent, and built to last\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1575\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1464\" data-end=\"1575\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1464\" data-end=\"1502\"\u003eAvailable individually or as a set\u003c\/strong\u003e - because sometimes you just need one dick in the room, sometimes four\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1576\" data-end=\"1677\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1578\" data-end=\"1677\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1578\" data-end=\"1594\"\u003eNSFW designs\u003c\/strong\u003e - tasteful enough for the fun friends, offensive enough to keep grandma guessing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1678\" data-end=\"1766\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1680\" data-end=\"1766\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1680\" data-end=\"1699\"\u003eMade in the USA\u003c\/strong\u003e - proudly keeping your table clean and your guests uncomfortable\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1767\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1769\" data-end=\"1869\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1769\" data-end=\"1789\"\u003eShips discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - no one at the post office will know you just bought a set of penis coasters\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1871\" data-end=\"1874\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1876\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1908\" data-end=\"2169\"\u003ePicture this: You’re throwing a party. People are drinking, laughing, and someone finally looks down and says, \u003cem data-start=\"2019\" data-end=\"2053\"\u003e“Wait… is this coaster… a dick?”\u003c\/em\u003e Cue the roaring laughter, the phone pics, and the knowledge that your coasters just became the star of the night.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2171\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003eOr maybe it’s the morning after, and your hungover roommate puts his coffee on one and mutters, \u003cem data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2284\"\u003e“Jesus Christ…”\u003c\/em\u003e while shaking his head. Either way, \u003cstrong data-start=\"2321\" data-end=\"2346\"\u003emission accomplished.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2350\" data-end=\"2353\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2396\"\u003eReal Review From Someone Who Gets It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2398\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2398\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2400\" data-end=\"2418\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2400\" data-end=\"2416\"\u003e“Was awesome.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2420\" data-end=\"2584\"\u003eYeah, that’s it. Because when a product is literally a coaster shaped or printed like a penis, you don’t need a novel. You just need it to be awesome - and it is.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2586\" data-end=\"2589\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2591\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2609\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2609\" data-end=\"2668\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2611\" data-end=\"2668\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2611\" data-end=\"2631\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need more than just beer pong\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2669\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2693\"\u003eHousewarming gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that get remembered\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2805\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2746\"\u003eWhite elephant exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e where you want to win (because yes, winning is possible)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2806\" data-end=\"2858\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2858\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2831\"\u003eBarware collections\u003c\/strong\u003e that are way too serious\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2859\" data-end=\"2907\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2907\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"2880\"\u003eRoommate pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that will keep on giving\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2908\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2910\" data-end=\"2964\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2910\" data-end=\"2931\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e for people who can take a joke\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2966\" data-end=\"2969\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2971\" data-end=\"2995\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3050\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3050\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3030\"\u003eHandcrafted cork coaster(s)\u003c\/strong\u003e with NSFW designs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3051\" data-end=\"3110\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3110\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3053\" data-end=\"3108\"\u003eChoice of single coaster or four-piece variety pack\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3111\" data-end=\"3153\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3113\" data-end=\"3153\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3113\" data-end=\"3151\"\u003eDurable, functional, and offensive\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3154\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3156\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3156\" data-end=\"3188\"\u003eCompletely discreet shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e so your mailman doesn’t judge you\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3225\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3227\" data-end=\"3307\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3227\" data-end=\"3248\"\u003eGuaranteed laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e or at least some awkward silence followed by more laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3309\" data-end=\"3312\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3314\" data-end=\"3343\"\u003eWhy They Work Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3345\" data-end=\"3559\"\u003eBecause they’re unexpected. You don’t see a dick-shaped coaster every day - and when you do, it’s impossible not to say something about it. These aren’t just conversation starters, they’re conversation hijackers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3561\" data-end=\"3807\"\u003eThey’re also a weirdly good \u003cstrong data-start=\"3589\" data-end=\"3603\"\u003eicebreaker\u003c\/strong\u003e for parties, date nights, or any time you have guests over who don’t know each other yet. After the first laugh, everyone’s comfortable - or at least distracted enough to forget the awkward small talk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3809\" data-end=\"3812\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3814\" data-end=\"3830\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3832\" data-end=\"4023\"\u003eYou could buy boring coasters that blend into the table. Or you could buy \u003cstrong data-start=\"3906\" data-end=\"3923\"\u003eDick Coasters\u003c\/strong\u003e and make your guests laugh, blush, and remember your party for all the wrong (but right) reasons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4144\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4050\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving drinks with the class of a sommelier and the humor of a college frat boy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4025\" data-end=\"4144\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Don't be  Dick, Use a Coaster! (Penis Shape)","offer_id":32368873421,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Eat a Bag of Dicks!","offer_id":32368814413,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Don't Fuck Up My Table!","offer_id":32130477325,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 Don't Be a Dick, Use a Coaster!","offer_id":32368853453,"sku":"","price":5.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 Variety Pack of All Coasters!","offer_id":32368977485,"sku":"","price":17.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/IMG_1845.JPG?v=1541106912"},{"product_id":"dick-belt","title":"Dick Belt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\"Rock out with your Cock out\" with The Original Dick Belt in Black\/Brown.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne Size Fits Most with Adjustable Buckle\/Bottle Opener: \u003c\/span\u003eProduct measures 60 inches long with adjustable buckle. Accommodates waist sizes 32” to 44” with at least a 12\" cock flop.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAdd one to any order for just $19.99. Grab one for yourself or you can of course add it to any Anonymous order\/Bag of Dicks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHappy Dicking!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Dick Belt","offer_id":34476050573,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 Dick Belts","offer_id":28371661193300,"sku":"","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 Pack of Dick Belts","offer_id":28371661258836,"sku":"","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-belt-6787118.jpeg?v=1755879239"},{"product_id":"dick-koozies","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Can Coolers","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"136\" data-end=\"218\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Coolers - Keep Your Drink Cold and Your Insults Hot\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"220\" data-end=\"448\"\u003eLet’s be real. Sometimes, “cheers” just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes you need to send a crystal-clear, ice-cold message while you’re \u003cem data-start=\"350\" data-end=\"361\"\u003eliterally\u003c\/em\u003e keeping your beer cold. That’s where the \u003cstrong data-start=\"403\" data-end=\"436\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"450\" data-end=\"739\"\u003eIt’s bold. It’s blunt. It’s the koozie equivalent of flipping someone off with both hands while chugging a frosty one. Whether you’re at a tailgate, bachelor party, BBQ, or just sitting on the porch watching the neighbor mow his lawn in jorts, this thing is guaranteed to get a reaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"741\" data-end=\"866\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"741\" data-end=\"757\"\u003eBottom line?\u003c\/strong\u003e For $4.99, you can tell the world exactly how you feel - and keep your drink at peak chill while doing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"868\" data-end=\"964\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-start=\"871\" data-end=\"962\"\u003eStop scrolling, toss this bad boy in your cart, and be \u003cem data-start=\"928\" data-end=\"934\"\u003ethat\u003c\/em\u003e legend at the next party.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"966\" data-end=\"969\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"971\" data-end=\"1006\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1008\" data-end=\"1155\"\u003eBecause “polite” is overrated.\u003cbr data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1041\"\u003eBecause your friends don’t laugh enough.\u003cbr data-start=\"1081\" data-end=\"1084\"\u003eBecause your beer deserves better than some boring plain foam sleeve.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1529\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"1161\" data-end=\"1194\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e isn’t just a drink accessory - it’s a conversation starter, an icebreaker, and a middle finger all rolled into one glorious little neoprene package. It fits any standard 12 oz can, works on soda or beer (but let’s be honest, you’re using it for beer), and comes in colors that match whatever flavor of chaos you’re serving that day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1531\" data-end=\"1534\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1536\" data-end=\"1560\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1562\" data-end=\"1655\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1564\" data-end=\"1655\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1564\" data-end=\"1589\"\u003eOne badass can cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e printed with “Eat a Bag of Dicks” in big, unapologetic letters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1656\" data-end=\"1758\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1658\" data-end=\"1758\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1658\" data-end=\"1684\"\u003eMultiple color options\u003c\/strong\u003e - red, gray, black - so you can coordinate with your mood or your team.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1759\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1761\" data-end=\"1808\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1761\" data-end=\"1778\"\u003eUniversal fit\u003c\/strong\u003e for any standard 12 oz can.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1809\" data-end=\"1893\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1811\" data-end=\"1893\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1811\" data-end=\"1837\"\u003eDurable and functional\u003c\/strong\u003e - keeps drinks cold, hands warm, and attitudes spicy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1894\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1896\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1896\" data-end=\"1916\"\u003eShips discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - so the mailman doesn’t think you’ve completely lost it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1978\" data-end=\"1981\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1983\" data-end=\"2011\"\u003eWhat Real Customers Say\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2013\" data-end=\"2133\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2133\"\u003e“Thank you so much, my item got lost in shipping and you were kind enough to resend it and add a little extra gift.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2135\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2137\" data-end=\"2225\"\u003e“Well received and appreciated by all who have came in contact with your products. 😃”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-start=\"2227\" data-end=\"2275\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2229\" data-end=\"2275\"\u003e“A sure 5 star rating in other colors. 😀👍”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2364\"\u003eThe people have spoken - this cooler is more than just a gag, it’s a \u003cem data-start=\"2346\" data-end=\"2361\"\u003ecrowd-pleaser\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2366\" data-end=\"2369\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2371\" data-end=\"2388\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2390\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2392\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2392\" data-end=\"2416\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e - watch grandma try not to laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2453\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2455\" data-end=\"2475\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e - because nothing says “last night of freedom” like a cooler full of insults.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2556\" data-end=\"2632\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2558\" data-end=\"2632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2558\" data-end=\"2575\"\u003eBirthday gags\u003c\/strong\u003e - especially for that friend who “doesn’t want gifts.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2633\" data-end=\"2706\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2706\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2648\"\u003eTailgates\u003c\/strong\u003e - keep it classy while talking trash to the other team.