$8.99 USD
Sometimes a regular birthdaycard just doesn’t cut it. You can scribble “Happy Birthday” on a piece of paper like some boring Hallmark zombie, or you can go full-send and give them a 3D pop-up dick that practically springs into their lap shouting “Wishing You Love and Hap-penis.”
This isn’t subtle. This isn’t sweet. This is bold, rude, and guaranteed to make them spit their drink all over the table. And the best part? It ships 100% anonymously, so you can unleash this glorious monstrosity without ever revealing your identity.
Click Add to Cart and become their favorite (or most feared) person in one easy move.
If you’ve ever thought “How can I make a birthday, breakup, or random Tuesday unforgettable?” this card is your answer. It’s the exact mix of wholesome sentiment and obscene stupidity that turns an ordinary moment into a legendary one.
Bold front text: “Wishing You Love and Hap-penis” — because subtlety is for cowards.
Epic reveal: Open the card and BAM — a glorious 3D dick pops up like it’s auditioning for Broadway.
Premium quality: Thick, 14 pt double-sided cardstock.
Totally anonymous shipping: The only thing they’ll know is that someone in their life is a comedic genius.
Whether it’s for a birthday prank, a petty revenge moment, or just to say “Hey, here’s a penis,” this card nails it.
Picture this. Your target sits down, opens an envelope, and thinks, “Oh, how sweet, a card.” They flip it open expecting warm words or maybe a little glitter… and instead, they’re face-to-face with a cardboard penis standing tall in all its glory.
It’s the kind of moment that stops time. Some will laugh so hard they cry. Others will question all their life choices. Either way, you win.
Size: 4.25 x 5.5 inches
Material: 14 pt double-sided cardstock
Inside: 3D pop-up penis
Includes: White envelope
Shipping: 100% anonymous
Occasions: Birthday prank, romantic roast, breakup joke, office gag, just because joke, anonymous surprise
Pair it with a bag of gummy dicks for a matching snack.
Slip it inside a gift box for the ultimate double reveal.
Mail it on a completely random day just to mess with someone’s head.
Life is too short for boring cards. The Hap-penis Card is outrageous, hilarious, and just the right amount of offensive. It’s the perfect mix of crude humor and surprise factor that makes it impossible to forget.
Send it to your best friend, your ex, your sibling, or that one person who needs a little unsolicited cardboard love in their life. They’ll either thank you or block you, but either way, you’ve made an impact.
Click Add to Cart now and gift someone the most unexpected hap-penis they’ll ever receive.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.
**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
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