$4.99 USD
Because let’s be honest - you’re not just here for the cuddles.
Valentine’s Day is all hearts, flowers, and sappy cards that say things like “forever yours” or “you complete me.” That’s sweet and all, but what about the real MVP in the relationship? The one that actually shows up when it counts?
We’re talkin’ about his dick.
If you’re the kind of person who loves to laugh, doesn’t do boring romance, and wants to say “I love you” with a side of “I want your penis in and around me,” this is your card. The "I Love You...And Your Dick" Valentine's Day Greeting Card is the brutally honest, hilarious, and slightly disturbing way to say exactly what you're thinking.
Grab one now and ruin Hallmark’s day with one glorious pop-up penis.
This ain’t your average grocery store greeting. It’s a full-blown Valentine’s Day gag gift with a surprise that pops harder than a teenager home alone with HBO.
Here’s the setup: Outside, it’s classy-ish. Simple. “I Love You...And Your Dick.” Kinda sweet. Almost innocent.
Then - BAM - you open it, and out comes a glorious 3D penis with “EAT A DICK” printed inside. Because nothing says I care deeply about your genitals like sending a paper schlong through the mail.
Couples who love to laugh and hate being basic
Bold-as-hell girlfriends and wives with zero filter
Husbands and boyfriends who actually have a sense of humor
Horny, sarcastic weirdos who can’t be tamed
You. You filthy romantic, you
This isn’t just a funny romantic surprise, it’s a novelty relationship card that says what every hot-blooded adult is really thinking on Valentine’s Day. Love? Sure. Loyalty? Absolutely. But also... give me that D.
One folded Valentine’s Day card printed with “I Love You...And Your Dick”
Inside: a fully erect 3D pop-up penis and “EAT A DICK” message
Premium cardstock, because your penis deserves quality
White envelope included for discreet mailing (or not)
Ships 100 percent anonymously, so feel free to be as reckless as you want
Want to leave them shocked, laughing, and a little turned on? Done.
“Cute card for my husband.”
“I bought this for my boyfriend for his birthday. Look on his face was priceless!”
Translation: it worked. And so will it for you.
Because you’re not basic. You’re not boring. And you’re not writing “Roses are red, violets are blue” unless it ends with something truly foul.
You’re bold. You’re funny. You’re the kind of person who buys a card that features a penis that literally springs out to say hi.
This isn’t just a cheeky couple’s joke - it’s a f***ing experience. The kind of card that gets shown to friends, kept in drawers, and laughed about for years. It’s a funny adult birthday card, a sexy Valentine’s card, a flirty nuke of love and horniness dropped right on their doorstep.
Order the "I Love You...And Your Dick" greeting card now and become the romantic hero no one saw coming. We’ll ship it anonymously so you can stay mysterious, but your message? Loud, proud, and full of dick.
Click add to cart. Show them you care - about their dick, their soul, and their ability to laugh with their pants on.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.
**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
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