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2707\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2773\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2730\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e - Santa’s on the naughty list this year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2775\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003eThe Story You’ll Tell\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"3132\"\u003eImagine you’re at a party. The music’s good, drinks are flowing, and someone says, “Hey, cool koozie.” They lean in, read it, and spit beer through their nose. You’ve just made a memory, my friend. And every time that cooler comes out of the drawer, someone’s gonna laugh, roll their eyes, or take a picture for Instagram.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3134\" data-end=\"3212\"\u003eThis isn’t just foam around a can - it’s your personality in drinkware form.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3214\" data-end=\"3217\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3219\" data-end=\"3253\"\u003eHow to Get the Most Out of It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3255\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3255\" data-end=\"3316\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3258\" data-end=\"3316\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3258\" data-end=\"3283\"\u003eSlip it on your drink\u003c\/strong\u003e like a tiny, sarcastic jacket.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3317\" data-end=\"3390\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3320\" data-end=\"3390\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3320\" data-end=\"3342\"\u003eHold it up proudly\u003c\/strong\u003e - don’t hide it, the world needs to see this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3391\" data-end=\"3498\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3394\" data-end=\"3498\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3394\" data-end=\"3417\"\u003eEnjoy the reactions\u003c\/strong\u003e - laughter, groans, high-fives, or even the occasional “you’re going to hell.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3499\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3502\" data-end=\"3566\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3502\" data-end=\"3522\"\u003eRinse and repeat\u003c\/strong\u003e - this baby’s reusable, so keep it handy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3568\" data-end=\"3571\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3573\" data-end=\"3600\"\u003eFinal Word: Get It Now\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3602\" data-end=\"3905\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"3606\" data-end=\"3639\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Can Cooler\u003c\/strong\u003e is funny, functional, and stupidly affordable. You’ll use it more than you think, and you’ll laugh every single time you do. And because it’s just $4.99, you can grab extras for your friends, your enemies, or anyone who deserves a frosty, foam-wrapped “fuck you.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e🍺 \u003cstrong data-start=\"3910\" data-end=\"3929\"\u003eAdd to cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and start serving your drinks with a side of attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3907\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":37226992077,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Gray","offer_id":37226992141,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red","offer_id":37226992205,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black - Keep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks","offer_id":37226992269,"sku":"","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-can-coolers-3702802.png?v=1755879238"},{"product_id":"dick-towel","title":"Dick Towel","description":"\u003ch2 data-end=\"197\" data-start=\"117\"\u003eThe Dick Towel – The Only Towel That’ll Make You the Center of Attention\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"487\" data-start=\"199\"\u003eLet’s be real. No one’s talking about your “nice, plain white” bath towel. That’s about as memorable as a loaf of bread. But you know what people \u003cem data-end=\"351\" data-start=\"345\"\u003ewill\u003c\/em\u003e remember? You strutting across the pool deck or walking out of the shower with a cartoon cock printed front and center on your towel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"763\" data-start=\"489\"\u003eMeet the \u003cstrong data-end=\"512\" data-start=\"498\"\u003eDick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e – straight from \u003cem data-end=\"564\" data-start=\"529\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e, soft as hell, absorbent, and unapologetically packing heat. This isn’t just a towel. This is a full-on conversation piece, an icebreaker, and a declaration that you don’t take life too seriously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"872\" data-start=\"765\"\u003eStop drying off like a chump. \u003cstrong data-end=\"870\" data-start=\"795\"\u003eAdd to cart now and claim your spot as the legend everyone talks about.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"877\" data-start=\"874\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"914\" data-start=\"879\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1201\" data-start=\"916\"\u003eYou could buy a regular towel, but let’s be honest – boring towels die alone in the linen closet. The Dick Towel? That thing’s going places. Pool parties. Beach trips. Bachelor parties. White elephant exchanges. Anywhere people gather to laugh, drink, and question your life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1347\" data-start=\"1203\"\u003eHere’s the thing: humor \u003cem data-end=\"1235\" data-start=\"1227\"\u003esticks\u003c\/em\u003e. Nobody’s gonna remember the guy with the blue towel. But the guy with the giant penis towel? Instant legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1595\" data-start=\"1349\"\u003ePlus, it’s functional – you’ll actually dry off. It’s not like some cheap novelty towel that feels like sandpaper. This bad boy is soft, absorbent, and machine washable. You’re literally buying a useful item disguised as a hilarious prank gift.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1600\" data-start=\"1597\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1637\" data-start=\"1602\"\u003eThe First Time You Whip It Out\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1905\" data-start=\"1639\"\u003ePicture this. It’s a summer pool party. You “accidentally” forget your towel. Then, when everyone’s hanging out, you pull out the Dick Towel. People choke on their drinks. Someone drops their phone in the pool. That one friend who always acts classy? Cry-laughing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2089\" data-start=\"1907\"\u003eOr maybe you wrap it around yourself after a shower. Your partner walks in. They double-take. They either laugh or start questioning your sanity. Either way – mission accomplished.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2094\" data-start=\"2091\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2123\" data-start=\"2096\"\u003eStraight From the Show\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2288\" data-start=\"2125\"\u003eThis isn’t some knockoff. This is the \u003cstrong data-end=\"2186\" data-start=\"2163\"\u003eofficial Dick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e from \u003cem data-end=\"2227\" data-start=\"2192\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e. You’ve seen it. You’ve laughed at it. Now you can own it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2307\" data-start=\"2290\"\u003eChoose between:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2359\" data-start=\"2308\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2359\" data-start=\"2310\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2326\" data-start=\"2310\"\u003eMale version\u003c\/strong\u003e – classic “big reveal” energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2360\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2426\" data-start=\"2362\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2380\" data-start=\"2362\"\u003eFemale version\u003c\/strong\u003e – because equal opportunity comedy matters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2559\" data-start=\"2428\"\u003eBoth are made from soft, high-quality fabric with a bold, cartoon penis-and-butt design. Yes, it’s ridiculous. Yes, it’s amazing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2564\" data-start=\"2561\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2595\" data-start=\"2566\"\u003eReal People, Real Laughs\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-end=\"2962\" data-start=\"2597\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2962\" data-start=\"2599\"\u003e“When I finally revealed the joke, he had already passed on the prank to his boss! Laughs all around.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2704\" data-start=\"2701\"\u003e“Love this towel. Gave the set (male and female) to a couple. Good laugh as the guy is always telling me to ask her how BIG it is. This one is big… LOL.”\u003cbr data-end=\"2862\" data-start=\"2859\"\u003e“Was a hit at our Secret Santa exchange!!! Had the whole shop dying laughing for a few minutes.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2967\" data-start=\"2964\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2993\" data-start=\"2969\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"2995\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3079\" data-start=\"2995\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3079\" data-start=\"2997\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3024\" data-start=\"2997\"\u003eOne official Dick Towel\u003c\/strong\u003e – straight from \u003cem data-end=\"3076\" data-start=\"3041\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3150\" data-start=\"3080\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3150\" data-start=\"3082\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3118\" data-start=\"3082\"\u003eChoice of male or female version\u003c\/strong\u003e – choose your comedic weapon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3222\" data-start=\"3151\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3222\" data-start=\"3153\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3181\" data-start=\"3153\"\u003eSoft, absorbent material\u003c\/strong\u003e – because you actually want to use it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3286\" data-start=\"3223\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3286\" data-start=\"3225\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3252\" data-start=\"3225\"\u003eBold, ridiculous design\u003c\/strong\u003e – guaranteed to get a reaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"3287\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3381\" data-start=\"3289\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3310\" data-start=\"3289\"\u003eDiscreet shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e – no one knows what’s in the box until you decide to ruin their day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3386\" data-start=\"3383\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3405\" data-start=\"3388\"\u003ePerfect For…\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3407\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3488\" data-start=\"3407\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3488\" data-start=\"3409\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3442\" data-start=\"3409\"\u003eWhite elephant gift exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e – win Christmas without spending a fortune.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3535\" data-start=\"3489\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3535\" data-start=\"3491\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3507\" data-start=\"3491\"\u003ePool parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – instant crowd favorite.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3629\" data-start=\"3536\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3629\" data-start=\"3538\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3571\" data-start=\"3538\"\u003eBachelor\/Bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e – the gift they’ll take on the honeymoon just to laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3694\" data-start=\"3630\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3694\" data-start=\"3632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3645\" data-start=\"3632\"\u003eBirthdays\u003c\/strong\u003e – turn an ordinary party into a legendary one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3695\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3758\" data-start=\"3697\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3713\" data-start=\"3697\"\u003eTV show fans\u003c\/strong\u003e – especially \u003cem data-end=\"3746\" data-start=\"3727\"\u003eIt’s Always Sunny\u003c\/em\u003e diehards.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3763\" data-start=\"3760\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3799\" data-start=\"3765\"\u003eHow to Pull It Off Like a Pro\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3801\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3862\" data-start=\"3801\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3862\" data-start=\"3804\"\u003ePick your towel version (or get both, because why not?).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3921\" data-start=\"3863\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3921\" data-start=\"3866\"\u003eWrap it as a gift or “casually” bring it to the pool.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3922\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3985\" data-start=\"3925\"\u003eSit back and watch as it instantly becomes the main event.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3990\" data-start=\"3987\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"4046\" data-start=\"3992\"\u003eThis Isn’t Just a Towel. It’s a Personality Test.\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4175\" data-start=\"4048\"\u003eAnyone who sees this and laughs? Keep them in your life.\u003cbr data-end=\"4107\" data-start=\"4104\"\u003eAnyone who gets offended? Probably not your kind of people anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4264\" data-start=\"4177\"\u003eEither way, the Dick Towel sorts the cool people from the boring ones in record time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"4269\" data-start=\"4266\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"4530\" data-start=\"4271\"\u003e🎯 \u003cstrong data-end=\"4299\" data-start=\"4274\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and grab the most ridiculous, most talked-about, most functional gag gift you’ll ever own. Whether you’re buying it for yourself or to prank someone else, the Dick Towel is about to become your new favorite conversation starter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ White Male","offer_id":43139645901,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ White Male","offer_id":44775438605,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ White Female","offer_id":46096020877,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ White Female","offer_id":46096073549,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"1 Dick Towel \/ Black Male","offer_id":46096099469,"sku":"1000","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2 Dick Towels \/ Black Male","offer_id":46096121997,"sku":"1000","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/dick-towel-7544671.jpg?v=1755879237"},{"product_id":"emojibator-go-fuck-yourself","title":"Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"152\" data-end=\"185\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEmojibator - Go Fuck Yourself\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"187\" data-end=\"282\"\u003eBecause sometimes, the only logical thing left to say is \u003cstrong data-start=\"244\" data-end=\"266\"\u003e“Go Fuck Yourself”\u003c\/strong\u003e... literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"284\" data-end=\"702\"\u003eThis is not your average gag gift. