Guadalupe R.
I got it for a friend dijo que estaba chiquito la cosa lol she loved it she ate it that’s all it matters thanks dicks by mail for making my besties day
Curtis R.
The following is a real-life account of how a milk chocolate penis nearly imploded a company:
We recently had a team member depart from our company, we'll call him "Marty", to pursue another venture with his brother. Terrible idea, but that's beside the point. Anyhow, he was an integral part of the daily stupidity and camaraderie that we'd all come to enjoy from him over the past few years. Everyone in the office loved to give him the finger, and he would gingerly display it right back. He couldn't hear out of his right ear, so he would constantly say "HUH!?", and instead of repeating what was said, we would all mock him with a loud "HUH?!" and that would be the end of the conversation. It was such a beautiful, loving relationship that we knew could never be recreated.
Now, dear reader, that you have an idea of his origin story, enter the "chocolate penis incident". It was a Monday, around noon, much like any other Monday - but soon that would all change. I had just spoken to an associate concerning the parting gift (a milk chocolate penis) we had sent to "Marty" last week, and how the tracking said it was delivered yet we had heard nothing. We were very disappointed, joked that his mother had yet to bring down his mail to his basement dwelling and moved on.
Pause: It is important to know that we have a company-wide instant messaging tool that we all use to communicate in real-time with one another. When "Marty" left it was decided by management that he could remain in the instant messenger because of his tenure and how much we all enjoyed him - this was about to backfire tremendously.
As we've just crested the noon hour on this average Monday, we get a notification in the "announcements" channel - which notifies every member of the organization.
Marty: What the fuck is this?
*inserts photo of a box addressed to him
Now, if you've yet to do your research, this product is anonymous, so he is simply assuming it's from someone here at his former place of employment - spoiler: it is indeed the milk chocolate penis.
*DING*
A second notification rings, and yes, it's exactly what you're thinking my dear reader. "Marty" has just posted a photo of the milk chocolate penis into the company-wide announcement channel with the caption. "real nice guys".
A panic ensues, my associate and I quickly grab the attention of our head IT professional and tell him to remove that phallic cocoa monstrosity from the announcement channel immediately before HR comes unhinged.
But it was too late, and later that day we received a sternly worded memo about workplace conduct, and our dearest "Marty" was permanently removed and banned from the company instant messenger. It was the best day we've all had here in a long time. the moral of the story here, dearest reader, is to purchase one, if not many, many chocolate penises and pepper every living soul with them, and maybe...just MAYBE you can nearly implode a medium-sized business yourself. Long live "Marty".
Leroy J.
So my dead dead beat father in law (Gary Wilson) has been a trash father to my wife for years. She finally had enough and said say what you want to!! Couldn’t have put the chocolate dick in to words any better!! Wonderful purchase!!
Allison T.
Amazing service & seller was very communicative. Everyone found it absolutely hilarious and we plan to surprise a few more of our friends soon!
Customer
Perfect service good chocolate and funniest memories! Def worth it
Eugene C.
Got it for my former colleague - huge hit!
Hannah K.
Used it for a Bachelorette Party. Hilarious for our “cake topper.” Was a little disappointed in size. Kinda expecting giant dildo size for a $30 chocolate penis but it did it’s job and was a party hit.
Bryan M.
Per the recipient:
"Tasty! It was the chocolate mouthful that kept giving right down to the balls!"
Charly G.
Awesome customer service . Will definitely be using again
Customer
Awesome! I was able to share it with all my friends !
Stephen W.
Got for a friend as a prank ..they loved it ..laughed a lot
Jamey W.
Delivered and enjoyed!
Yasmeen R.
I was expecting chocolate but the gummy was cool too, my sister enjoyed it
Justin R.
I set one to my grandma for her birthday is a gag. She's showing it off to all of her friends at the assisted living community. So cool that it's anonymous. Such great stories to be had!
Chase W.
Nice box decent size perfect gag gift lol if you know what I mean
shannon r.
Best valentine's gift ever. It is solid inside. They never knew who sent it. I will be using this product again.
Carlee B.
My friend loved the surprise for her birthday!
Antigoni S.
love it. just want sturdier packaging for shipping
Maegen M.
It was GOOD I Plan on sending a bag of buttholes
Taina T.
I sent this to my cousin for her birthday she loved it sorry picture is blurry a bit
Customer
My son finally turned 18 so I sent it to my ex wife. I have her blocked on everything so I didn't get a reaction but I am very satisfied getting the update knowing that it was delivered.
Customer
Sent to my boss got stolen from the mail company sent another for free great customer service and pissed my boss off
Liz A.
It came and was a hit! The only thing awkward was that it smeared in the box a bit, so it looked like poo smear. Hahahaha
Jason S.
