Christmas Package Card

Deck the Halls and Unwrap His Balls

Look, you could send another boring “Happy Holidays” card with glitter and reindeer and some bullshit message about peace and joy. Or - and hear me out - you could absolutely wreck someone’s wholesome little Christmas vibe with the only holiday card that pops harder than your uncle’s blood pressure after eggnog and a political debate.

Meet the Christmas Package Card - a folded miracle of adult holiday cheer that literally pops out a dick when opened. That’s right. It says, “The Only Package I Want For Christmas...” on the front and finishes with “...Is Yours” inside - along with a festive pop-up peen. Sleigh bells? Nah. This year, we're jingling some other balls.

Why This Naughty Holiday Card Will Make You the MVP of Christmas

Because you’re tired of basic-ass Christmas gifts. You want something that’ll leave them laughing, choking on their sugar cookies, and maybe blushing so hard Santa adds them to the permanent naughty list.

This cheeky Christmas package card is the perfect combo of funny Christmas card, adult novelty, and hard-core holiday romance. It's ideal for couples who joke about each other’s junk, friends who swap gifts like dildos and shot glasses, or literally anyone who’d rather unwrap a penis than another pair of socks.

A Very XXXmas Tale: T’was the Night Before Dicksmas

So picture this: you’re at a holiday gathering. You slide this unassuming little card into your partner’s stocking, their mailbox, or sneak it under the tree like a horny elf.

They open it. First - they read the message. “The only package I want...” Cute. Romantic. Sweet even.

Then boom - dick. Right in their face. Like Santa himself dropped trou just for them.

It’s weird. It’s hilarious. It’s everything the holidays are supposed to be - loud, awkward, and full of surprises.

Why You Need to Send This Christmas Package Card

• Instant Laughs
  It’s the only holiday card with a pop-up dick that hits like a peppermint schnapps shot to the soul.

• Perfect for the Naughty List
  Whether it's a partner, your raunchy best friend, or that one cousin who wore a “Merry Clitmas” sweater last year, this card fits the vibe.

• Quality AF
  Printed on double-sided 14 pt cardstock, because even dick jokes deserve premium presentation.

• Ships 100% Anonymously
  Want to keep 'em guessing? Send it without a name and let them sweat through Christmas dinner wondering who mailed the package.

• Small Enough to Hide, Big Enough to Haunt
  Measures 4.25 x 5.5 inches - just the right size to drop in a stocking, mailbox, or under a pillow like the Tooth Fairy’s raunchy twin.

Send Holiday Cheer (and a Card With a Cock in It)

This funny gift card xmas style is not for the faint of heart - it’s for the legends who give zero fucks and maximum laughs. Whether you're trying to spice up your relationship, traumatize your Secret Santa group, or just celebrate the true meaning of Christmas (penis), this is the naughty holiday card your tree has been waiting for.

Click that “Add to Cart” button and send the message that really matters this season:

It’s not the thought that counts - it’s the package.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. 

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*