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"329\" data-end=\"384\"\u003efully functional, 10-speed eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e that manages to be both \u003cstrong data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"430\"\u003ehilariously petty\u003c\/strong\u003e and \u003cstrong data-start=\"435\" data-end=\"456\"\u003eshockingly useful\u003c\/strong\u003e at the same time. Perfect for breakups, Galentine’s Day, bachelorette parties, or as a little love letter to yourself, the Emojibator - Go Fuck Yourself is the kind of gift that says \u003cem data-start=\"640\" data-end=\"649\"\u003eexactly\u003c\/em\u003e what you mean, with no room for misinterpretation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"704\" data-end=\"1030\"\u003eWhether you’re sending it to an ex as a parting shot or gifting it to your best friend with a wink and a laugh, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"821\" data-end=\"859\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch purple powerhouse\u003c\/strong\u003e gets the point across. And the best part? It ships \u003cstrong data-start=\"911\" data-end=\"938\"\u003e100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e, so you can drop your little vibrating truth bomb without anyone ever knowing it was you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1118\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1047\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and deliver the sassiest, most satisfying “f*** you” in history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1120\" data-end=\"1123\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1125\" data-end=\"1165\"\u003eWhy This is the Ultimate Petty Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1167\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1216\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1169\" data-end=\"1191\"\u003eHilariously direct\u003c\/strong\u003e - the name says it all\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1217\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1219\" data-end=\"1237\"\u003eActually works\u003c\/strong\u003e - 10 vibration settings for maximum “self care”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1288\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1378\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1290\" data-end=\"1310\"\u003eCompact and cute\u003c\/strong\u003e - travel-sized eggplant emoji that fits in your bag or nightstand\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1379\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1463\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1381\" data-end=\"1403\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - no receipts, no return address, no awkward explanations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1465\" data-end=\"1468\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1470\" data-end=\"1500\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1502\" data-end=\"1702\"\u003ePicture this. They get a small, innocent-looking package in the mail. They open it. There it is... an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1604\" data-end=\"1625\"\u003eeggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e staring them down with the smugness only a plastic vegetable can pull off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1704\" data-end=\"1836\"\u003eThey laugh. They blush. They don’t know whether to be insulted or impressed. But here’s the thing - they’re definitely keeping it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1838\" data-end=\"2110\"\u003eFast forward a week... they’re still talking about it. They’ve shown their friends. They’ve told the story ten times. You’ve given them the most unforgettable gag gift of their life - and you’re somewhere else, sipping wine, giggling to yourself like the genius you are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2112\" data-end=\"2115\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2117\" data-end=\"2157\"\u003eReal Reviews From People Who Get It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2330\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2159\" data-end=\"2264\"\u003e\"It’s the perfect size, soo cute, travel size. Only thing is batteries go fast lol. 10\/10 Love it!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"2264\" data-end=\"2267\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2267\" data-end=\"2328\"\u003e\"Amazing. Got this for myself and absolutely love it!!!!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2332\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2337\" data-end=\"2361\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2363\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2412\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2365\" data-end=\"2410\"\u003e4.84 x 1.22 inch eggplant-shaped vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2466\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2415\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003e10 vibration settings\u003c\/strong\u003e for a customizable ride\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2467\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2526\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2469\" data-end=\"2492\"\u003eTravel-sized design\u003c\/strong\u003e for easy storage or portability\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2527\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2564\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2562\"\u003eMade from body-safe materials\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2565\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2612\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2567\" data-end=\"2589\"\u003eAnonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e for zero awkwardness\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2613\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2615\" data-end=\"2669\"\u003eA perfect mix of \u003cstrong data-start=\"2632\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003ecomedy and actual functionality\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2671\" data-end=\"2674\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2676\" data-end=\"2704\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2706\" data-end=\"2894\"\u003eBecause it’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003eequal parts insult and indulgence\u003c\/strong\u003e. Sure, it’s funny. Sure, it’s petty. But unlike most gag gifts, this one actually \u003cem data-start=\"2839\" data-end=\"2855\"\u003edoes something\u003c\/em\u003e. And that’s what makes it legendary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2896\" data-end=\"3179\"\u003eIt’s not just a joke. It’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2925\" data-end=\"2949\"\u003econversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2953\" data-end=\"2973\"\u003ememorable moment\u003c\/strong\u003e, and in some cases... a gift that keeps on giving. Whether they laugh, roll their eyes, or send you a thank-you text they’ll regret later, you’ve officially cemented your place in their personal history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3181\" data-end=\"3184\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3186\" data-end=\"3224\"\u003eBe the Legend of Their Group Chat\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3226\" data-end=\"3362\"\u003eAnyone can send flowers or a card. It takes a true legend to send an \u003cstrong data-start=\"3295\" data-end=\"3326\"\u003eanonymous eggplant vibrator\u003c\/strong\u003e with a silent-but-deadly message.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-start=\"3370\" data-end=\"3385\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Send it. Sit back. And know you’ve just sent the most outrageous, on-brand “Go Fuck Yourself” the world has ever seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3509\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"----- \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136967181,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ Emojibator","offer_id":1614136999949,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"----- \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":4001244610573,"sku":"","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Go Fuck Yourself Literally Case \/ The Banana Emojibator","offer_id":21667773251668,"sku":"","price":44.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/emojibator-vibrator_2048x2048_efd17bd4-5b8e-4cbe-a6ea-cbac6417911a.jpg?v=1512007686"},{"product_id":"david-penis-shorts","title":"David Penis Shorts","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"78a5415a-9674-4742-849c-79752cafe10d\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"286\" data-start=\"230\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDavid Penis Shorts - Wearable Art With Zero Subtlety\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"424\" data-start=\"288\"\u003eBecause nothing says “I’m here to make people uncomfortable” quite like \u003cstrong data-end=\"421\" data-start=\"360\"\u003ewearing Michelangelo’s David’s marble junk on your thighs\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"659\" data-start=\"426\"\u003eForget boring swim trunks. Forget bland gym shorts. These \u003cstrong data-end=\"506\" data-start=\"484\"\u003eDavid Penis Shorts\u003c\/strong\u003e are a masterpiece of bad taste and bold confidence, guaranteed to turn heads, drop jaws, and make your mom reconsider inviting you to family cookouts.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1027\" data-start=\"661\"\u003eWhether it’s a bachelor party, poolside chaos, or just a Tuesday at the gym, these shorts deliver laughs, gasps, and “what the hell is wrong with you?” looks in equal measure. Available in styles like Italian flag, classic beige, and the oversized “Goliath” edition, they ship discreetly so no one will know you’re about to become the walking highlight of the day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1102\" data-start=\"1029\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1044\" data-start=\"1029\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e now and let the legend of your lower half live forever.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1107\" data-start=\"1104\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1150\" data-start=\"1109\"\u003eWhy You Absolutely Need These Shorts\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1152\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1217\" data-start=\"1152\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1217\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1186\" data-start=\"1154\"\u003eInstant conversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e - people can’t \u003cem data-end=\"1207\" data-start=\"1202\"\u003enot\u003c\/em\u003e comment\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1287\" data-start=\"1218\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1287\" data-start=\"1220\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1256\" data-start=\"1220\"\u003eOne-size-fits-most unisex design\u003c\/strong\u003e - maximum chaos for everyone\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1357\" data-start=\"1288\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1357\" data-start=\"1290\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1321\" data-start=\"1290\"\u003eRidiculously detailed print\u003c\/strong\u003e - every vein of Renaissance glory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1432\" data-start=\"1358\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1432\" data-start=\"1360\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1379\" data-start=\"1360\"\u003eMultiple styles\u003c\/strong\u003e - from classy marble to unapologetic Italian pride\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1433\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1494\" data-start=\"1435\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1457\" data-start=\"1435\"\u003eShipped discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - because surprise is half the fun\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1499\" data-start=\"1496\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"1531\" data-start=\"1501\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1754\" data-start=\"1533\"\u003ePicture this. You stroll into the pool party. Someone says “nice shorts” before realizing they’re staring directly at a historically accurate marble penis. Drinks are spit out. Phones come out. Someone’s grandma faints.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1948\" data-start=\"1756\"\u003eYou’re not just wearing shorts. You’re making art interactive. You’re bringing \u003cstrong data-end=\"1868\" data-start=\"1835\"\u003ethe statue of David’s package\u003c\/strong\u003e out of the museum and into public spaces where it absolutely does not belong.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2189\" data-start=\"1950\"\u003eAt the bachelor party, you’re the guy everyone remembers. At the gym, you’re the legend who benched 200 pounds with a Renaissance masterpiece between his legs. At the beach, you’re the reason parents suddenly gather their kids and leave.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2194\" data-start=\"2191\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2220\" data-start=\"2196\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2222\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2263\" data-start=\"2222\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2263\" data-start=\"2224\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2261\" data-start=\"2224\"\u003eUnisex, one-size-fits-most shorts\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2329\" data-start=\"2264\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2329\" data-start=\"2266\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2327\" data-start=\"2266\"\u003eHyper-detailed print of Michelangelo’s David’s lower half\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2397\" data-start=\"2330\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2397\" data-start=\"2332\"\u003eStyles including \u003cstrong data-end=\"2395\" data-start=\"2349\"\u003eItalian flag, beige, and oversized Goliath\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2469\" data-start=\"2398\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2469\" data-start=\"2400\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2423\" data-start=\"2400\"\u003eHigh-quality fabric\u003c\/strong\u003e designed for comfort and maximum visibility\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2470\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2547\" data-start=\"2472\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-end=\"2504\" data-start=\"2478\"\u003e100 percent discreetly\u003c\/strong\u003e - your mailman won’t judge you… probably\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2552\" data-start=\"2549\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"2589\" data-start=\"2554\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2830\" data-start=\"2591\"\u003eBecause no one is ready for this level of visual assault. They’re expecting Nike. Maybe Adidas. Instead, they get \u003cstrong data-end=\"2736\" data-start=\"2705\"\u003efull frontal marble anatomy\u003c\/strong\u003e in 4K resolution. It’s the perfect blend of humor, shock, and questionable decision-making.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3107\" data-start=\"2832\"\u003eThese shorts don’t just make people laugh. They create \u003cem data-end=\"2896\" data-start=\"2887\"\u003estories\u003c\/em\u003e. That time you wore them to the Fourth of July BBQ? Legendary. That art class where you modeled in them? Unforgettable. That random Tuesday grocery run where you got stopped three times for photos? Priceless.