I really Think you should include a piece of wax paper in between the chocolate and the box lid. I sent this to myself so I can add something to it before I forwarded it to a friend and when I opened it there was already chocolate all over the box top where it says “eat a dick” for the price I paid I think you can afford a piece of wax paper.
Jose M.
Amazing customer service !
Cristina R.
I gave it to my mom and she just gave me the death stare. It was hilarious
Jordan W.
This is by far the best dick I’ve ever had. I would love to spread the dick
Creig R.
My husband loved it when he pulled out the suck a dick from his stocking
Jeremy T.
We got this for our boss for Xmas! It was the best gift by far! Only complaint is that it is kind of small, was hoping it was going to be a big ol chocolate dick! But a lil chocolate dick was still hilarious!
Vincent I.
It was great will buy it again soon
Carlos M.
The best gift I've ever given anyone! Coworker loved it!
Ann D.
I had sent a previous chocolate Dick but it had melted in transit. They were so helpful and reached out to me so they could send a replacement out. Second one was perfect. Great customer service.
Katherine B.
Gave it to my asshole neighbor. Not sure if they liked it.
Eric C.
Great gag gift. Chocolate is actually pretty good.
Gregory V.
It was an enormous surprise to see this in the mail. It really fit great in the box so much that it tore the box up a little. Did get a complaint that it may have been too big, but that's what she said. Friend said it tasted great with just some cream on the tip. Overall, would recommend this for anyone interested in have a giant piece of chocolate in their mouth.
Customer
Fill recipient’s heart with glee!
Rebecka S.
I don't even know how to review something like this. I guess all I can say is I am the queen of petty. I went all out for my sisters birthday and spent alot of money an she appreciated none of it. So when it came time for a gift I wanted to send a clear message and this product helped me do that with 100% accuracy. Don't make me mad when it a gift giving event. There was some confusion with me typing in my address wrong and they were completely understanding and resent the order right away. Definitely would order again.
Adolfo M.
It was a funny moment in time that we will not soon forget
Gavin G.
My friend Emmanuel really liked randomly receiving a dick in the mail. I guess the package was warm or something, as the dick was moist, and a bit of chocolate got on the inside of the package.
10/10 would send a friend a black dick again for them to eat.
Geoffrey L.
Smaller than expected but had the same affect
Customer
It’s great just a little expensive
Troy L.
The person that received it was elated to receive it
Sky S.
Tried to prank my dad but he instantly knew it was me. However, he has absolutely loved it. He has spent all day talking about it and laughing over it nonstop. He also said it would have been funny if it were filled with peanut butter.
And now everyone keeps asking where I got it!
Nathan R.
Made for a hilarious prank.
Katie P.
Not sure how the gift was received, but I love that this service is available. I sent the veiny falic penis to my estranged father who decided after 30 years was a good idea to reach out and attempt to reconnect.
shanda s.
This was the perfect gift for the best friend/coworker a girl could ask for. She will buy any inanimate object that is a dick. She loved it and thought it was hilarious.
On another note, I have to talk about the seller. My first order came in melted! Pressed for time I purchased another in hopes of getting it in on time. I emailed the seller of dick's by mail about my situation and that the shipping would allow me to pay more to get it by Saturday. Not only did they reimburse me they MADE SURE it was delivered on time!! Which was unbelievable they responded so quickly to my email and made sure I had this gift. The least to say I am a pleased customer not only because of the product but the customer service! Thank you dick's by mail I will be a customer for life and be recommending you to everyone!!
Annmarie M.
Exactly what I expected…five stars
Better than advertised it’s best money I’ve ever spent
Super fast shipping
What an amazing product I can’t say enough good things about this company
Nikolaos D.
My friend got it by the mail after a week or so and im in canada so pretty fast shipping.
his mom opened it so it made the experience 1000 times funnier.
only thing tho you guys should put the name on the package instead of inside :)
Richard W.
She ate the whole thing
Tiffany G.
Nothing says, "I'm tired of you guilting me into not visiting even though roads go both ways" like a big chocolate dick inside a flowery box.
Sabrina G.
Lol I gave it to my dad for Father's day, so he could eat what he is. ♀️
alec d.
tasted like chocolate
Kelley D.
Best 60th birthday present that I could give.
Jimmy J.
Thought it was gonna be a little bigger but was great to sent to a buddy
Katherine S.
Great and loved by all
Kristy S.
Sent this to my BFF for his 41st bday. We always talk about sending bags of dicks to our least favorite people, so I wasn't surprised by the text I received from said BFF when it arrived in the mail. "You mother fucker" is the best response I could ever have hoped for. My BFF got dicked...and I was the one to do it!
