Christmas Tree Card

This Christmas Card Is Hard. Literally.

“I like you how I like my Christmas tree” is a sweet holiday sentiment... until you open the card and see it ends with one word: ERECT.

That’s it. That’s the joke. And it’s perfect.

The Christmas Tree Card is the kind of filthy holiday humor you didn’t know you needed until you laughed-snorted eggnog through your nose. Whether you’re roasting your best friend, trolling your hookup, or just looking for an adult Christmas card that doesn’t suck Rudolph’s left nut, this one nails it.

Add to cart, you beautiful degenerate. It’s time to erect some holiday cheer.

Because Everyone Loves a Stiff Tree

You’ve done the polite holiday cards. You’ve signed your name next to boring-ass snowflakes and glittery Jesus quotes. But this year? This year, you’re giving the gift of a hard laugh.

The Christmas Tree Card is a folded miracle of adult Christmas humor. It starts off looking all warm and fuzzy with the message: “I like you how I like my Christmas tree.” But then - BAM - you open it and the punchline hits like a candy cane to the nuts: “Erect.”

That’s not just clever. That’s erectional brilliance.

It’s the perfect stocking stuffer for friends who have a dirty sense of humor, a Secret Santa surprise for someone who can take a joke, or a hilarious holiday party move that’ll leave people cackling like evil elves.

Who the Hell Is This For?

• That friend who still laughs at dick jokes and refuses to grow up

• Your boyfriend or girlfriend who loves cheeky surprises (and hopefully you)

• Your drinking buddy who celebrates Christmas by blacking out on peppermint schnapps

• Your sibling, because there’s no greater joy than ruining their Hallmark expectations

• Yourself, because let’s be real, you deserve a card that gets your humor

What You’re Getting (Besides Kicked Out of the Family Chat)

• A folded 4.25 x 5.5 inch funny Christmas card that says “I like you how I like my Christmas tree” on the front

• Inside? Just the word “ERECT.” That’s it. That’s the whole punchline. And it’s glorious.

• Made of thick double-sided 14 pt cardstock, so your filth comes in quality packaging

• White envelope included, because we’re not total monsters

• Ships 100 percent anonymously from the North Pole of depravity

Real Talk: This Is The Best Card You’ll Give All Season

We don’t have customer reviews yet, but that just means you get to be the first legend who sends this out and creates a legacy of sleazy holiday spirit. Imagine someone opening a card by the fire, thinking it’s sweet, and then reading the word “ERECT” out loud in front of grandma.

That’s a Christmas memory you can’t buy at Target.

This holiday card with tree vibes hard on adult humor, and it’s a solid pick if you’re looking for a funny Christmas card that doesn’t involve singing chipmunks or baby Jesus in a Santa hat.

Don’t Be Flaccid - Send the Damn Card

It’s time to upgrade from “Seasons Greetings” to “Sexual Implications.” Don’t send another boring card. Don’t settle for “Hope your holidays are merry.” Hit them with a tree joke so stiff it should come with a warning label.

Click “Add to Cart.” Send a laugh. Start a fight. Light up the holidays in the most inappropriate way possible.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like an unexpected erection.