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3112\" data-start=\"3109\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3130\" data-start=\"3114\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3132\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3182\" data-start=\"3132\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3182\" data-start=\"3134\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3154\" data-start=\"3134\"\u003eBachelor parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where shame isn’t invited\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3223\" data-start=\"3183\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3223\" data-start=\"3185\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3201\" data-start=\"3185\"\u003ePool parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need a scandal\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3278\" data-start=\"3224\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3278\" data-start=\"3226\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3250\" data-start=\"3226\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that will never be topped\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3338\" data-start=\"3279\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3338\" data-start=\"3281\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3293\" data-start=\"3281\"\u003eGym days\u003c\/strong\u003e when you want to clear the squat rack fast\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3391\" data-start=\"3339\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3391\" data-start=\"3341\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3360\" data-start=\"3341\"\u003eRoommate pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that will haunt them forever\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3392\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3454\" data-start=\"3394\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"3408\" data-start=\"3394\"\u003eArt lovers\u003c\/strong\u003e who like their history served with side-eye\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"3459\" data-start=\"3456\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-end=\"3510\" data-start=\"3461\"\u003eBe the Walking Disaster They’ll Never Forget\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3661\" data-start=\"3512\"\u003eThere are plenty of ways to get attention. Most are boring. Few involve \u003cstrong data-end=\"3658\" data-start=\"3584\"\u003ea historically significant marble dong printed directly on your crotch\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3788\" data-start=\"3663\"\u003eClick \u003cstrong data-end=\"3684\" data-start=\"3669\"\u003eAdd to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e. Put them on. And enjoy being the most unforgettable, inappropriate work of art anyone’s ever seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3788\" data-start=\"3663\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Italian Shorts","offer_id":3881894346765,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Beige David Shorts","offer_id":3885993590797,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Goliath Italian Shorts","offer_id":3885993623565,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Goliath David Shorts","offer_id":3885993656333,"sku":"","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/david-penis-shorts-8799902.jpg?v=1755879236"},{"product_id":"david-penis-aprons","title":"David Penis Aprons","description":"\u003ch3 data-start=\"83\" data-end=\"144\"\u003eWanna Ruin Dinner and Make Everyone at the BBQ Cry-Laugh?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"146\" data-end=\"430\"\u003eGood. That’s exactly what the \u003cstrong data-start=\"176\" data-end=\"197\"\u003eDavid Penis Apron\u003c\/strong\u003e is for. It’s the perfect blend of highbrow art and lowbrow balls-out comedy - literally. We took the world-famous statue of David, added a majestic Michelangelo-style penis, slapped it on a flimsy apron, and called it a masterpiece.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"432\" data-end=\"641\"\u003eSo yeah, it’s the \u003cem data-start=\"450\" data-end=\"469\"\u003eapron with a dick\u003c\/em\u003e. It’s not for baking cookies with grandma - it’s for blowing up bachelor parties, traumatizing Father’s Day, and making your friends wheeze like they just inhaled propane.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"643\" data-end=\"646\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"648\" data-end=\"718\"\u003eWhy Would You Buy a Dick Apron? Because You’re a Hero, That’s Why.\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"720\" data-end=\"979\"\u003eLet’s say you’re standing in front of a grill, apron on, tongs in hand, flipping burgers like a suburban god. Everyone’s watching. Then someone looks down and sees a beautifully detailed Renaissance \u003cstrong data-start=\"919\" data-end=\"943\"\u003edick and balls apron\u003c\/strong\u003e staring back at them in full glory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"981\" data-end=\"1200\"\u003eSilence. Then chaos. People drop their drinks. Someone’s kid starts crying. Your mom gasps. The groom-to-be at your buddy’s bachelor party falls to his knees in laughter. You win. Everyone else is just background noise.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1202\" data-end=\"1341\"\u003eThis isn’t just an \u003cstrong data-start=\"1221\" data-end=\"1250\"\u003eapron with a hidden penis\u003c\/strong\u003e. It’s a statement. It’s art. It’s comedy. It’s the worst decision you’ll ever be proud of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1343\" data-end=\"1346\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1348\" data-end=\"1418\"\u003eYour New Favorite Penis Apron - Features You Never Knew You Needed\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1420\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1420\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1422\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eCultural Accuracy (Sort Of)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1453\" data-end=\"1456\"\u003eInspired by the \u003cem data-start=\"1474\" data-end=\"1491\"\u003estatue of David\u003c\/em\u003e. And by inspired, we mean we zoomed in on his crotch and made it bigger. You’re welcome.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1710\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1710\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1606\"\u003eNot Just for David\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1606\" data-end=\"1609\"\u003eComes in both \u003cstrong data-start=\"1625\" data-end=\"1640\"\u003eDavid apron\u003c\/strong\u003e and \u003cstrong data-start=\"1645\" data-end=\"1654\"\u003eVenus\u003c\/strong\u003e styles, so everyone can get in on the nudity and shame.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1712\" data-end=\"1849\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1849\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1734\"\u003eFits Most Idiots\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1734\" data-end=\"1737\"\u003eOne-size-fits-most. Unless you’re built like The Rock or a toddler, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1827\"\u003epenis apron\u003c\/strong\u003e will hang just right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1851\" data-end=\"1988\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"1988\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"1898\"\u003eLightweight Fabric, Heavyweight Reactions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1898\" data-end=\"1901\"\u003eDesigned for maximum laughs, not kitchen safety. If you catch on fire, that’s on you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1990\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1992\" data-end=\"2107\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1992\" data-end=\"2014\"\u003eAnonymous Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2017\"\u003eShips discreetly, so your mailman won’t judge you. He probably would’ve loved it anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2109\" data-end=\"2112\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2114\" data-end=\"2181\"\u003eReal-World Use Case: The BBQ That Became a Bachelor Party Roast\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2183\" data-end=\"2543\"\u003eYou ever show up to a cookout expecting beer and brats, and end up with tears of laughter because your buddy’s dad turns around with a full \u003cstrong data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2348\"\u003eapron statue of David\u003c\/strong\u003e flapping in the wind? That’s what happened to a guy named Mitch. Mitch wore the \u003cstrong data-start=\"2429\" data-end=\"2447\"\u003ebig dick apron\u003c\/strong\u003e to a Fourth of July party. The burgers were undercooked. The jokes were not. He’s now a legend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2545\" data-end=\"2702\"\u003eNo one remembers what they ate. But they \u003cem data-start=\"2586\" data-end=\"2590\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e remember the sight of ancient art-level shaft printed across Mitch’s torso. That’s the kind of legacy you want.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2704\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2709\" data-end=\"2754\"\u003eYou Know You Want It - Buy the Dick Apron\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2756\" data-end=\"3038\"\u003eYou don’t need this apron. But you \u003cem data-start=\"2791\" data-end=\"2795\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to destroy someone’s expectations. You \u003cem data-start=\"2840\" data-end=\"2844\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to turn a boring backyard gathering into a historic moment. You \u003cem data-start=\"2914\" data-end=\"2918\"\u003edo\u003c\/em\u003e need to be the person who gave a \u003cstrong data-start=\"2952\" data-end=\"2966\"\u003edick apron\u003c\/strong\u003e to their dad for Father’s Day and still hasn’t been invited back since.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3040\" data-end=\"3185\"\u003eSo here’s the move:\u003cbr data-start=\"3059\" data-end=\"3062\"\u003eClick the button.\u003cbr data-start=\"3079\" data-end=\"3082\"\u003eBuy the apron.\u003cbr data-start=\"3096\" data-end=\"3099\"\u003eWrap it up.\u003cbr data-start=\"3110\" data-end=\"3113\"\u003eWatch someone’s jaw hit the floor.\u003cbr data-start=\"3147\" data-end=\"3150\"\u003eBecome the Picasso of penis pranks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3187\" data-end=\"3309\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eBecause when it comes to ridiculous gifts, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"3235\" data-end=\"3264\"\u003eapron with dick and balls\u003c\/strong\u003e hangs harder than anything else on the rack.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3187\" data-end=\"3309\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Venus Apron","offer_id":3881894936589,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"David Apron","offer_id":3881894903821,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/david-penis-aprons-7542033.jpg?v=1755879235"},{"product_id":"calm-your-tits","title":"Calm Your Tits","description":"This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e • Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e Model is wearing a size M. He's 6.2 feet (190 cm) tall, chest circumference 37.7\" (96 cm), waist circumference 33.4\" (85 cm).\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":3954508922893,"sku":"2440424","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":3954508955661,"sku":"3870483","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":3954508988429,"sku":"8463728","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":3954509021197,"sku":"4890081","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":3954509053965,"sku":"8164339","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":3954509086733,"sku":"6728114","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":3954509119501,"sku":"1122814","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ S","offer_id":3954509152269,"sku":"2125385","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ M","offer_id":3954509185037,"sku":"7267692","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ L","offer_id":3954509217805,"sku":"2645844","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":3954509250573,"sku":"1045444","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":3954509283341,"sku":"2254836","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":3954509316109,"sku":"2952990","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":3954509348877,"sku":"9962591","price":22.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/calm-your-tits-5972690.jpg?v=1755879234"},{"product_id":"eat-a-bag-of-dicks-coloring-book","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"ee80aedc-1f78-45b4-a294-e9864bd716a6\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-5\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"90\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Most Offensive Stress Relief You’ll Ever Love\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"92\" data-end=\"455\"\u003eLook, adult coloring books are supposed to be relaxing. Zen. Meditative. But what if your “mindful art time” involved 75 pages of ridiculous, unapologetic cartoon dicks? Welcome to the \u003cstrong data-start=\"277\" data-end=\"314\"\u003eEat a Bag of Dicks Coloring Book!\u003c\/strong\u003e - the only coffee table coloring book that’s equal parts stress relief, laughter therapy, and “holy crap, did they really just draw that?”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"457\" data-end=\"883\"\u003eIf you’re looking for a \u003cstrong data-start=\"481\" data-end=\"502\"\u003ebirthday gag gift\u003c\/strong\u003e, a petty breakup present, or just something to make your adult “me time” a lot more inappropriate, this is it. It’s printed on \u003cstrong data-start=\"630\" data-end=\"661\"\u003ethick, artist-quality paper\u003c\/strong\u003e so your markers, crayons, or colored pencils glide like a dream. And the best part? Every order comes with a \u003cstrong data-start=\"771\" data-end=\"798\"\u003efree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e because you deserve to snack while you color your way through a parade of penises.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"885\" data-end=\"998\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"885\" data-end=\"910\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and make your next coloring session unforgettable, crude, and borderline therapeutic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1000\" data-end=\"1003\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1005\" data-end=\"1040\"\u003eWhy You Need This in Your Life\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1042\" data-end=\"1386\"\u003eBecause regular coloring books are boring. This isn’t flowers and mandalas - this is page after page of \u003cstrong data-start=\"1146\" data-end=\"1174\"\u003ehand-drawn cartoon dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e doing everything from riding skateboards to wearing tiny hats. It’s the kind of book you bring out at parties, bachelorette weekends, or when you’ve had a crap day and just need to laugh until your sides hurt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1388\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1388\" data-end=\"1459\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1390\" data-end=\"1459\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1390\" data-end=\"1424\"\u003e75 original dick illustrations\u003c\/strong\u003e - no repeats, no lazy copy-paste\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1460\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1520\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1462\" data-end=\"1491\"\u003eFull-size 8.5 x 11 inches\u003c\/strong\u003e - big pages for big laughs\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1521\" data-end=\"1600\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1600\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1523\" data-end=\"1546\"\u003ePremium thick paper\u003c\/strong\u003e - won’t bleed through when you go wild with markers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1601\" data-end=\"1656\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1603\" data-end=\"1656\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1603\" data-end=\"1630\"\u003eFree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e - snack while you color\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1657\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1659\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1659\" data-end=\"1692\"\u003eShips 100 percent anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - because some people just won’t understand your genius\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1751\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1753\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1753\" data-end=\"1812\"\u003ePerfect for birthdays, revenge, or “just because” gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1816\" data-end=\"1819\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1821\" data-end=\"1851\"\u003eThe Scene You’re Creating\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1853\" data-end=\"2159\"\u003ePicture this: You’re hanging out with friends, someone sees this coloring book on your coffee table, and suddenly a chill night turns into an hours-long inappropriate art session. Or maybe you send it anonymously to your ex with a note that says “Thought you could use something to keep your hands busy.