$7.99 USD
Hallmark can suck it. If you’re tired of “Peace on Earth” and “Season’s Greetings” bullshit, here’s the card that finally speaks the truth: the Christmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks.
Imagine their face when they tear open what looks like a wholesome holiday card, only to be greeted with the festive reminder to Eat a Bag of Dicks. That’s not just a card, that’s a goddamn Christmas miracle.
Skip the boring snowflakes and baby Jesus vibes. Send a dirty holiday card with attitude and give someone the kind of laugh that lasts longer than their eggnog hangover. Click Add to Cart right now and make someone’s Christmas unforgettable.
Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like telling your buddy, your ex, or that one relative who always drinks too much mulled wine to straight up Eat a Bag of Dicks. This isn’t your grandma’s holiday cheer. This is an adult Christmas card for people who know that sarcasm and profanity are the real gifts of the season.
Think about it: everyone else is sending cute snowmen and “warm wishes.” Snooze. You send this naughty Christmas card and suddenly you’re the one with the best sense of humor at the party. People remember the rebel who didn’t just send a card, but a Christmas card with attitude.
Last year, a customer sent this card to her best friend. She wasn’t there to see the reaction, but she could imagine it. “I was not able to see her face when she opened the card but could envision! The tracking feature is great!”
Another customer summed it up perfectly: “These are some great cards for those special idiots in yo life.” That’s it. That’s the whole point. Whether you’re pulling off a funny Secret Santa exchange or slipping it into someone’s stocking, this card lands every damn time.
Here’s why the Eat a Bag of Dicks Christmas Card is better than 99% of cards on the shelf:
A folded Christmas card printed with “Eat a Bag of Dicks” in festive, holly-jolly glory
High-quality cardstock so it feels legit, not flimsy
A matching envelope so you can keep it classy right up until they open it
100 percent anonymous shipping so nobody can snitch on you
The ultimate xmas card for friends who deserve a laugh (or some payback)
This card isn’t for everyone. It’s not for carol-singing church groups or your mom’s Bible study. But for the rest of us degenerates, it’s perfect for:
A Christmas gag gift that beats socks and candles every time
A stocking stuffer that’s equal parts rude and hilarious
A funny Secret Santa exchange that’ll blow the lid off your boring office swap
An adult Christmas card for your friends who love dirty humor
A dirty holiday card for the cousin who thinks they’re funnier than you (spoiler: they’re not)
A holiday card with attitude that proves you’re not afraid to keep things spicy
Real talk: people go nuts for this card. It’s short, sweet, and offensive in the best way possible. One reviewer wrote, “We got a ton of laughs from this Christmas card!” Another said, “These are some great cards for those special idiots in yo life.”
Nobody remembers the generic “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” crap. But they’ll remember the time they opened a card that told them to Eat a Bag of Dicks. That’s the kind of holiday memory that lives forever.
The Christmas Greeting Card - Eat a Bag of Dicks is the ultimate way to flip holiday tradition on its head. It’s not polite. It’s not wholesome. It’s not safe for work. But it’s damn funny, brutally honest, and the perfect edgy Christmas greeting for the people in your life who deserve a little more than tinsel and mistletoe.
So go ahead. Be the legend that gave the most memorable card of the season.
Order your Eat a Bag of Dicks Christmas Card today and make this year’s holidays actually worth remembering.
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**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
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