Bag of DIcks Tote

You Could Be Carrying Groceries - Or a Bag of Dicks

Why settle for a boring tote when you can strut through life with a Bag of Dicks dangling from your shoulder?

This isn’t your average reusable shopping bag. This is a bold, unapologetic, 15-inch middle finger to basic bitches and beige personalities everywhere. Whether you’re stuffing it with wine bottles, thongs, or gummy dick gifts, this beast says what everyone’s thinking but too afraid to shout in public: Suck it, Karen - I brought the dicks.

So go ahead. Click “Add to Cart” and give the world the bag it never asked for but desperately deserves.

Because a Dicks Beach Bag Is Way More Fun Than a Tote With Pineapples

The Bag of Dicks Tote isn’t just funny. It’s f**king functional.

We’re talking 100% spun polyester, dual bull denim cotton handles, and the strength to hold 44 pounds of snacks, secrets, or unsolicited opinions from your drunk aunt. You could carry a small goat in this thing (don’t do that), and it still wouldn’t flinch. Rain? Bring it. Glitter? Already inside, spiritually.

This thing is weather-resistant, loud as hell, and the best possible gift for that friend who laughs too loud and probably has a vibrating toothbrush not used for brushing teeth.

“SUCH A GREAT BAG TO HAVE & WALK AROUND WITH & FREE ADVERTISING!! ❤ DICKS!!”

We didn’t write that. Some unhinged, happy customer did. And they’re right.

You don’t just carry a Bag of Dicks. You advertise your personality for free. You walk into Target, CVS, or your therapy session, and this tote does all the heavy lifting (both literally and emotionally).

It’s not just a gag gift - it’s a statement, a mood, a portable billboard for zero fks left to give**.

Things You Can Shamelessly Stuff Inside This Dicks Tote:

• Groceries - Because carrying cucumbers in a bag of dicks is poetic

• Bachelorette party gear - Cock straws, glitter, regret

• Your emotional baggage - It holds 44 lbs, remember?

• Gifts for your therapist - Or maybe a glitter bomb card. Same energy.

• Beach crap - Towels, SPF, and dicks. Classic combo.

• Your ex’s hoodie - Drop it off anonymously. Toss in some gummy dicks while you're at it.

Actual Bag Specs (In Case You Give a Damn)

• 15 x 15 inch tote bag - obnoxiously perfect

• Made from 100% spun polyester - rain-resistant, judgment-resistant

• Dual cotton bull denim handles - strong enough to hold your self-loathing

• Holds up to 44 lbs and 2.6 gallons of “sh*t I need right now”

• Ships 100% anonymously - your mailman won’t judge your lifestyle (but he’ll know)

Why You Need This In Your Life (Like Yesterday)

Look, this is not for your grandma’s knitting club (unless your grandma is an absolute savage, in which case - hell yes, get her one too). This is for the friend who’d bring penis pasta to a potluck just to see who flinches. It’s for you, the bold, the unbothered, the “yes I am walking through Whole Foods with a literal bag of dicks, Brenda.”

It’s perfect for:

• That savage birthday present

• A reusable shopping bag with serious main character energy

• Your new favorite bachelorette accessory

• The boldest tote bag on the damn beach

• Or just your everyday “I give zero shits” carry-all

Final Warning: This Bag Will Get Attention

If you don’t like being stared at, complimented, or offered tequila shots by strangers at Trader Joe’s, this may not be for you. But if you thrive in chaos, love laughter, and want a bag of dicks mail moment to call your own...

Buy the damn thing. Carry it everywhere. Watch the world react.

Click that beautiful button and start making errands the highlight of your week. You’ve carried worse. Now carry dicks - and do it proudly.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. 

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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