NSFW Be Mine Card

Roses are red. Violets are blue. This NSFW card moans... and then explodes on you.

If you’re looking for a sweet, romantic, heartfelt Valentine’s Day card… you are 1000 percent in the wrong place.

This, my friend, is the NSFW Be Mine Card from DicksByMail.com - a trap disguised as love. Open it and you'll get an hour-long, ear-blasting sex moan soundtrack and a glitter bomb facial. Happy Valentine’s Day, dumbass.

It’s not cute. It’s not classy. It’s petty, loud, inappropriate as hell, and basically the most satisfying way to say “Be Mine” while also screaming “F*ck You” with confetti.

Why the Hell Would Anyone Send This NSFW Card?

Because you're not some Hallmark-reading normie. You're an agent of chaos. And deep down, you know someone who 100% deserves this explosive moaning disaster.

It’s for the ex who ghosted you, the friend who forgot your birthday, the roommate who eats your leftovers, or the Tinder date who still texts “u up?” at 3AM. Maybe it’s for your actual partner because you both have a deranged sense of humor. Either way, you’re sending a message - and that message is loud, orgasmic, and sparkly.

Real Story: It Started With a Card… and Ended With Glitter in Every Crack

One customer sent this NSFW card to their ex. They never saw it open, never heard the moans, never watched the glitter fly - but their ex did block them the same day and posted a blurry, furious Snapchat rant about “glitter in my f*cking bra.”

That’s the magic. You don’t need to witness it. You just need to know it ruined someone’s afternoon.

What You’re Really Sending (a.k.a. a Glitter-Filled Sex Panic)

• Loud AF Moaning Soundtrack
  Not five seconds. Not a cute “teehee” moan. A full hour of looped, intense NSFW sex noises that won't stop until the battery dies or the card is destroyed.

• Boom, B*tch: Glitter Bomb
  Rip the card and SURPRISE - it explodes with glitter that clings to everything and haunts laundry cycles for months. Perfect for maximum humiliation.

• Stealth Mode Activated
  Ships 100% anonymously. They’ll never know it was you - unless you're dumb enough to brag about it (which you will, let’s be real).

• One-Time Activation
  Once opened, the card moans endlessly. No off switch. No mercy. Pure auditory revenge.

• High-Quality Cardstock
  Because even when you're being petty, you can still be bougie.

Still Not Convinced? Let’s Make This Clear.

This NSFW Valentine’s Day card is for when love gets weird, horny, or downright hostile. It’s not for grandma (unless she's into that, no kink-shaming), but it is perfect for unleashing chaos wrapped in a pink envelope.

This isn’t just a moaning greeting card - it’s a psychological warfare glitter nuke with lube sounds. It’s revenge by mail, with style.

Here’s Your Next Move:

Buy the card.
Pick your victim.
Ship it anonymously.
Laugh your ass off.

Because if you’re gonna send a Valentine’s Day card this year, make sure it moans like pornstars and detonates like a stripper grenade.

👉 Send the NSFW Be Mine Cardnow. Love is loud. Payback is louder.

***NOTE*** If you are ordering the card activated, we assume the next person who opens the cards is the recipient.  That means, when the card is opened next, it will be triggered and you will not be able to turn the sound off.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly. 

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*