David Penis Shorts

David Penis Shorts - Wearable Art With Zero Subtlety

Because nothing says “I’m here to make people uncomfortable” quite like wearing Michelangelo’s David’s marble junk on your thighs.

Forget boring swim trunks. Forget bland gym shorts. These David Penis Shorts are a masterpiece of bad taste and bold confidence, guaranteed to turn heads, drop jaws, and make your mom reconsider inviting you to family cookouts.

Whether it’s a bachelor party, poolside chaos, or just a Tuesday at the gym, these shorts deliver laughs, gasps, and “what the hell is wrong with you?” looks in equal measure. Available in styles like Italian flag, classic beige, and the oversized “Goliath” edition, they ship discreetly so no one will know you’re about to become the walking highlight of the day.

Add to Cart now and let the legend of your lower half live forever.

Why You Absolutely Need These Shorts

• Instant conversation starter - people can’t not comment

• One-size-fits-most unisex design - maximum chaos for everyone

• Ridiculously detailed print - every vein of Renaissance glory

• Multiple styles - from classy marble to unapologetic Italian pride

• Shipped discreetly - because surprise is half the fun

The Scene You’re Creating

Picture this. You stroll into the pool party. Someone says “nice shorts” before realizing they’re staring directly at a historically accurate marble penis. Drinks are spit out. Phones come out. Someone’s grandma faints.

You’re not just wearing shorts. You’re making art interactive. You’re bringing the statue of David’s package out of the museum and into public spaces where it absolutely does not belong.

At the bachelor party, you’re the guy everyone remembers. At the gym, you’re the legend who benched 200 pounds with a Renaissance masterpiece between his legs. At the beach, you’re the reason parents suddenly gather their kids and leave.

What You’re Getting

• Unisex, one-size-fits-most shorts

• Hyper-detailed print of Michelangelo’s David’s lower half

• Styles including Italian flag, beige, and oversized Goliath

• High-quality fabric designed for comfort and maximum visibility

• Ships 100 percent discreetly - your mailman won’t judge you… probably

Why It Works Every Single Time

Because no one is ready for this level of visual assault. They’re expecting Nike. Maybe Adidas. Instead, they get full frontal marble anatomy in 4K resolution. It’s the perfect blend of humor, shock, and questionable decision-making.

These shorts don’t just make people laugh. They create stories. That time you wore them to the Fourth of July BBQ? Legendary. That art class where you modeled in them? Unforgettable. That random Tuesday grocery run where you got stopped three times for photos? Priceless.

Perfect For

• Bachelor parties where shame isn’t invited

• Pool parties that need a scandal

• White elephant gifts that will never be topped

• Gym days when you want to clear the squat rack fast

• Roommate pranks that will haunt them forever

• Art lovers who like their history served with side-eye

Be the Walking Disaster They’ll Never Forget

There are plenty of ways to get attention. Most are boring. Few involve a historically significant marble dong printed directly on your crotch.

Click Add to Cart. Put them on. And enjoy being the most unforgettable, inappropriate work of art anyone’s ever seen.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. 

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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