$22.50 USD
Cold outside? Good. Now you’ve got the perfect excuse to tell the world to EAT A DICK without ever opening your mouth. This embroidered dick beanie isn’t just about keeping your head warm, it’s about keeping your personality even warmer - loud, proud, and rude as hell.
Why wear some boring-ass knit hat when you could rock a snug-fit, cotton-acrylic beanie that screams what you’re already thinking? Exactly. Life’s too short to wear generic headgear.
Add to Cart now and crown your head with the most offensive winter accessory ever created.
Let’s be honest: winter sucks. You’re freezing your ass off, your car won’t start, and Karen keeps reminding you that “it’s sweater weather.” Screw that. What you need is a dick beanie that does two jobs at once - keeps your skull toasty AND tells everyone around you to shove it.
This isn’t just a hat. It’s a statement piece. A middle finger in fabric form. And because it ships discreetly, you can drop one on a friend as a prank or keep it for yourself and laugh every time you catch a glimpse in the mirror.
You walk into a Christmas party. Everyone’s got their dumb ugly sweaters on, sipping eggnog, looking basic. You stroll in wearing a crisp embroidered black beanie with EAT A DICK stitched across the front.
Suddenly, you’re not just another guest - you’re the conversation starter. People are laughing, your friend nearly spits out his drink, and you’ve basically won Christmas.
Or maybe you’re just running errands. You hit the grocery store, grab some frozen pizza, and notice a couple double-taking at your hat. They can’t decide if they’re offended or impressed. That’s the sweet spot.
A snug-fit embroidered beanie with EAT A DICK stitched across the front
Made with a breathable 60% cotton / 40% acrylic blend
Stretchy, one-size-fits-most design so you don’t need to measure your damn head
Multiple colors to choose from so you can offend in style
Ships discreetly so your mailman doesn’t know you’re a savage
White elephant gifts that people actually fight over
A stocking stuffer with a little bite
Office parties where HR has already given up
Cold weather pranks that keep you warm and others salty
A novelty winter accessory that screams personality
“Best beanie I’ve ever owned. Warm and offensive - perfect combo.”
“Bought it for my buddy and he wore it all winter. People either laughed or looked pissed, which was the point.”
“10/10 would tell everyone to eat a dick again.”
The EAT A DICK beanie is the kind of product that does all the heavy lifting for you. It’s comfortable, looks great, and manages to offend and entertain without you saying a word. Whether you’re gifting it or keeping it, it’s guaranteed to get reactions - which is more than you can say for the boring crap most people give for Christmas.
It’s functional. It’s funny. And it’s a dick beanie. What else do you need?
You could buy another boring winter hat. Or you could buy the EAT A DICK embroidered beanie and turn your forehead into a billboard for bad manners and good laughs. The choice is obvious.
Click Add to Cart now and put a little warmth - and a lot of attitude - on your head this winter.
Size guide
| A | B | C | D | |
| One size (inches) | 17 ⅜-17 ⅞ | 8 ⅛ | 2 ½ | 8 ¼ |
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