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2161\" data-end=\"2450\"\u003eOr maybe, like one of our reviewers, you send it to a friend recovering in the hospital, and the thing gets lost in the chaos. Instead of just shrugging, we send them \u003cstrong data-start=\"2328\" data-end=\"2378\"\u003ea new coloring book, crayons, and dick candies\u003c\/strong\u003e straight to their home. Because customer service, but make it filthy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2452\" data-end=\"2455\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2457\" data-end=\"2496\"\u003eReal Reviews from Repeat Offenders\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"3012\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2500\" data-end=\"3012\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"2500\" data-end=\"3010\"\u003e“I got this fantastic coloring book for a friend who needed some cheering up. Most definitely did do that! But the best thing that ever happened was that I had originally sent this to the hospital. But it got lost somewhere at the hospital. Your awesome company sent my friend a new coloring book and crayons, along with some dick candies to her house once she was home. That is beyond the best customer service I could ever ask for. Thank you for cheering up my friend. I will definitely be ordering again.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3013\" data-end=\"3138\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3138\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003e“Omg this is seriously the best coloring book ever!!!! I love every single page!!! I highly recommend it to everyone!!”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3139\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"3141\" data-end=\"3242\"\u003e“Absolutely love this coloring book!! It's so funny and makes my adult away time so much more fun.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3246\" data-end=\"3249\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3251\" data-end=\"3267\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3269\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3269\" data-end=\"3320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3271\" data-end=\"3320\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3271\" data-end=\"3293\"\u003eBirthday gag gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that people actually use\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3321\" data-end=\"3372\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3323\" data-end=\"3372\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3323\" data-end=\"3342\"\u003eBreakup revenge\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s more funny than mean\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3373\" data-end=\"3433\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3375\" data-end=\"3433\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3375\" data-end=\"3392\"\u003eStress relief\u003c\/strong\u003e for people with a dirty sense of humor\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3434\" data-end=\"3485\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3436\" data-end=\"3485\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3436\" data-end=\"3459\"\u003eAnonymous surprises\u003c\/strong\u003e that get people talking\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3486\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3548\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3488\" data-end=\"3512\"\u003eBachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e that need an activity and a laugh\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3550\" data-end=\"3553\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3555\" data-end=\"3579\"\u003eWhat You’re Getting\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3581\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3581\" data-end=\"3626\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3583\" data-end=\"3626\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3583\" data-end=\"3624\"\u003eFull-size 8.5 x 11 inch coloring book\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3701\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3629\" data-end=\"3701\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3629\" data-end=\"3658\"\u003e75 original illustrations\u003c\/strong\u003e of cartoon dicks in hilarious situations\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3702\" data-end=\"3776\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3704\" data-end=\"3776\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3704\" data-end=\"3735\"\u003eThick, artist-quality paper\u003c\/strong\u003e that’s perfect for any coloring medium\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3777\" data-end=\"3825\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3779\" data-end=\"3825\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3779\" data-end=\"3806\"\u003eFree bag of gummy dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e with every order\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3826\" data-end=\"3862\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3828\" data-end=\"3862\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3828\" data-end=\"3860\"\u003eShips completely anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3863\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3946\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3865\" data-end=\"3886\"\u003eGuaranteed laughs\u003c\/strong\u003e or at least some very weird looks from anyone who sees it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3948\" data-end=\"3951\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3953\" data-end=\"3988\"\u003eWhy It Works Every Single Time\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3990\" data-end=\"4272\"\u003eBecause it’s unexpected, it’s outrageous, and it turns something as wholesome as coloring into a filthy, laugh-until-you-snort experience. This isn’t a gift they’ll shove in a drawer - it’s a gift they’ll whip out whenever they want to feel better, kill time, or shock new guests.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4274\" data-end=\"4374\"\u003eSo don’t just color inside the lines - color a page full of cartoon dicks while eating candy ones.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4376\" data-end=\"4497\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"4376\" data-end=\"4401\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and give yourself (or someone else) the kind of creative therapy you can’t find at Michael’s.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e and \u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 + Free Bag of Dicks Promo! \/ Standard","offer_id":8470736633911,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794653751,"sku":"","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794686519,"sku":"","price":16.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 \/ Standard","offer_id":12302794719287,"sku":"","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 + Free Bag of Dicks Promo! \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802690220087,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"1 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692153399,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692218935,"sku":"","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"4 \/ Christmas Version","offer_id":12802692382775,"sku":"","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-coloring-book-3469638.jpg?v=1755879241"},{"product_id":"short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Punch Today In The Dick T-Shirt","description":"This makes for a great staple t-shirt. It's made of a thicker, heavier cotton, but it's still soft. And the double stitching on the neckline and sleeves add more durability to what is sure to be a favorite! \u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • 4.5 oz (153 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e • Pre-shrunk\u003cbr\u003e • Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e • Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e Model is wearing a size M. He's 6.2 feet (190 cm) tall, chest circumference 37.7\" (96 cm), waist circumference 33.4\" (85 cm).\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches) \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":12724299923511,"sku":"6664940","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":12724299956279,"sku":"9212829","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":12724299989047,"sku":"5834517","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":12724300021815,"sku":"1948700","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":12724300054583,"sku":"6787372","price":22.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":12724300087351,"sku":"7977965","price":23.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/punch-today-in-the-dick-t-shirt-8085072.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"keep-calm-and-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-magnet","title":"Keep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"162\" data-end=\"240\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e - The Rude Gift That Sticks Around\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"242\" data-end=\"506\"\u003eLet’s be real, sometimes a text or meme just isn’t enough. You need something \u003cstrong data-start=\"320\" data-end=\"332\"\u003ephysical\u003c\/strong\u003e. Something that stays. Something that smacks them in the face with your love… and by love, I mean an obnoxious, passive-aggressive middle finger disguised as “home décor.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"508\" data-end=\"580\"\u003eThat’s where the \u003cstrong data-start=\"525\" data-end=\"568\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"582\" data-end=\"887\"\u003eThis little rectangle of joy isn’t just a magnet. It’s a permanent reminder that you’re both funny and a little bit evil. Every time they grab a beer, get the milk, or reach for their leftover pizza, they’ll be greeted with your not-so-subtle message. It’s petty. It’s perfect. And it sticks. Literally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"889\" data-end=\"990\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"889\" data-end=\"914\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and cement your status as the funniest, most savage gift-giver they know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"992\" data-end=\"995\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"997\" data-end=\"1030\"\u003eWhy This Is the Perfect Gift\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1032\" data-end=\"1194\"\u003eBecause flowers die. Chocolates get eaten. A magnet stays put until the end of time. It’s the gift that keeps on trolling, from fridges to lockers to toolboxes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1196\" data-end=\"1484\"\u003eIt works for \u003cstrong data-start=\"1209\" data-end=\"1230\"\u003estocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1232\" data-end=\"1260\"\u003ewhite elephant exchanges\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1262\" data-end=\"1287\"\u003ebachelor party favors\u003c\/strong\u003e, or just because you woke up today and decided to stir the pot. Best part? It ships discreetly so no one will know it’s coming until they rip open the package and see your sarcastic masterpiece.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1486\" data-end=\"1489\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1491\" data-end=\"1522\"\u003eWhat You’re Really Sending\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1524\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003eYou’re not just mailing them a magnet. You’re sending:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1632\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1632\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1584\" data-end=\"1605\"\u003eA statement piece\u003c\/strong\u003e that screams personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1633\" data-end=\"1693\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1635\" data-end=\"1693\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1635\" data-end=\"1660\"\u003eHigh-quality printing\u003c\/strong\u003e so the message pops every time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1694\" data-end=\"1790\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1696\" data-end=\"1790\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1696\" data-end=\"1726\"\u003eStick-anywhere versatility\u003c\/strong\u003e for fridges, lockers, toolboxes, metal doors, filing cabinets\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1791\" data-end=\"1844\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1793\" data-end=\"1844\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1793\" data-end=\"1814\"\u003eStealthy shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e so they never see it coming\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1845\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1847\" data-end=\"1929\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1847\" data-end=\"1882\"\u003eA built-in conversation starter\u003c\/strong\u003e or argument starter depending on your target\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1931\" data-end=\"1934\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1936\" data-end=\"1953\"\u003eThe Scenario\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1955\" data-end=\"2082\"\u003ePicture this.\u003cbr data-start=\"1968\" data-end=\"1971\"\u003eYou order the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1985\" data-end=\"2028\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e. It ships quietly, like a little assassin of humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2206\"\u003eThey open it. Confusion. Then realization. Then either uncontrollable laughter or complete outrage. Either way, you win.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2208\" data-end=\"2392\"\u003eThe magnet goes on the fridge. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. By the time they finally take it down, that phrase is burned into their memory. You’ll still be laughing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2394\" data-end=\"2397\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2399\" data-end=\"2415\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2417\" data-end=\"2484\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2419\" data-end=\"2484\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2419\" data-end=\"2440\"\u003eStocking stuffers\u003c\/strong\u003e that leave a bigger impression than candy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2485\" data-end=\"2578\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2487\" data-end=\"2578\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2487\" data-end=\"2514\"\u003eFridge or locker pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e for friends, family, or that one buddy who still owes you $50\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2579\" data-end=\"2643\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2581\" data-end=\"2643\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2581\" data-end=\"2617\"\u003eBachelor or bachelorette parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where nothing is sacred\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2644\" data-end=\"2716\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2716\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2670\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e when you want to dominate the gift exchange\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2717\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2801\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2719\" data-end=\"2730\"\u003eAdd-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e for bigger prank packages like a bag of gummy dicks or dick confetti\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2803\" data-end=\"2806\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2829\"\u003eCustomer Reviews\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2879\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2831\" data-end=\"2877\"\u003e\"Those magnets are all over this city. 