{"product_id":"you-might-be-a-dick-but-youre-my-dick-pop-up-dick-card","title":"You Might Be A Dick, But You're My Dick Pop-Up Dick Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"75\" data-end=\"127\"\u003eTrue Love Means Settling - And Laughing About It\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"129\" data-end=\"558\"\u003eThere comes a day in every relationship when you stop chasing butterflies and start chasing your partner’s farts out of the sheets. And that, my friend, is when you know you’ve found \u003cem data-start=\"312\" data-end=\"321\"\u003ethe one\u003c\/em\u003e. The one dick. The same dick. \u003cstrong data-start=\"352\" data-end=\"364\"\u003eForever.\u003c\/strong\u003e So celebrate that oddly comforting, mildly frustrating, and occasionally disappointing reality with the \u003cstrong\u003eYou're MY Dick \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"469\" data-end=\"495\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e - a brutally honest love letter to your eternal penis partner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"560\" data-end=\"654\"\u003eBuy now if you're brave enough to admit monogamy is just loving the same genitals on loop.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"656\" data-end=\"659\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"661\" data-end=\"713\"\u003eBecause Flowers Die, But Dick Jokes Live Forever\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"715\" data-end=\"1032\"\u003eLet’s skip the sappy cards that pretend you still text each other “good morning” unironically. You’ve been through it. The fights, the makeup sex, the awkward family holidays, and that one time you both got food poisoning and still high-fived through it. You’re locked in. And not just emotionally - but anatomically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1034\" data-end=\"1354\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003eYou're MY Dick \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1038\" data-end=\"1080\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e says what Hallmark never will. It’s the only Valentine’s Day card that dares to honor the penis that’s been disappointing you since the first drunken hookup. And honestly? That kind of consistency deserves a standing ovation. Or at least a sarcastic applause and this card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1356\" data-end=\"1359\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1361\" data-end=\"1411\"\u003eA Love Story Told in One Blunt, Hilarious Line\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1413\" data-end=\"1728\"\u003eFlashback: You met. You flirted. You banged. You texted. You banged again. Eventually, you started leaving toothbrushes at each other’s place. Then came the “What are we?” talk, the “Let’s move in” moment, and the eventual horror realization that you’ve been staring at the same damn peen since Obama was in office.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1730\" data-end=\"1865\"\u003eBut here you are. Still together. Still tolerating each other. Still making dick jokes to hide how deeply you actually love each other.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1867\" data-end=\"1885\"\u003eThis card gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1887\" data-end=\"1890\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1892\" data-end=\"1947\"\u003eHere’s What You’re Getting, You Brave Romantic, You\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1949\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"2083\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1951\" data-end=\"1982\"\u003eCard\u003c\/strong\u003e featuring the glorious phrase “ You're MY Dick” - just in case they forgot what they signed up for\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2084\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2187\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2106\"\u003eOptional add-ons\u003c\/strong\u003e like a bag of dicks, because why stop at a card when you can double down on dick\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2188\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2293\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2190\" data-end=\"2224\"\u003e100 percent anonymous shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e - so if you're secretly roasting a situationship, your secret’s safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2294\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2377\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2296\" data-end=\"2335\"\u003ePrinted on thick, quality cardstock\u003c\/strong\u003e - unlike that limp noodle you’re roasting\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2378\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2501\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2380\" data-end=\"2398\"\u003eBlank interior\u003c\/strong\u003e - for your own crude message, heartfelt apology, or explicit drawing of what “forever dick” looks like\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2503\" data-end=\"2506\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2576\"\u003ePerfect For These Deliciously Petty, Painfully Relatable Moments\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2578\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2638\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2580\" data-end=\"2607\"\u003eValentine’s Day sarcasm\u003c\/strong\u003e - Let Cupid choke on this card\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2639\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2713\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2641\" data-end=\"2661\"\u003eAnniversary gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - Celebrate another 365 days of that familiar shaft\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2714\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2716\" data-end=\"2742\"\u003eFunny gift for couples\u003c\/strong\u003e - Because therapy’s expensive and laughter’s free\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2793\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2889\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2795\" data-end=\"2821\"\u003eRelationship milestone\u003c\/strong\u003e - Make your 5-year mark with a card that screams “you’re stuck now”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2890\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2970\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2892\" data-end=\"2914\"\u003ePetty revenge gift\u003c\/strong\u003e - For the one you love and lowkey hate at the same time\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2972\" data-end=\"2975\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2977\" data-end=\"3023\"\u003eMake ‘Em Laugh, Cringe, and Probably Blush\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3025\" data-end=\"3313\"\u003eThis isn’t just a card. It’s a commitment wrapped in sarcasm, dipped in honesty, and served with a side of “Yep... this is our life now.” Whether you’re the kind of couple that has matching socks or the kind that argues over whose turn it is to buy toilet paper, this card is your anthem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3315\" data-end=\"3492\"\u003eSo if your idea of romance involves brutally honest jokes, relentless sarcasm, and a complete lack of emotional boundaries - \u003cstrong data-start=\"3440\" data-end=\"3459\"\u003econgratulations\u003c\/strong\u003e. You’ve found your perfect card.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3494\" data-end=\"3497\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3499\" data-end=\"3577\"\u003eClick “Add to Cart” Before Your Partner Realizes They Could’ve Done Better\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003eWhy wait? Show them you care \u003cem data-start=\"3608\" data-end=\"3616\"\u003eenough\u003c\/em\u003e to get them a card. But not so much that it doesn’t come with a solid dick roast.  You're MY Dick - because at this point, what choice do you really have?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3579\" data-end=\"3777\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIMPORTANT:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem\u003e Make sure you put the recipient's \u003cspan\u003ename\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eand\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eaddress\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003ein the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. \u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan size=\"4\"\u003e*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":46864775413844,"sku":"YOUREMYDICKCARD","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0790\/0465\/files\/you-might-be-a-dick-but-youre-my-dick-pop-up-dick-card-9709888.webp?v=1778917993","url":"https:\/\/dicksbymail.com\/products\/you-might-be-a-dick-but-youre-my-dick-pop-up-dick-card","provider":"Dicks By Mail - Anonymously mail a bag of dicks","version":"1.0","type":"link"}