Stitch Your Sass Right on Your Sleeve (Or Your Backpack, Or Your Ass)
You ever see someone walking around like they’ve never been told off in their life? Like they just radiate “I cut lines at Starbucks” energy?
Fix that. One patch at a time.
The Eat a Dick Embroidered Patch is a beautifully vulgar, no-holds-barred way to slap some personality onto your gear. Whether you’re tired of holding in your inner rage or you’re just feeling spicy today, this dick patch is your new favorite accessory. It’s bold. It’s petty. And it’s just the kind of energy you need in this dumbass world.
Stick it. Stitch it. Rock it with pride. And let everyone know exactly where they can shove their unsolicited opinions.
Not Just a Patch - It's a Statement
Why the hell would you want a patch that says “Eat a Dick”? Great question, and here’s a better answer:
Because you’re done playing nice. Because sarcasm is your love language. Because you’re tired of people thinking you won’t say what’s on your mind. Or maybe because your jacket just needed a little oomph.
Whatever your reason - whether it’s gag gift glory, a revenge flex, or a fashion-forward f*ck you - this embroidered masterpiece gets the job done. Subtle? Hell no. Satisfying? Absolutely.
That One Time You Needed the Patch and Didn’t Have It
Let me paint a picture.
You're at your high school reunion. Karen - the girl who once told you graphic tees were "immature" - shows up in a Patagonia vest and starts bragging about her essential oil pyramid scheme.
Instead of screaming into the hors d'oeuvres, you slowly unzip your hoodie to reveal one, glorious embroidered dick patch, proudly telling her to Eat. A. Dick.
You don’t even have to say a word. The patch handles the dirty work for you.
Moments like these are why this thing exists.
What's Included - AKA Why This Is the Best Patch You’ll Ever Buy
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Size: A big bold 3-inch circle - not too subtle, not too obnoxious. Just right.
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Fabric: Made of 74% polyester and 26% cotton twill - because even your sarcasm deserves to last.
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Options: Iron-on. Sew-on. Safety pin. Choose your own level of commitment.
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Design: Bold black and white text that reads “EAT A DICK” - no hearts, no flowers, just vibes.
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Shipping: 100% anonymous. You send it. They wonder. You cackle.
This Dick Patch Is Perfect For:
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Jackets that need some goddamn personality
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Backpacks that scream “I’ve seen some sh*t”
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Stockings that need one more passive-aggressive surprise
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Bachelorette parties where “subtle” isn’t in the vocabulary
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That one friend who’s always one inconvenience away from a breakdown
Real Talk - This Patch Slaps Harder Than Your Therapist’s Advice
If you’re gonna spend money on fashion, make it count. This isn’t some mass-produced garbage from a gas station gift rack. This is a high-quality Eat a Dick embroidered patch that lets you express yourself without saying a word.
Wear it loud. Wear it proud. Make someone uncomfortable in the best way possible.
Click That Button and Stick the Dick
Listen - you could buy a boring patch that says “Be Kind” or “Live Laugh Love”... or you could send a bold, beautiful penis patch message straight from your soul (or your sewing kit).
So go ahead - grab the Eat a Dick patch, slap it on your sh*t, and start turning heads.
Because if your clothes aren’t telling people to f*ck off... are you even dressing with purpose?
IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address i
**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
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