😀\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2881\" data-end=\"3013\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2881\" data-end=\"3011\"\u003e\"Sent this to my friend and his brother as a joke, we always love to mess with each other and this was the best way to do it.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3015\" data-end=\"3291\"\u003e\"I am convinced though that this silly package helped them more than anyone could have imagined. I plan on sending multiple dicks in the future! I would suggest that you buy the dicks and a fridge magnet, this way you can commemorate the occasion and remember it forever!\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3295\" data-end=\"3298\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3300\" data-end=\"3325\"\u003eWhy It Works So Well\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3327\" data-end=\"3572\"\u003eThis magnet is \u003cstrong data-start=\"3342\" data-end=\"3369\"\u003elow effort, high impact\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’re not spending a fortune, you’re not overthinking it, and you’re still making a huge impression. It’s cheap, small, easy to mail, and yet it packs a punch every single time they open the fridge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3574\" data-end=\"3640\"\u003eIt’s not just a gag gift. It’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"3605\" data-end=\"3637\"\u003elong-term comedy real estate\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3642\" data-end=\"3645\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3647\" data-end=\"3662\"\u003eFinal Call\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3664\" data-end=\"3869\"\u003eYou could send another boring card or gift card. Or you could send this. The \u003cstrong data-start=\"3741\" data-end=\"3784\"\u003eKeep Calm and Eat a Bag of Dicks Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e is the small gift they’ll never forget or forgive. And isn’t that the whole point?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3947\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3896\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and put your message where they can’t ignore it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3871\" data-end=\"3947\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"1 Magnet","offer_id":12753677910071,"sku":"","price":1.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5 pack","offer_id":21506735407188,"sku":"","price":5.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"10 pack","offer_id":21506735439956,"sku":"","price":8.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"20 pack","offer_id":21506735472724,"sku":"","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50 pack","offer_id":21506735505492,"sku":"","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/keep-calm-and-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-magnet-3409984.png?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"flat-bill-cap","title":"Eat a Bag of Dicks Hat","description":"The Eat A Bag of Dicks hat is a high-profile fit and a green undervisor make this cap a classic with an added pop of color.\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% cotton twill\u003cbr\u003e • Structured \u003cbr\u003e • Five panel \u003cbr\u003e • High profile\u003cbr\u003e • Green undervisor\u003cbr\u003e • Sewn eyelets\u003cbr\u003e • Snapback closure","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Black\/ Red","offer_id":21443750101076,"sku":"9084553","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red","offer_id":21443750133844,"sku":"3776834","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-bag-of-dicks-hat-8385447.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"bag-of-dicks-tote","title":"Bag of DIcks Tote","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"241\" data-end=\"294\"\u003eYou Could Be Carrying Groceries - Or a \u003cstrong\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"296\" data-end=\"407\"\u003eWhy settle for a boring tote when you can strut through life with a \u003cem data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"378\"\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/em\u003e dangling from your shoulder?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"755\"\u003eThis isn’t your average reusable shopping bag. This is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"466\" data-end=\"564\"\u003ebold, unapologetic, 15-inch middle finger to basic bitches and beige personalities everywhere.\u003c\/strong\u003e Whether you’re stuffing it with wine bottles, thongs, or gummy dick gifts, this beast says what everyone’s thinking but too afraid to shout in public: \u003cem data-start=\"716\" data-end=\"755\"\u003eSuck it, Karen - I brought the dicks.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"757\" data-end=\"865\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"757\" data-end=\"865\"\u003eSo go ahead. Click “Add to Cart” and give the world the bag it never asked for but desperately deserves.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"867\" data-end=\"870\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"872\" data-end=\"944\"\u003eBecause a Dicks Beach Bag Is Way More Fun Than a Tote With Pineapples\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"946\" data-end=\"1013\"\u003eThe \u003cem data-start=\"950\" data-end=\"969\"\u003eBag of Dicks Tote\u003c\/em\u003e isn’t just funny. It’s f**king functional.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1015\" data-end=\"1338\"\u003eWe’re talking \u003cstrong data-start=\"1029\" data-end=\"1052\"\u003e100% spun polyester\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1054\" data-end=\"1088\"\u003edual bull denim cotton handles\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the strength to hold \u003cstrong data-start=\"1115\" data-end=\"1172\"\u003e44 pounds of snacks, secrets, or unsolicited opinions\u003c\/strong\u003e from your drunk aunt. You could carry a small goat in this thing (don’t do that), and it still wouldn’t flinch. Rain? Bring it. Glitter? Already inside, spiritually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1340\" data-end=\"1526\"\u003eThis thing is \u003cstrong data-start=\"1354\" data-end=\"1375\"\u003eweather-resistant\u003c\/strong\u003e, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1377\" data-end=\"1393\"\u003eloud as hell\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the best possible gift for that friend who laughs too loud and probably has a vibrating toothbrush not used for brushing teeth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1528\" data-end=\"1531\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1533\" data-end=\"1612\"\u003e“SUCH A GREAT BAG TO HAVE \u0026amp; WALK AROUND WITH \u0026amp; FREE ADVERTISING!! ❤ DICKS!!”\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1614\" data-end=\"1689\"\u003eWe didn’t write that. Some unhinged, happy customer did. And they’re right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1691\" data-end=\"1897\"\u003eYou don’t just carry a \u003cem data-start=\"1714\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eBag of Dicks\u003c\/em\u003e. You advertise your personality for free. You walk into Target, CVS, or your therapy session, and this tote does all the heavy lifting (both literally and emotionally).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1899\" data-end=\"2013\"\u003eIt’s not just a gag gift - it’s a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1933\" data-end=\"1946\"\u003estatement\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1950\" data-end=\"1958\"\u003emood\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1962\" data-end=\"1995\"\u003eportable billboard for zero f\u003c\/strong\u003eks left to give**.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2015\" data-end=\"2018\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2020\" data-end=\"2079\"\u003eThings You Can Shamelessly Stuff Inside This Dicks Tote:\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2081\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2081\" data-end=\"2155\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2083\" data-end=\"2155\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2083\" data-end=\"2096\"\u003eGroceries\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because carrying cucumbers in a \u003cem data-start=\"2131\" data-end=\"2145\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/em\u003e is poetic\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2156\" data-end=\"2216\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2216\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2158\" data-end=\"2185\"\u003eBachelorette party gear\u003c\/strong\u003e - Cock straws, glitter, regret\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2217\" data-end=\"2274\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2219\" data-end=\"2274\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2219\" data-end=\"2245\"\u003eYour emotional baggage\u003c\/strong\u003e - It holds 44 lbs, remember?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2275\" data-end=\"2350\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2350\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2305\"\u003eGifts for your therapist\u003c\/strong\u003e - Or maybe a glitter bomb card. Same energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2351\" data-end=\"2408\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2353\" data-end=\"2408\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2353\" data-end=\"2367\"\u003eBeach crap\u003c\/strong\u003e - Towels, SPF, and dicks. Classic combo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2409\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2503\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2431\"\u003eYour ex’s hoodie\u003c\/strong\u003e - Drop it off anonymously. Toss in some gummy dicks while you're at it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2505\" data-end=\"2508\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2510\" data-end=\"2555\"\u003eActual Bag Specs (In Case You Give a Damn)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2557\" data-end=\"2902\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2557\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2559\" data-end=\"2602\"\u003e15 x 15 inch tote bag - obnoxiously perfect\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2603\" data-end=\"2671\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2605\" data-end=\"2671\"\u003eMade from 100% spun polyester - rain-resistant, judgment-resistant\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2672\" data-end=\"2747\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2674\" data-end=\"2747\"\u003eDual cotton bull denim handles - strong enough to hold your self-loathing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2748\" data-end=\"2811\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2750\" data-end=\"2811\"\u003eHolds up to 44 lbs and 2.6 gallons of “sh*t I need right now”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2812\" data-end=\"2899\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2814\" data-end=\"2899\"\u003eShips \u003cstrong data-start=\"2820\" data-end=\"2840\"\u003e100% anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - your mailman won’t judge your lifestyle (but he’ll know)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2903\" data-end=\"2906\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2908\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003eWhy You Need This In Your Life (Like Yesterday)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"3312\"\u003eLook, this is \u003cstrong data-start=\"2974\" data-end=\"2981\"\u003enot\u003c\/strong\u003e for your grandma’s knitting club (unless your grandma is an absolute savage, in which case - hell yes, get her one too). This is for the friend who’d bring penis pasta to a potluck just to see who flinches. It’s for you, the bold, the unbothered, the “yes I \u003cem data-start=\"3240\" data-end=\"3244\"\u003eam\u003c\/em\u003e walking through Whole Foods with a literal \u003cem data-start=\"3288\" data-end=\"3302\"\u003ebag of dicks\u003c\/em\u003e, Brenda.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3314\" data-end=\"3331\"\u003eIt’s perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3333\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3333\" data-end=\"3363\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3335\" data-end=\"3363\"\u003eThat savage birthday present\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3364\" data-end=\"3424\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3366\" data-end=\"3424\"\u003eA reusable shopping bag with serious main character energy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3467\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3427\" data-end=\"3467\"\u003eYour new favorite bachelorette accessory\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3468\" data-end=\"3508\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3470\" data-end=\"3508\"\u003eThe boldest tote bag on the damn beach\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3509\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3511\" data-end=\"3562\"\u003eOr just your everyday “I give zero shits” carry-all\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3564\" data-end=\"3567\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3569\" data-end=\"3614\"\u003eFinal Warning: This Bag Will Get Attention\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3616\" data-end=\"3845\"\u003eIf you don’t like being stared at, complimented, or offered tequila shots by strangers at Trader Joe’s, this may not be for you. But if you thrive in chaos, love laughter, and want a \u003cem data-start=\"3799\" data-end=\"3818\"\u003ebag of dicks mail\u003c\/em\u003e moment to call your own...\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3847\" data-end=\"3914\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3847\" data-end=\"3914\"\u003eBuy the damn thing. Carry it everywhere. Watch the world react.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3916\" data-end=\"3919\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3921\" data-end=\"4064\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3921\" data-end=\"4005\"\u003eClick that beautiful button and start making errands the highlight of your week.\u003c\/strong\u003e You’ve carried worse. Now carry dicks - and do it proudly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":21499415429204,"sku":"2383169","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/bag-of-dicks-tote-8648222.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-hoodie","title":"Eat a Dick Hoodie","description":"The Eat a Dick Hoodie. \u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA soft and comfy unisex hoodie that fits all your hoodie needs. The fleece fabric makes it a great partner all year round, be it a summer evening on the beach, or a Christmas dinner in a mountain cabin.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 52% airlume combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% poly fleece*\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side seamed\u003cbr\u003e\n• Retail fit\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n*Heather Colors: 60% airlume combed and ring-spun cotton, 40% poly fleece\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe male model is wearing size M. He's 6.0 feet (183 cm) tall, chest circumference 42.5\" (108 cm), waist circumference 33.5\" (85 cm).\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe female model is wearing a size M. She's 5.8 feet (178 cm) tall, chest circumference 34.6\" (88 cm), waist circumference 27.1\" (69 cm) and hip circumference 37.7\" (96 cm).