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Listen, life’s too short for boring gifts. You could send a boring “Happy Birthday” text, or you could send a sealed bag of sweet, chewy, gummy tits with a message like “Suck a Bag of Tits” or “Calm Your Tits.” Guess which one they’ll remember?
Spoiler alert: It’s not the text.
These aren’t just any gummy candies - these are perfectly shaped, squishy, boob-shaped confections that say exactly what you’re thinking without you having to pick up the phone. Funny? Yes. Inappropriate? Absolutely. Delicious? Oh, hell yes.
So stop playing it safe. Click Add to Cart, send them a bag of tits, and watch the chaos unfold.
We live in a world of Amazon wish lists and “thanks for the gift card” texts. Predictable. Boring. Forgettable.
Now picture this:
They open a mysterious, anonymous package. They see the words “You’re the Tits.” Inside? An entire bag of gummy boobs, bouncing around in their sweet little candy perfection. Maybe you went full savage and added the glitter option - now they’re shaking glitter out of their hair while chewing a boob.
This is a gift that says:
“I care about you… but I’m also here to make your day weird.”
“You matter to me… just not enough to send a Hallmark card.”
“I’m a good friend, but also a menace to society.”
It’s not just about the candy. It’s about the moment.
Your buddy opens the bag during a livestream and loses it on camera.
Your friend’s birthday party goes from PG to “what the hell is wrong with you?” in two seconds flat.
Your glitter-add-on choice leaves their kitchen looking like a strip club exploded.
These are not just gummy tits. They are memories.
“Sent it to a guy I knew would appreciate them. On a live stream, he was happier than a kid on Christmas morning.”
“Love it - had lots of laughs. I put the glitter option on the bag of tits and it was everywhere! I’ll be ordering again soon for a friend’s b-day.”
“Got some tits for my daughter’s birthday and they were a big hit!”
A sealed bag of gummy tits – soft, fruity, and shaped for maximum awkwardness.
Stock message of your choice – “You’re the Tits,” “Suck a Bag of Tits,” “Enjoy Your Boobies,” “Calm Your Tits.”
Optional glitter add-on – because why stop at awkward when you can make it messy?
Anonymous shipping – they’ll never know it was you… unless you crack and tell them.
Birthday gag gifts – way better than another candle set.
Bachelor/Bachelorette parties – something to snack on between bad decisions.
Anonymous pranks – strike and vanish like a true candy assassin.
Just because – sometimes you just gotta send someone a bag of tits.
Pick your message.
Decide if you want to add glitter for maximum destruction.
Ship it anonymously.
Wait for the text, the call, or the public Instagram meltdown.
This isn’t the type of gift that gets a polite “thanks.” Nope. This gets:
A shocked laugh.
A room full of confused people.
A lifelong story where your name is mentioned right before “absolute legend.”
Because anyone can send chocolates. But only the brave (and slightly unhinged) send a bag of tits.
🎁 Click Add to Cart now. Send a sweet, squishy, boob-shaped gift that’s part candy, part chaos, and 100% unforgettable. They’ll eat it, they’ll laugh, and if you’re lucky, they’ll choke on a gummy nipple while cursing your name.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option.
**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
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