William P.
Best Dick I have ever purchased. Purchased for a supervisor I work with and had it sent to him as a joke. The entire office laughed hysterically at the supervisor's expense. Little do my coworkers know, our Secret Santa gifts this Christmas will be bought from you guys!
Daniel P.
Sent it to my younger sister who stuck her big F*%#ing nose into my 46-year-old life and started causing trouble. I sent her this little number and she took it as a threat because I could reach her even from the other side of the country. Her behavior has since stopped. Such a simple solution, who would’ve thought it could be so easy. She called to complain and I told her to put it in her mouth and hold it there until it melted and her problems would go away like magic. I certainly hope she followed my advice. Thank you again for a great product
Jaegar R.
I was able to give my work buddy something he never had before. I wish you had bigger sizes to buy. Would have made my day to give this dude a whale sized schlong just to see his face.
Customer
Anonymous and arrived within a reasonable time period
Michael H.
I was hysterically laughing for five god damn minutes when I got this in the mail and opened it. Kudos to who ever the fuck sent this to me.
Rania Mohamed D.
Great customer service!! This product really let's the person receiving it know they are being thought about in a loving way.
james o.
It surprised the heck out of my brother in law.He couldn't figure out who sent it.Great prank!We got a lot of laughs out of it.
Nathan C.
Melted in her mouth!
Jon W.
Great prank worth the money. Sent it to my best friend for his birthday. He immediately knew is was me.
Dustin B.
Sent it to my little brother for his birthday and he laughed til he cried.
Stuart B.
What a wonderful gift. Not only did it feel great to send it, but my recipient talked about how great it was to feel the authentic mouth feel, excellent realism and gorgeous size, as well as all natural ingredients? Does it get any better? My advice: Send a dick to someone you love today. You (and they) will not regret it.
Will G.
Bought 2 for gifts, they were great! Recipients thought it was hilarious
Phebe C.
A fantastic surprise that brings laughter, excitement and satisfaction
Lorne C.
Awesome gag gift.
Gabriella G.
Absolutely hilarious prank. Prompt updates and delivery.
Jane D.
I sent this to my ex for being a d***head to me. His mom opened the package, I've been laughing so hard since. This is a great way to tell your exs suck my d***
Alberto L.
Funniest thing EVER!!
Heather D.
This gift was hilarious!
Alyssa G.
Absolutely hilarious. I sent it to a friend and she loved it. Well worth it.
Robert D.
It’s was an awesome gift and we laughed a lot but apparently there just for looks because the taste of the chocolate was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted. Other then that it was awesome.
Macaria K.
I got this for my sister and she still doesn't know who it's from. Long story short, my money was well spent.
Mark S.
I send only the finest dicks by mail. Your company streamlines the process for fast and efficient dick delivery.
Aimee V.
The gift was great, but the chocolate dick was a little small. Awesome joke gift.
Melissa V.
Sent this to my brother & he loved it. He showed it to my Mom and she said “it’s so small” but that’s ok, because it’s the THOUGHT that counts, not the size
Elizabeth B.
Got this for my best friend. I gave it to him in person and he loved it so much that he got one for his boss
Melissa S.
I love how you can remain anonymous. My friend is still trying to figure out who sent it!! Lol
Griffin H.
Brother was very surprised
Jason P.
Sent this to my friend Seppie , it was during COVID so it just made his day , he hadn’t seen a dick in months and was getting dick amnesia, this chocolate dick made Christmas come early for him , he said the only downside is the dick doesn’t stay together once you start putting it in and out of your mouth
Robert N.
It’s my favorite way to give retribution to those most deserving of it.
Angela P.
Thank you it was a great pay back for my brother who is being an asshat
Jon Bravo G.
This is a fun and yummy gift! I'd love to have the option to buy a bigger size as well as dark chocolate ones, but these are still fun gifts as they are.
Brad t.
I herd about this dicks by mail. I looked it up on line checked out the reviews and tried it out. The sight is user friendly. It took a couple of week to get there but was so worth it. Thanks dicks by mail. He never seen that coming.
Logan M.
The greatest website to get gag gifts for tour friends(no
Chris P.
I have gotten my brother in-law and also my brother with this joke. I have a few more people lined up for it .....
Jordan F.
It’s perfect, don’t know who sent it! That’s best part that it’s anonymous!
Loren B.
Hilarious, my father in law is still trying to figure out who sent it.
Michael N.
It was a nicely sized, veiny chocolate dick that did the job. Great gag gift(not literally, or maybe). Got it for my girlfriend's birthday, laughs were had.
Mike M.
So when your buddies favorite response is eat a dick there was only one way to reply. What made it even better was having his wife open it.