\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eChest to Fit (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBody Length (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eChest Width (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e19 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":30106615382100,"sku":"9683121","price":39.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":30106615414868,"sku":"1822114","price":39.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":30106615447636,"sku":"2444074","price":39.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":30106615480404,"sku":"7159954","price":39.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":30106615513172,"sku":"4675083","price":41.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-hoodie-4475205.jpg?v=1755879203"},{"product_id":"ok-boomer-cat-meme-t-shirt","title":"Ok Boomer Cat Meme T-shirt","description":"This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e\n• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side-seamed\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength 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4XL","offer_id":31256423923796,"sku":"9652255","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/ok-boomer-cat-meme-t-shirt-7360919.jpg?v=1755879207"},{"product_id":"blow-me-ugly-unisex-sweatshirt","title":"Blow Me Ugly Sweatshirt","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"114\" data-end=\"184\"\u003eThe Ugly Christmas Sweater That Says What Everyone Else Is Thinking\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"186\" data-end=\"323\"\u003eLet’s cut the crap. Most ugly Christmas sweaters try too hard. Santa riding a unicorn? Lame. Jingle bells that actually jingle? Grow up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"325\" data-end=\"500\"\u003eYou want to win the holiday party? You want to walk into a room and \u003cem data-start=\"393\" data-end=\"398\"\u003eown\u003c\/em\u003e it with nothing but chest-level vulgarity and cozy fleece? You need the \u003cstrong data-start=\"471\" data-end=\"498\"\u003eBlow Me Ugly Sweatshirt\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"502\" data-end=\"610\"\u003eIt’s not just ugly. It’s aggressively, unapologetically, offensively festive - and yes, that’s a dick on it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"612\" data-end=\"759\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"612\" data-end=\"631\"\u003eAdd to cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e if your sense of humor is darker than your Aunt Karen’s overcooked ham and you want to ruin Christmas in the best way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"761\" data-end=\"764\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"766\" data-end=\"802\"\u003eWhy You Deserve This Dick Sweater\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"804\" data-end=\"1054\"\u003eHere’s the thing: you’ve survived another year of group texts, lukewarm Tinder matches, office potlucks, and your cousin Chad’s pyramid scheme pitch. If anyone deserves to wear a sweater that screams “BLOW ME” in front of a Christmas tree - it’s you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1056\" data-end=\"1242\"\u003eThis is the \u003cem data-start=\"1068\" data-end=\"1080\"\u003eugly dicks\u003c\/em\u003e holiday sweatshirt that turns awkward family gatherings into NSFW comedy hours and transforms boring parties into “who the hell invited that legend?” situations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1349\"\u003eAnd guess what? It’s actually \u003cem data-start=\"1274\" data-end=\"1286\"\u003esuper soft\u003c\/em\u003e. Like, “might sleep in this after three rum and eggnogs” soft.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1351\" data-end=\"1354\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1356\" data-end=\"1416\"\u003eTrue Story: One Sweatshirt, One Walk of Shame, One Legend\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1418\" data-end=\"1679\"\u003eOne of our customers - we’ll call him Greg because that was his name - wore this bad boy to his office's “festive Friday.” HR didn’t laugh. His coworkers did. Greg didn’t get a promotion, but he \u003cem data-start=\"1613\" data-end=\"1618\"\u003edid\u003c\/em\u003e get three phone numbers and a standing ovation when he left.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1681\" data-end=\"1787\"\u003eThe moral? This \u003cstrong data-start=\"1697\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eugly Christmas dick sweater\u003c\/strong\u003e doesn’t just make people laugh - it makes \u003cem data-start=\"1771\" data-end=\"1776\"\u003eyou\u003c\/em\u003e the event.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1789\" data-end=\"1792\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1794\" data-end=\"1872\"\u003eStuff You Should Probably Know About This Inappropriate Holiday Masterpiece\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1874\" data-end=\"2288\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1874\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1876\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003eMade from \u003cstrong data-start=\"1886\" data-end=\"1932\"\u003e70% polyester, 27% cotton, and 3% elastane\u003c\/strong\u003e - AKA comfy AF\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1948\" data-end=\"2040\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1950\" data-end=\"2040\"\u003eFeels like \u003cstrong data-start=\"1961\" data-end=\"1984\"\u003esoft cotton outside\u003c\/strong\u003e, brushed fleece inside - cozy enough for regret cuddles\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2041\" data-end=\"2130\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2043\" data-end=\"2130\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2043\" data-end=\"2074\"\u003ePrecision-cut and hand-sewn\u003c\/strong\u003e, which means it’s high quality even if your humor isn’t\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2131\" data-end=\"2212\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2133\" data-end=\"2212\"\u003eComes in \u003cstrong data-start=\"2142\" data-end=\"2160\"\u003emultiple sizes\u003c\/strong\u003e - one for you, one for your equally terrible bestie\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2213\" data-end=\"2288\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2215\" data-end=\"2288\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2215\" data-end=\"2236\"\u003eShips anonymously\u003c\/strong\u003e - your mailman doesn’t need to know you're a menace\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2290\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2295\" data-end=\"2353\"\u003ePerfect For When You Want to Say “F*ck Christmas Cheer”\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2813\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2355\" data-end=\"2435\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2357\" data-end=\"2435\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2357\" data-end=\"2389\"\u003eUgly Christmas sweater party\u003c\/strong\u003e - Show up, show off, get disinvited next year\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2436\" data-end=\"2528\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2438\" data-end=\"2528\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2438\" data-end=\"2462\"\u003eGag gift for friends\u003c\/strong\u003e - Especially that one friend who calls themselves the “funny one”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2529\" data-end=\"2620\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2531\" data-end=\"2620\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2531\" data-end=\"2557\"\u003eSarcastic holiday gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - Nothing says “I love you” like a blowjob joke in fleece form\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2621\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2623\" data-end=\"2715\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2623\" data-end=\"2645\"\u003eBold office outfit\u003c\/strong\u003e - If your workplace has no HR department or too many lawsuits to care\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2813\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2813\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2718\" data-end=\"2744\"\u003eWinter statement piece\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because your body might be cold, but your sense of humor is filthy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2815\" data-end=\"2818\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2820\" data-end=\"2859\"\u003eThis Is Your Sign to Wreck the Halls\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2861\" data-end=\"3098\"\u003eLook, if you're still reading, it's because you \u003cem data-start=\"2909\" data-end=\"2915\"\u003eknow\u003c\/em\u003e this sweatshirt is speaking to your black little holiday heart. You’re not here for carols and cocoa. You’re here for chaos, dicks, and laughter that makes Grandma clutch her pearls.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3100\" data-end=\"3122\"\u003eSo here’s what you do:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3124\" data-end=\"3218\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3124\" data-end=\"3145\"\u003eClick Add to Cart\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"3145\" data-end=\"3148\"\u003eOrder the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3158\" data-end=\"3185\"\u003eBlow Me Ugly Sweatshirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"3185\" data-end=\"3188\"\u003eWear it like a holiday war cry\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3220\" data-end=\"3360\"\u003eYou don’t want to be the person who \u003cem data-start=\"3256\" data-end=\"3266\"\u003ecould’ve\u003c\/em\u003e made the party unforgettable. You want to be the one who \u003cem data-start=\"3324\" data-end=\"3329\"\u003edid\u003c\/em\u003e - in gold-threaded dick print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3362\" data-end=\"3439\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eNow go forth, you vulgar reindeer, and deck the halls with balls and sarcasm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eChest (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e47 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWaist (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHips (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e43 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e49 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":31407331410004,"sku":"4163160","price":50.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":31407331442772,"sku":"5147671","price":50.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":31407331475540,"sku":"8071888","price":50.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":31407331508308,"sku":"2143564","price":50.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":31407331541076,"sku":"2892575","price":50.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":31407331573844,"sku":"5716592","price":52.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":31407331606612,"sku":"3668066","price":52.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/blow-me-ugly-sweatshirt-3617732.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"deep-v-neck-christmas-t-shirt","title":"Deep V-Neck Christmas T-shirt","description":"Get to know your new favorite tee - it's super smooth, super comfortable, and made from a cotton touch polyester jersey that won't fade after washing.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 95% polyester, 5% elastane (fabric composition may vary by 1%)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Premium knit mid-weight jersey\u003cbr\u003e\n• Four-way stretch fabric that stretches and recovers on the cross and lengthwise grains\u003cbr\u003e\n• Regular fit\u003cbr\u003e\n• Model is 182cm\/6 feet tall and wearing size M\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eChest (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e51 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":31427419930708,"sku":"4923133","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":31427419963476,"sku":"7585397","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":31427419996244,"sku":"8719553","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":31427420029012,"sku":"1532803","price":35.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":31427420061780,"sku":"5954768","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":31427420094548,"sku":"5486501","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/deep-v-neck-christmas-t-shirt-1697124.jpg?v=1755879205"},{"product_id":"not-gonna-lick-itself-short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Not Gonna Lick Itself T-Shirt","description":"This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. 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It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e\n• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLength (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - 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Embroidered Beanie","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"221\" data-end=\"257\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e - Embroidered Beanie\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"259\" data-end=\"534\"\u003eCold outside? Good. Now you’ve got the perfect excuse to tell the world to \u003cstrong data-start=\"334\" data-end=\"348\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e without ever opening your mouth. This embroidered dick beanie isn’t just about keeping your head warm, it’s about keeping your personality even warmer - loud, proud, and rude as hell.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"536\" data-end=\"720\"\u003eWhy wear some boring-ass knit hat when you could rock a snug-fit, cotton-acrylic beanie that screams what you’re already thinking? Exactly. Life’s too short to wear generic headgear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"722\" data-end=\"818\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"722\" data-end=\"741\"\u003eAdd to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and crown your head with the most offensive winter accessory ever created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"820\" data-end=\"823\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"825\" data-end=\"855\"\u003eWhy You Need This Beanie\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"856\" data-end=\"1142\"\u003eLet’s be honest: winter sucks. You’re freezing your ass off, your car won’t start, and Karen keeps reminding you that “it’s sweater weather.” Screw that. What you need is a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1029\" data-end=\"1044\"\u003edick beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e that does two jobs at once - keeps your skull toasty AND tells everyone around you to shove it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1144\" data-end=\"1377\"\u003eThis isn’t just a hat. It’s a statement piece. A middle finger in fabric form. And because it ships discreetly, you can drop one on a friend as a prank or keep it for yourself and laugh every time you catch a glimpse in the mirror.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1379\" data-end=\"1382\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1384\" data-end=\"1402\"\u003eImagine This\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1403\" data-end=\"1614\"\u003eYou walk into a Christmas party. Everyone’s got their dumb ugly sweaters on, sipping eggnog, looking basic. You stroll in wearing a crisp embroidered black beanie with \u003cstrong data-start=\"1571\" data-end=\"1585\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e stitched across the front.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1616\" data-end=\"1789\"\u003eSuddenly, you’re not just another guest - you’re the conversation starter. People are laughing, your friend nearly spits out his drink, and you’ve basically won Christmas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1791\" data-end=\"2003\"\u003eOr maybe you’re just running errands. You hit the grocery store, grab some frozen pizza, and notice a couple double-taking at your hat. They can’t decide if they’re offended or impressed. That’s the sweet spot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2005\" data-end=\"2008\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2010\" data-end=\"2028\"\u003eWhat You Get\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2029\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2029\" data-end=\"2108\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2031\" data-end=\"2108\"\u003eA snug-fit embroidered beanie with \u003cstrong data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2080\"\u003eEAT A DICK\u003c\/strong\u003e stitched across the front\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2109\" data-end=\"2170\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2111\" data-end=\"2170\"\u003eMade with a breathable \u003cstrong data-start=\"2134\" data-end=\"2168\"\u003e60% cotton \/ 40% acrylic blend\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2171\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2173\" data-end=\"2258\"\u003eStretchy, \u003cstrong data-start=\"2183\" data-end=\"2205\"\u003eone-size-fits-most\u003c\/strong\u003e design so you don’t need to measure your damn head\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2259\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2261\" data-end=\"2320\"\u003eMultiple colors to choose from so you can offend in style\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2321\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2323\" data-end=\"2386\"\u003eShips discreetly so your mailman doesn’t know you’re a savage\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2388\" data-end=\"2391\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2393\" data-end=\"2410\"\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2411\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2471\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2413\" data-end=\"2437\"\u003eWhite elephant gifts\u003c\/strong\u003e that people actually fight over\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2472\" data-end=\"2517\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2474\" data-end=\"2517\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2476\" data-end=\"2496\"\u003estocking stuffer\u003c\/strong\u003e with a little bite\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2518\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2520\" data-end=\"2570\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2520\" data-end=\"2538\"\u003eOffice parties\u003c\/strong\u003e where HR has already given up\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2571\" data-end=\"2634\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2634\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2573\" data-end=\"2596\"\u003eCold weather pranks\u003c\/strong\u003e that keep you warm and others salty\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2635\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2637\" data-end=\"2694\"\u003eA \u003cstrong data-start=\"2639\" data-end=\"2667\"\u003enovelty winter accessory\u003c\/strong\u003e that screams personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2696\" data-end=\"2699\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2701\" data-end=\"2723\"\u003eCustomer Reviews\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2724\" data-end=\"2958\"\u003e“Best beanie I’ve ever owned. Warm and offensive - perfect combo.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2790\" data-end=\"2793\"\u003e“Bought it for my buddy and he wore it all winter. People either laughed or looked pissed, which was the point.”\u003cbr data-start=\"2905\" data-end=\"2908\"\u003e“10\/10 would tell everyone to eat a dick again.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"2963\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2965\" data-end=\"2983\"\u003eWhy It Works\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2984\" data-end=\"3328\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"2988\" data-end=\"3009\"\u003eEAT A DICK beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e is the kind of product that does all the heavy lifting for you. It’s comfortable, looks great, and manages to offend and entertain without you saying a word. Whether you’re gifting it or keeping it, it’s guaranteed to get reactions - which is more than you can say for the boring crap most people give for Christmas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3330\" data-end=\"3407\"\u003eIt’s functional. It’s funny. And it’s a dick beanie. What else do you need?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3409\" data-end=\"3412\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3414\" data-end=\"3431\"\u003eBottom Line\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3432\" data-end=\"3625\"\u003eYou could buy another boring winter hat. Or you could buy the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3494\" data-end=\"3527\"\u003eEAT A DICK embroidered beanie\u003c\/strong\u003e and turn your forehead into a billboard for bad manners and good laughs. The choice is obvious.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3730\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3627\" data-end=\"3652\"\u003eClick Add to Cart now\u003c\/strong\u003e and put a little warmth - and a lot of attitude - on your head this winter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e17 ⅜-17 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. 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5XL","offer_id":39957263155284,"sku":"7633537_16254","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-t-shirt-6886097.jpg?v=1755878866"},{"product_id":"eat-a-dick-embroidered-patch","title":"Eat a Dick Embroidered Patch","description":"\u003carticle class=\"text-token-text-primary w-full focus:outline-none scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]\" dir=\"auto\" data-turn-id=\"8bf6888e-3e50-4e1b-a1b9-def6160ebd15\" data-testid=\"conversation-turn-252\" data-scroll-anchor=\"true\" data-turn=\"assistant\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"text-base my-auto mx-auto pb-10 [--thread-content-margin:--spacing(4)] @[37rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(6)] @[72rem]:[--thread-content-margin:--spacing(16)] px-(--thread-content-margin)\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"[--thread-content-max-width:32rem] @[34rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:40rem] @[64rem]:[--thread-content-max-width:48rem] mx-auto max-w-(--thread-content-max-width) flex-1 group\/turn-messages focus-visible:outline-hidden relative flex w-full min-w-0 flex-col agent-turn\" tabindex=\"-1\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex max-w-full flex-col grow\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-message-author-role=\"assistant\" data-message-id=\"8bf6888e-3e50-4e1b-a1b9-def6160ebd15\" dir=\"auto\" class=\"min-h-8 text-message relative flex w-full flex-col items-end gap-2 text-start break-words whitespace-normal [.text-message+\u0026amp;]:mt-5\" data-message-model-slug=\"gpt-4o\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex w-full flex-col gap-1 empty:hidden first:pt-[3px]\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"79\" data-end=\"152\"\u003eStitch Your Sass Right on Your Sleeve (Or Your Backpack, Or Your Ass)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"154\" data-end=\"295\"\u003eYou ever see someone walking around like they’ve never been told off in their life? Like they just radiate “I cut lines at Starbucks” energy?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"297\" data-end=\"327\"\u003eFix that. One patch at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"329\" data-end=\"678\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-start=\"333\" data-end=\"365\"\u003eEat a Dick Embroidered Patch\u003c\/strong\u003e is a beautifully vulgar, no-holds-barred way to slap some personality onto your gear. Whether you’re tired of holding in your inner rage or you’re just feeling spicy today, this \u003cstrong data-start=\"544\" data-end=\"558\"\u003edick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e is your new favorite accessory. It’s bold. It’s petty. And it’s just the kind of energy you need in this dumbass world.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"803\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"680\" data-end=\"724\"\u003eStick it. Stitch it. Rock it with pride.\u003c\/strong\u003e And let everyone know exactly where they can shove their unsolicited opinions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"805\" data-end=\"808\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"810\" data-end=\"849\"\u003eNot Just a Patch - It's a Statement\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"851\" data-end=\"954\"\u003eWhy the hell would you want a patch that says “Eat a Dick”? Great question, and here’s a better answer:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"956\" data-end=\"1162\"\u003eBecause you’re done playing nice. Because sarcasm is your love language. Because you’re tired of people thinking you won’t say what’s on your mind. Or maybe because your jacket just needed a little \u003cem data-start=\"1154\" data-end=\"1161\"\u003eoomph\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1164\" data-end=\"1364\"\u003eWhatever your reason - whether it’s \u003cstrong data-start=\"1200\" data-end=\"1218\"\u003egag gift glory\u003c\/strong\u003e, a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1222\" data-end=\"1238\"\u003erevenge flex\u003c\/strong\u003e, or a \u003cstrong data-start=\"1245\" data-end=\"1273\"\u003efashion-forward f*ck you\u003c\/strong\u003e - this embroidered masterpiece gets the job done. Subtle? Hell no. Satisfying? Absolutely.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1366\" data-end=\"1369\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1371\" data-end=\"1428\"\u003eThat One Time You Needed the Patch and Didn’t Have It\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1430\" data-end=\"1453\"\u003eLet me paint a picture.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1455\" data-end=\"1645\"\u003eYou're at your high school reunion. Karen - the girl who once told you graphic tees were \"immature\" - shows up in a Patagonia vest and starts bragging about her essential oil pyramid scheme.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1647\" data-end=\"1810\"\u003eInstead of screaming into the hors d'oeuvres, you slowly unzip your hoodie to reveal one, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1737\" data-end=\"1772\"\u003eglorious embroidered dick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e, proudly telling her to Eat. A. Dick.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1812\" data-end=\"1888\"\u003eYou don’t even have to say a word. The patch handles the dirty work for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1890\" data-end=\"1935\"\u003eMoments like these are why this thing exists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1937\" data-end=\"1940\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1942\" data-end=\"2010\"\u003eWhat's Included - AKA Why This Is the Best Patch You’ll Ever Buy\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2097\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2097\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2014\" data-end=\"2022\"\u003eSize\u003c\/strong\u003e: A big bold 3-inch circle - not too subtle, not too obnoxious. Just right.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2098\" data-end=\"2200\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2100\" data-end=\"2200\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2100\" data-end=\"2110\"\u003eFabric\u003c\/strong\u003e: Made of 74% polyester and 26% cotton twill - because even your sarcasm deserves to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2201\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2203\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2203\" data-end=\"2214\"\u003eOptions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Iron-on. Sew-on. Safety pin. Choose your own level of commitment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2282\" data-end=\"2382\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2284\" data-end=\"2382\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2284\" data-end=\"2294\"\u003eDesign\u003c\/strong\u003e: Bold black and white text that reads “EAT A DICK” - no hearts, no flowers, just vibes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2383\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2452\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2385\" data-end=\"2397\"\u003eShipping\u003c\/strong\u003e: 100% anonymous. You send it. They wonder. You cackle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2454\" data-end=\"2457\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2459\" data-end=\"2494\"\u003eThis Dick Patch Is Perfect For:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2496\" data-end=\"2540\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2498\" data-end=\"2540\"\u003eJackets that need some goddamn personality\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2541\" data-end=\"2586\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2543\" data-end=\"2586\"\u003eBackpacks that scream “I’ve seen some sh*t”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2587\" data-end=\"2645\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2589\" data-end=\"2645\"\u003eStockings that need one more passive-aggressive surprise\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2646\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2648\" data-end=\"2707\"\u003eBachelorette parties where “subtle” isn’t in the vocabulary\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2708\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2710\" data-end=\"2778\"\u003eThat one friend who’s always one inconvenience away from a breakdown\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2780\" data-end=\"2783\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"2785\" data-end=\"2853\"\u003eReal Talk - This Patch Slaps Harder Than Your Therapist’s Advice\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2855\" data-end=\"3087\"\u003eIf you’re gonna spend money on fashion, make it count. This isn’t some mass-produced garbage from a gas station gift rack. This is a high-quality \u003cstrong data-start=\"3001\" data-end=\"3033\"\u003eEat a Dick embroidered patch\u003c\/strong\u003e that lets you express yourself without saying a word.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3089\" data-end=\"3170\"\u003eWear it loud. Wear it proud. Make someone uncomfortable in the best way possible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3172\" data-end=\"3175\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"3177\" data-end=\"3217\"\u003eClick That Button and Stick the Dick\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3219\" data-end=\"3406\"\u003eListen - you could buy a boring patch that says “Be Kind” or “Live Laugh Love”... or you could send a bold, beautiful \u003cstrong data-start=\"3337\" data-end=\"3352\"\u003epenis patch\u003c\/strong\u003e message straight from your soul (or your sewing kit).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3408\" data-end=\"3499\"\u003eSo go ahead - grab the \u003cstrong data-start=\"3431\" data-end=\"3451\"\u003eEat a Dick patch\u003c\/strong\u003e, slap it on your sh*t, and start turning heads.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3501\" data-end=\"3601\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3501\" data-end=\"3601\" data-is-last-node=\"\"\u003eBecause if your clothes aren’t telling people to f*ck off... are you even dressing with purpose?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex min-h-[46px] justify-start\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"flex min-h-[46px] justify-start\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eMake sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ei\u003cwbr\u003en the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/wbr\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/article\u003e\n\u003cdiv aria-hidden=\"true\" data-edge=\"true\" class=\"pointer-events-none h-px w-px\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":39957353529428,"sku":"4765412_12981","price":15.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/products\/eat-a-dick-embroidered-patch-9968744.jpg?v=1755878863"},{"product_id":"baby-daddy-mug-copy","title":"Calm Your Tits Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhether you're drinking your morning coffee, evening tea, or something in between – this mug's for you! 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